Bootsandheels...My blogs, and poetry

[hopelessromantic69]

Originally Posted by Bootsandheels

After 5 years...I felt inspired to revive my "Femme" series... Hope you enjoy...


So do you really exist? I’m beginning to wonder to the point of possibly giving up on this idea of a happy healthy butch-femme partnership.

No, I’m not bitter or angry at all, but I am a questioning disillusioned femme at the moment.

There is NO question that I am FEMME and always will be FEMME from the inside out from the second I was born.

I know I have had at least one lifetime as a femme because it just came all too easily to me when I came out as a late bloomer in my 40’s and met my first butch love. I knew I was HOME, I knew who I was and always had been. The key fit in the lock of the sacred femme vault and I was happily unlocked and undone.

She would say to me…how do you KNOW how to do this? How do you get me so well? It’s like you have always been a femme…yep.

I have and always will be.

I have an affinity for all things Butch-Femme and slipped into it all so easily like the vintage black lace slip I found on Ebay that year. When she saw it she gasped and said…where…did you….find…THAT?!

I have never been more feminine than when I came out and rediscovered who I really am…who I have always been.

So where are you? Are you still out there waiting for me or am I too old fashioned and too conservative for this day and age of the rapidly changing face of the magic dynamic?

Does it still exist? Please tell me it does…

My black lace slip is shoved into a drawer lost in a sea of other negligee, tired of the long wait and so am I.

Boots 9/16/17

You will find her or she you big sis, BUT she must be worthy of your inner beauty, passion, big heart, your gifts and beauty!

[Sunshine]

I cried, held my breath, laughed and my heart... I don't know, it just was all over the place. You love deeply and there's nothing wrong with that. Once I started reading, I couldn't stop and I am very glad you're writing again. I look forward to reading all you have to share.

I enjoyed your poem's very much.

As a Scorpio, I see myself in you. You're a natural thinker. Growth comes naturally to you on many levels. You are perfect, just the way you are and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

You just shine and be your beautiful self! She is out there, that much I know.

Thank you Bootsandheels and I will always ask the Universe to give you what you wish for. We all deserve to be happy, secure and loved.

[Bootsandheels]

Originally Posted by Sunshine

I cried, held my breath, laughed and my heart... I don't know, it just was all over the place. You love deeply and there's nothing wrong with that. Once I started reading, I couldn't stop and I am very glad you're writing again. I look forward to reading all you have to share.

I enjoyed your poem's very much.

As a Scorpio, I see myself in you. You're a natural thinker. Growth comes naturally to you on many levels. You are perfect, just the way you are and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

You just shine and be your beautiful self! She is out there, that much I know.

Thank you Bootsandheels and I will always ask the Universe to give you what you wish for. We all deserve to be happy, secure and loved.

Thank you so much for your very kind words and encouragement! I will keep writing! 😊💖

[Bootsandheels]

It’s been a wonderful Thanksgiving…as I lay here in my bed I hear soft snores out in my small living room as 3 men sleep peacefully, their bellies full. Three years ago we all shared an apartment together for about a year. We were family.

One is my best friend who is FTM, next is his 23 year old son who dreams of transitioning some day and finally a 22 year old adopted son who is now homeless and still battling alcoholism.

We are missing one more boy…the second son of my best friend who is off on an adventure with his boyfriend in Colorado, and finally my beloved german shepherd heart dog who was incredibly dear to all of us.

I am surrounded by boy energy and I am loving every minute of it…the stinky socks, the hair that needs a good cut, the clothes that need washing…bring it.

I love it and I miss it so much.

I am a fierce femme and mother of a 24 year old son whom I have not seen for 7.5 years because of his religious beliefs. Holidays can be especially excruciating. And yet…I have been given this incredible gift again and again of boy energy…young man energy flowing in over the years to help me not feel so lost.

For a few brief hours in my small apartment bursting with blankets and blow up beds, I am found. I am validated for exactly who I am and appreciated for my nurturing, my mothering and my complete and utter femme-ness in every way, shape and form.

I am grateful, I am thankful, and I am blessed…to know what it is to be lost and truly found.

[Bootsandheels]

*Bump* for fans of the blog Thank you so much for the rep, PM's, support and encouragement! Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

[hopelessromantic69]

Originally Posted by Bootsandheels

It’s been a wonderful Thanksgiving…as I lay here in my bed I hear soft snores out in my small living room as 3 men sleep peacefully, their bellies full. Three years ago we all shared an apartment together for about a year. We were family.

One is my best friend who is FTM, next is his 23 year old son who dreams of transitioning some day and finally a 22 year old adopted son who is now homeless and still battling alcoholism.

We are missing one more boy…the second son of my best friend who is off on an adventure with his boyfriend in Colorado, and finally my beloved german shepherd heart dog who was incredibly dear to all of us.

I am surrounded by boy energy and I am loving every minute of it…the stinky socks, the hair that needs a good cut, the clothes that need washing…bring it.

I love it and I miss it so much.

I am a fierce femme and mother of a 24 year old son whom I have not seen for 7.5 years because of his religious beliefs. Holidays can be especially excruciating. And yet…I have been given this incredible gift again and again of boy energy…young man energy flowing in over the years to help me not feel so lost.

For a few brief hours in my small apartment bursting with blankets and blow up beds, I am found. I am validated for exactly who I am and appreciated for my nurturing, my mothering and my complete and utter femme-ness in every way, shape and form.

I am grateful, I am thankful, and I am blessed…to know what it is to be lost and truly found.

Thank you for hosting us all. Next year I will have a place big enough to hold Thanksgiving at my place. Hopefully the woman that owns my heart will be there also. Love ya big sis.

[Bootsandheels]

“So if your husband gave this to you would you like it?” He asked me…as he held the small diamond engagement set in his nervous rough skinned fingers.
I answered very sincerely…”I would be over the moon if he brought this home for me!” He smiled a little smirk of a smile and seemed visibly relieved and quite pleased with himself. I marveled how easy it was for me to answer like I was this straight woman that was waiting on him in my new holiday job at a retail jewelry store.

Ah…my invisibility cloak becomes useful and necessary once again!
I have learned over the years how to use it wisely now, when to bring it out to protect myself or my sexuality when I don’t feel like going through the long involved process of describing “Femme” to people when all they will really hear is “Lipstick Lesbian” or when I need to fit in like the chameleon I get to be as a very straight appearing queer femme as I like to call myself.

It used to be so painful and frustrating at first when I came out 14 years ago.
I wanted so badly to be SEEN by my own community and they just…couldn’t and sometimes even when they knew I was out…wouldn’t acknowledge me for who and what I had worked so damn hard to become and just be. Didn’t they know I what I had given up? My son, got divorced, lost a 9 year job, lost my dog…the list goes on but it was worth every single loss to find myself…and my true essence as FEMME.

It’s not so frustrating now because I get it…and I know exactly how to work it…this incredible gift I’ve been given as an invisible femme.
I can be anyone I damn well please. I can fit in when I need to, and I can surprise the hell out of cute butches that I may come across or work with and make them feel special by saying…”Wow it’s great to know family works here” or my personal favorite…”Nice to see a butch working here” as I sashay away knowing their mouth is hanging open behind me LOL.

I have also been able to protect my own butch when needed and soften a hard glare or two that is directed at us both. It’s a powerful gift and a tool that I do not take for granted or use lightly.

I thought what a great job…like a lot of femmes, I love sparkly things and I happen to know quite a bit about diamonds courtesy of my grandma Hallie who was married 3 or 4 times and from the time I was 6 taught me all about her many rings and things she had acquired all over the world. She loved them as if they were her kids.

I’ve been learning far more about diamonds and gems in my new job this past week and I am struck by the synchronicity of it all. I’ve always felt that we as humans are diamonds in the rough and that our life lessons, our experiences especially the most painful ones are often the facets that we endure to sparkle and shine. It’s the cuts that make us…the facets that shape us into the true brilliance, fire and sparkle that we have naturally within all of us, that show the true essence of who we REALLY are.

I rang the young man’s precious purchase up at the register and handed him the little bag with the tissue paper just so and placed it in his hands reverently. He gave me the biggest smile ever and I couldn’t help myself…I sparkled back at him. I gushed “Happy Holidays!” and covered my mouth with both hands and giggled…imagining him…imagining her…and their moment on Christmas morning. Love is love is LOVE. Sparkle on you beautiful diamond...

[Bootsandheels]

*Bump* for those who have been waiting for the next one...and thank you for all the rep and sweet comments!