Mental Illness

[Darth Denkay]

I just had a nice, long, detailed post all written and ready to go - when I hit submit the computer said no...

So I'm going to go with a bit shorter post and hope the computer cooperates.

The gist of my post is that it is very obvious how the already feels like a safe place. SO many have already posted very personal stuff - I really think this thread will be a wonderful source of support for many of us.

Not to exclude any of the other posters, but I did want to tell Jenn (JustLovelyJenn) that she was really brave to hit that submit button and put her story out here. You just took a very difficult, and very important, personal step.

[JustLovelyJenn]

Originally Posted by WicketWWarrick

I just had a nice, long, detailed post all written and ready to go - when I hit submit the computer said no...

So I'm going to go with a bit shorter post and hope the computer cooperates.

The gist of my post is that it is very obvious how the already feels like a safe place. SO many have already posted very personal stuff - I really think this thread will be a wonderful source of support for many of us.

Not to exclude any of the other posters, but I did want to tell Jenn (JustLovelyJenn) that she was really brave to hit that submit button and put her story out here. You just took a very difficult, and very important, personal step.

This made me cry. I really don't know why, but reading it... I just started to cry... Its not been very often in my life that anything I go through is acknowledged and accepted in such a warm manner. Thank you, so very much.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Holidays are hard for me. I struggle thru them. My depression is really bad this year. It is my 2nd year without my sister, JoAnn, and 30 some years without my brother, Jay. I find that life is very strange.

I think when you go thru life without your siblings you become different. You are much stronger than you ever realized. At the sametime, life changes - your reality changes. In fact, it is something I learned from Grief Share is that you create a new reality or a new routine. It is a coping means to survive the loss you endured. And there is nothing wrong with that.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Holidays are hard for me. I struggle thru them. My depression is really bad this year. It is my 2nd year without my sister, JoAnn, and 30 some years without my brother, Jay. I find that life is very strange.

I think when you go thru life without your siblings you become different. You are much stronger than you ever realized. At the sametime, life changes - your reality changes. In fact, it is something I learned from Grief Share is that you create a new reality or a new routine. It is a coping means to survive the loss you endured. And there is nothing wrong with that.

[atomiczombie]

I have struggled with clinical depression all my life. Lots of factors contributed to this, but my brain is definitely wired differently that most folks. I take a lot of medication because without it I am miserable and its hard to see the glass half full. In the past 2 years, since the fire happened (burning down my apartment in the middle of the night), I have suffered profoundly with panic disorder and agoraphobia. I have been on disability and living with my folks because I cannot live alone and care for myself. However, I am on a new med that seems to be helping a lot more, and I am getting better, slowly but surely. I am not out of the woods yet, but I am making progress and that gives me hope.

to all of you who struggle with mental illness too.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I have struggled with clinical depression all my life. Lots of factors contributed to this, but my brain is definitely wired differently that most folks. I take a lot of medication because without it I am miserable and its hard to see the glass half full. In the past 2 years, since the fire happened (burning down my apartment in the middle of the night), I have suffered profoundly with panic disorder and agoraphobia. I have been on disability and living with my folks because I cannot live alone and care for myself. However, I am on a new med that seems to be helping a lot more, and I am getting better, slowly but surely. I am not out of the woods yet, but I am making progress and that gives me hope.

to all of you who struggle with mental illness too.

I am so happy that you are doing better!

There have been so many times when I really needed to have a safe place in which to heal and did not have that option. I am so thankful that you have a safe place to be.

If I don't take my medicine I am so agoraphobic and anxious I can't leave the hosue at all sometimes.

I truly believe in better living though chemicals!
I fought it for a long time, but I know now that I will likely be on medication for the rest of my life.

[ksrainbow]

I have just read many of the posts regarding mental illness. personally I too acknowledge and accept that I have depression and anxiety dx's. My close friends and all family members know...and a relief it is that being open to both helps to live each day as I come face to face with the dx's! the support and understanding is wonderful but EDUCATION is of the utmost purpose! that I can assist those who are not familar with mental illness and educate them (if they ask) is theraputic for me and leads to understanding. May we all gather support, comfort and guidance from each other and share our personal travels with those who choose to seek knowledge and acceptance!

ksrainbow

[Andrew, Jr.]

KSRainbow,

I really like your signature line. It pretty much summs up my feelings lately.

Andrew

[JustLovelyJenn]

So, I'm suffering from insomnia pretty bad lately. Running on 3 maybe 4 hours of sleep a night. My head just wont shut off. I have so many things filling the spaces, so much thought, I just cant stop it to go to sleep. I just keep waiting for the calm and it never comes. The thing is I don't understand why now, well... maybe I do. Things are finally going good for me, starting to. So this is when all the doubts kick in right? Cause it cant really last, something has to happen to take it all away. I don't want to feel that way this time.

All of it is because of me this time around the track. I am doing it for myself, not to please someone else, not because I am supposed to, not to give the impression of normalcy when I am screaming inside. I made these choices to bring around some good changes. I don't want to wait for it to all fall apart this time, I want it to keep getting better.

For the first time in my life I am living independently of someone else's desires and wants. Even though I am living with my parents, its my choice this time. A logical choice because I understand that my children, and my son in particular, will greatly benefit from their extra presence, and sharing my financial responsibilities with them will allow me to give my children opportunities I couldn't otherwise. I am in control of my life, and I am making healthy choices. THAT'S A BIG DEAL.

So why am I still feeling this way, why do I still hear that voice that says, your gonna fuck it up again? Why can't I be happy to be moving in the right direction? I'm working, and I love my job. I have a plan to go back to school and pursue the career I have always dreamed of. There is no reason for me to try and sabotage my own happiness. But, I feel myself starting to do it.

[Apocalipstic]

Jenn, I think that its how our brains are wired that makes us hear the voices saying awful things to us inside our heads. I have the same problem.

I think it is awesome that you parents are cool enough to share expenses and help you give your children great opportunities. Good for you!

For me, I know that when things are good, I kind of have a sense of dread that something bad is going to happen...probably one of the therapists among us can explain why that is. I think our brains get used to being in crisis and automatically stay in fight/flight mode.

I try to not beat myself up for not doing everything over night. I am learning not to be so hard on myself as long as I am making some (any) progress.

As for progress, I met with a therapist for the first time in almost 20 years yesterday and I think I am really going to like her. I felt very comfortable right off and felt heard. This is the first time I have ever been to therapy when things in my life are good. I need to work on past trauma and anger.

Have a great weekend all and try to take it easy on yourselves, especially with all the holidays stress and mahem.

[Darth Denkay]

Jenn,

I think Apocalipstic is right on in terms of her take on things. Folks who struggle with mental illness "learn" to expect things to go wrong. For us, everything is our lives can be going great but then the mental illness kicks in and knocks us off our feet. She also makes an excellent point about being in therapy when things are going well. Most of the time we use therapy to get out of hard spots and when things seem better then we quit. That's the general publics' perspective on how therapy should be used - get out of crisis mode then do it on your own. When you treat it that way you never get deep issues resolved - you're able to get a band-aid to temporarily feel better but the issues themselves aren't being fixed. Apocalipstic, I think you are doing a great thing by going to therapy now, when you can address the broader issues because you aren't focused on your current crisis.

Therapy can be really useful as a preventative tool but is seldom used that way. Just as individual therapy during the "good times" can be highly effective, couples therapy can be immensely helpful to keep a couple on track BEFORE they get into trouble. So many times therapy isn't initiated until things reach crisis point, and while then it becomes a necessity, crisis can often be avoided by preventative therapy. I'm currently in therapy. Things are fairly stable in my life, so I'm able to work on things that I couldn't if I was addressing crisis. To be perfectly honest, I believe that absolutely everyone on the planet has issues that could be addressed, ways that their life could be improved through therapy. Unfortunately therapy is seen as something only for those who are "sick."

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Jenn, I think that its how our brains are wired that makes us hear the voices saying awful things to us inside our heads. I have the same problem.

I think it is awesome that you parents are cool enough to share expenses and help you give your children great opportunities. Good for you!

For me, I know that when things are good, I kind of have a sense of dread that something bad is going to happen...probably one of the therapists among us can explain why that is. I think our brains get used to being in crisis and automatically stay in fight/flight mode.

I try to not beat myself up for not doing everything over night. I am learning not to be so hard on myself as long as I am making some (any) progress.

As for progress, I met with a therapist for the first time in almost 20 years yesterday and I think I am really going to like her. I felt very comfortable right off and felt heard. This is the first time I have ever been to therapy when things in my life are good. I need to work on past trauma and anger.

Have a great weekend all and try to take it easy on yourselves, especially with all the holidays stress and mahem.