Caregivers and Stress

girl_dee · 02-02-2018, 05:20 AM

my ma went home yesterday. The doc told her she has got to slow down and breathe. There is new concept!

Shoots, it sounds like i am talking to myself.

We really do pick up traits from our parents

GeorgiaMa'am · 02-04-2018, 07:45 PM

I spent this weekend with my mom. She was really down about some things. Several times she expressed how frustrated she is when she can't think of a word. I told her, I do that too; my doctor told me it's menopause. Another time I told her, I sympathize; it's frustrating to not be able to think of the word you're trying to say, but it's even more so to not even be able to describe the word you're trying to say.

She did seem somewhat relieved that I understood what she was talking about. But her relief only lasted a short while - you see, she forgets what she has said, and sometimes says the same things over and over again. This symptom hasn't gotten really bad. It's possible to carry on a conversation with her. It's just that occasionally she'll bring up the same thing again, or tell the same story she told the night before, or a couple of hours ago.

What really hurt this weekend, though, was the number of times she said, "You all are going to put me in a home if I keep this up." I know this really bothers her, because she mentioned it so many times. And there seems to be nothing I can say to alleviate her fear. "Yeah, I'll be right there in the home with you,", or "If they put people in a home for that, we'd all be locked up," or "You know we're never going to do that." The truth is, my sister has vowed to build a mother-in-law suite on the back of her house if it ever gets so Mom can't live by herself. And my sister can afford it. And she means it.

The really awful truth is, my mother said the same thing about her mother. And my grandmother did come to live with us - for awhile - until her dementia was terrible, and she became violent. And neither Mom, nor any of us, could protect her from herself. She had to live in the state mental hospital, because no private facility would take her after the violence started.

I so do not want to see my mother like that. It's too horrible to imagine - but I do imagine it. My mother is physically very healthy - which on the one hand is a blessing, but on the other? How long can she live and keep her relatively sane mind? How long will she be safe living alone in that house without my dad, who died less than a year ago?

There are few good answers to these questions, and many bad ones.

RockOn · 02-04-2018, 11:20 PM

Sending GeorgiaMa'am hugs!

girl_dee · 02-05-2018, 05:24 AM

Sending Ma’am LOTS of hugs! (((((((( Ma’am ))))))))

My mom was home for two days and was struggling with breathing, and ended back in the hospital.

We’ve seen that her condition is exasterbated by her stress. She has no coping mechanisms (no more booze /cigarettes) and just cannot cope with every day life. She’s not numb anymore, and she’s feeling it.

I asked her to ask the doc for anti anxiety medication, and she did. She started this last night. GOD please let this help her.

We need her home to make the move happen. She is in an independent living facility. If she cannot be independent, I just don’t know where she will go.

girl_dee · 02-06-2018, 05:41 PM

mom’s home, and her big move back to the old place is on for tomorrow.

This move HAS to happen!

girl_dee · 02-07-2018, 05:20 AM

its’ my mom’s move day, she made it.

i am visualizing a smooth day with NO drama

i am glad she will be across the street from the hospital and next door to a nursing home if she should need when not well.

girl_dee · 02-07-2018, 04:20 PM

SHE MADE IT.. my mom has moved back into her old place.

This move is going to take a toll on her, but it’s for the best.

02-04-2018, 07:45 PM	#2
GeorgiaMa'am Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: High Femme Ma'am Preferred Pronoun?: Ma'am Relationship Status: widowed - involved, poly Join Date: May 2010 Location: Georgia Posts: 6,459 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,716 Thanked 28,529 Times in 5,828 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I spent this weekend with my mom. She was really down about some things. Several times she expressed how frustrated she is when she can't think of a word. I told her, I do that too; my doctor told me it's menopause. Another time I told her, I sympathize; it's frustrating to not be able to think of the word you're trying to say, but it's even more so to not even be able to describe the word you're trying to say. She did seem somewhat relieved that I understood what she was talking about. But her relief only lasted a short while - you see, she forgets what she has said, and sometimes says the same things over and over again. This symptom hasn't gotten really bad. It's possible to carry on a conversation with her. It's just that occasionally she'll bring up the same thing again, or tell the same story she told the night before, or a couple of hours ago. What really hurt this weekend, though, was the number of times she said, "You all are going to put me in a home if I keep this up." I know this really bothers her, because she mentioned it so many times. And there seems to be nothing I can say to alleviate her fear. "Yeah, I'll be right there in the home with you,", or "If they put people in a home for that, we'd all be locked up," or "You know we're never going to do that." The truth is, my sister has vowed to build a mother-in-law suite on the back of her house if it ever gets so Mom can't live by herself. And my sister can afford it. And she means it. The really awful truth is, my mother said the same thing about her mother. And my grandmother did come to live with us - for awhile - until her dementia was terrible, and she became violent. And neither Mom, nor any of us, could protect her from herself. She had to live in the state mental hospital, because no private facility would take her after the violence started. I so do not want to see my mother like that. It's too horrible to imagine - but I do imagine it. My mother is physically very healthy - which on the one hand is a blessing, but on the other? How long can she live and keep her relatively sane mind? How long will she be safe living alone in that house without my dad, who died less than a year ago? There are few good answers to these questions, and many bad ones. __________________ -GeorgiaMa'am It's true that you are blessed and lucky It's true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you. -10,000 Maniacs

02-02-2018, 05:20 AM	#1
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	my ma went home yesterday. The doc told her she has got to slow down and breathe. There is new concept! Shoots, it sounds like i am talking to myself. We really do pick up traits from our parents

02-04-2018, 11:20 PM	#3
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,304 Times in 2,610 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Sending GeorgiaMa'am hugs!

02-05-2018, 05:24 AM	#4
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Sending Ma’am LOTS of hugs! (((((((( Ma’am )))))))) My mom was home for two days and was struggling with breathing, and ended back in the hospital. We’ve seen that her condition is exasterbated by her stress. She has no coping mechanisms (no more booze /cigarettes) and just cannot cope with every day life. She’s not numb anymore, and she’s feeling it. I asked her to ask the doc for anti anxiety medication, and she did. She started this last night. GOD please let this help her. We need her home to make the move happen. She is in an independent living facility. If she cannot be independent, I just don’t know where she will go.

02-06-2018, 05:41 PM	#5
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	mom’s home, and her big move back to the old place is on for tomorrow. This move HAS to happen!

02-07-2018, 05:20 AM	#6
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	its’ my mom’s move day, she made it. i am visualizing a smooth day with NO drama i am glad she will be across the street from the hospital and next door to a nursing home if she should need when not well.

02-07-2018, 04:20 PM	#7
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	SHE MADE IT.. my mom has moved back into her old place. This move is going to take a toll on her, but it’s for the best.