Class, Privilege, and Social Markers

Apocalipstic · 06-28-2010, 04:20 PM

To jump off of what AJ said, often education is the marker, rather than how much money someones makes/has.

How many times have I heard, Ohhh, so and so works in a car or other type of factory, but for 100 years those have been stable middle class jobs that paid for education, families, very nice homes, amenities, boats, travel etc. But a factory worker or truck driver might be seen as lower class than someone who makes a 10th of what they make (or rather did until recently) who works at a museum or a high school or even in retail. It is somehow seen as more higher class since no one actually gets dirty.

In some other countries, the UK and Argentina that I know of, the Middle Class is actually wealthy people who work. Powerful Doctors, Lawyers, Government Officials, Captains of Industry are Middle Class, as is anyone who has a job no matter how much money they have. To be rich, one does not work at all.

In this scenario, most of what we call Middle Class in the US falls into "Upper Poor" maybe?

Thoughts on what actually is Middle Class?

Blade · 06-28-2010, 04:54 PM

I think sometimes poor choices put a person in a seemingly lower class, just as sometimes good choices put a person in a seemingly higher class. Just because a person seems poor to someone else doesn't mean they view themselves as poor. Just because a person seems higher classed doesn't mean they are or that they view themselves as such.

My Dad's family were dirt poor financially, but oh so rich in family and values. They had everything they needed, and really most everything they desired, because they were simple folks and didn't want all the expensive things in life. They didn't live on credit. They died indigent.

My Mom's family *chuckling*..well I think you've seen my posts about how frugal they were/are. Pa told me one time if you save half of everything you make, you'll be worth something one day. Now mind you, they got their money from working for it and saving half of all they made. Nannie made most of their clothes, they always tithed their 10% at church, and there are many "saving" things they did at their house. From the outside looking in you'd never know they are worth what they are worth.
My Nannie is very much a classism type person but my Pa was just an ole country boy done good.

More later maybe as I have a lot on my mind on this thread just not sure how to word it all just yet.

Lady_Wu · 06-30-2010, 01:27 AM

First, Medusa, conratulations on the promotion and second, congratulations on a great thread! I am on disability and make almost no money but do not consider myself poor. I am rich in education (MA in Philosophy), have taught University, and have been a librarian, paid and unpaid, for most of my life. I think that my attitude gives me enough. I study online at a Buddhist college and offline on my own. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and cable internet. I have clothes I like to wear. So I do not consider myself "poor" at all. I do tend to bristle when I hear people talk disparaginly about people on SSD/SSI. I had 2 strokes at an early age, plus have MS, RSD, and fibromyalgia. This is not my fault-I would rather be working. So would most I've met!

AmazonWoman1 · 02-08-2013, 12:51 PM

Congratulations on your promotion.I think what is really going on is people were raised with the Bible.In it there are references to the money changers in the temple as well as the eye of the needle comment about the rich entering heaven.This all was done to make for more compliant sheep like people.The eye comment actually refers to a very small gate used in forts for entries at night of people.The camel would have to crawl to enter.The shame about money stems from this.It was portrayed as a bad thing to have money.Our fables & myths control what behavior we want to see continue or stop.

Venus007 · 02-09-2013, 12:15 PM

You can't imagine how many time I heard:
"The love of money is the root of all evil" 1st Timothy 6:10
The story of Ananias and Sapphira was a huge one too.*(link to the story if you don't know it)

It was assumed a way that you would show your gratitude to (and deflect the coming catastrophe (rare gift without curse)) was to give a gift to the church if you had a windfall or married well.

I need to think about this more

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmazonWoman1

Congratulations on your promotion.I think what is really going on is people were raised with the Bible.In it there are references to the money changers in the temple as well as the eye of the needle comment about the rich entering heaven.This all was done to make for more compliant sheep like people.The eye comment actually refers to a very small gate used in forts for entries at night of people.The camel would have to crawl to enter.The shame about money stems from this.It was portrayed as a bad thing to have money.Our fables & myths control what behavior we want to see continue or stop.

Melissa · 06-28-2010, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

To jump off of what AJ said, often education is the marker, rather than how much money someones makes/has.

How many times have I heard, Ohhh, so and so works in a car or other type of factory, but for 100 years those have been stable middle class jobs that paid for education, families, very nice homes, amenities, boats, travel etc. But a factory worker or truck driver might be seen as lower class than someone who makes a 10th of what they make (or rather did until recently) who works at a museum or a high school or even in retail. It is somehow seen as more higher class since no one actually gets dirty.

In some other countries, the UK and Argentina that I know of, the Middle Class is actually wealthy people who work. Powerful Doctors, Lawyers, Government Officials, Captains of Industry are Middle Class, as is anyone who has a job no matter how much money they have. To be rich, one does not work at all.

In this scenario, most of what we call Middle Class in the US falls into "Upper Poor" maybe?

Thoughts on what actually is Middle Class?

I grew up in England and the class divisions in the US still confuse me. I have to admit that a lot of the posts here confuse me. I don't understand class shame.

Class for me always meant if you worked you were working class (plus there are issues of accents) if you owned your own business or worked for yourself you were middle class and if you didn't have to work or had inherited money/a title/ the right accent/education then you were upper class. Being upper class wasn't tied to income.

You could be poor but be upper class based on your accent, family, or if you had a public school education. To me, what is defined as middle class in the US is working class. Plus, the US is supposed to "classless" yet there is a huge obsesssion with class.

Can we exchange the word class for income? Because in the US class seems to be more about what income bracket you fall into than anything else. Also, your class status changes based on your income so you can move up or down. In England, you are the class you are born into or what your accent marks you as. So know matter how much money I might earn, my class status won't ever change.

Melissa

Hack · 06-28-2010, 05:36 PM

I think I was fortunate to have the upbringing I did. I had a foot firmly planted in two very different worlds.

First, there was my father's side of the family -- professional, solidly upper middle class (even called "rich" in our little town). I always like to say this is where I learned my table manners -- which fork to use when and all that.

Then there was my mother's side of the family -- loud, boisterious Polish-Catholics. Always a party. I like to say this is where I learned to respect women because Grandma was the center of the family, and the wives, moms and aunts were always upheld and respected. I like to say this is where I learned respect, especially for women.

I'm comfortable anywhere...at a fancy restaurant or at someone's kitchen table being served hot dogs and tater tots. Yet, when I am at some fancy event, you're likely to find me talking more to the hired help, and not my fellow partygoers.

My whole life is a study in dichotomy, but in this respect, I find it beneficial. I think my life is a good mix of the two.

Jake

Medusa · 06-28-2010, 06:56 PM

Im glad that a few folks have brought up the whole thing where folks appropriate a class history that doesn't really belong to them.

Im trying to tease out a parallel around the very rich and the very poor. There is almost some kind of....I dunno...."money ceiling"? where the very wealthy and very poor are concerned. Some kind of untouchable glamorization.
I think of the very wealthy as they are shown on tv and how there is this mythical unicorn feeling attached to them through tabloids and media. Movie stars and singers with gold-plated dog bowls and $30 million homes are elevated to this "untouchable" (or maybe unimaginable) status.
There is "celebrity" attached through wealth. The idea that human beings are worth more if they are "worth" more.

But then, there is this weird dichotomy where the very poor also have a mythical unicorn thing attached. Think of Nuns and Monks who have no earthly possessions; I think society oftens sees this life as "magical" or "untouchable". The celebrity attached here is one that says "This person must be magical in other ways because they have no money". Glamorized for what might seem like a perfected lack of desire?

Dylan · 06-28-2010, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

Im glad that a few folks have brought up the whole thing where folks appropriate a class history that doesn't really belong to them.

Im trying to tease out a parallel around the very rich and the very poor. There is almost some kind of....I dunno...."money ceiling"? where the very wealthy and very poor are concerned. Some kind of untouchable glamorization.
I think of the very wealthy as they are shown on tv and how there is this mythical unicorn feeling attached to them through tabloids and media. Movie stars and singers with gold-plated dog bowls and $30 million homes are elevated to this "untouchable" (or maybe unimaginable) status.
There is "celebrity" attached through wealth. The idea that human beings are worth more if they are "worth" more.

But then, there is this weird dichotomy where the very poor also have a mythical unicorn thing attached. Think of Nuns and Monks who have no earthly possessions; I think society oftens sees this life as "magical" or "untouchable". The celebrity attached here is one that says "This person must be magical in other ways because they have no money". Glamorized for what might seem like a perfected lack of desire?

I think the rich get glamorized...

while The Poor get romanticized.

I think there's a certain 'romantic notion' attached to The Poor...The 'simple' lifestyle...'living simply'. I see certain aspects of Appalachia romanticized a lot. The 'quaint' lifestyle. It seems like all of the 'crap' of being poor gets shoved out of the picture, so all that remains is this 'simple' lifestyle.

I was talking to someone a while ago, and she was so poor, she had to make her own hand soap out of soap chips. As I was talking to someone else about it, it became this 'quaint' thing that she made her own soap.

I also see the romanticism in comments like, "They were so 'ethical'" or some other somesuch comments discussing the high morals of poor people (usually long after they've died or long after they were young enough to work two jobs or whatever). I'm not being very clear here, but...when younger people are poor, they're normally villainized as being lazy/drug addicts/whatnot...when poor people get older, they're usually romanticized or pitied. It's interesting to me, because I never hear these same type of comments from actual poor people. I never hear poor people who are struggling actually say, "But we're rich with a good work ethic" or "We don't have much, but we have 'love'". I mean, the only actual poor person I've ever heard say something like that is Loretta Lynn, and it was wellllllllll after she was actually living poor. Again, it's that 'romanticized' version of Poordom. Like there's something enviable in going days without food, or making your own soap, or watching your kids go hungry, or some other somesuch like that.

And then, I see this 'outsider looking in' version of Poordom. Like social workers are sometimes sooooo fascinated with The Poor/Poverty. And books like "Nickeled And Dimed" make (already rich) people even more wealthy, while the actual lived lives of The Poor are completely ignored. Theories are studied, yet when those who have actually LIVED it, say, "Um, no that won't work, because..." they're dismissed while those with more class privilege discuss how to 'fix' it (which usually entails a good round of victim blaming and boot-strapping).

I think some of this romanticizing has to do with religion (especially/primarily catholicism-xtianity-protestant work ethic), and all of the brainwashing contained in the bible about being poor and how it's so godly. There's a lot of glorification in 'suffering'.

Dylan

Apocalipstic · 06-29-2010, 08:53 AM

When I tell people I had tea in London they ask if I wore a hat or white gloves.

People in England just have tea, every day, they don't dress for it.

We do romanticize the rich and the poor in this country.

Honestly, the only time I have ever wore white gloves, (other than the mud covered ones my mother made me wear to Easter when I was 3), has been as a banquet waiter. White gloves are worn by servants, not people drinking tea.

Martina · 06-29-2010, 10:07 AM

i have had class privilege, and i have "suffered" in a way from classism. My parents were school teachers. They paid for me to go to college. They were both from eastern Kentucky, but i grew up in southwest Ohio. Where i lived, it was an everyday thing for people to make fun of Kentuckians. Sometimes i saw my mom cry because of cruel comments.

One neighbor, whose daughter was my close friend, seemed to especially enjoy hurting my mother. In his case, i think it came out of class resentment. He had not gone to college although he made a lot of money as a bricklayer. But he enjoyed taking down my mother who had, and he had this easy weapon. Half the teachers in the district came up from Kentucky colleges. And lots of other people too.

i run into or hear about a lot of creative and alternative folks who are second generation out of Appalachia. i think it gave us a perspective on class and culture. You were both inside -- no accent -- and outside. And you saw two different ways of life.

Appalachians always go home. Or back then they did. For me there were constant weekend and summer trips back to Kentucky. We had a cabin there where we spent the bulk of our summers. This going back "home" a lot was true for most of my generation. We saw the difference between rural poverty and whatever kind of "better" life we lived.

We also experienced other contrasts. Sometimes back home was more violent, sometimes less. Back home usually meant family feeling, good food, beautiful land, and, frequently, great music. Sometimes the cousins back home thought you were uppity for having the stuff you did and for talking differently.

Then i lived most of my adult life in Ann Arbor, Michigan. i got a graduate degree from the University of Michigan, but my previous degrees were from "lesser" universities. To my peers at UofM, i was too loud and clearly not Ivy League. It boggled some people's minds that i could still be smart. It always took people a while to get me. My closest friends were people like me -- people who had ended up at UofM in spite of the odds: a guy from rural Indiana, one from inner city Detroit, another from a border town in Arizona. i only made one upper middle class friend ever. And that was because she married one of my closest friends. It was a struggle, too. It was a struggle for them to overcome class differences. But she is a good friend now.

What is so ironic and interesting is that she feels like a poser in the upper middle class. While her parents were Georgetown educated lawyers, their parents were not -- not at all. So her parents were the unlikely to be at their school, in their world, folks. She went to an Ivy. And she never fit in. Even though she is very successful, when she went back to a reunion, the differences between her and her former classmates were even more marked.

i don't know. i see class boundaries as fairly powerful in our culture even though we can gain or lose wealth and access to class privileges.

Most of my friends all of my life have been people like me, people who have some sense of there being no place on earth for them. That is an exaggerated and self-pitying formulation. i think many queer people feel this way, but it's not exclusive to us. Plus we do have some enclaves. Most of them white and expensive to live in.

One of my closest friends is an African American gay man. He is from Flint, Michigan. Most of his family are auto workers, but his dad went to prison when he was young, and his mom raised their family on welfare. He had a tight and supportive extended family. He always had nice clothes and food and fun and, once his father was gone, safety.

He was the co-valedictorian of his high school class, but he came to the University of Michigan hoping to be a doctor and couldn't pass the freshman math classes. Flint schools were that bad. He also found very few African American gay men there and made friends and became lovers with white men. One of them is a trust fund kid and will never probably work. He got into med school and was too lazy to go. Another of his exes is a psychiatrist.

So my friend got his social work degree and became a therapist and activist. As accepted as he is in his family, being educated, successful and gay means he does not really have a real home back in Flint. Being working class and African American means he does not have a home in progressive, educated, gay-friendly Ann Arbor.

In time, he became more involved with helping African American gay youth and formed a group for African American gay men (some don't ID as gay) in Detroit. He started dating African American men. He eventually married one, a community college professor. He moved out of Ann Arbor and lives in Detroit.

He has found a place. But it was a long trip. For me the point is that for many, many Americans, there is some displacement in terms of class. And once that happens, it is very hard to find your way home again.

Not too long ago, i saw one of my cousins after years and years. He moved to a little town in a rural area of Ohio and found his home. He married a pig farmer's daughter and got a good job, which turned into a very good job. He volunteers. He raises pigs on the side. They have a huge piece of land they keep up.

They raised two kids, one of whom graduated from college and married a lawyer. He does have to travel for his job, and their little town recently was devastated when the major employer closed down. They are no anachronism. They are no rural ideal. But their lives and their personalities are congruent with most of those in their community.

For some reason, in my life, no matter how conventional appearing they are, the people i am close to do not have this congruence. They live with the double perspective of being inside and outside, or they have had to fight for and make their home. It did not come easily. Almost all my friends have had that displacement because of class and have lived with the consequences every day.

It's not something to feel sorry for yourself about or to be angry about. But it is something to acknowledge. My academic work was in the humanities. i had very little interest in gender theory. i worked on issues of class. i find it hard to think outside of that construct. Class differences and dislocations ramify through our lives endlessly. They are very complex. They don't have to haunt or disable you to affect you and be a huge influence on your life.

06-28-2010, 04:20 PM	#1
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,360 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	To jump off of what AJ said, often education is the marker, rather than how much money someones makes/has. How many times have I heard, Ohhh, so and so works in a car or other type of factory, but for 100 years those have been stable middle class jobs that paid for education, families, very nice homes, amenities, boats, travel etc. But a factory worker or truck driver might be seen as lower class than someone who makes a 10th of what they make (or rather did until recently) who works at a museum or a high school or even in retail. It is somehow seen as more higher class since no one actually gets dirty. In some other countries, the UK and Argentina that I know of, the Middle Class is actually wealthy people who work. Powerful Doctors, Lawyers, Government Officials, Captains of Industry are Middle Class, as is anyone who has a job no matter how much money they have. To be rich, one does not work at all. In this scenario, most of what we call Middle Class in the US falls into "Upper Poor" maybe? Thoughts on what actually is Middle Class? __________________

06-30-2010, 01:27 AM	#3
Lady_Wu Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Queer Stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: M'Lady Relationship Status: given up looking sigh Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: somewhere buried under a pile of books Posts: 197 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 285 Thanked 300 Times in 105 Posts Rep Power: 155956	Conratulations! First, Medusa, conratulations on the promotion and second, congratulations on a great thread! I am on disability and make almost no money but do not consider myself poor. I am rich in education (MA in Philosophy), have taught University, and have been a librarian, paid and unpaid, for most of my life. I think that my attitude gives me enough. I study online at a Buddhist college and offline on my own. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and cable internet. I have clothes I like to wear. So I do not consider myself "poor" at all. I do tend to bristle when I hear people talk disparaginly about people on SSD/SSI. I had 2 strokes at an early age, plus have MS, RSD, and fibromyalgia. This is not my fault-I would rather be working. So would most I've met! __________________ I'm the Yin in the Yang and the Yang in the Yin.

02-08-2013, 12:51 PM	#4
AmazonWoman1 Member How Do You Identify?: butch Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her/Hunny Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: California Posts: 108 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 308 Thanked 136 Times in 56 Posts Rep Power: 1445861	Where the shame stems from Congratulations on your promotion.I think what is really going on is people were raised with the Bible.In it there are references to the money changers in the temple as well as the eye of the needle comment about the rich entering heaven.This all was done to make for more compliant sheep like people.The eye comment actually refers to a very small gate used in forts for entries at night of people.The camel would have to crawl to enter.The shame about money stems from this.It was portrayed as a bad thing to have money.Our fables & myths control what behavior we want to see continue or stop.

06-28-2010, 06:56 PM	#8
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,677 Times in 7,831 Posts Rep Power: 10000026	Im glad that a few folks have brought up the whole thing where folks appropriate a class history that doesn't really belong to them. Im trying to tease out a parallel around the very rich and the very poor. There is almost some kind of....I dunno...."money ceiling"? where the very wealthy and very poor are concerned. Some kind of untouchable glamorization. I think of the very wealthy as they are shown on tv and how there is this mythical unicorn feeling attached to them through tabloids and media. Movie stars and singers with gold-plated dog bowls and $30 million homes are elevated to this "untouchable" (or maybe unimaginable) status. There is "celebrity" attached through wealth. The idea that human beings are worth more if they are "worth" more. But then, there is this weird dichotomy where the very poor also have a mythical unicorn thing attached. Think of Nuns and Monks who have no earthly possessions; I think society oftens sees this life as "magical" or "untouchable". The celebrity attached here is one that says "This person must be magical in other ways because they have no money". Glamorized for what might seem like a perfected lack of desire? __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

06-29-2010, 08:53 AM	#10
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,360 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	When I tell people I had tea in London they ask if I wore a hat or white gloves. People in England just have tea, every day, they don't dress for it. We do romanticize the rich and the poor in this country. Honestly, the only time I have ever wore white gloves, (other than the mud covered ones my mother made me wear to Easter when I was 3), has been as a banquet waiter. White gloves are worn by servants, not people drinking tea. __________________

06-28-2010, 04:54 PM	#2
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,412 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I think sometimes poor choices put a person in a seemingly lower class, just as sometimes good choices put a person in a seemingly higher class. Just because a person seems poor to someone else doesn't mean they view themselves as poor. Just because a person seems higher classed doesn't mean they are or that they view themselves as such. My Dad's family were dirt poor financially, but oh so rich in family and values. They had everything they needed, and really most everything they desired, because they were simple folks and didn't want all the expensive things in life. They didn't live on credit. They died indigent. My Mom's family chuckling..well I think you've seen my posts about how frugal they were/are. Pa told me one time if you save half of everything you make, you'll be worth something one day. Now mind you, they got their money from working for it and saving half of all they made. Nannie made most of their clothes, they always tithed their 10% at church, and there are many "saving" things they did at their house. From the outside looking in you'd never know they are worth what they are worth. My Nannie is very much a classism type person but my Pa was just an ole country boy done good. More later maybe as I have a lot on my mind on this thread just not sure how to word it all just yet.

06-28-2010, 05:36 PM	#7
Hack Just a guy. How Do You Identify?: Just a guy Preferred Pronoun?: male Relationship Status: Sparkle's consort Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: MA Posts: 1,458 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 807 Thanked 3,773 Times in 958 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I think I was fortunate to have the upbringing I did. I had a foot firmly planted in two very different worlds. First, there was my father's side of the family -- professional, solidly upper middle class (even called "rich" in our little town). I always like to say this is where I learned my table manners -- which fork to use when and all that. Then there was my mother's side of the family -- loud, boisterious Polish-Catholics. Always a party. I like to say this is where I learned to respect women because Grandma was the center of the family, and the wives, moms and aunts were always upheld and respected. I like to say this is where I learned respect, especially for women. I'm comfortable anywhere...at a fancy restaurant or at someone's kitchen table being served hot dogs and tater tots. Yet, when I am at some fancy event, you're likely to find me talking more to the hired help, and not my fellow partygoers. My whole life is a study in dichotomy, but in this respect, I find it beneficial. I think my life is a good mix of the two. Jake

06-29-2010, 10:07 AM	#11
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,280 Times in 4,165 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	i have had class privilege, and i have "suffered" in a way from classism. My parents were school teachers. They paid for me to go to college. They were both from eastern Kentucky, but i grew up in southwest Ohio. Where i lived, it was an everyday thing for people to make fun of Kentuckians. Sometimes i saw my mom cry because of cruel comments. One neighbor, whose daughter was my close friend, seemed to especially enjoy hurting my mother. In his case, i think it came out of class resentment. He had not gone to college although he made a lot of money as a bricklayer. But he enjoyed taking down my mother who had, and he had this easy weapon. Half the teachers in the district came up from Kentucky colleges. And lots of other people too. i run into or hear about a lot of creative and alternative folks who are second generation out of Appalachia. i think it gave us a perspective on class and culture. You were both inside -- no accent -- and outside. And you saw two different ways of life. Appalachians always go home. Or back then they did. For me there were constant weekend and summer trips back to Kentucky. We had a cabin there where we spent the bulk of our summers. This going back "home" a lot was true for most of my generation. We saw the difference between rural poverty and whatever kind of "better" life we lived. We also experienced other contrasts. Sometimes back home was more violent, sometimes less. Back home usually meant family feeling, good food, beautiful land, and, frequently, great music. Sometimes the cousins back home thought you were uppity for having the stuff you did and for talking differently. Then i lived most of my adult life in Ann Arbor, Michigan. i got a graduate degree from the University of Michigan, but my previous degrees were from "lesser" universities. To my peers at UofM, i was too loud and clearly not Ivy League. It boggled some people's minds that i could still be smart. It always took people a while to get me. My closest friends were people like me -- people who had ended up at UofM in spite of the odds: a guy from rural Indiana, one from inner city Detroit, another from a border town in Arizona. i only made one upper middle class friend ever. And that was because she married one of my closest friends. It was a struggle, too. It was a struggle for them to overcome class differences. But she is a good friend now. What is so ironic and interesting is that she feels like a poser in the upper middle class. While her parents were Georgetown educated lawyers, their parents were not -- not at all. So her parents were the unlikely to be at their school, in their world, folks. She went to an Ivy. And she never fit in. Even though she is very successful, when she went back to a reunion, the differences between her and her former classmates were even more marked. i don't know. i see class boundaries as fairly powerful in our culture even though we can gain or lose wealth and access to class privileges. Most of my friends all of my life have been people like me, people who have some sense of there being no place on earth for them. That is an exaggerated and self-pitying formulation. i think many queer people feel this way, but it's not exclusive to us. Plus we do have some enclaves. Most of them white and expensive to live in. One of my closest friends is an African American gay man. He is from Flint, Michigan. Most of his family are auto workers, but his dad went to prison when he was young, and his mom raised their family on welfare. He had a tight and supportive extended family. He always had nice clothes and food and fun and, once his father was gone, safety. He was the co-valedictorian of his high school class, but he came to the University of Michigan hoping to be a doctor and couldn't pass the freshman math classes. Flint schools were that bad. He also found very few African American gay men there and made friends and became lovers with white men. One of them is a trust fund kid and will never probably work. He got into med school and was too lazy to go. Another of his exes is a psychiatrist. So my friend got his social work degree and became a therapist and activist. As accepted as he is in his family, being educated, successful and gay means he does not really have a real home back in Flint. Being working class and African American means he does not have a home in progressive, educated, gay-friendly Ann Arbor. In time, he became more involved with helping African American gay youth and formed a group for African American gay men (some don't ID as gay) in Detroit. He started dating African American men. He eventually married one, a community college professor. He moved out of Ann Arbor and lives in Detroit. He has found a place. But it was a long trip. For me the point is that for many, many Americans, there is some displacement in terms of class. And once that happens, it is very hard to find your way home again. Not too long ago, i saw one of my cousins after years and years. He moved to a little town in a rural area of Ohio and found his home. He married a pig farmer's daughter and got a good job, which turned into a very good job. He volunteers. He raises pigs on the side. They have a huge piece of land they keep up. They raised two kids, one of whom graduated from college and married a lawyer. He does have to travel for his job, and their little town recently was devastated when the major employer closed down. They are no anachronism. They are no rural ideal. But their lives and their personalities are congruent with most of those in their community. For some reason, in my life, no matter how conventional appearing they are, the people i am close to do not have this congruence. They live with the double perspective of being inside and outside, or they have had to fight for and make their home. It did not come easily. Almost all my friends have had that displacement because of class and have lived with the consequences every day. It's not something to feel sorry for yourself about or to be angry about. But it is something to acknowledge. My academic work was in the humanities. i had very little interest in gender theory. i worked on issues of class. i find it hard to think outside of that construct. Class differences and dislocations ramify through our lives endlessly. They are very complex. They don't have to haunt or disable you to affect you and be a huge influence on your life.