The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People

[violaine]

[QUOTE=weatherboi;152759]hi everybody!!!


social blunders/awkwardness are something we all are privy to doing. the intent is easily understood and i don't feel that is the issue at hand. invasive behavior from any person is the issue, wheather they are NT, on the Spectrum or Differently- Abled. invasive behavior that continues and the intent behind it is not so easily understood and can be dangerous. so at what point do we stop excusing it and remedy it?? why does it have to be up to the person who is having their space invaded to navigate themselves around the offending person??



an address long ago, i worked where a DD woman lived, and she screamed a lot. it was up to me whenever there, to protect my ears and my own personal space boundaries whenever possible, because i had the awareness/coping skills in place to do so - she did not, and would continue, because she was DD.

i also feel this way about other relationships [friendships/work/family/partners] if the person has an addiction, for example, and certain unsavoury behaviours are not acceptable to me from people/person, it's up to me to leave.

i think that i do understand what you mean, however- about your question. why should you be the one to navigate round the offending person? in my case, it took a good while to figure it out for myself because [for me] it is less about right or wrong, and hugely about my own sense of preservation.

do I think that DA, and people on the Spectrum should be added in the TOS as to not be targeted for discrimination or hatred?...yes. do i think a free pass for being invasive and inappropriate??...no, not at the expense of another persons safety and comfort.

Grant

i agree 100% !

[Gayla]

I'm so conflicted about this that I haven't even really been able to form cohesive thoughts. There's been really good conversations here and, while I appreciate all of them, some have just left me more conflicted.

Just in regards to here, on the Planet, on a theoretical level, I say no passes, it's all about personal responsibility and there have to be lines and consequences for crossing those. Then when I stop and think of the reality of it all, I know that's not always reasonable. There are some people who don't understand boundaries and who truly don't possess the impulse control needed when it comes to not crossing them. Should we punish someone who truly isn't capable?

Personally, when it's someone harassing a friend of mine, yes, drop the banhammer! When it's someone I know and care about, a little more leeway would be good.

I really don't think there can be a blanket response that will work in all situations. The fact that the admins and mods have stated that these types of things are handled on a case by case basis, combined with the respect that I have for that team, leads me to believe that these situations will be handled appropriately and with respect for all involved, even if we don't see it.

[amiyesiam]

[QUOTE=violaine;152818][QUOTE=weatherboi;152759]hi everybody!!!


social blunders/awkwardness are something we all are privy to doing. the intent is easily understood and i don't feel that is the issue at hand. invasive behavior from any person is the issue, wheather they are NT, on the Spectrum or Differently- Abled. invasive behavior that continues and the intent behind it is not so easily understood and can be dangerous. so at what point do we stop excusing it and remedy it?? why does it have to be up to the person who is having their space invaded to navigate themselves around the offending person??



an address long ago, i worked where a DD woman lived, and she screamed a lot. it was up to me whenever there, to protect my ears and my own personal space boundaries whenever possible, because i had the awareness/coping skills in place to do so - she did not, and would continue, because she was DD.

I want to respond to this. In PA, when we are hired to work with the differently abled, we basically have no rights. We are in their work place, their homes, etc. It is presumed that those hired to work have better skills than those they work with (they don't always) Within each of our homes especially, we have the right to do as we please, so do they. We can not "TELL" them to do anything. We can ask, suggest, explain why it would be best to do something, we can not make them, shame them, embarress them, etc.

This is an on line web site. This is not the same as being at home. Everyones rights are equal here. and honestly no one has the right to be here. It is a privately owned site. There is a tos.

your DD lady has the right to behave as she wishes. If you tried to take her to a expensive event that cost lots of $$$, she would be asked to leave if she screamed. Her right to scream ends where everyone else who paid $$$ for an event begins. And honestly they didn't pay to listen to her. Honestly even a NT person would be asked to leave if they behaved badly.


i also feel this way about other relationships [friendships/work/family/partners] if the person has an addiction, for example, and certain unsavoury behaviours are not acceptable to me from people/person, it's up to me to leave.

i think that i do understand what you mean, however- about your question. why should you be the one to navigate round the offending person? in my case, it took a good while to figure it out for myself because [for me] it is less about right or wrong, and hugely about my own sense of preservation.

do I think that DA, and people on the Spectrum should be added in the TOS as to not be targeted for discrimination or hatred?...yes. do i think a free pass for being invasive and inappropriate??...no, not at the expense of another persons safety and comfort.

Grant

i agree 100% !

[weatherboi]

[QUOTE=violaine;152818]



an address long ago, i worked where a DD woman lived, and she screamed a lot. it was up to me whenever there, to protect my ears and my own personal space boundaries whenever possible, because i had the awareness/coping skills in place to do so - she did not, and would continue, because she was DD.
what if her intent was to scream and upset you on purpose would you have handled it the same?? since intent seems to be an important topic in this discussion.

i ahis way about other relationships [friendships/work/family/partners] if the person has an addiction, for example, and certain unsavoury behaviours are not acceptable to me from people/person, it's up to me to leave.

so are you saying that if a person online keeps coming at me that it is up to me to leave??cause that is how i am reading it violaine. keep in mind that addictions and unsavory behaviors can be side effects of other bigger things going on in the relationship and deserve as much compassion as you seek for your situation. i am not excusing behaviors cause well i am not perfect and have committed my fair share of unsavory behaviors, like stuff that made me want to crawl under a rock instead of dealing with the consequences. in fact i am stilll held to some of those behaviors by certain people instead of getting any benefit of the doubt. *shrugs* i made my bed and accept it.

i think that i do understand what you mean, however- about your question. why should you be the one to navigate round the offending person? in my case, it took a good while to figure it out for myself because [for me] it is less about right or wrong, and hugely about my own sense of preservation.
well and this is what i have been advocating all along...self preservation and safety. right or wrong is relative and not useful to me. what i find useful is people being responsible for their own actions and behaviors. the ones that dont have the ability to do this, well i am not sure what to say about this kind of situation. i do know that when a member sets a clear boundary and it continues to be crossed by another member then placing said invasive member in a victim light is not the answer. i am personally disgusted by that tactic.

Grant


hope i dont sound too harsh...i am a direct and blunt person but i promise i am not coming from an angry place or have bad intent.

[violaine]

[QUOTE=weatherboi;152969]
what if her intent was to scream and upset you on purpose would you have handled it the same?? since intent seems to be an important topic in this discussion.

i would not have accepted the job-

[COLOR="Red"] so are you saying that if a person online keeps coming at me that it is up to me to leave??cause that is how i am reading it violaine.

oh no! it is not my place to tell you what you 'should' do. i only can write from my experiences, and i hope that you wouldn't leave.

very thorny with online situations, and i have been there myself. in fact, i've been wondering how well other aspies are able to even "communicate" really bad experiences to various online site moderators, and how they have been received by moderators. this comes to mind from something i read in the paper recently.


[COLOR="Red"]well and this is what i have been advocating all along...self preservation and safety. right or wrong is relative and not useful to me. what i find useful is people being responsible for their own actions and behaviors. the ones that dont have the ability to do this, well i am not sure what to say about this kind of situation. i do know that when a member sets a clear boundary and it continues to be crossed by another member then placing said invasive member in a victim light is not the answer. i am personally disgusted by that tactic.

i'm not sure either, because i've also had my boundaries crossed, it didn't stop when i asked - instead, it further escalated the person/situation.


hope i dont sound too harsh...i am a direct and blunt person but i promise i am not coming from an angry place or have bad intent.

not at all! i appreciate straightforward, and reading what you share, Grant.