So what does being Bisexual, mean to you ?

[indigo]

Originally Posted by Bel

Hi Indigo!
Well, we're all socialized to have zero pride regarding the term 'bisexual'. All we mostly hear outside of bi circles, is negative and damaging. As long as you are accepting who you are on your own terms, that's more important than any label, of course. But labels are only as useful as the community they make/gather...so I hope you can find some sources and spaces of bisexual solidarity that make you feel great about what bi consciousness stands for today!

And I hear you on the step-by-step process!

But why is that so? I can't yet draw on broad experiences as I am like "in the making" with this part of my identity. I have lesbian friends who have absolutely no problem with bisexual women/ people - and also, why should they? Yet one of them told me that for some this is problematic. For me this term somehow fits because I had relationships with men and this didn't feel wrong but at the same time it was not "it", so to speak, and yeah I was always into women as far as I can remember, at least since my teenage-hood. Then, doesn't the term bi-sexual indicate the dichotomy of sexes - a notion that I find questionable in many ways.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by indigo

But why is that so? I can't yet draw on broad experiences as I am like "in the making" with this part of my identity. I have lesbian friends who have absolutely no problem with bisexual women/ people - and also, why should they? Yet one of them told me that for some this is problematic. For me this term somehow fits because I had relationships with men and this didn't feel wrong but at the same time it was not "it", so to speak, and yeah I was always into women as far as I can remember, at least since my teenage-hood. Then, doesn't the term bi-sexual indicate the dichotomy of sexes - a notion that I find questionable in many ways.

I am only one lesbian, so take my perspective as non-representative of the entire lesbian community!

For me, I started my journey as a straight woman, not in touch with my true sexual orientation.

Looking back, as a kid, it was always there but I didn't know what "it" was. I played house with my little friends but the femme that I am was always the husband or dad. I played doctor with the little girls and got dragged home by my mother after literally being naked in the back of an abandoned car (at about 8 yrs old) with my girlfriend, feeling each other...in her back yard. I saw my first butch at 16 and my stomach dropped out but my straight friends whispered she was bad news but I was fascinated.

I kissed my first boy at 13 and he was my boyfriend. I had sex at 16 with my next boyfriend but wasn't crazy about it. I was with him until my next boyfriend that I married at 18 to escape my parents. At 21 I had sex with my female best friend but truly panicked. At some level, I knew what it meant for me. I would have to cross the homosexual bridge and I knew that I would lose my (tenuous) family. I had my first baby at 19 and was pregnant again at 20.

This was the 70's when swinging was a big deal, sexuality was more out of the closet and I knew that everyone in my life (except parents) would think that it was "cool" for me to say I was bisexual.

For a long time, it felt right to me but then, I had to acknowledge to myself, that it was a safe way to keep one foot in the heterosexual camp and one foot in the homosexual camp because I was so scared.

I wasn't trying to fool anyone except maybe myself. I had relationships with men and women for years after my teenage, doomed-to-end marriage ended.

This went on until fell I head over heels fell in love with my best friend and she with me. We both were dating each other and dating men until we realized that we really were gay.

It was terrifying for both of us. I feared losing my children and I did lose my parents (that I never really had anyway) and my two brothers were not about to make any kind of stand in support of me so I really lost them, too.

My first girl-friend still had attraction for and to men. It scared me. Maybe it is internalized homophobia, to worry that heterosexual privilege would be a bigger draw than to live life as a lesbian but I don't think that many would disagree that heterosexuality is in many ways a more accepted life than a homosexual life.

It is the reality of our world. It is the fear that I felt back then. I can't speak for other lesbians but perhaps they have some of the same fears of losing a love for the same reason. I place no blame, it is what it is. We all have our fears.

Once I made my peace with who I really was and then met my long-term ex, I never did look back. I could see that I truly was a lesbian and that it fit me like a glove.

I don't hate, fear or dislike bisexual people any more than I do trans folk.

My journey is mine, as is yours.

None of us know where we will wind up in when we start that journey in the beginning.

I do believe that sexuality is a continuum. I do believe that some of us are bisexual in the same way some of us are lesbian, gay, trans or genderqueer. I don't think any of us are any better or worse than the other. By the same token, nor do I want anyone to feel that being a lesbian is "less than" or something to fear or to be afraid that someone would think that they were a lesbian.

Sometimes, I feel badly when I hear or read that folks want to emphasize that they are not lesbians. It makes me think that they feel it is something not ok to be. Maybe we all want to not be misidentified because it was a hard journey to arrive where we are. I can accept that. We are all human.

We all have to look in in the mirror at some point and own who we really are.

Our sexuality is our own.

People that live in fear have their own journey. I am glad that I am not afraid anymore.

[Bel]

Originally Posted by indigo

But why is that so? I can't yet draw on broad experiences as I am like "in the making" with this part of my identity. I have lesbian friends who have absolutely no problem with bisexual women/ people - and also, why should they? Yet one of them told me that for some this is problematic. For me this term somehow fits because I had relationships with men and this didn't feel wrong but at the same time it was not "it", so to speak, and yeah I was always into women as far as I can remember, at least since my teenage-hood. Then, doesn't the term bi-sexual indicate the dichotomy of sexes - a notion that I find questionable in many ways.

Hi again, Indigo!
It's true, some lesbians have serious problems with bi women, and it's very unfortunate. Why? Because bisexuals are seen as either "not really out"/closeted, indecisive, untrustworthy, sexually insatiable, upholding the patriarchy...and oh, transphobic. There are definitely bi transphobes out there in the world (bi trans folks in safer bi spaces often speak of that) but... that's an individual bigotry, not how bis define our bisexuality as a spectrum or culture. Back to your point—people OUTSIDE bi communities insist that the bi in bisexuality means two and that means bi people believe in only two genders and therefore, we're transphobic. (Nevermind that some trans folks actually *do* ID as male or female, SIGH) But.. the way we use and define bisexuality today actually comes from Kinsey and Kinsey's definition was defined as BOTH, not two, and BOTH WAYS as in BILATERAL, not "two". Kinsey defined bisexuality as an identity that moved bilaterally across the spectrum/scale (which is not perfect...) without settling on one single point. So, bisexuality is an umbrella term encompassing all these ways of moving bilaterally along that spectrum or around it.

All this to say: not even Kinsey believed in the existence of two genders. But bi people are easy targets...and most of the time.. we're battling perceptions that we don't even get to define.

[cathexis]

Was bi-sexual throughout my teen years all the way up to my 30s. It felt like I was stuck in a very isolated middle of the road. Straights didn't want me around as I was queer, but lesbians rejected me claiming that I wasn't a "real lesbian." Also, it was denied that bisexual womyn were womon identified womyn.

For all the womon accepting Lesbian Separatists in the lesbian community, there was a lot of judgment against womyn who loved differently. At least back in the late '70s-mid '80s, The Seps verbalized acceptance of other womyn, but did not always practice it.

We were thought of as traitors to the cause.

[indigo]

Originally Posted by cathexis

Was bi-sexual throughout my teen years all the way up to my 30s. It felt like I was stuck in a very isolated middle of the road. Straights didn't want me around as I was queer, but lesbians rejected me claiming that I wasn't a "real lesbian." Also, it was denied that bisexual womyn were womon identified womyn.

For all the womon accepting Lesbian Separatists in the lesbian community, there was a lot of judgment against womyn who loved differently. At least back in the late '70s-mid '80s, The Seps verbalized acceptance of other womyn, but did not always practice it.

We were thought of as traitors to the cause.

Damn, that's harsh Actually, I guess there are still quite some borders in my country between the communities of lesbians and bi-sexuals/ inter/ trans; but there is on the other hand a lot in motion - so I hope for a more inclusive atmosphere in the future.

[Kätzchen]

***** bump bump bump *****

There's a recent documentary that's been released about Whitney Houston and Robyn Crawford which explores bisexuality..... And social repercussions that often accompany this particular sexual identity (doc on the Showtime cable channel network: Free To Be Me).

I know what it's like to rise to the challenge of social stigma that often comes with this identification .

I haven't watched the documentary yet, so I can't give any sort of recommendation about neutrality or other objective presentation of bisexuality.

But it's nice to know that our little slice of life gets some form of exposure in film.

[homoe]

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

***** bump bump bump *****

There's a recent documentary that's been released about Whitney Houston and Robyn Crawford which explores bisexuality..... And social repercussions that often accompany this particular sexual identity (doc on the Showtime cable channel network: Free To Be Me).

I know what it's like to rise to the challenge of social stigma that often comes with this identification .

I haven't watched the documentary yet, so I can't give any sort of recommendation about neutrality or other objective presentation of bisexuality.

But it's nice to know that our little slice of life gets some form of exposure in film.

I've seen this documentary twice actually so I feel the need to put my 2 cents worth in! I wouldn't say it's about her being bi-sexual but I am thrilled that the movie does go into more depth that any other that has ever been done about Whitney Houston! I also like how the movie isn't really a "downer".
It focused on a lot of the positive early stuff.

I can't recommendation enough!

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by homoe

I've seen this documentary twice actually so I feel the need to put my 2 cents worth in! I wouldn't say it's about her being bi-sexual but I am thrilled that the movie does go into more depth that any other that has ever been done about Whitney Houston! I also like how movie wasn't really a "downer".
It focused on a lot of the positives early stuff IMHO

I can't recommendation enough!

Sounds good, homoe! Glad to hear it's an positive account of her life....that's even better, imho. Thank you!

[Bel]

Originally Posted by homoe

I've seen this documentary twice actually so I feel the need to put my 2 cents worth in! I wouldn't say it's about her being bi-sexual but I am thrilled that the movie does go into more depth that any other that has ever been done about Whitney Houston! I also like how the movie isn't really a "downer".
It focused on a lot of the positive early stuff.

I can't recommendation enough!

It's definitely not about Whitney's bisexuality, but as Bobby Brown says—wait, does anyone actually BELIEVE anything Bobby Brown says?!—Whitney was "probably bisexual." Actually, one of Whitney's back-up singers also says this—the woman with the necklace with circles and matching earrings. It's interesting that the most loyal to Whitney is... Robyn Crawford.

After seeing the movie I wished Whitney didn't have to choose between her family's approval and Robyn. It's sad that when Robyn leaves and refuses to participate in the chaos around Whitney, Whitney dives further into helplessness.

It's a sad but real movie, and yes, I also cannot recommend it enough as well!

That Scottish body guard though. I can't believe he was the only one who dared to try and help.