Gender Wars - A Femme's Perspective

[Passionaria]

Medusa asked:
* As a Femme of whatever ID, do you feel animosity towards (entire groups) of Butch or Trans IDs?

Over the last 10 years (my gay lifetime), I have seen many changing definitions and expressions of gender in our community. I think we define and redefine ourselves more than many groups of people, partly because we are forging uncharted territory, socially, and culturally, as well.

Sitting back and watching the unfolding reminds me of looking into a kaleidoscope, and exploring each possible combination of butch-femme identity, and the interplay that emerges. I have at times wondered if certain B-F websites were someones PHD thesis, it is interesting enough of a process to be one. I love us, for being able to create and recreate ourselves. So, animosity, no. Occasionally, fondly amused at the drama of the process, yes.

* Do you see yourself or ID as being at "war" with another Femme ID or complicit in a "war" between Butch or Trans IDs?

No, the last thing I want is for us to turn on each other. OUCH. Honestly though, there are some gender concepts that have taken some time for me to understand. As my understanding grows, I have noticed my tastes and attractions seem to be evolving as well. Case in point: I came out as a lesbian ID'd femme, and it took me some serious contemplation and questioning to understand the needs of Stone Butches. Once I got it? I think they are right up there with chocolate ~YUMMY. As a community we are all growing, and our process at times reflects those growing pains.


* Do you see any group of masculine ID's having an agenda to attack another group?

I see certain individual people having strong personalities and opinions. Often, not stopping to think if their behavior hurts another. I don't see that as a gender issue, rather, a personality issue.

* As a Femme, do you see a "war" between Femmes of different IDs? Why or why not?

I see certain individual people having strong personalities and opinions and varying levels of tolerance. Often, not stopping to think if their behavior hurts another. I don't see that as a gender issue, rather, a personality issue.


* Do you think that Femmes contribute in any way to the gender or identity formation of Butches or Transmen? How about contributing to the gender formation of Butches of Transmen who Femmes date?

Yes, I think it is natural to want to please the ones we love. Hopefully within healthy, self identified, boundaries. I know I would stretch my boundaries some, for the one I loved, to give them what they desire. But I can't change the essence of who I am, without betraying self.


* Do you, as a Femme, have a feminine or masculine identity?

A feminine identity, inspired more by my connection to the Divine Feminine, than any cultural norm.

* Do you even feel like there is a "Gender War"? Is that an external manifestation of the internal? Do you feel that it is a construct of the larger sexist and misogynist society at work here?

No, I don't, and think it is unhealthy for our community to keep saying there is. I believe we can do better, and that we are worth more than that.I think the real issue is that there are individuals within our community, with varying levels of tolerance, kindness, and communication skills, participating in the process of us defining our gender identities. And It's not cool to be a bully.............

Thanks for asking