What do you do to promote visibility/awareness?

[Ascot]

Originally Posted by Kobi

Frankly, it is all getting rather tiresome.

Funny. That's precisely what I feel about antagonistic curmudgeonliness!


Why wouldn't I post this in the lesbian zone? Among other things, I am a lesbian, so yeah...

[girl_dee]

i have a marriage equality sticker on my car.

Honestly i am afraid of retaliation in this neck of the woods, so i stay rather invisible among the population.

[EnchantedNightDweller]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

i have a marriage equality sticker on my car.

Honestly i am afraid of retaliation in this neck of the woods, so i stay rather invisible among the population.

That's how I feel too, Dee. I appreciate so much the people who do stand up for us. But this is still the south and I don't think things are quite as progressive yet. Trans people in particular are often afraid of being discovered. It's just the reality.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by EnchantedNightDweller

That's how I feel too, Dee. I appreciate so much the people who do stand up for us. But this is still the south and I don't think things are quite as progressive yet. Trans people in particular are often afraid of being discovered. It's just the reality.

it is, i never felt like this anywhere i’ve lived, even New Orleans. I don’t wave the flag but i’m not going to hide either.

i am out on my job completely, but i feel safe there. That's not always the case.

[JDeere]

Its obvious what i am as soon as i walk out the door. I dont wave flags, have stickers on my truck etc. Never felt the need to be more visible in the community.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by JDeere

Its obvious what i am as soon as i walk out the door. I dont wave flags, have stickers on my truck etc. Never felt the need to be more visible in the community.

that’s where i envy butches sometimes. i know the struggle can be big but you never have to go around outing yourself all the time.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

that’s where i envy butches sometimes. i know the struggle can be big but you never have to go around outing yourself all the time.

Thats true we dont have to go around outing ourselves. I know about the femme invisiblity issues as well, my ex's have had that happen to them all the time so i do understand the need for more visibility.

[CherylNYC]

I'm always really out at work, as I am everywhere else, but since I'm a freelancer that sometimes means coming out matter-of-factly, and on a daily basis, to anyone new. I haven't worked with some of the men in this group of macho grips and carpenters before, so It's possible that they haven't heard about the notorious biker-dyke scenic artist yet. (That would be me.) I have bumper stickers, etc, but I've found that those who are looking for information about a person are usually the only ones who notice things like that.

We left work a little early in the midst of an impressive blizzard last Thursday, and two of those dudes were stuck in a car that couldn't make it out of the unplowed parking lot, and wouldn't have a prayer of safely making it down the street. I told them I would drive them back to their neighborhood since it wasn't that far out of the way for me. My Lesbaru did just fine in the deep snow and ice. They joked about me 'saving' them, and we spent the rest of the relatively long, slow drive chatting. One of them is from a Honduran family, and the other is from a Haitian family. Both spoke about how much easier and cheaper it is to live in those places, and advised that I should consider retiring to either place where I could live like royalty on an income that would barely feed and house me in NYC. I said that I might be safe in Honduras, but that I couldn't be safe in Haiti. Since I'm white, I'm sure they were getting uncomfortable with their projections of what they were quite certain I was about to say next. I continued on by saying that the legal situation in Haiti, not to mention the cultural one, is very dangerous for gay people like me. ('Whew!', I heard them think to themselves.) I also told them it would be extremely unsafe for me to travel to Jamaica or Russia right now for the same reasons. They were genuinely surprised. And curious. Then the Haitian American told me that his family had a beloved neighbour in Haiti who was never harmed, and was accepted by all. Of course he never explicitly said he was gay, but they all knew, and it was ok. The closeted gay neighbor never publicly had a husband, etc. I took a deep breath and patiently explained that he was relatively safe because he lived a closeted life, and that 'don't ask-don't tell' sometimes gives cover to homophobes. I further explained that the gay neighbor likely has legitimate fears that if he were to be more explicit he would face backlash and rejection from people who now tolerate him, and that we gay people sometimes find out the hard way that we aren't really accepted after all when we do tell.

I was so proud of myself for being patient and calm. I didn't respond angrily towards them for their ignorance, which I used to do regularly. I was really ok being their source for education on a topic they seemed not to have considered before. So I was visible AND educational. No, I didn't give them a ride home because I was trying to prove that lesbians are cool, but now they both probably think that THIS lesbian is pretty cool.

[cathexis]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

that’s where i envy butches sometimes. i know the struggle can be big but you never have to go around outing yourself all the time.

Yeah, but there's a flip side to not being obviously butch. Was brought to my attention during a conversation about 25 years ago between my ex-husband (obviously ethnically Jewish), my now lover (very butch and unable to hide), and myself (able to blend into straight and non-Jewish crowds, but am gender bent). How safe I feel on my Partner's arm, but is She safe having me there?


If you are a person who can blend in, be aware of the weight those who cannot must carry. In many places at present, it may result in a pleasant acknowledgement. But don't forget how quickly those tables can turn. Wasn't so long ago , 1940s Holocaust and 1960s Stonewall that our sisters (and brothers) were getting their heads smashed in and being gassed.

The political climate of the world could well lead to similar atrocities.
We just need to be aware and know that all is not safe. When will the next Charlottesville happen, and how far will the fascists push it this time?

[BullDog]

I feel very visible just walking around too. I think I pretty much fit the stereotype of butch dyke/lesbian, although I also don't think most people really get what butch is all that well.

If someone were to mistake me for being trans, it wouldn't bother me one bit since there's nothing wrong with being trans and someone could look exactly like me and be TG butch or trans and not have transitioned yet or not be on T. Butch lesbians/dykes can look all kinds of different ways just like anyone else.

I'm not worried about keeping some purified version of lesbian alive or being a gatekeeper. I do lesbian my way, you do it your way, and if you don't i.d. as lesbian that's cool too.

Sometimes kids ask me if I am a girl or boy. I tell them girl but don't make a big deal about it (lol it makes me laugh because I definitely don't relate to girl). I also don't correct them if they call me he. They figure it out in their own way, and I love that. I also love being around kids or other butches being around them to give them exposure to different types of people. Kids are fun to play with too.

I don't think I consciously go out of my way to increase visibility but when you are butch I think you kind of do anyway. Mostly, yeah I would like people to see us as regular human beings who work, go grocery shopping, pay our taxes, vote, etc. just like they do.