National Coming Out Day 10/11! What's Your Story?

Mel C. · 10-17-2017, 07:15 PM

So, I was 16 or 17 and was driving my dad somewhere. For some unknown reason, he pops open the glove compartment. Inside the glove compartment were library books about homosexuality. I quickly slammed the glove compartment shut, but he just opened it right back up and asked me if I was a homosexual. I said the books belonged to a friend, which may have been true (I remember going to the library together but I don't remember which one of us had the courage to check the books out). Regardless, a lecture about homosexuality and how it was okay for friends and acquaintances but NOT for their daughter ensued. Over the next few years, I became more accepting of myself. I even co-founded a lesbian sorority. While I was in college, I brought the subject up with my parents again and said I was gay. There was some disappointment, but no big negative reaction. Today, I make no effort to hide the fact that I am gay.

girl_dee · 10-17-2017, 07:19 PM

*subscribing*

Thank you for bumping this thread that i could not find !

i want to hear these stories.

girl_dee · 10-19-2017, 04:05 PM

i came out in my 30’s.. i peeked out in my 20s but i flew back into the closet.

i was so afraid i was going to lose my family, but it was the opposite.

MsTinkerbelly · 10-19-2017, 05:40 PM

I came out at the age of 38, chucking aside a perfectly fine marriage with a perfectly fine man. Except it all was a lie.

My Dad passed away before I could tell him, and my mom said “oh, ok”. My sister was furious and didn’t speak to me for weeks...she finally told me that she was upset because I hadn’t told her sooner that I was living a lie.

No one in my family cared one way or the other, in fact I have a lesbian cousin who came out before I did.

I really feel badly for all of you who did not have support from the very people who were supposed to have your backs no matter what.

Kätzchen · 10-19-2017, 06:15 PM

Oh...gosh, it's been an long and winding road for me.

Two school aged friends, Ingrid (from school) and Marv-a (from church).... we nearly always were doing something together and our families knew each other, but none of us had any vocabulary or exposure in social ways to put an finger on it, until probably in our high school years.

We all knew we were different from others in our social groups at school or at church.

My two friends came out during their early 20s.....I don't think I came out until I was in my late 20s, early 30s.

I felt safe among trusted friends, but my family was furious with me. Years later, my youngest brother who is nearly 15 years younger (the baby of the family) was gay since day one. By the time he came out about being gay, my family readily accepted his being gay. Not so, for me tho.

I've created my own supportive set of family and friends, so I'm not dependent on acceptance by members of my natural birth family.

Interestingly, my friend Marv-a and her partner have been together for a few years now, but we've been friends since 2nd grade and still very close after all these years. Ingrid died from Brain cancer a few years ago, but we were very close from 1st grade to 12th grade. Ingrid is survived by her only partner who lives in the bay area.

Of the three of us, I'd say Ingrid was accepted first by her family, but Marv-a didn't find acceptance from her family readily, nor did I.

Sometimes, it feels like I come out more often than I would like to, but I'm grateful for acceptance by chosen family and friends. They've been my lifeline all these years, particularly my childhood friend who lives in Kansas.

girl_dee · 10-20-2017, 04:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

I came out at the age of 38, chucking aside a perfectly fine marriage with a perfectly fine man. Except it all was a lie.

My Dad passed away before I could tell him, and my mom said “oh, ok”. My sister was furious and didn’t speak to me for weeks...she finally told me that she was upset because I hadn’t told her sooner that I was living a lie.

No one in my family cared one way or the other, in fact I have a lesbian cousin who came out before I did.

I really feel badly for all of you who did not have support from the very people who were supposed to have your backs no matter what.

i agree. Support would make SUCH a difference!

i did the whole marriage/family thing too, trying to *fix my gay*. It was a sad attempt to prove that normal families do exist and i was going to create one (never works!). Also to prove to myself and the world that i was not gay (never works) .. by the time i came out i was such a mess i cannot even explain how bad it was. i feel bad that i brought two human beings into the world in my attempt to make things right in my head, even though they are amazing human beings.

While i LOVE the family that i did create, i wish i would have felt i had more options, like to just be gay. My path would have been so much different.

i knew since i was a young girl i was different, and tried to fix myself in all the wrong ways.

Esme nha Maire · 10-23-2017, 04:49 AM

Heh. I couldn't come out as female until I knew that transitioning was an option, which happened when I was 28. At that point I was still very naieve and confused about my sexuality, but assumed in my naievete that I'd end up a hetero woman. But my libido had faded to almost nothing a couple of years before, and didn't reawaken for another few years. When it did, to my great surprise, I realised I was at the very least waaaay more interested in women than in men. I did have some limited experiences with men, sufficient to prove to me that guys are not my thing, even though I can find some very charming. My first (and so far only) lesbian relationship was everything that I wanted of relationships - well, until we started to drift apart, anyway :-}

Coming out as lesbian was no big deal for me, though, it was greatly overshadowed by my being MTF, which has caused me far more problems. I like being lesbian, too, in and of itself - I've always felt great affinity for other women - it's just an absolute bastard being MTF with it. Or was back then, and I'm still trying to overcome some of the negatives from thirty years ago. I'm completely out, but struggling to actually find much of a lesbian scene to be out in!

10-17-2017, 07:15 PM	#1
Mel C. Long-time Member How Do You Identify?: WIB - woman identified butch Preferred Pronoun?: Your choice...not really a button for me Relationship Status: ♡ married 1/1/2019♡ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: San Diego Posts: 2,149 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,772 Thanked 6,828 Times in 1,621 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	bump even though it's a bit late So, I was 16 or 17 and was driving my dad somewhere. For some unknown reason, he pops open the glove compartment. Inside the glove compartment were library books about homosexuality. I quickly slammed the glove compartment shut, but he just opened it right back up and asked me if I was a homosexual. I said the books belonged to a friend, which may have been true (I remember going to the library together but I don't remember which one of us had the courage to check the books out). Regardless, a lecture about homosexuality and how it was okay for friends and acquaintances but NOT for their daughter ensued. Over the next few years, I became more accepting of myself. I even co-founded a lesbian sorority. While I was in college, I brought the subject up with my parents again and said I was gay. There was some disappointment, but no big negative reaction. Today, I make no effort to hide the fact that I am gay.

10-17-2017, 07:19 PM	#2
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	subscribing Thank you for bumping this thread that i could not find ! i want to hear these stories.

10-19-2017, 04:05 PM	#3
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	i came out in my 30’s.. i peeked out in my 20s but i flew back into the closet. i was so afraid i was going to lose my family, but it was the opposite.

10-19-2017, 05:40 PM	#4
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,908 Times in 5,019 Posts Rep Power: 0	I came out at the age of 38, chucking aside a perfectly fine marriage with a perfectly fine man. Except it all was a lie. My Dad passed away before I could tell him, and my mom said “oh, ok”. My sister was furious and didn’t speak to me for weeks...she finally told me that she was upset because I hadn’t told her sooner that I was living a lie. No one in my family cared one way or the other, in fact I have a lesbian cousin who came out before I did. I really feel badly for all of you who did not have support from the very people who were supposed to have your backs no matter what.

10-19-2017, 06:15 PM	#5
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, please. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow ツ Posts: 16,055 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,111 Thanked 33,516 Times in 10,641 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	Oh...gosh, it's been an long and winding road for me. Two school aged friends, Ingrid (from school) and Marv-a (from church).... we nearly always were doing something together and our families knew each other, but none of us had any vocabulary or exposure in social ways to put an finger on it, until probably in our high school years. We all knew we were different from others in our social groups at school or at church. My two friends came out during their early 20s.....I don't think I came out until I was in my late 20s, early 30s. I felt safe among trusted friends, but my family was furious with me. Years later, my youngest brother who is nearly 15 years younger (the baby of the family) was gay since day one. By the time he came out about being gay, my family readily accepted his being gay. Not so, for me tho. I've created my own supportive set of family and friends, so I'm not dependent on acceptance by members of my natural birth family. Interestingly, my friend Marv-a and her partner have been together for a few years now, but we've been friends since 2nd grade and still very close after all these years. Ingrid died from Brain cancer a few years ago, but we were very close from 1st grade to 12th grade. Ingrid is survived by her only partner who lives in the bay area. Of the three of us, I'd say Ingrid was accepted first by her family, but Marv-a didn't find acceptance from her family readily, nor did I. Sometimes, it feels like I come out more often than I would like to, but I'm grateful for acceptance by chosen family and friends. They've been my lifeline all these years, particularly my childhood friend who lives in Kansas.

10-23-2017, 04:49 AM	#7
Esme nha Maire Member How Do You Identify?: Tomboyish eccentric antique femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jul 2017 Location: UK Posts: 642 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,196 Thanked 2,078 Times in 541 Posts Rep Power: 19310770	Heh. I couldn't come out as female until I knew that transitioning was an option, which happened when I was 28. At that point I was still very naieve and confused about my sexuality, but assumed in my naievete that I'd end up a hetero woman. But my libido had faded to almost nothing a couple of years before, and didn't reawaken for another few years. When it did, to my great surprise, I realised I was at the very least waaaay more interested in women than in men. I did have some limited experiences with men, sufficient to prove to me that guys are not my thing, even though I can find some very charming. My first (and so far only) lesbian relationship was everything that I wanted of relationships - well, until we started to drift apart, anyway :-} Coming out as lesbian was no big deal for me, though, it was greatly overshadowed by my being MTF, which has caused me far more problems. I like being lesbian, too, in and of itself - I've always felt great affinity for other women - it's just an absolute bastard being MTF with it. Or was back then, and I'm still trying to overcome some of the negatives from thirty years ago. I'm completely out, but struggling to actually find much of a lesbian scene to be out in!