Ask a trans person!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by cathexis

Yes, I'm sorry guys. Made a error in writing the dose down. The dose the doc ordered is 25 mg (or 0.125 ml) IM every 2 weeks. I think it's a low dose and confused why. Asked her if she would increase it, but would not for the reasons above.

Had told her that I was genderqueer, and that a higher level of T improved me body and mind. She diagnosed me with "gender dysphoria," and ordered T at this dose. I am concerned and confused. Anyone with any ideas why?

cathexis, did you see a gender therapist prior to your decision to seek out testosterone?

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by cathexis

Yes, I'm sorry guys. Made a error in writing the dose down. The dose the doc ordered is 25 mg (or 0.125 ml) IM every 2 weeks. I think it's a low dose and confused why. Asked her if she would increase it, but would not for the reasons above.

Had told her that I was genderqueer, and that a higher level of T improved me body and mind. She diagnosed me with "gender dysphoria," and ordered T at this dose. I am concerned and confused. Anyone with any ideas why?

One is because you're a smoker, second could be the doctor either has no clue what she is doing or is not an endocrinologist.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

Just wondering why you are not on a patch?? I hear that is the usual modem of delivery..I am not current on this subject but would like to understand too.

The patch is unusual in the U.S. It is most often used by cis males for low testosterone. In fact, I have never even heard of a trans man on the patch and I am on a number of trans social media group and work in trans healthcare.
Subcutaneous injection is becoming the preferred method, but intramuscular injections is still the most common, in the U.S. The gel is also popular in the U.S., but expensive. Testosterone pellets are common in the U.K. There is also injections that are done once very 3 months, also more common in the U.K.

[cathexis]

Dapper, I had my ovaries removed in 1980. Aware that this effects the T dose.

kittygrrl and Liam, cannot use patches or most probably the gels due to skin allergies. Tried to quit smoking with nicotine patches and blistered under the patch. The second one caused shortness of breath. They say my reaction due to my latex allergy that I've had for years. Got the allergy as an RN starting in 1987 when they used powdered latex gloves. Worked ICU so we used them for most patient contacts. The allergy developed to causing shortness of breath each shift. When they did the allergy testing, I had an anaphylatic reaction.

These latex allergies are very common with us older nurses which is why hospitals changed to nitrile or vinyl. Healthcare workers and patients were developing latex allergies from repeated use.

[cathexis]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

cathexis, did you see a gender therapist prior to your decision to seek out testosterone?

Did not see a gender therapist; however, I did see a regular therapist then a psychiatrist. We don't have good medical resources where I live. Also, I had been on testosterone with my ERT.

Had been diagnosed with gender dysphoria and told that I would probably benefit from T. It was suggested that I consider using injectable T.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by cathexis

Did not see a gender therapist; however, I did see a regular therapist then a psychiatrist. We don't have good medical resources where I live. Also, I had been on testosterone with my ERT.

Had been diagnosed with gender dysphoria and told that I would probably benefit from T. It was suggested that I consider using injectable T.

I would suggest writing down/printing out the Endo protocol for testosterone treatment and bringing that into your physician. Ask them why they are not following this. Is this a PCP or an Endo? It does not need to be an Endo for good care, as an aside, as long as the person has experience. If she is a PCP and does not have experience seek out an Endo. However, I also realize, as you said, with little resources you can only go with what you got.

If you identify as genderqueer, I assume, that you do NOT want to masculinize to the point that you look male to yourself and male to others. Be aware, that no matter how small the dose, you will eventually look like every other male, including lose your hair.

You asked if we thought the reason your physician had you at a low dose was because you are genderqueer. There is not 'genderqueer dosing".

If she is starting you out on .125ml every other week, it sounds like she might be following current Endo guidelines for a 16 year old. These guidelines are most often used by Endos who are new to the work. I understand that these guidelines are being changed and new ones will be out next year.

Providers in large trans healthcare systems usually start a 16 year old boy on .3ml in order to catch up with his peers as he will not be able to pass as a 16 year old starting on such low doses. Endo guidelines are too slow and causes greater dysphoria for the teens. An adult FTM is most often started on .5ml and stays at that dose until they are about 3 years in. Then some guys drop down their dose. That is not set in stone.

I am going to assume that if your goal is to look "more masculine" as a genderqueer, that this means that you would like to look androgynous. I suspect that an experienced trans healthcare provider would start you at .2ml or .25ml, but I can't really say for certain. The problem is that we cannot pick and choose how masculinized T will make us, based on dosage (a nod to Liam here). Most physicians will not provide individuals who "just want to look more masculine" for this reason. If they do provide "low dose T", it is to give the person time to determine if they would like to transition.

If you would like, I can email the head of the trans healthcare department at the Mazonni Center in Philly and ask them their protocol. They are one of the leading programs in the U.S. I know the answer will be something like "we would talk with the pt. about their goals and then go from there", but I will push for something general.

Good luck to you.

[cathexis]

Thanks your all your advice. Definitely gives me food for thought. Am seeking more of the positive male emotional and mental attitudes. Also, wish to masculinize my appearance somewhat. Have a few more sensitive questions that I would like to ask you by PM.

Thanks to all for your assistance!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by cathexis

Thanks your all your advice. Definitely gives me food for thought. Am seeking more of the positive male emotional and mental attitudes. Also, wish to masculinize my appearance somewhat. Have a few more sensitive questions that I would like to ask you by PM.

Thanks to all for your assistance!

You are very welcome to PM me.

[Esme nha Maire]

Wow, I have learnt so much about you FTM gents from reading through this thread! Thank you all for sharing. May you all find inner peace and much happiness in your lives!

But I cannot help but wonder - are there any other MTFs here? I transitioned quite a while ago, but would be interested to hear of other MTF's experiences with the lesbian scene.

[Vivacious1]

I found this thread very interesting as well. I can relate to some, and some makes me have more questions.

I too was in a relationship with an FTM... He transitioned very shortly after we got together. It was a whirlwind experience for me, scary as well... confusing.. etc

I supported him through his top surgery which scared the crap outta me because I had to take care of him in the hotel after surgery, tubes and drains everywhere... Of course I messed it up, and he had to have a revision... BAD way to start a relationship...

The things I experienced with him was an excess of anger and blame, always to be put off by saying its the *T*

Then there was the group of friends that were also trans men and the comments such as *I can't believe you still ID as lesbian" I felt that they thought there was something wrong with me!!!!

Fast forward, eventually when we broke up, the comment was, * I shoulda stayed butch and you wouldn't be leaving*

Unfortunately, I think I got a lot of messages that weren't correct and maybe specific to this relationship, but, regardless, I was left feeling it was all about the trans man, and what about the femme on the other side? I was a femme, I was lost in this process of someone else's transition...

So, I guess with all this said, I am looking for clarity.. I am looking for someone that relates... maybe from the FTM side or the femme side!!!!

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire

Wow, I have learnt so much about you FTM gents from reading through this thread! Thank you all for sharing. May you all find inner peace and much happiness in your lives!

But I cannot help but wonder - are there any other MTFs here? I transitioned quite a while ago, but would be interested to hear of other MTF's experiences with the lesbian scene.

There are MTFs on the site!

Originally Posted by Vivacious1

I found this thread very interesting as well. I can relate to some, and some makes me have more questions.

I too was in a relationship with an FTM... He transitioned very shortly after we got together. It was a whirlwind experience for me, scary as well... confusing.. etc

I supported him through his top surgery which scared the crap outta me because I had to take care of him in the hotel after surgery, tubes and drains everywhere... Of course I messed it up, and he had to have a revision... BAD way to start a relationship...

The things I experienced with him was an excess of anger and blame, always to be put off by saying its the *T*

Then there was the group of friends that were also trans men and the comments such as *I can't believe you still ID as lesbian" I felt that they thought there was something wrong with me!!!!

Fast forward, eventually when we broke up, the comment was, * I shoulda stayed butch and you wouldn't be leaving*

Unfortunately, I think I got a lot of messages that weren't correct and maybe specific to this relationship, but, regardless, I was left feeling it was all about the trans man, and what about the femme on the other side? I was a femme, I was lost in this process of someone else's transition...

So, I guess with all this said, I am looking for clarity.. I am looking for someone that relates... maybe from the FTM side or the femme side!!!!

I can relate, V. My first relationship with a transguy went something alone those lines, except he didn't fully transition during our relationship. I was questioned about my identity, mainly by him, and the T and his journey became the focus of the relationship versus 'our' journey together.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire

Wow, I have learnt so much about you FTM gents from reading through this thread! Thank you all for sharing. May you all find inner peace and much happiness in your lives!

But I cannot help but wonder - are there any other MTFs here? I transitioned quite a while ago, but would be interested to hear of other MTF's experiences with the lesbian scene.

There are a couple of MTF women here. Welcome! I am very glad you are here!

[Esme nha Maire]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

There are a couple of MTF women here. Welcome! I am very glad you are here!

Thank you, sir, that is sweet of you! I am moved by tales like Vivacious1's, because they really make one think about what it is to be human, to love, to be lesbian or hetty or gay or bi or whatever, and it must be so hard to find that your partner needs to become something outside of that bunch of characteristics which you find attractive, or to find that your partner simply does not have it within them to continue to love you when you become what you must for your own sanity. I count myself lucky that I have never been in such a situation thus far.

This has me pondering how I might feel if a very butch woman made a pass at me. If I found her attractive, I think I might feel a need to make it clear, as gently and politely as possible, that where butch becomes male is probably the point beyond which my emotions could not follow, except as friends. I would hope that they could understand why.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire

>>snip<<

This has me pondering how I might feel if a very butch woman made a pass at me. If I found her attractive, I think I might feel a need to make it clear, as gently and politely as possible, that where butch becomes male is probably the point beyond which my emotions could not follow, except as friends. I would hope that they could understand why.

Hi and welcome!

I wonder if you would mind expanding on this a little? I don't understand exactly what you mean "if a very butch woman made a pass at me...where a butch becomes male".

Are you speaking about a FTM trans person that identifies as a male or a very butch woman that identifies as female and is a butch lesbian?

Thanks!

[Esme nha Maire]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

Hi and welcome!

I wonder if you would mind expanding on this a little? I don't understand exactly what you mean "if a very butch woman made a pass at me...where a butch becomes male".

Are you speaking about a FTM trans person that identifies as a male or a very butch women that identifies as female and is a butch lesbian?

Thanks!

Of course I wouldn't mind Anya. What I'm trying to get at is that I do not, at my current state of knowledge, know how I could tell a pre-transition FTM person from a non-FTM very butch woman, short of asking the individual before me whether they are FTM or not. Which would be rude. And given that I am not interested in intimate relationships with males, getting romantically involved with a pre-transition FTM would not be fair on either of us. So I'd prefer to avoid that latter possibility, and also avoid being rude, if at all possible. The only way I can see that I might possibly achieve both objectives is by intimating what it is that I want, rather than asking them if they are FTM or not. If there is a better way, I am all ears!

[AmazonDC]

Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire

Of course I wouldn't mind Anya. What I'm trying to get at is that I do not, at my current state of knowledge, know how I could tell a pre-transition FTM person from a non-FTM very butch woman, short of asking the individual before me whether they are FTM or not. Which would be rude. And given that I am not interested in intimate relationships with males, getting romantically involved with a pre-transition FTM would not be fair on either of us. So I'd prefer to avoid that latter possibility, and also avoid being rude, if at all possible. The only way I can see that I might possibly achieve both objectives is by intimating what it is that I want, rather than asking them if they are FTM or not. If there is a better way, I am all ears!

Hi there.. so I am a middlesexed genetically neither male or female.. I am a Queer Male identified person.. I have a genetic illness called CAH . I am genetically neither male or female although I am male in appearance I am female in body parts... The rainbow has many spectrums.. you asking if they are pre or post op is not rude its honest.. Honesty is always the best practice.. I am lucky enough to be with a woman who love the Me, I am.. Dont ever think asking such a question is rude.. that person I am quite sure has been asked the same question if not worse many times before.. I am questioned and asked things 24-7.lol

[Wrang1er]

Originally Posted by Vivacious1

I found this thread very interesting as well. I can relate to some, and some makes me have more questions.

I too was in a relationship with an FTM... He transitioned very shortly after we got together. It was a whirlwind experience for me, scary as well... confusing.. etc

I supported him through his top surgery which scared the crap outta me because I had to take care of him in the hotel after surgery, tubes and drains everywhere... Of course I messed it up, and he had to have a revision... BAD way to start a relationship...

The things I experienced with him was an excess of anger and blame, always to be put off by saying its the *T*

Then there was the group of friends that were also trans men and the comments such as *I can't believe you still ID as lesbian" I felt that they thought there was something wrong with me!!!!

Fast forward, eventually when we broke up, the comment was, * I shoulda stayed butch and you wouldn't be leaving*

Unfortunately, I think I got a lot of messages that weren't correct and maybe specific to this relationship, but, regardless, I was left feeling it was all about the trans man, and what about the femme on the other side? I was a femme, I was lost in this process of someone else's transition...

So, I guess with all this said, I am looking for clarity.. I am looking for someone that relates... maybe from the FTM side or the femme side!!!!

You aren't alone in this. There's actually a song by a queer band called Coyote Grace. The song is titled Picture Frame.

[Esme nha Maire]

Originally Posted by DaddyChrisCo

Hi there.. so I am a middlesexed genetically neither male or female.. I am a Queer Male identified person.. I have a genetic illness called CAH . I am genetically neither male or female although I am male in appearance I am female in body parts... The rainbow has many spectrums.. you asking if they are pre or post op is not rude its honest.. Honesty is always the best practice.. I am lucky enough to be with a woman who love the Me, I am.. Dont ever think asking such a question is rude.. that person I am quite sure has been asked the same question if not worse many times before.. I am questioned and asked things 24-7.lol

DaddyChrisCo - thank you for your response, it is appreciated, but my dilemma was more to do with what if I cannot tell if they are FTM? If they are FTM, then I need to politely decline the pass. If they are not, then we're all good. If they're FTM, then being pre or postop has no bearing on it - I would not be interested in dating them to avoid unecessary heartbreak for both of us. I'm very glad that you have a loving partner!

[AmazonDC]

Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire

DaddyChrisCo - thank you for your response, it is appreciated, but my dilemma was more to do with what if I cannot tell if they are FTM? If they are FTM, then I need to politely decline the pass. If they are not, then we're all good. If they're FTM, then being pre or postop has no bearing on it - I would not be interested in dating them to avoid unecessary heartbreak for both of us. I'm very glad that you have a loving partner!

All you can do is have a conversation with them.. simply ask if they are from and just tell them you mean no harm and let them know your preferance..honesty and being upfront is always the answer

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire

DaddyChrisCo - thank you for your response, it is appreciated, but my dilemma was more to do with what if I cannot tell if they are FTM? If they are FTM, then I need to politely decline the pass. If they are not, then we're all good. If they're FTM, then being pre or postop has no bearing on it - I would not be interested in dating them to avoid unecessary heartbreak for both of us. I'm very glad that you have a loving partner!

I hope it is ok to piggyback off of your response.

I am very attracted to butch, female-identified, lesbian women. Sometimes, there is no way to know if someone is a male-identified trans person vs. a butch lesbian.

I look at it as a potential friendship.

If someone indicates interest in you and you have interest in them, that is the beginning.

I don't ever want to be afraid of a potential friendship with someone even if they might not be someone I would want to date on an intimate basis.

It sounds like you have some fear of getting involved and then finding out it is not something that you want to pursue.

I think that is the risk for all of us out in the world. Sometimes we are initially attracted to someone and then find out that there is no chemistry.

It is that way regardless of how someone identifies.

The only time in my own life that I felt unsafe or felt that something could or would happen that I did not have the power to stop was before I came out, with a biological male.

Not that it could never happen with a LGBTQ person, but I think most of us are very sensitive to the feelings of others and don't want to be where we are not wanted.

DaddyChrisCo is right, when you really need to know, ask kindly and with respect.

We can never go wrong with that approach.