The Psychology of Online Dating

Lyte · 07-26-2017, 04:58 PM

We humans are such curious creatures! We're so alike and yet so different.

Preface... none of the peeps or situation I'm about to reference on here on BFP! Story time...

I met a gal (West Coast) and we hit it off quite well from the start! But... also from the start... I noticed some inconsistencies in some of the things she said. You know ... someone tells you that it's X ... but you're seeing/hearing a lotta Y and a lil bit of Z. lol

Anyway... so this was within the first couple of weeks and I've no problem being direct. Gently direct, I hope. So, I asked her straight up ... "Are you involved" and/or "Are you living with someone?" I added that either way was fine with me since we're just chatting and that I was more than happy to continue talking with her. Her response was an equally straight up "No, I'm not." So, chatting turned to flirting and yadda yadda... this went on for about three months... I then discovered that she had been lying from day one and was in fact living with her fiancé! Oy!

In speaking with a friend afterwards I told her that I was surprised by how much I wasn't bummed! I was bummed at losing someone that I enjoyed chatting and flirting with but I wasn't nearly disappointed as I could have been had I took this stranger at her word ... and ignored the red flags. I felt way worse for her fiancé!

New story...

I have a friend who's last three girl friends came from meeting online. The first she met online in 2015. She shared with me her conversations with the first two and ... dang... flags... flags... flags!! Despite my efforts and ... coaching* ... for lack of a better word ... she decided to start a relationship each and even moved to be with them. Long story short... first and second where just awful! The second was abusive. She was heart broken over both. Curiously, she didn't say much to me about the third one... so... my fingers are crossed and so far... from what I hear... so good!

Point being... we're all so very much alike... we all want love... or maybe just some attention... and yet so different in what we're willing to do... what we're willing to endure ... to get that attention. There's no right or wrong here or judgment on my part. Just some observations from my first half of 2017.

*"Coaching" ... cuz she's brand new... just came out in her late 30's after having been married to a guy for 15+ years. She doesn't know the lay of the lesbian landscape.

07-26-2017, 04:58 PM	#1
Lyte Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Meh... I'm not very particular about this. Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2016 Location: The south... bleh! Posts: 1,744 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,316 Thanked 5,113 Times in 1,504 Posts Rep Power: 21474847	We humans are such curious creatures! We're so alike and yet so different. Preface... none of the peeps or situation I'm about to reference on here on BFP! Story time... I met a gal (West Coast) and we hit it off quite well from the start! But... also from the start... I noticed some inconsistencies in some of the things she said. You know ... someone tells you that it's X ... but you're seeing/hearing a lotta Y and a lil bit of Z. lol Anyway... so this was within the first couple of weeks and I've no problem being direct. Gently direct, I hope. So, I asked her straight up ... "Are you involved" and/or "Are you living with someone?" I added that either way was fine with me since we're just chatting and that I was more than happy to continue talking with her. Her response was an equally straight up "No, I'm not." So, chatting turned to flirting and yadda yadda... this went on for about three months... I then discovered that she had been lying from day one and was in fact living with her fiancé! Oy! In speaking with a friend afterwards I told her that I was surprised by how much I wasn't bummed! I was bummed at losing someone that I enjoyed chatting and flirting with but I wasn't nearly disappointed as I could have been had I took this stranger at her word ... and ignored the red flags. I felt way worse for her fiancé! New story... I have a friend who's last three girl friends came from meeting online. The first she met online in 2015. She shared with me her conversations with the first two and ... dang... flags... flags... flags!! Despite my efforts and ... coaching* ... for lack of a better word ... she decided to start a relationship each and even moved to be with them. Long story short... first and second where just awful! The second was abusive. She was heart broken over both. Curiously, she didn't say much to me about the third one... so... my fingers are crossed and so far... from what I hear... so good! Point being... we're all so very much alike... we all want love... or maybe just some attention... and yet so different in what we're willing to do... what we're willing to endure ... to get that attention. There's no right or wrong here or judgment on my part. Just some observations from my first half of 2017. *"Coaching" ... cuz she's brand new... just came out in her late 30's after having been married to a guy for 15+ years. She doesn't know the lay of the lesbian landscape.