Showing scars: what are your relationship fears?

Gemme · 09-12-2017, 10:13 PM

It's the craziest thing...some of my relationship issues that have plagued other relationships don't seem to be an issue in my current relationship so it's kind of like discovering a new, but familiar, world. Interesting stuff.

girl_dee · 03-31-2018, 04:08 AM

that hy will grow tired of me, especially when i am being a pain, and lose interest.

imperfect_cupcake · 03-31-2018, 11:43 PM

My relationship fears?

Becoming involved with someone who doesn't respect my independence, who makes demands, is jealous, wants to have highly emotional "discussions" all the time, pressures me to spend all of my free time with them, doesn't listen to me when I tell them "no" about things.

Pushes their wants over my nos, making it be about me withholding rather than me having a say of when I get to be vulnerable or trust. Someone who pushes me to give them vulnerability, emotional openness, and commitment when they want it, and not when I'm comfortable giving it.

Someone who changes their mind because of emotional moods.

Someone who wants me to be really traditional and shackled to their idea of love - which is dependence, submission, and putting them before myself.

That's my nightmare, really.

A petulant, demanding, very emotional, high maintenance, mercurial, butch partner who wants to be taken care of by a wife who is their live-in nurse, massage therapist, house cleaner, sex worker, and counselor.

That shit terrifies me! And yeah, I've seen it, lived it, and had dates phone me up or tell me drunkenly at 1am "you are the sexy, lovely girl I want to look after me, I can totally see you in my house... " etc etc etc...

*dumps them the next day*

I am terrified of being suffocated by people who don't care about who I am. Just who I am to them.

Breathless · 04-01-2018, 12:31 AM

I keep coming back to this thread like I should say something, however the thought in my head is IF I say it out loud.. that makes it real, head in the sand, I like to pretend that my 'issues' are, oh I don't know.. invisible?!
I pretend I am stronger than I really am, perhaps to convince myself that I can get through the tough times.... however I have also found that this backfires more often than not, as coming across unscathed gives the impression that I am a bitch (not in a good way) and that I am some how not shattered on the inside needing help with my broken pieces... I am really not good at asking for help or admitting I need it...

So I guess, rejection is the fear, or maybe someone agreeing that my pieces are are broken beyond repair, and perhaps not worth the effort.

Martina · 04-01-2018, 03:20 AM

I am single and regarding relationships, I think I am done. I have always chosen good people, smart people, kind people, but not the right people. And if I am honest with myself, I knew that going in. I don't regret my relationships, but I see no point in doing that again and no reason to believe I've grown enough to do it better. It's sad. But my life is not without love, just not romantic love.

Lyte · 04-01-2018, 08:57 AM

I wish I had something more substantial or revealing to offer like the previous submissions. My deep respect to each of you.

My fears are pretty basic at this point in my life ... will there be another? Having been single now for so long, it feels like I'm getting a lil too old for any of this "starting over" shit.

09-12-2017, 10:13 PM	#1
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,972 Times in 25,664 Posts Rep Power: 21474888	It's the craziest thing...some of my relationship issues that have plagued other relationships don't seem to be an issue in my current relationship so it's kind of like discovering a new, but familiar, world. Interesting stuff. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

03-31-2018, 04:08 AM	#2
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	real fear...... that hy will grow tired of me, especially when i am being a pain, and lose interest.

04-01-2018, 12:31 AM	#4
Breathless Brat Extraordinaire How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Happy Tournaments Won: 23 Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Alberta Canada Posts: 1,412 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,549 Thanked 4,099 Times in 958 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I keep coming back to this thread like I should say something, however the thought in my head is IF I say it out loud.. that makes it real, head in the sand, I like to pretend that my 'issues' are, oh I don't know.. invisible?! I pretend I am stronger than I really am, perhaps to convince myself that I can get through the tough times.... however I have also found that this backfires more often than not, as coming across unscathed gives the impression that I am a bitch (not in a good way) and that I am some how not shattered on the inside needing help with my broken pieces... I am really not good at asking for help or admitting I need it... So I guess, rejection is the fear, or maybe someone agreeing that my pieces are are broken beyond repair, and perhaps not worth the effort. __________________ *BE the change you wish to see in the world. Gandhi* Last edited by Breathless; 04-01-2018 at 12:36 AM.

04-01-2018, 03:20 AM	#5
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,286 Times in 4,167 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I am single and regarding relationships, I think I am done. I have always chosen good people, smart people, kind people, but not the right people. And if I am honest with myself, I knew that going in. I don't regret my relationships, but I see no point in doing that again and no reason to believe I've grown enough to do it better. It's sad. But my life is not without love, just not romantic love. __________________ "No matter how cynical I get, I just can't keep up" - Lily Tomlin

03-31-2018, 11:43 PM	#3
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	My relationship fears? Becoming involved with someone who doesn't respect my independence, who makes demands, is jealous, wants to have highly emotional "discussions" all the time, pressures me to spend all of my free time with them, doesn't listen to me when I tell them "no" about things. Pushes their wants over my nos, making it be about me withholding rather than me having a say of when I get to be vulnerable or trust. Someone who pushes me to give them vulnerability, emotional openness, and commitment when they want it, and not when I'm comfortable giving it. Someone who changes their mind because of emotional moods. Someone who wants me to be really traditional and shackled to their idea of love - which is dependence, submission, and putting them before myself. That's my nightmare, really. A petulant, demanding, very emotional, high maintenance, mercurial, butch partner who wants to be taken care of by a wife who is their live-in nurse, massage therapist, house cleaner, sex worker, and counselor. That shit terrifies me! And yeah, I've seen it, lived it, and had dates phone me up or tell me drunkenly at 1am "you are the sexy, lovely girl I want to look after me, I can totally see you in my house... " etc etc etc... dumps them the next day I am terrified of being suffocated by people who don't care about who I am. Just who I am to them.

04-01-2018, 08:57 AM	#6
Lyte Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Meh... I'm not very particular about this. Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2016 Location: The south... bleh! Posts: 1,744 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,316 Thanked 5,113 Times in 1,504 Posts Rep Power: 21474846	I wish I had something more substantial or revealing to offer like the previous submissions. My deep respect to each of you. My fears are pretty basic at this point in my life ... will there be another? Having been single now for so long, it feels like I'm getting a lil too old for any of this "starting over" shit.