What TO DO in a relationship.....

ardentfemme · 01-18-2018, 02:02 AM

I hope this isn’t derailing the thread, but regarding the topic of baggage, I’ve done a lot of reflecting lately about how we learn from relationships. Essentially, how to contextualize difficult (and sometimes painful) lessons we’ve learned from exes or even friends and family. So, instead of viewing one’s “baggage” as “I have trust issues because someone hurt me,” one could view it in a positive light by spinning it as “Oh, I learned that not everyone deserves my immediate trust. I should wait to get to know someone and then make an informed decision about whether or not to trust them, to what degree, and with which specific things.”

I really do believe the relationships we have and the people we meet all serve to teach us something. Even if it’s what we don’t want.

Anyway, this mentality has been really helpful for me. I hope it proves equally beneficial for y’all.

xoxo

girl_dee · 01-18-2018, 06:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ardentfemme

I hope this isn’t derailing the thread, but regarding the topic of baggage, I’ve done a lot of reflecting lately about how we learn from relationships. Essentially, how to contextualize difficult (and sometimes painful) lessons we’ve learned from exes or even friends and family. So, instead of viewing one’s “baggage” as “I have trust issues because someone hurt me,” one could view it in a positive light by spinning it as “Oh, I learned that not everyone deserves my immediate trust. I should wait to get to know someone and then make an informed decision about whether or not to trust them, to what degree, and with which specific things.”

I really do believe the relationships we have and the people we meet all serve to teach us something. Even if it’s what we don’t want.

Anyway, this mentality has been really helpful for me. I hope it proves equally beneficial for y’all.

xoxo

Hi AF.

I totally love the reframe. i used to say i needed to put my *must have* list out to the universe to attract the right partner for me when it was time. Well i did that, and they showed up! They had all the things on my list.

They also had addictions, anger issues, major debt, insecurities etc... i learned the hard way that that sort of *baggage* can outweigh all the good stuff...

So now i have a *must have* and *must not have* list..... and it worked!

cutegrrl · 01-20-2018, 11:03 AM

Listen more and talk less. I think that listening is a skill that needs to be really sharpened. If we listened more we would are less and have less misunderstandings.

homoe · 01-20-2018, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ardentfemme

I hope this isn’t derailing the thread, but regarding the topic of baggage, I’ve done a lot of reflecting lately about how we learn from relationships. Essentially, how to contextualize difficult (and sometimes painful) lessons we’ve learned from exes or even friends and family. So, instead of viewing one’s “baggage” as “I have trust issues because someone hurt me,” one could view it in a positive light by spinning it as “Oh, I learned that not everyone deserves my immediate trust. I should wait to get to know someone and then make an informed decision about whether or not to trust them, to what degree, and with which specific things.”

I really do believe the relationships we have and the people we meet all serve to teach us something. Even if it’s what we don’t want.

Anyway, this mentality has been really helpful for me. I hope it proves equally beneficial for y’all.

xoxo

girl_dee · 01-21-2018, 03:03 PM

laugh, a LOT.................

kittygrrl · 01-21-2018, 06:06 PM

i was talking to a friend today ..he said he needed a playmate.....i've been thinking about this and i realized sex has become so much more then a game, a fun romp ..exercise...it's not enough anymore ..eventually or maybe from the very beginning it was always meant for something much more meaningful...it's never too late to learn.... you are sharing some of the most profound truths the universe can give you..it will illuminate your deepest desires for connection, and grace...there is more to life then mere notes..it's a symphony of music..you share lying next to him..unique and perfect only the two of you will ever understand.....

Lovely · 01-23-2018, 01:20 PM

Be authentic and true to yourself and what you bring and can give in a relationship.

clay · 01-23-2018, 01:52 PM

For me, I can only be involved with ONE woman at a time.

That is what I wish for in my relationships, to be one of a pair...she & I.

Is that so very much to ask for? I will NOT settle for anything more...or less...

homoe · 01-23-2018, 03:33 PM

If you're a butch write your gal little love notes or poems and tuck them somewhere she is sure to fine them............

sidebar: I suppose this is the modern equivalent of sending a text?? I'm old school give me a pen and paper over some electronics gizmo any day!

01-18-2018, 02:02 AM	#1
ardentfemme Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Fierce Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: ~daydreaming~ Join Date: Dec 2017 Location: West Coast is the Best Coast Posts: 81 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 65 Thanked 304 Times in 74 Posts Rep Power: 6329325	I hope this isn’t derailing the thread, but regarding the topic of baggage, I’ve done a lot of reflecting lately about how we learn from relationships. Essentially, how to contextualize difficult (and sometimes painful) lessons we’ve learned from exes or even friends and family. So, instead of viewing one’s “baggage” as “I have trust issues because someone hurt me,” one could view it in a positive light by spinning it as “Oh, I learned that not everyone deserves my immediate trust. I should wait to get to know someone and then make an informed decision about whether or not to trust them, to what degree, and with which specific things.” I really do believe the relationships we have and the people we meet all serve to teach us something. Even if it’s what we don’t want. Anyway, this mentality has been really helpful for me. I hope it proves equally beneficial for y’all. xoxo Last edited by ardentfemme; 01-18-2018 at 02:15 AM.

01-20-2018, 11:03 AM	#3
cutegrrl Junior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single but taken Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: here and there Posts: 21 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21 Thanked 31 Times in 9 Posts Rep Power: 15	Many things.... Listen more and talk less. I think that listening is a skill that needs to be really sharpened. If we listened more we would are less and have less misunderstandings.

01-21-2018, 06:06 PM	#6
kittygrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: witchy Preferred Pronoun?: Fae Relationship Status: sipping on honey wine Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: near the wild mushrooms Posts: 9,502 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,659 Thanked 22,080 Times in 7,160 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	i was talking to a friend today ..he said he needed a playmate.....i've been thinking about this and i realized sex has become so much more then a game, a fun romp ..exercise...it's not enough anymore ..eventually or maybe from the very beginning it was always meant for something much more meaningful...it's never too late to learn.... you are sharing some of the most profound truths the universe can give you..it will illuminate your deepest desires for connection, and grace...there is more to life then mere notes..it's a symphony of music..you share lying next to him..unique and perfect only the two of you will ever understand..... __________________ "We're nine meals from anarchy"" Lewis

01-23-2018, 01:20 PM	#7
Lovely Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Jan 2018 Location: Canada Posts: 27 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 75 Thanked 73 Times in 21 Posts Rep Power: 429506	What to do Be authentic and true to yourself and what you bring and can give in a relationship.

01-23-2018, 01:52 PM	#8
clay Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch (Silver Fox) Dom Daddi Preferred Pronoun?: 50 Shades of Clay Darker & Deeper Relationship Status: married to my forever Join Date: May 2011 Location: salt air & sandy beaches Posts: 13,136 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 97,020 Thanked 31,666 Times in 7,748 Posts Rep Power: 21474864	For me, I can only be involved with ONE woman at a time. That is what I wish for in my relationships, to be one of a pair...she & I. Is that so very much to ask for? I will NOT settle for anything more...or less... __________________ To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness. ~Robert Brault

01-21-2018, 03:03 PM	#5
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	laugh, a LOT.................

01-23-2018, 03:33 PM	#9
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,548 Times in 14,914 Posts Rep Power: 21474889	If you're a butch write your gal little love notes or poems and tuck them somewhere she is sure to fine them............ sidebar: I suppose this is the modern equivalent of sending a text?? I'm old school give me a pen and paper over some electronics gizmo any day!