Ask a trans person!

[bigbutchmistie]

Hello all. I am posting here because I recently realized that I am trans. Its weird this body that I have. And I dont know how to quite identify. Everything is still so new to me. Do you identify as FTM without having the surgery? Do you identify as trans? Or the same butch label I have called myself for so long. Anyone who wants to PM me and help me out would be greatly appreciated. Hugs around to all you guys.

[Linus]

Hey BBM and welcome to the thread. How one identifies is entirely personal decision. What made you realize that you are trans? And trans could mean either transsexual or transgender. Are you going to medically transition? Do you intend on having surgery or are holding off?

There is no right or wrong answer to each of these but it's more something you have to address with yourself.

For me personally, I did an identity transition from butch --> transgender/genderqueer --> transguy/FTM. I haven't had surgery yet (although really want top surgery) but have been on T for over a year now.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I think how one id's is personal, I agree Linus. It comes from your soul. It doesn't come from between your legs as Chaz Bono stated in one of his interviews.

I had the surgeries to complete myself (mind, body, spirit). The only one left is my top surgery to correct the first one done. My surgeries all were cash. That is the one thing I wish would be covered by insurance. Going under general anesth. is not easy. In fact, it really makes me sick, and hard to wake up from. But I would love to feel the wind blowing on my chest while I am wearing swim trunks at the beach. It would be all at once. *Deep sigh.

I believe that there are always going to be those in our own glbt community who will put down those of us who are ftm/mtf. I have witnessed it firsthand. I think it sucks. Has anyone else witnessed this?

[Jet]

I debated on posting this, but I've decided to since I'm going to embark on T in the coming months.

First, this post is for sharing experiences only. It is NOT to challenge anyone, or to start any kind of debate. I'm just putting this out here; if you want to respond fine, if not, okay.

Couple of nights ago, I spoke to a therapist who is a fully transitioned FTM. We discussed therapy and the transition process among other things, one of which was...the absolute hell....he went through in losing so much by transitioning including most of his therapy clientele. He said it definitely had its price and he was emphatic about therapy, being very prepared, and having a solid support system.

He didn't transition until he was 50, which is my case as well at 53. After our conversation, I gave this some thought and its obvious to me that age or being seasoned with life experiences doesn't make transitioning any easier to go through. Yet, I see people in this subculture on T in droves. I'm amazed at how many people are going through this in their 20s and early 30s! And because it's life altering, I would think it would be a load to handle for someone so young who is apt to lose their family, job, friends or creating a crisis with a ripple effect.

I look at transitioning as life changing. I'm 53 with a lot of "life experiences" and I still believe its going to be very hard for me. That's why it baffles me to see transitioning or gender reassignment among people who are as young as their 20s. [I]A friend of mine once said she thought the reason that younger people are transitioning at the rate and the age they are is because, and (brace yourself for this) they can't accept being gay. Is that even plausible? And what kind of therapist would approve of their hormone therapy or reassignment? Without any firm answers, I personally am not sure I agree.

On the note of acceptance, Atlanta is an international city with about 5-7 million people. You would think it would be a more progressive and embrace diversity of this kind, even with Southern Comfort and so on. But I don't see it that way at all; case in point, the therapist last night and 2 other transgendered folks who have had a time of it here. And I lost 3 friends here who were gay men and didn't want me around because I was transgendered. It's one thing not be accepted in a city this size and quite another to be unacceptable in the LGBT community.

I'm not suggesting that paying a high price for transitioning is the rule. What may be really difficult for some, maybe isn't for others. So I would like to know about the road less traveled from folks who have transitioned and the prices paid emotionally, physically and/or monetarily if you want to share. Or ...the flip side which is a great journey full of support and personal fullfillment for you.

Thanks in advance for your answers and for sharing you're thoughts and/or your experiences.

[Linus]

[I]A friend of mine once said she thought the reason that younger people are transitioning at the rate and the age they are is because, and (brace yourself for this) they can't accept being gay. Is that even plausible? And what kind of therapist would approve of their hormone therapy or reassignment? Without any firm answers, I personally am not sure I agree.

On the note of acceptance, Atlanta is an international city with about 5-7 million people. You would think it would be a more progressive and embrace diversity of this kind, even with Southern Comfort and so on. But I don't see it that way at all; case in point, the therapist last night and 2 other transgendered folks who have had a time of it here. And I lost 3 friends here who were gay men and didn't want me around because I was transgendered. It's one thing not be accepted in a city this size and quite another to be unacceptable in the LGBT community.

I'm not suggesting that paying a high price for transitioning is the rule. What may be really difficult for some, maybe isn't for others. So I would like to know about the road less traveled from folks who have transitioned and the prices paid emotionally, physically and/or monetarily if you want to share. Or ...the flip side which is a great journey full of support and personal fullfillment for you.

A few thoughts about your friend. I don't think that's true. That assumes that all people transitioning were dating "same sex" before and after. I know of a few trans guys who were dating men before and after, some who are bi, some who fit the stereotype of "flaming" (they wear more makeup than I ever did in my whole life), etc. It sounds like your friend is confusing sexual orientation with gender identity (they are separate but some blur it a bit).

Most therapists that approve of medical transition do so because it helps the person's self identity (ego or is it id?). That ability to align my inner mental view with the external shine-and-glossy view. My sexual orientation is separate from those views and do not define my self-identifying view. (if that makes sense -- I think I just confused myself!)

As for paying a high price for transitioning, it does happen. We cannot escape or ignore that. But it isn't the only reaction. I've been lucky. I started transitioning at age 37 and most of my family is/has been supportive. There are elements of family that I don't hear from but then again, I never really heard from them before so it's really no different. I've been lucky with work and my colleagues are overly supportive.

Now, if I could just get the gov't agencies to play along.. life would be grand but I don't want to take away too much of their ability to muck about in the red tape land.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

I debated on posting this, but I've decided to since I'm going to embark on T in the coming months.

First, this post is for sharing experiences only. It is NOT to challenge anyone, or to start any kind of debate. I'm just putting this out here; if you want to respond fine, if not, okay.

Couple of nights ago, I spoke to a therapist who is a fully transitioned FTM. We discussed therapy and the transition process among other things, one of which was...the absolute hell....he went through in losing so much by transitioning including most of his therapy clientele. He said it definitely had its price and he was emphatic about therapy, being very prepared, and having a solid support system.

He didn't transition until he was 50, which is my case as well at 53. After our conversation, I gave this some thought and its obvious to me that age or being seasoned with life experiences doesn't make transitioning any easier to go through. Yet, I see people in this subculture on T in droves. I'm amazed at how many people are going through this in their 20s and early 30s! And because it's life altering, I would think it would be a load to handle for someone so young who is apt to lose their family, job, friends or creating a crisis with a ripple effect.

I look at transitioning as life changing. I'm 53 with a lot of "life experiences" and I still believe its going to be very hard for me. That's why it baffles me to see transitioning or gender reassignment among people who are as young as their 20s. A friend of mine once said she thought the reason that younger people are transitioning at the rate and the age they are is because, and (brace yourself for this) they can't accept being gay. Is that even plausible? And what kind of therapist would approve of their hormone therapy or reassignment? Without any firm answers, I personally am not sure I agree.

On the note of acceptance, Atlanta is an international city with about 5-7 million people. You would think it would be a more progressive and embrace diversity of this kind, even with Southern Comfort and so on. But I don't see it that way at all; case in point, the therapist last night and 2 other transgendered folks who have had a time of it here. And I lost 3 friends here who were gay men and didn't want me around because I was transgendered. It's one thing not be accepted in a city this size and quite another to be unacceptable in the LGBT community.

I'm not suggesting that paying a high price for transitioning is the rule. What may be really difficult for some, maybe isn't for others. So I would like to know about the road less traveled from folks who have transitioned and the prices paid emotionally, physically and/or monetarily if you want to share. Or ...the flip side which is a great journey full of support and personal fullfillment for you.

Thanks in advance for your answers and for sharing you're thoughts and/or your experiences.

As you all know, I am not yet transitioned but I also plan to start that in a few months. I suppose I am not as fearful about losing friends and family. Perhaps I am naive about this. I live in California, and just an hour outside of the San Francisco Bay Area. I grew up in the Bay Area which is comparably very liberal with respect to the rest of the country. That aside, my folks are very supportive of me, and other family members as well. The christian conservatives on my mother's side of the family actually like my being trans as opposed to being gay because they think gay is the greater of the 2 evils. (*rolls his eyes* whatever.)

I am not working at the moment as I am on disability, so transitioning while having a job isn't an issue. I guess my biggest fear is the reaction of the Queer community, and whether I will be welcomed and acknowledged as a queer person after transition. The worst kind of discrimination is the kind that comes from within your own community. I consider the queer community to be my home.

It is tragic when gay people or anyone for that matter speculate that the only reason you want to transition is not to be viewed by others as gay. That is simply ignorant and disrespectful. I hope no one says that to me. For some reason I don't anticipate it. Anyhow, Jet I wish you well on your journey.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I think it is ashame that anyone would want to endure what we go thru to be accepted. I just cannot imagine. And I agree with you Atomic. The queer community is pretty harsh.

[theoddz]

I'm going to throw my couple of coins in to say something about what I PERSONALLY have heard/experienced on the acceptance issue of gay vs. trans point.

I have been told by more than one coworker/acquaintance that they could more readily accept the trans person than they could the homosexual person. One person who actually said this to me (yep, to my face, bless 'em!!) was of the "very religious" sort.....read "Bible Thumper". Both of these 2 people who told me this on 2 separate occasions, knew me prior to my gender transition, and I've noticed a definite difference in the way they treat me now, since my outward appearance and presence is now irrefutably male.

I did ask one of these people why that was and she (my religious coworker, whom I am also good friends with) told me that her interpretation/beliefs of Biblical scripture specifically condemn homosexuality, but she could, however, "wrap her mind around" transexualism because she didn't view that "disorder" as a "choice". She looks at it as a "birth defect" and "correctable" by medical means. Homosexuality, on the other hand, IN HER MIND, was something "a person could choose to change". I think that what she was probably insinuating, was that transexualism was not a "choice", but homosexuality was. I truly adore my coworker, but I soooooo disagreed with her on sooooo many levels. Her attitudes go waaaay back to her upbringing and her religious background (7th Day Adventist), and that issue is very complicated and contradictory, because she has had a horribly difficult life. She has always accepted me, even before my transition, and she is one of the kindest people I've ever met in my life. I think she is gradually changing some of her views, simply from the fact that she has known me and she and I have worked together and been friends before, during and after my transition. I guess we're all continuously learning and that's what gives me hope.

The other person/acquaintance who said, in so many words, the same thing to me about more easily accepting transexualism better than homosexuality is an ass, period. I don't waste my time trying to explain anything to them about this or any other thing, as a matter of fact.

Just my .02 on that.

~Theo~