Preferences changing during transition

Martina · 03-24-2018, 11:31 AM

When I lived in Michigan, I knew an FTM who transitioned in his forties whose sexual orientation changed. He also changed from being one of those BDSM Tops who swore they had no interest in bottoming themselves to a boot licking Daddy's boy. He also had real issues with women. I often wondered if the switch from Top to bottom was what motivated the switch from women to men. I don't think he could imagine himself going down for a woman. He just didn't respect women enough.

DapperButch · 03-24-2018, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martina

When I lived in Michigan, I knew an FTM who transitioned in his forties whose sexual orientation changed. He also changed from being one of those BDSM Tops who swore they had no interest in bottoming themselves to a boot licking Daddy's boy. He also had real issues with women. I often wondered if the switch from Top to bottom was what motivated the switch from women to men. I don't think he could imagine himself going down for a woman. He just didn't respect women enough.

I have heard a couple of guys say that they switched from being a Top to being a bottom after they started medical transition. I can see where you're going with him switching from women to men. Lucky for the women if he was such a misogynist.

Esme nha Maire · 03-24-2018, 02:50 PM

Interesting! Can't say as HRT affected my sexuality one iota, but transitioning certainly made me feel a lot easier about about exploring my sexuality to find out what I truly feel comfy with.

Liam · 03-24-2018, 07:48 PM

I have been attracted to women since I was very young; a year ago, I met a gay cis male who really had me wondering if I had changed. We really clicked on so many levels, and he was a good communicator, which is terribly important to me. We went out for burgers, ball games, and movies - all non-sexual, and thoroughly delightful. We talked about what kind of relationship we wanted to have, and after 12 months, it felt like we had this amazing relationship, both of us capable of being vulnerable with each other, acknowledging our fears and concerns, a non-sexual intimacy that we both enjoyed. We decided to leave it at that, and it is wonderful to have a male friend, with whom I can talk about the hard stuff, and enjoy a burger and a movie, on a regular basis. Women still turn my crank, though.

JDeere · 03-24-2018, 08:17 PM

My first cis male boyfriend, before transition was into gay men, we were together as teenagers. Since transition from mtf she is with another mtf and they are a lesbian couple.

So i think it depends on the person.

Esme nha Maire · 03-25-2018, 04:20 AM

One of the things I discovered only the other month, whilst attempting to help a netfriend sort their head out, is that it's possible to have romantic feelings without lust being involved. We were looking at information on asexuality (for that's what I susepcted my friend might be), and there I came across the information that asexual people sometimes still feel romantic attraction to others, they just don't want to have sex with them.

This rang a bell with me - I can find some guys very sweet and charming - but I'm just not really interested in getting into bed with them. It explained why I was happy enough in the early stages of courting with guys, being wooed, wined and dined, but sex - well, sure, they can do the necessary to physically arouse my body, but I'm just not interested in their bodies. Women on the other hand - woohoo, hell, yes! :-} I want to run my hands over their bodies and have them run theirs over mine... (for starters, ehehe)

I realised, having read the stuff on asexuality, that the reason I'd presumed I was bi (albeit heavily leaning toward women) for some years was because I'd been confusing romantic feelings towards guys with lustful ones. I may well be biromantic, in other words, but I'm quite definitely homosexual - I lust only after women. Sure, I was curious about guys, but having followed my curiosity and experienced 'em... - nah, not for me.

I can't help but wonder how many others - in society in general, not just amongst homosexuals or gender dysphorics - also have a 'romantic' setting that doesn't align exactly with their 'sexual' setting? And could failure to recognise that possibility be at the root of many people's confusions with regard to sexuality?

Martina · 03-25-2018, 03:31 PM

Interesting question. So you are asking everyone? I don't want to intrude too much on a trans thread.

03-24-2018, 11:31 AM	#1
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,286 Times in 4,167 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	When I lived in Michigan, I knew an FTM who transitioned in his forties whose sexual orientation changed. He also changed from being one of those BDSM Tops who swore they had no interest in bottoming themselves to a boot licking Daddy's boy. He also had real issues with women. I often wondered if the switch from Top to bottom was what motivated the switch from women to men. I don't think he could imagine himself going down for a woman. He just didn't respect women enough. __________________ "No matter how cynical I get, I just can't keep up" - Lily Tomlin

03-24-2018, 07:48 PM	#4
Liam Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Guy Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Evergreen State Posts: 2,269 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,865 Thanked 6,876 Times in 1,861 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I have been attracted to women since I was very young; a year ago, I met a gay cis male who really had me wondering if I had changed. We really clicked on so many levels, and he was a good communicator, which is terribly important to me. We went out for burgers, ball games, and movies - all non-sexual, and thoroughly delightful. We talked about what kind of relationship we wanted to have, and after 12 months, it felt like we had this amazing relationship, both of us capable of being vulnerable with each other, acknowledging our fears and concerns, a non-sexual intimacy that we both enjoyed. We decided to leave it at that, and it is wonderful to have a male friend, with whom I can talk about the hard stuff, and enjoy a burger and a movie, on a regular basis. Women still turn my crank, though. __________________ <3 Love is weird.

03-25-2018, 04:20 AM	#6
Esme nha Maire Member How Do You Identify?: Tomboyish eccentric antique femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jul 2017 Location: UK Posts: 642 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,196 Thanked 2,078 Times in 541 Posts Rep Power: 19310770	One of the things I discovered only the other month, whilst attempting to help a netfriend sort their head out, is that it's possible to have romantic feelings without lust being involved. We were looking at information on asexuality (for that's what I susepcted my friend might be), and there I came across the information that asexual people sometimes still feel romantic attraction to others, they just don't want to have sex with them. This rang a bell with me - I can find some guys very sweet and charming - but I'm just not really interested in getting into bed with them. It explained why I was happy enough in the early stages of courting with guys, being wooed, wined and dined, but sex - well, sure, they can do the necessary to physically arouse my body, but I'm just not interested in their bodies. Women on the other hand - woohoo, hell, yes! :-} I want to run my hands over their bodies and have them run theirs over mine... (for starters, ehehe) I realised, having read the stuff on asexuality, that the reason I'd presumed I was bi (albeit heavily leaning toward women) for some years was because I'd been confusing romantic feelings towards guys with lustful ones. I may well be biromantic, in other words, but I'm quite definitely homosexual - I lust only after women. Sure, I was curious about guys, but having followed my curiosity and experienced 'em... - nah, not for me. I can't help but wonder how many others - in society in general, not just amongst homosexuals or gender dysphorics - also have a 'romantic' setting that doesn't align exactly with their 'sexual' setting? And could failure to recognise that possibility be at the root of many people's confusions with regard to sexuality? Last edited by Esme nha Maire; 03-25-2018 at 04:22 AM.

03-25-2018, 03:31 PM	#7
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,286 Times in 4,167 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Interesting question. So you are asking everyone? I don't want to intrude too much on a trans thread. __________________ "No matter how cynical I get, I just can't keep up" - Lily Tomlin

03-24-2018, 02:50 PM	#3
Esme nha Maire Member How Do You Identify?: Tomboyish eccentric antique femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jul 2017 Location: UK Posts: 642 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,196 Thanked 2,078 Times in 541 Posts Rep Power: 19310770	Interesting! Can't say as HRT affected my sexuality one iota, but transitioning certainly made me feel a lot easier about about exploring my sexuality to find out what I truly feel comfy with.

03-24-2018, 08:17 PM	#5
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,836 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474864	My first cis male boyfriend, before transition was into gay men, we were together as teenagers. Since transition from mtf she is with another mtf and they are a lesbian couple. So i think it depends on the person.