Support for children of crappy parents

Gemme · 05-01-2017, 05:37 PM

Father: emotionally unavailable, apathetic. He gave my half brother to my grandparents to raise and once left me at an orphanage.

Mother: psychologically and emotionally unstable, uprooted me to travel half way across the country to visit someone that was un-visitable and causing me be held back a grade. She had at least one mental breakdown in front of me and forced me to be the one to call the police, who forcibly took me away from her.

One of mom's many husbands: my primary abuser, manipulative, psychopath. He took advantage of mom's fragile mental state and twisted the situation so she would marry him in order to get me back out of the system and designed a 'contract' between me--at age 8ish--and him that would keep my mother out of the mental health system in exchange for....things.

Reading back on this, I'm actually surprised I don't have more issues than I do.

girl_dee · 05-01-2017, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

Reading back on this, I'm actually surprised I don't have more issues than I do.

right, i wonder how i have killed anyone or landed in prison

Soft*Silver · 05-01-2017, 09:49 PM

its amazing to me how resilient children are, how courageous and strong and tenatious they can be, when forced into situations like these. Dear Gemme, not ever, ever would I have thought you went thru all that. This tells me what a fine job you have done raising yourself and being your own guardian of your Core. Damn all the bastards in the world....

I work with kids now. I am a children's therapist. It is not often that the kids have problems. It is the adults in their lives that are often the source of all problems...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

Father: emotionally unavailable, apathetic. He gave my half brother to my grandparents to raise and once left me at an orphanage.

Mother: psychologically and emotionally unstable, uprooted me to travel half way across the country to visit someone that was un-visitable and causing me be held back a grade. She had at least one mental breakdown in front of me and forced me to be the one to call the police, who forcibly took me away from her.

One of mom's many husbands: my primary abuser, manipulative, psychopath. He took advantage of mom's fragile mental state and twisted the situation so she would marry him in order to get me back out of the system and designed a 'contract' between me--at age 8ish--and him that would keep my mother out of the mental health system in exchange for....things.

Reading back on this, I'm actually surprised I don't have more issues than I do.

cathexis · 05-02-2017, 03:01 AM

Have a lot in common with many life stories I have read here. Will share mine as well.

My primary abuser was my brother who was 9 years older than me. He would pick on me, hit me, tickle me horribly, and at about 10 crushed a joint in my finger by stepping on it purposely with heavy steel toed boots. My mom declared all this "fighting" as sibling rivalry. He would destroy my room by going in and throwing everything about, emptying drawers, pulling all hanging clothes out of the closet, breaking my things, dumping out my Lincoln Log box (large one). Looked like a tornado hit my room. I would run to mom, she wouldn't discipline him. I got yelled at and made to stay in my room until the mess was cleaned up.

Problems began when I was 7. My parents separated. Dad, a functional alcoholic, was forced out by mom getting a restraining order. Mom, an anxiety ridden passive aggressive neurotic, was bitter about my father.

Mom and brother looked the same, and I looked like my dad. Prior to the separation, I was Daddy's little girl. He spent a lot of time with me. Taught me to swim well, etc. I basically could do no wrong in Daddy's eyes.

Mom resented me as I looked like Daddy, and had taken away loving attention that she wanted. Mom, who could cut anyone down verbally without cursing or raising her voice and used this abusively toward me, and the abusive brother who had been made de facto disciplinarian male parent, joined forces against me. They were angry because I looked like Daddy and had many of his personality traits.

I began lashing out at home against the abuse. Also lashed out at school as I was picked on as the carrot top fat short girl. I was everyone's punk. My only positive relationship was with the dog.

Mom and brother decided that I had a behavioral problem, and had me admitted to a mental hospital who dealt with incorrigible children. This was 1971. The 1970s were know as being bad for kids in mental hospitals.

Was sexually mature at age 11, and very sexually active. They decided to try to change that by locking me in isolation for 7 days without only a bare mattress on the floor and a blanket. That happened more than a dozen times while I was in that hospital. They had other methods as well to try to break me of having sex. They also inserted an IUD without my consent. It was a Dalkon Shield (associated with infections and sterility in many women).

They also subjected me to batteries of psychological tests. Was told that I was manipulative and lacked empathy. Gee, I wonder why. Only two good things came from the tests. They determined that I needed Assertiveness Training and got it. The other was their determining that my IQ was in the genius range which was the only thing I was proud of about myself. Was put in high school classes which was the only good thing about that hospital.

Eventually, I learned to play their game. Got myself released on condition that they could pull me back anytime my mom told them I did an "incorrigible act." Happened a couple of times going straight to seclusion each time.

They gave me a full discharge. I dropped my "good girl" persona. Immediately had the IUD out, and went on the pill (something I wasn't permitted to do).

Mom and brother continued their abuse. I worked the streets as a hooker until got enough money to leave. Slipped out my window with 2 suitcases and my wad of cash. Went to New Orleans with my medical intern boyfriend. I was 16 at this point.

Regardless of all this I was able to become an EMT then Paramedic followed by RN. Also got a BS in Earth Science/Physical Oceanography. Advanced degrees in Political Philosophy with a concentration in Marxist/Socialist Theory.

See, you can go through a whole lot of family shit, and come out the other side. One permanent physical scar, had to have a hysterectomy at age 18 due to that IUD. I have no children.

girl_dee · 05-02-2017, 03:05 AM

i just want to say *hear* all of you

MsTinkerbelly · 05-02-2017, 08:48 AM

I am awed by the people you all have become, despite the abuse at the hands of the very people that were supposed to protect and love you no matter what.

I have been there for my Kasey, who suffered through years of abuse and neglect...but her story is not mine to tell. I will say one thing that I see in my head quite often; no person should live with the memory of their mother chasing them through their house at 8 years old with a knife.

She is an incredible 3rd parent to our daughter, a person who loves me unconditionally, and a loving and supportive friend. Kasey ( who loves working around people), changed her job schedule to work from home when my mom needed her, so that I could continue to work and take care of our daughter during the day.

Where she found that deep well of goodness inside of her I'll never know, I'm just glad that out of all the people on this earth, she loves me!

Soft*Silver · 05-02-2017, 10:24 AM

Cathexis...damn. And damn again. I love your fierceness!

I could probably get in trouble at work for complimenting the kids on fighting back with their behaviors. And for teaching them to play the game until they have more control of their own lives. But your story is why I do!

05-01-2017, 05:37 PM	#1
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,925 Times in 25,666 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	Father: emotionally unavailable, apathetic. He gave my half brother to my grandparents to raise and once left me at an orphanage. Mother: psychologically and emotionally unstable, uprooted me to travel half way across the country to visit someone that was un-visitable and causing me be held back a grade. She had at least one mental breakdown in front of me and forced me to be the one to call the police, who forcibly took me away from her. One of mom's many husbands: my primary abuser, manipulative, psychopath. He took advantage of mom's fragile mental state and twisted the situation so she would marry him in order to get me back out of the system and designed a 'contract' between me--at age 8ish--and him that would keep my mother out of the mental health system in exchange for....things. Reading back on this, I'm actually surprised I don't have more issues than I do. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated. Last edited by Gemme; 05-01-2017 at 05:40 PM.

05-02-2017, 03:01 AM	#4
cathexis Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Trotskyist, Anarcho-syndicalist Preferred Pronoun?: They, Them, Their, Sir Bitch Relationship Status: open Join Date: Sep 2016 Location: Great White North! Posts: 4,332 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,812 Thanked 4,705 Times in 1,604 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Have a lot in common with many life stories I have read here. Will share mine as well. My primary abuser was my brother who was 9 years older than me. He would pick on me, hit me, tickle me horribly, and at about 10 crushed a joint in my finger by stepping on it purposely with heavy steel toed boots. My mom declared all this "fighting" as sibling rivalry. He would destroy my room by going in and throwing everything about, emptying drawers, pulling all hanging clothes out of the closet, breaking my things, dumping out my Lincoln Log box (large one). Looked like a tornado hit my room. I would run to mom, she wouldn't discipline him. I got yelled at and made to stay in my room until the mess was cleaned up. Problems began when I was 7. My parents separated. Dad, a functional alcoholic, was forced out by mom getting a restraining order. Mom, an anxiety ridden passive aggressive neurotic, was bitter about my father. Mom and brother looked the same, and I looked like my dad. Prior to the separation, I was Daddy's little girl. He spent a lot of time with me. Taught me to swim well, etc. I basically could do no wrong in Daddy's eyes. Mom resented me as I looked like Daddy, and had taken away loving attention that she wanted. Mom, who could cut anyone down verbally without cursing or raising her voice and used this abusively toward me, and the abusive brother who had been made de facto disciplinarian male parent, joined forces against me. They were angry because I looked like Daddy and had many of his personality traits. I began lashing out at home against the abuse. Also lashed out at school as I was picked on as the carrot top fat short girl. I was everyone's punk. My only positive relationship was with the dog. Mom and brother decided that I had a behavioral problem, and had me admitted to a mental hospital who dealt with incorrigible children. This was 1971. The 1970s were know as being bad for kids in mental hospitals. Was sexually mature at age 11, and very sexually active. They decided to try to change that by locking me in isolation for 7 days without only a bare mattress on the floor and a blanket. That happened more than a dozen times while I was in that hospital. They had other methods as well to try to break me of having sex. They also inserted an IUD without my consent. It was a Dalkon Shield (associated with infections and sterility in many women). They also subjected me to batteries of psychological tests. Was told that I was manipulative and lacked empathy. Gee, I wonder why. Only two good things came from the tests. They determined that I needed Assertiveness Training and got it. The other was their determining that my IQ was in the genius range which was the only thing I was proud of about myself. Was put in high school classes which was the only good thing about that hospital. Eventually, I learned to play their game. Got myself released on condition that they could pull me back anytime my mom told them I did an "incorrigible act." Happened a couple of times going straight to seclusion each time. They gave me a full discharge. I dropped my "good girl" persona. Immediately had the IUD out, and went on the pill (something I wasn't permitted to do). Mom and brother continued their abuse. I worked the streets as a hooker until got enough money to leave. Slipped out my window with 2 suitcases and my wad of cash. Went to New Orleans with my medical intern boyfriend. I was 16 at this point. Regardless of all this I was able to become an EMT then Paramedic followed by RN. Also got a BS in Earth Science/Physical Oceanography. Advanced degrees in Political Philosophy with a concentration in Marxist/Socialist Theory. See, you can go through a whole lot of family shit, and come out the other side. One permanent physical scar, had to have a hysterectomy at age 18 due to that IUD. I have no children. __________________ Insurrection is an art, and like all arts has its own laws. -----Leon Trotsky

05-02-2017, 10:24 AM	#7
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,894 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	Cathexis...damn. And damn again. I love your fierceness! I could probably get in trouble at work for complimenting the kids on fighting back with their behaviors. And for teaching them to play the game until they have more control of their own lives. But your story is why I do! __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

05-02-2017, 03:05 AM	#5
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	i just want to say hear all of you

05-02-2017, 08:48 AM	#6
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,901 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	I am awed by the people you all have become, despite the abuse at the hands of the very people that were supposed to protect and love you no matter what. I have been there for my Kasey, who suffered through years of abuse and neglect...but her story is not mine to tell. I will say one thing that I see in my head quite often; no person should live with the memory of their mother chasing them through their house at 8 years old with a knife. She is an incredible 3rd parent to our daughter, a person who loves me unconditionally, and a loving and supportive friend. Kasey ( who loves working around people), changed her job schedule to work from home when my mom needed her, so that I could continue to work and take care of our daughter during the day. Where she found that deep well of goodness inside of her I'll never know, I'm just glad that out of all the people on this earth, she loves me!