Passing - Is it a Privilege?

[atomiczombie]

I absolutely anticipate that once the T I am on changes my body significantly, I will pass and experience privilege. When I think about it I feel anxiety. I told my therapist that, and she said I should call people on it when they are sexist toward women and homophobic, etc. But I should at least enjoy the privilege a little. After all, most of my life I have been perceived and treated by people as a girl/woman, a lesbian, and a gender oddity. The gender oddity part I experienced as a little kid, not just since I started wearing mens clothing and cut my hair as an adult (although I definitely experience that these days too). So, should I enjoy the privilege? I don't think I will be able to, because it just seems so fucking unfair to me. But maybe I will like it, I just don't know how that will feel when it comes. If I do end up enjoying the different way I am treated, would that make me an asshole? *shakes head*

On the other hand, I really want to be out as a transguy, for political reasons. I know that gay rights in America would be greatly advanced if every gay man and woman/lesbian came out to their family/friends, etc. When people hide in the closet, they are in some way contributing to the homophobia of our society. There is shame in hiding. At the same time, I understand that there are a lot of people who's well-being and lives would be at stake if they came out, so I don't really judge or fault such people for staying in the closet. Coming out is tough, and no one should be pressured to do so. You have to be ready yourself. But the fact remains, that if more people did come out, that would be a big blow to the homophobic bigots. If people know someone who is gay or lesbian, they are less likely to stay bigoted. Not saying there is a guarantee but the likely hood is significantly reduced. I realize that some of what I am saying is controversial. I know that some people will disagree with me. That's fine.

But I think it works the same way in some degree with transfolk. It is great to be treated as the gender that you feel you are inside. It is a liberating feeling. Yet, I myself want to be out as a transguy, to confront transphobia head-on. I think that if more of us weren't stealth, it would further our cause for equal rights. Yeah, I said it. We should be out if we want the same rights as cisgendered people. That means giving up privilege. I plan to do that in ways that count the most. With friends, (family already knows) and with anyone who I encounter in the world who is homophobic/transphobic. If I am able to work again, I might or might not out myself during the interview, but once I am settled into a job I won't make it a secret. This is a political choice. I make it on behalf of all my gay/lesbian/trangendered/queer brothers and sisters. Fuck privilege. I am out and proud.

[PapaC]

Wow, ok, so I have a number of issues with this post, so I'd like to ask some questions and make further comments. I want to feel through this in a pragmatic way if I can. See, without you realizing it, my first thoughts were "i'm feeling judged" when that may not be your intent at all. So, let's work through this?

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I absolutely anticipate that once the T I am on changes my body significantly, I will pass and experience privilege. When I think about it I feel anxiety. I told my therapist that, and she said I should call people on it when they are sexist toward women and homophobic, etc. But I should at least enjoy the privilege a little. After all, most of my life I have been perceived and treated by people as a girl/woman, a lesbian, and a gender oddity. The gender oddity part I experienced as a little kid, not just since I started wearing mens clothing and cut my hair as an adult (although I definitely experience that these days too). So, should I enjoy the privilege? I don't think I will be able to, because it just seems so fucking unfair to me. But maybe I will like it, I just don't know how that will feel when it comes. If I do end up enjoying the different way I am treated, would that make me an asshole? *shakes head*

Why does enjoying privilege automatically have to mean that you'd be an asshole? Think of it this way: is every white person an asshole for having (and enjoying) privilege that POC's do not experience? Is every white male an asshole for walking in this world for having automatic and perceived privilege? If the answer is no, then you may want to be *mindful* of your newly perceived (and improved) privilege while still enjoying it.

On the other hand, I really want to be out as a transguy, for political reasons. I know that gay rights in America would be greatly advanced if every gay man and woman/lesbian came out to their family/friends, etc. When people hide in the closet, they are in some way contributing to the homophobia of our society. There is shame in hiding. At the same time, I understand that there are a lot of people who's well-being and lives would be at stake if they came out, so I don't really judge or fault such people for staying in the closet. Coming out is tough, and no one should be pressured to do so. You have to be ready yourself. But the fact remains, that if more people did come out, that would be a big blow to the homophobic bigots. If people know someone who is gay or lesbian, they are less likely to stay bigoted. Not saying there is a guarantee but the likely hood is significantly reduced. I realize that some of what I am saying is controversial. I know that some people will disagree with me. That's fine.

Well, you are correct, I am in disagreement here's why. I believe that there is a time and place for everything (I swear to God (lol), the most useful passage in the Bible whether I'm a believer or not is Ecclesiastes 3:1-15)

Shame in hiding? Well, it depends on where one is on the spectrum and multifaceted appearance and position in all things 'trans'. Is there "shame" in being (for lack of a better word) 'Stealth'?

I mean, really atomic, am I shaming myself every time I introduce myself as "Hi, I'm Chris" without saying "Hi, I'm Chris, I'm a transguy." ... what does 'coming out' really mean anymore? (that's a rhetorical personal question I ask myself but you an answer if you feel)...

Yes, some trans folk want to walk this world without the "T" identification... It's kinda similar to (picture if you will)... that big ? in a bubble (like in a cartoon) above someone's head when they see you now (or when they saw me prior to 'passing' or before Testosterone).

"Shame" in this context, I feel is a bit of a loaded word. Though I'm not saying you yourself shouldn't feel proud to be out and visible. I am saying, there are some of us that enjoy (there's that word again), the privilege of making it a 'choice' to pass.



But I think it works the same way in some degree with transfolk. It is great to be treated as the gender that you feel you are inside. It is a liberating feeling. Yet, I myself want to be out as a transguy, to confront transphobia head-on. I think that if more of us weren't stealth, it would further our cause for equal rights. Yeah, I said it. We should be out if we want the same rights as cisgendered people. That means giving up privilege. I plan to do that in ways that count the most. With friends, (family already knows) and with anyone who I encounter in the world who is homophobic/transphobic. If I am able to work again, I might or might not out myself during the interview, but once I am settled into a job I won't make it a secret. This is a political choice. I make it on behalf of all my gay/lesbian/trangendered/queer brothers and sisters. Fuck privilege. I am out and proud.

I feel your passion, and I certainly hope you will continue to navigate your live and your transition around the intersections of privilege that you will experience. But you are touching on some points that are .... not unique to the trans community but certainly are highlighted boldly in trans* interactions with one another. I experience a butt-load of situations back home where a good portion of trans folks want to be visible ("out and proud"), some of us want to be/are/appear straight, some us are decidedly stealth 100% and some of us are not.

I fall in the category of, stealth a lot of time, until I'm not. You can bet a lot of my reasons is tied up around my personal safety, and then there's times where I feel I don't have to/should have to explain myself.... until I do.

Prime example (and here's where I'll show my ass to you)... I laugh at the idea of carrying "transition" papers when I'm travelling. Now, for reference, you should know (and I hope you remember meeting me atomic? it was at a bash in oakland in 2008)... Anyway, assuming you know me, what you may/may not know is: I have "F" on my passport. Due to a complicated mess around id's and nationalities and surgical requirements and so on and so forth, I'll be travelling with "F" on my passport for, a few years more at least. I've travelled to/through approximately 6 different country borders between US/Canada and parts of Europe. I've (naturally) experienced secondary screenings various times entering into the United States (suspected racial profiling).

Not once was my gender questioned, and as such based on my personal opinion/experiences, it seems laughable to me that someone carries a "I'm a TG person, and here's a doctor's diagnosis to prove it" letter in their back pocket. (that's my being at my grossest judgeyness, I'll own that).

My point is: I don't carry a letter to explain myself, because I don't feel I have to. If I'm questioned by customs or border patrol, they will have to ask me directly and I will give them a direct answer. I don't turn green or get scared at the idea of pat downs (like I was in the UK -- btw, those guys are serious about security over there. I was shocked to see police with machine guns at the airport).

Carrying a letter feels.... not too visible per se. maybe a little bit of a "look at me, I'm an attention whore" (again, I'm totally owning my biase/judging on this).

Is it because I'm stealth? Yes and no. I'd like to think that I have the strength/courage/determination to be able to look at someone straight in the face if ever asked and state who/what I am. But, until then, I don't believe in just volunteering my private information.

That to me isn't about shaming but about personal determination without prejudice...

Cheers,

[Martina]

i have a facebook friend, an ex of a good friend of mine and a nice guy. Anyway, he is on his honeymoon, and he posted recently that he and his new wife were getting ready to go out clubbing.

It struck me like a brick. They can go to any club they want. When they go to another country, they don't have to go to a gay resort in order to be together.

It's not about this guy. i am not begrudging him any pleasure in life.

But that obvious passing privilege just hit me recently.

[iamkeri1]

Privilege is seductive. Once you have it, it is extremely difficult to give it up, and I acknowlege the fact that I do not want to give it up. While I agree with papachris that I would (I hope to God) In my own life I have experience the privilege of "passing" for most of my adult life. I am cis-gendered, love being a woman and femme, and have passed as straight thoughout my queer evolution. For half of my life, I have had the additional privilege of "passing" as straight in a straight relationship, because my late husband was FTM. Now, six years later, I am beginning a relationship with another FTM who has lived his whole adult life as male. So the "passing" privilege goes on.

Passing has brought me much in the way of privilege. In hundreds of ways, far too many to list, I have benefitted from having been perceived as straight.
The two most important to me have been that I was able to legally marry my beloved and have society acknowledge him as my husband, and that we were able to adopt children as a couple, and have both names on the paperwork, and not have to fight for that right/privilege. My relationship was recognized and supported in ways that would never have happened had we been gay. (Or for that matter, if they had known he was trans.)

I echo PapaC's Hopes (quoted below) that I would be able to tell who I am if ever confronted. But I deeply hope I will not have to face this confrontation.
[QUOTE=PapaC;134067]
Is it because I'm stealth? Yes and no. I'd like to think that I have the strength/courage/determination to be able to look at someone straight in the face if ever asked and state who/what I am.

Here's the flip side for me. I am in the closet as I never was in the thirteen years I was evolving as a lesbian prior to my knowledge of my darling's trans status. I have secrets that are important to me to protect, and which would be very painfull for my whole family if they were revealed. (My children do not know that their father was not a bio-male. He did not want them to know, so I am honoring his wishes and maintaining silence though I feel like a "sword of Damocles" hangs over my head because of the possible "outing" of this secret.

While I have wonderful Gay friends from my earlier life, I feel alienated from "my people" due to my "straightness." I miss gay life. I miss the instant connection, the shared experience and the beauty of the lifestyle.

Yah, I know, cry me a river, chick, I know I have benfitted and I know I am privileged.

I will be back later for more. It's late.

Smooches,
Keri

[BullDog]

I don't have any issue one way or another with anyone's post, but in terms of health care and social services, feminism has helped to pave the way for many- including trans people- and there seems to be a lack of knowledge and appreciation for that at times. Sometimes it does feel like a kick in the teeth.

The reason some are able to pass is because of work that has been done before them to create the services needed for that. None of us would have access to the social services and health services we do now, however limited they may be, without the work done by the generations before us- in terms of the queer community that includes both feminists and trans activists (with overlap between the two of course).

Our Bodies Ourselves- our ability to have agency and control over our bodies- is very critical for women and trans people (some of course are both)- and all the work that has gone into that has given us so much more than those who went before us.

It seems a bit hard to hear sometimes that I am just doing my thing and take my privilege and no I'm not a political activist.

I posted a link to this already in another thread, but there was an interesting article written by Michelle O'Brien, a trans woman, who discusses the intersections of feminism and trans activism, particularly around health care issues.

http://www.deadletters.biz/feminism.pdf

As to the topic of this thread, I do not pass for male and I do not pass for straight. I pass as a dyke or lesbian, which is what I am. I don't think many people out in the world really understand or know about butch or what that is. If I am mistaken for male, it is only temporary. I don't think many see me as straight because I am treated quite differently from feminine women- straight men seem to think quite often that women are at their disposal- for their attentions, to do their bidding, etc- which is why I have never thought of femmes as having any sort of straight privilege. Men ignore me, unless they are being hostile.

I am white, middle class and able bodied so I do have my own sets of privileges. Being a masculine woman is a mixed bag. I am more at risk in some ways for homophobic attacks, but I am also fairly insulated from male attention and many assumptions they can have about women- which I am quite grateful for.

[apretty]

i hate being confused for straight; it sucks being thought of as something (anything) i'm not.

[lillith]

This is interesting. I am currently working on a Ph D. internship and my topic is Nella Larsen's novel Passing, and have had to recently define what it is. It never really dawned on me all the different ways it can be applied. Even in a fiction novel from the Harlem Renaissance, the characters enjoy some kind of privlegde as Mulottas passing as white.

I know for my life being a femme is both difficult and a luxury. In this internship, I have had to explain my life and who I am to my peers because there is sort of no way around it. One of my peers is a straight girl who is rather masculine and she has to explain to people, including her family, that she is straight. We have exchanged stories of invisibility and now that this topic has come up, I will have to ask her about any privledges she feels she has or lacks because of her appareance.

Thanks for the thought provoking topics of discussion that I can take into the real world and find out about.

lillith