PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Apocalipstic]

I have not been here in forever!

Yes, EMDR seems to really help me process. It is exhausting though, so I can only do a few minutes at a time, on days when I can go on home and don't have to go back to work. I am not sure why.

My PTSD comes and goes. I try to be careful with stress, who I am around and loud noises etc. I've been having difficulty sleeping lately. Even when I take Ambien. I hope that passes soon.

Love to all of you and hope your symptoms are not too bad right now.

[candy_coated_bitch]

I also find EMDR exhausting and can only do it when I am in a more stable frame of mind. Otherwise I run the risk of completely decompensating and dissociating in my session and it's a mess. I think it's a great tool and I do find it helpful but I do not by any means do it constantly.

My heart goes out to everyone struggling right now. I'm having a hard time myself.

TRIGGER WARNING: Childhood sexual abuse, incest, seeing one's abuser

I kinda feel like even trigger warnings can be triggering so I apologize but I need to get this out. Starting as early as three years old (this is my earliest memory of this), I was sexually abused by my uncle. No one in the family knows except my sister. This is a personal decision based on the fact that I think it would cause huge drama in my family and adult life and give me no relief or benefit. So please, I do not want the advice if telling my family. Actually I'm not really here for advice at all but just support.

So, because no one knows about him I force myself to endure seeing him in certain family get togethers. I know he knows I know. I saw him this past 4th of July and had to endure two hugs and being called sweetheart by him.

I've been kind of off my rocker since then. I skipped therapy the past two weeks because I feel like I just can't deal. Not my best decisions but I'm just going day by day here. My symptoms are really bad and I've been super stressed out.

I feel really vulnerable putting this information out there for the public but I feel the folks of this thread will understand and hold space for me.

Thank you for reading.

[easygoingfemme]

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

t I feel the folks of this thread will understand and hold space for me.

Thank you for reading.

Absolutely holding space for you. And I'm really glad I'll see you in person soon. All the hugs and support.

[Amulette]

I agree that after some sessions of EMDR I am exhausted, out of sorts and feel like I need to sleep for a week. My counselor told me that we finish processing the event during REM sleep. If I'm not able to sleep deeply the week can be a bit of a roller coaster ride.

The exhaustion and feeling ill at ease seems to happen to me after a facing an intense incident. It is especially ruff if the session ends in the middle of processing something big and it is not cleared. It seems to take a week to fully assimilate the energy shifts for me.

Big hugs to you all!

[Kätzchen]

I like that idea of holding space, CCB. I will definitely hold space not only for you, but for myself and other survivors as well.

I've been attending therapy weekly, every Monday night, right after work, for nearly a year now. Some times sessions are super intense, other times not so much, but mostly each session has its own intensity.

I'm actually taking a few weeks off from therapy in August because my therapist is moving on in their doctoral program and her supervisor and other board certified staff have presented a compelling case for me to try EMDR. So when I return to continue therapy in September, I'll be working with a new therapist and committing another stretch of time to work within the framework of EMDR. From what my therapist said, I'll only go two to three time a month -- kind of like go weekly for three weeks, take a week to rest, then resume the same pattern of therapy: On for three weeks, off one week.

I have severe PTSD and on top of it, my introversion is very strong. Too much of any social interaction makes me "run" in the opposite direction. I also do not like being touched or hugged, which closely aligns with prior times in life where unwelcome touch has taken place in my life.

So holding space is exactly the solution that works best for me.

Sending peaceful energy to all,

K.