The Psychology of Online Dating

Martina · 07-26-2017, 02:23 PM

For me, finding someone online is fine. But I want a local relationship. They are difficult enough. I did long distance twice, once with someone I had already lived with who had to move and once with someone I knew as a friend who moved. Our phone contact took a new turn, and we tried a LDR. I hated it. All the waiting along with the potential for more communication issues -- it just wasn't for me.

Hell, we're all busy, and relationships take so much time and energy. If you can't see and touch your person once a week at least, I don't see the point.

firegal · 07-26-2017, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martina

For me, finding someone online is fine. But I want a local relationship. They are difficult enough. I did long distance twice, once with someone I had already lived with who had to move and once with someone I knew as a friend who moved. Our phone contact took a new turn, and we tried a LDR. I hated it. All the waiting along with the potential for more communication issues -- it just wasn't for me.

Hell, we're all busy, and relationships take so much time and energy. If you can't see and touch your person once a week at least, I don't see the point.

your comment and a few others made me think of Baskins and robbins.....31 flavors....lot of flavors.....some i dont like and others do.Like different looks in "on line-long distant dating".......and more than a few flavors i may like...even love lol.....but in the end its still dating.....errr...ice cream...

dating ......31 flavors.... lol

PS yes they both have vanilla!!!!! lol

Kätzchen · 07-26-2017, 07:52 PM

Heh, love the ice cream metaphor firegal! *lol*

I hear Bulldog and Martina and I resonate with similar sentiment in that ..... A) Like both Bulldog and Martina, I've been a member of this community for a very long time. Our history, things we've talked about in either personal or political ways, are really good ways to understand the way we think about most any subject up for discussion among members of the community. Whether it was online here at the Planet or at the years long community that seems no longer what it once was (Dash), people who've been regularly participating in forum discussions are able to see our own unique pattern of thinking, our preferences, whatever..... even if someone isn't a regularly participating member, there is always the proverbial trail of bread crumbs which are unique to ourselves or anyone who has posted on forum boards.

And... B) unless you're a trained professional therapist in the mental health field, I think it's really WISE to not dispense with personal assessment of behavioral issues. I would feel VERY uncomfortable if any therapist or mental health professional crossed that ethical and moral line of conduct. So...to share ideas you have about certain RED flags in behavioral issues is one thing, but it's a slippery slope to reference anyone in shady ways or use the un-named target when talking about serious things that can be deal breakers for many people.

C) I don't have any "dog in this fight" as far as whether knowing if dating locally or meeting someone here and it turns out well or not. I've made several posts about this very thing over the past few years, which anyone can look up on their own. What matters to me is whether another person and myself feel attraction for one another....and other privately held ideas between the two of us, which I don't feel is necessary to discuss openly on the forum boards. BUT...it is important that proximity of nearness be in place for anything to develop and it's also important to me that transparency between each other is of vital importance.

In my mind, these are the building blocks to a solid foundation. What happens next is not up for debate or discussion. Solid foundations are vital to building any relationship, whether it's platonic or romantic, in my mind.

girl_dee · 07-26-2017, 08:03 PM

i feel that the internet is a tool in which we use to gather. We like to be with like minded folks...

This amazing pool of B-F folks could not gather without the internet, not very easily.

Even in our community we are quite diverse!

Some are looking for friendships, romances, fuckmances, likemances...you name it.. some are not looking for anything more than to feel accepted.

But it happens, someone strikes your fancy and you begin...

How you continue it is the key. .. if there is an attraction you will do what works for you, until it doesn't.

07-26-2017, 02:23 PM	#1
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,282 Times in 4,165 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	For me, finding someone online is fine. But I want a local relationship. They are difficult enough. I did long distance twice, once with someone I had already lived with who had to move and once with someone I knew as a friend who moved. Our phone contact took a new turn, and we tried a LDR. I hated it. All the waiting along with the potential for more communication issues -- it just wasn't for me. Hell, we're all busy, and relationships take so much time and energy. If you can't see and touch your person once a week at least, I don't see the point. __________________ "No matter how cynical I get, I just can't keep up" - Lily Tomlin

07-26-2017, 07:52 PM	#3
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: As a Brick House (Femme) Relationship Status: Busy (involved with a special someone here at home) Join Date: May 2010 Location: In a small community Posts: 16,270 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,355 Thanked 33,633 Times in 10,725 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	Heh, love the ice cream metaphor firegal! lol I hear Bulldog and Martina and I resonate with similar sentiment in that ..... A) Like both Bulldog and Martina, I've been a member of this community for a very long time. Our history, things we've talked about in either personal or political ways, are really good ways to understand the way we think about most any subject up for discussion among members of the community. Whether it was online here at the Planet or at the years long community that seems no longer what it once was (Dash), people who've been regularly participating in forum discussions are able to see our own unique pattern of thinking, our preferences, whatever..... even if someone isn't a regularly participating member, there is always the proverbial trail of bread crumbs which are unique to ourselves or anyone who has posted on forum boards. And... B) unless you're a trained professional therapist in the mental health field, I think it's really WISE to not dispense with personal assessment of behavioral issues. I would feel VERY uncomfortable if any therapist or mental health professional crossed that ethical and moral line of conduct. So...to share ideas you have about certain RED flags in behavioral issues is one thing, but it's a slippery slope to reference anyone in shady ways or use the un-named target when talking about serious things that can be deal breakers for many people. C) I don't have any "dog in this fight" as far as whether knowing if dating locally or meeting someone here and it turns out well or not. I've made several posts about this very thing over the past few years, which anyone can look up on their own. What matters to me is whether another person and myself feel attraction for one another....and other privately held ideas between the two of us, which I don't feel is necessary to discuss openly on the forum boards. BUT...it is important that proximity of nearness be in place for anything to develop and it's also important to me that transparency between each other is of vital importance. In my mind, these are the building blocks to a solid foundation. What happens next is not up for debate or discussion. Solid foundations are vital to building any relationship, whether it's platonic or romantic, in my mind. __________________ “The way someone treats you is not a reflection of your worth: It’s a reflection of their emotional capacity,” — Jillian Turecki. ”Without justice, democracy dies,” — Jess Michaels (Epstein survivor). Please join the greater efforts of everyday American’s in boycotting billionaire business and news agencies until all contents of the Epstein Files are revealed and the entire collection of corrupt officials face justice for their Un-American acts endangering us and others globally.

07-26-2017, 08:03 PM	#4
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	i feel that the internet is a tool in which we use to gather. We like to be with like minded folks... This amazing pool of B-F folks could not gather without the internet, not very easily. Even in our community we are quite diverse! Some are looking for friendships, romances, fuckmances, likemances...you name it.. some are not looking for anything more than to feel accepted. But it happens, someone strikes your fancy and you begin... How you continue it is the key. .. if there is an attraction you will do what works for you, until it doesn't.