Corny jokes

homoe · 04-10-2020, 06:42 PM

~~~
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

A. Spectre · 04-23-2020, 08:19 AM

* A woman calls the fire department screaming that her house is on fire.

The fireman asks “how do we get there”?
The woman says, “why don’t you still have those big fire trucks”?

* Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

* Did you already hear about the zoo that only has a dog?

It was a Shih-tzu

* Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

* Where do animals go when their tails fall off?

The retail store.

charley · 04-24-2020, 08:29 AM

Because of the Coronavirus and being shut down for a month, the Vancouver Aquarium is now facing bankruptcy

The above is actually happening now here in B.C. as per:

https://globalnews.ca/news/6825917/v...irus-shutdown/

"Ocean Wise, which operates the facility, has applied to governments for $9.5 million, but has not heard back yet."

Perhaps, the Vancouver Aquarium could get help from a loan shark.

Kätzchen · 04-24-2020, 11:24 AM

Q: Why was the little Strawberry crying?
A: His mom was in a jam.

Q: Who earns a living while driving their customers away?
A: A Taxi driver.

Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match.

homoe · 04-25-2020, 08:49 AM

~~
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

homoe · 04-25-2020, 08:59 AM

How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.

Bèsame* · 04-25-2020, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by homoe

~~
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

I'm still laughing

Kätzchen · 04-30-2020, 09:14 AM

Q: How many tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?
A: Ten-tickles.

Q: What's the easiest way to get straight A's?
A: Use a ruler.

Q: What's a balloon's least favorite type of music?
A: Pop.

04-23-2020, 08:19 AM	#2
A. Spectre Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch dominant lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: She, Baby Boi Relationship Status: She is my sunrise and sunset. Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: North Shore Chicago Posts: 1,569 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,033 Thanked 11,075 Times in 1,495 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	* A woman calls the fire department screaming that her house is on fire. The fireman asks “how do we get there”? The woman says, “why don’t you still have those big fire trucks”? * Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar? They each got six months. * Did you already hear about the zoo that only has a dog? It was a Shih-tzu * Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat? Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat. * Where do animals go when their tails fall off? The retail store. __________________ * * *Joy and Sorrow are Inseparable

04-24-2020, 08:29 AM	#3
charley Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: gentle stonebutch [vanilla] Relationship Status: single Join Date: Dec 2017 Location: canada Posts: 497 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 906 Thanked 1,204 Times in 422 Posts Rep Power: 0	Vancouver Aquarium faces bankruptcy Because of the Coronavirus and being shut down for a month, the Vancouver Aquarium is now facing bankruptcy The above is actually happening now here in B.C. as per: https://globalnews.ca/news/6825917/v...irus-shutdown/ "Ocean Wise, which operates the facility, has applied to governments for $9.5 million, but has not heard back yet." Perhaps, the Vancouver Aquarium could get help from a loan shark.

04-24-2020, 11:24 AM	#4
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, please. Relationship Status: Attached to my granddaughter & chosen friends and family.. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Enjoying life @ home ツ Posts: 16,111 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,633 Thanked 33,541 Times in 10,659 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	Q: Why was the little Strawberry crying? A: His mom was in a jam. Q: Who earns a living while driving their customers away? A: A Taxi driver. Q: What lights up a soccer stadium? A: A soccer match. __________________ “When you change, don’t announce it: Just bloom.” — wordsofawisemind.

04-30-2020, 09:14 AM	#8
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, please. Relationship Status: Attached to my granddaughter & chosen friends and family.. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Enjoying life @ home ツ Posts: 16,111 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,633 Thanked 33,541 Times in 10,659 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	Q: *How many tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?* A: Ten-tickles. Q: *What's the easiest way to get straight A's?* A: Use a ruler. Q: *What's a balloon's least favorite type of music?* A: Pop. __________________ “When you change, don’t announce it: Just bloom.” — wordsofawisemind.

04-10-2020, 06:42 PM	#1
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,549 Times in 14,914 Posts Rep Power: 21474889	~~~ A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

04-25-2020, 08:49 AM	#5
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,549 Times in 14,914 Posts Rep Power: 21474889	~~ Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

04-25-2020, 08:59 AM	#6
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,549 Times in 14,914 Posts Rep Power: 21474889	How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.