How many femmes are attracted to butches?

[Martina]

This was a post I had a reaction to. I didn't post at the time because it seemed like Deborah was relatively new and we've been there and done that. She is surely talking about her own experience, but this kind of comment is still problematic. Of course, we all have our preferences, and it's completely legit to feel disgusted by some sexual orientations. But when you don't know your audience, even saying "this just how I feel but it's disgusting" is uncool. All of us older folk have heard that more than once from straight people, and we recognize that as homophobia. It's super alienating. How many steps away from I'm disusted is "that shouldn't be shown on TV" or "I don't want that around my kid."

Tell your friends that the idea of kissing a femme is disgusting to you. But telling a group of people you don't know is not right. There are femmes here who date other femmes. I am one. I also, when I date, am someone who dates butches. I don't date trans men because I am a dyke, like a six on the Kinsey scale. I am not disgusted by the idea. But if I were, I wouldn't share it here because there are trans men here as well as people who love the idea of being with them.

I don't know what line we need to walk with new folks coming in. I decided back in February not to react to this. I probably should have.

Originally Posted by Deborah*

I've never dated a feminine woman.

A memory... years ago, I had a roommate who had this dominant feminine friend who fancied me. My roommate would say "think of her as a butch who wears lipstick, she's also rich" and I said "no way am I interested, that's disgusting!" Also is the fact that I don't use people for their money.

Deborah

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Signmypapyrus

I honestly did not intend for this thread to go down this route. As someone who has not only been abused, but also been harassed, I am very sorry. It was a simple mistake. I take these things very seriously and I am very sorry if I have hurt or harmed anyone.

To qualify how I am in real life, I am very ditsy (similar to Jess from New Girl). I think my posts are commonly misread so I think it's best that I either take a break or leave permanently.

Thanks and, again, I am so, so sorry.

Oh, Gosh, you didn't do anything! I was just trying to give you some information before you stepped on a land mine.

I hope you return.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by Martina

This was a post I had a reaction to. I didn't post at the time because it seemed like Deborah was relatively new and we've been there and done that. She is surely talking about her own experience, but this kind of comment is still problematic. Of course, we all have our preferences, and it's completely legit to feel disgusted by some sexual orientations. But when you don't know your audience, even saying "this just how I feel but it's disgusting" is uncool. All of us older folk have heard that more than once from straight people, and we recognize that as homophobia. It's super alienating. How many steps away from I'm disusted is "that shouldn't be shown on TV" or "I don't want that around my kid."

Tell your friends that the idea of kissing a femme is disgusting to you. But telling a group of people you don't know is not right. There are femmes here who date other femmes. I am one. I also, when I date, am someone who dates butches. I don't date trans men because I am a dyke, like a six on the Kinsey scale. I am not disgusted by the idea. But if I were, I wouldn't share it here because there are trans men here as well as people who love the idea of being with them.

I don't know what line we need to walk with new folks coming in. I decided back in February not to react to this. I probably should have.

Martina, do you think possibly the poster has internalized homophobia? I have also heard that it exists in the glbt community. What i dont understand is how can someone who is glbt be homophobic?

[Martina]

I have been ewwwed at before by femmes when I was dating a femme. I get that for some femmes dating a femme or any person who isn't masculine is inconceivable.

I think their sexual orientation is different from mine. Queer covers a lot of territory. All good. So I get that that's the way they feel. There's clearly nothing wrong with that. We all have kinds of folks who don't do it for us. But telling others that their interests are disgusting is not appropriate or grown up.

I don't know if it's homophobic, but it implies a limited idea of what butch-femme can be. There is a lot of that around.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by JDeere

What i dont understand is how can someone who is glbt be homophobic?

You've never known or heard anyone who hated their self? It's not specific to our community, sad to say.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by Gemme

You've never known or heard anyone who hated their self? It's not specific to our community, sad to say.

Ive heard of it but i just cant wrap my head around how someone can hate their own kind, but hate themselves is another deal.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by JDeere

Ive heard of it but i just cant wrap my head around how someone can hate their own kind, but hate themselves is another deal.

One often leads to the other, I've found. Sometimes, people that are secretly gay and ashamed of that will often strike out at those who are out, especially those happy and content with themselves.

[kvedd]

I myself personally prefer butch, soft butch and tomboi's.....