PTSD and Trauma recovery

[candy_coated_bitch]

Apocalipstic, I'm so sorry you went through what you did. It's understandable that it would bring on symptoms. I would be totally off my rocker if that happened to me. That really sucks that you still have to be around him.

I'm proud of you for standing up and telling. That's a big part of healing. Also, it is NOT your fault that it happened or that you are having symptoms crop up. It's only natural.

I hate when there's a lull in symptoms and then BAM! something happens like a slap in the face to bring it all on again. The joys of PTSD--we can learn to cope as best we can but it never really goes away.

My latest is I found out an abusive ex of mine is going to a kink event I am co-hosting Friday night. I have no idea why he would go knowing it's my event other than to be a dick. I had nightmares about him all last night after I found out. I'm trying my best to be prepared and have support people ready and NOT let him ruin my fun but inside I'm still shaking.

Apocalipstic, if you ever need an ear I'm here. Much of what you write resonates with me.

dee, I'm glad you finally have a diagnosis and a name to put to what you were experiencing. That can be really helpful. I know it was for me when I was first diagnosed.

*supportive hugs all around*

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

Apocalipstic, I'm so sorry you went through what you did. It's understandable that it would bring on symptoms. I would be totally off my rocker if that happened to me. That really sucks that you still have to be around him.

I'm proud of you for standing up and telling. That's a big part of healing. Also, it is NOT your fault that it happened or that you are having symptoms crop up. It's only natural.

I hate when there's a lull in symptoms and then BAM! something happens like a slap in the face to bring it all on again. The joys of PTSD--we can learn to cope as best we can but it never really goes away.

My latest is I found out an abusive ex of mine is going to a kink event I am co-hosting Friday night. I have no idea why he would go knowing it's my event other than to be a dick. I had nightmares about him all last night after I found out. I'm trying my best to be prepared and have support people ready and NOT let him ruin my fun but inside I'm still shaking.

Apocalipstic, if you ever need an ear I'm here. Much of what you write resonates with me.

dee, I'm glad you finally have a diagnosis and a name to put to what you were experiencing. That can be really helpful. I know it was for me when I was first diagnosed.

*supportive hugs all around*

Thank you CCB! I am going to try church this Sunday and see how it goes. If I can't make myself go, then I may visit some other churches. I have therapy today to discuss more.

That is so freaking rude and over bearing of your ex to come to your kink night. OMG. I would be so freaked out too. I will be sending light and love to you. Is it tomorrow?

I will keep in mind when I need to talk CCB. I super appreciate that.

xoxoxoxox

J

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

Thank you CCB! I am going to try church this Sunday and see how it goes. If I can't make myself go, then I may visit some other churches. I have therapy today to discuss more.

That is so freaking rude and over bearing of your ex to come to your kink night. OMG. I would be so freaked out too. I will be sending light and love to you. Is it tomorrow?

I will keep in mind when I need to talk CCB. I super appreciate that.

xoxoxoxox

J

I'm glad you have therapy to try and sort out the church situation. I hope it goes ok, no matter which avenue you choose.

Thank you for your words regarding my ex. I think it's super rude to come to my event as well. I can't help but wonder if he has ulterior motives. But he's been told by officials of the dungeon we're holding it at, that he is not to interact with me. I wish he'd just stay away. *sigh

Yes, the event is tomorrow night.

You're welcome about the offer to talk if you need it. I figure we need to support each other!

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

I'm glad you have therapy to try and sort out the church situation. I hope it goes ok, no matter which avenue you choose.

Thank you for your words regarding my ex. I think it's super rude to come to my event as well. I can't help but wonder if he has ulterior motives. But he's been told by officials of the dungeon we're holding it at, that he is not to interact with me. I wish he'd just stay away. *sigh

Yes, the event is tomorrow night.

You're welcome about the offer to talk if you need it. I figure we need to support each other!

Thank you! CCB! My therapist thinks I might want to change churches. I'm not really religious and I go to Unity, which is a woo church which focuses on all humanity being ONE and connected, which I believe. Its been so helpful to me since Yvette died. She took me there before she died, so its a connection to her in a way. I think I will try this Sunday and see what happens. If this does not work, there is a Unitarian church close to me, or maybe I just need to go back to Adult Children of Alcoholics? Who knows.

Super creepy to be in dungeon with anyone who has been abusive to you. I would also question motives. Maybe he will behave and not interact, though I think the damage is done just saying he will be there. UGH.

Best to you tonight! Will keep you in my thoughts.

I am exhausted this week from worrying. Are you?

I hope we all have a peaceful Friday! xoxoxoxoxxo

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

Thank you! CCB! My therapist thinks I might want to change churches. I'm not really religious and I go to Unity, which is a woo church which focuses on all humanity being ONE and connected, which I believe. Its been so helpful to me since Yvette died. She took me there before she died, so its a connection to her in a way. I think I will try this Sunday and see what happens. If this does not work, there is a Unitarian church close to me, or maybe I just need to go back to Adult Children of Alcoholics? Who knows.

Super creepy to be in dungeon with anyone who has been abusive to you. I would also question motives. Maybe he will behave and not interact, though I think the damage is done just saying he will be there. UGH.

Best to you tonight! Will keep you in my thoughts.

I am exhausted this week from worrying. Are you?

I hope we all have a peaceful Friday! xoxoxoxoxxo

Good luck with church!!! I was wondering if you might think about changing. I think do whatever you need to do. Obviously. But let me know what you decide and how it goes and all that. I kinda hope you get to stay at your current church because it seems to mean a lot to you, but please don't do it at the expense of your sanity.

Yes, seeing one's abuser in a dungeon is REALLY a scary thought I can tell you from experience. I thought about not going. I'm going to go though to not him win. I don't think I'm going to do my scene as planned though. He's totally destroyed my tough, Domme energy. Which makes me feel like shit. I'm eating myself up.

I am so exhausted from this week I went back to bed and slept till one today lol.

I will keep you in my thoughts this weekend as well.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

Good luck with church!!! I was wondering if you might think about changing. I think do whatever you need to do. Obviously. But let me know what you decide and how it goes and all that. I kinda hope you get to stay at your current church because it seems to mean a lot to you, but please don't do it at the expense of your sanity.

Yes, seeing one's abuser in a dungeon is REALLY a scary thought I can tell you from experience. I thought about not going. I'm going to go though to not him win. I don't think I'm going to do my scene as planned though. He's totally destroyed my tough, Domme energy. Which makes me feel like shit. I'm eating myself up.

I am so exhausted from this week I went back to bed and slept till one today lol.

I will keep you in my thoughts this weekend as well.

Hey CCB! Stopping by to see how it went last night. Thought about you all evening. I totally understand about eating ones self up and how exhausting it is.

I am planning on church tomorrow. A friend who has not been in a while is going to sit with me, she is nervous too. So I will be excited to see her! The church does mean a lot to me, but if I am hysterically crying when I leave, I will need to rethink.

I hope you are well and get some rest today. xoxoxoxxo

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

Hey CCB! Stopping by to see how it went last night. Thought about you all evening. I totally understand about eating ones self up and how exhausting it is.

I am planning on church tomorrow. A friend who has not been in a while is going to sit with me, she is nervous too. So I will be excited to see her! The church does mean a lot to me, but if I am hysterically crying when I leave, I will need to rethink.

I hope you are well and get some rest today. xoxoxoxxo

I did go to the dungeon last night. It turned out great! The way the dungeon is set up there's two separate lounges with the main play space between them. I stayed in the middle lounge and he was smart enough to stay in the back. If I needed food or drink I had a submissive fetch it for me because the kitchen is back there too.

I didn't do my scene as originally planned but I had fun just cuddling and hanging out with my new play partner, and we had a group playing kinky Jenga at one point. I just ignored him and did my own thing and it worked out. I got into a "fuck him" mindset and I felt protected by my friends.

I'm glad you have a friend to sit with you in church. I hope it goes ok!!! Yes, if you come out of church crying hysterically it is definitely not worth it. You have to feel safe even if it, sadly, means removing yourself from that church. I will be thinking of you too and sending you good energies for tomorrow!