The Art of Online Communication

Boots13 · 12-02-2009, 09:35 AM

I like this thread. I have to start getting ready for work, but I'll be back to post soon !

Jess · 12-02-2009, 10:01 AM

I have been on both sides of "misunderstood" and "misunderstanding". I have also been guilty of the knee jerk reaction when I felt something I posted was misinterpreted . I don't like that in myself and am trying to "hear" better.

Sometimes I get a bit worked up when I think someone is "picking apart" my words and looking for a different meaning. Sometimes, they may be.. sometimes they may be simply assisting me in looking at things differently.

The art of communication takes a great deal of practice and this old dog has been trying a lot of new tricks in the past couple of years. I will continue trying to be better at not " over reading the words" or personalizing them too much.

Thanks to any and everyone who has helped me grow in this!

Great thread Linus!

Linus · 12-02-2009, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PixieStars

I think one way to always be sure is to ask. Lay out how you understood the statement and ask if that's right. Give the poster a chance to look over again what was said and what was perceived and that way no underlining miss communication. I know alot of times my perception or opinion on things can be confusing or easily misunderstood, because I look at it and describe it from my pov which may not always make sense to others. I like to ask questions and questions to be asked because then we know that we are all heard and understood.

That is good advice and something that I've tried on a couple of occasions. Sometimes it works. Sometimes... well, I've been told once that it should have been obvious what their intention was with the past as is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diva

I love this thread, Linus, thank You!

My personal style of 'speaking on~line' is to ~basically ~ type what I'm thinking...and how I would say it to You if You were sitting right here in r/t. "Shy" is not a word folks would use to describe me. I live out loud for sure! I have made a bunch of friends on~line.....I am blessed.

I feel like when I say something, I'm not typing just to hear myself talk. I'm not posturing. Not my style. I appreciate good grammar and spelling and am VERY thankful to The Planet that we have no time limit on editing....as sometimes, my keys stick and sometimes, my "of" looks like "o" or my 5 brains cells do not coordinate....stuff like that. I use caps sometimes to emphasize a word, not to yell, so I find ALL caps inappropriate.

I use these ".............." a lot. When I type <giggle/giggling> more than likely, I really AM. I laugh a lot and love to laugh a lot.

In serious threads, I try to formulate my thoughts in a very careful way, so as not to offend. I don't post when I'm angry. That being said, if I am passionate about something, sometimes YOU hear it when I do.....usually I will preface what I say with "Oh I have something to say about THIS!" so get ready....<giggle>

This is my style of on~line conversation.....

For some reason, when I read your posts I get that idea. As I read this, I looked at your avatar and this made me wonder about something. A question to all reading: do you judge or perceive a post a certain way because of the avatar that the user has? For example, a personal avatar that is smiling, fun or humourous versus one that is dark, depressing or violent.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boots13

I like this thread. I have to start getting ready for work, but I'll be back to post soon !

Look forward to seeing what you have to offer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jess

I have been on both sides of "misunderstood" and "misunderstanding". I have also been guilty of the knee jerk reaction when I felt something I posted was misinterpreted . I don't like that in myself and am trying to "hear" better.

Sometimes I get a bit worked up when I think someone is "picking apart" my words and looking for a different meaning. Sometimes, they may be.. sometimes they may be simply assisting me in looking at things differently.

The art of communication takes a great deal of practice and this old dog has been trying a lot of new tricks in the past couple of years. I will continue trying to be better at not " over reading the words" or personalizing them too much.

Thanks to any and everyone who has helped me grow in this!

Great thread Linus!

I think the "picking apart" feeling has happened to me. Usually, I find, it's in threads that are heated and somewhat political or have sides that are entrenched in their view (their "ears" are "closed"). Have others had this? If so, how did you deal with the "picking apart" of your post? Did you feel that it was necessary or did you feel it was a personal attack?

And speaking of which, how do you distinguish between personal attacks versus attacks of ideology? And how do you get threads back on track (on the issue/discussion) rather than about the person?

Many thanks to all of you for participating. Makes me feel all warm all over to have a good discussion.

And since I'm listening to it as I type, I invite you to listen to some holiday music while you ponder the question:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1CR4DjTTjo"]YouTube- The Jackson 5 - Frosty The Snowman[/ame]

Kenna · 12-02-2009, 07:28 PM

One of my first "hard-core" exprieriences with online discussion forums was with the University of Phoenix/Axia [online] College. One of our first classes/subjects was online ediquette and how we present our discussion or convey our thoughts to our readers (aka, our audience). I learned many things during this assignment. It drove home a few good points, one in particular being that before computers, we were taught penmenship and would often spend more effort in the proper manners or ediquette of conversing or communication. In the computer age, we are more apt to quickly jot out an email or text message (often without proof reading)...without giving much considersation to how our "tone of voice" sounds in that medium. That assignment taught me a great deal about my "Tone" in any form of communication. Grade schools no longer teach penmenship nor spend much time on pubic speaking/addressing your audience or various forms of communication and ediquette.

I used that assignment to improve upon my communication skills at work: Until recently, I worked for the State in the Health Care Policy/Legislative Analysis unit. (...I am certainly ENJOYING my sebatical after resigning :-) ) I was "high up" in management and had to deal with many diverse, sometimes difficult or hostile personalities and audiences. One workgroup that I coordinated had several members, that no matter what "tone" you used with them, always had an argument or misunderstanding of your intentions...or their emails would always convey a very hostile attitude or tone. All the workgroup members worked out of different offices and we spent TOO MUCH time coordinating assignments/duties and very difficult, tedious projects over email. Many times, things would get "lost in translation" because someone fired off an email before thinking of their tone or the person(s) they were addressing. At that job, I also drafted responses to various audiences such as the Secretary of Public Welfare, House/Senate Reps or a mother or 3 who questioned why her benefits didn't pay. I had to be hyper aware of my tone, "passive versus active voice" and who I was addressing.

During my online college classes, I tried to develop a more "gentle or appropriate" tone to my responses to our discussion groups and always kept in mind that I was addressing the class as a whole... At work, it was more difficult because I had to be hyper aware of various personalities and how they may read and misinterpret my email and my tone. Not to mention, my email to our Director would contain more ediquette in my tone, than say to my co-worker/best friend.

Here, at BFP, (or other online forums) I am mindful of my audience and try to make sure I don't "fire off a post" like I would fire off an email without proofreading or respecting my reader. Before college, I had a tendency to fire off emails without thinking. At work, I had one lovely individual that preferred I keep things simple and fire off email instructions like "Please proofread/comment on this Design Document and respond by COB Friday. Thanks" But lordy forbid I do that with a particular other coworker... she would rip my head off!! In all online communications with this person, I had to bend over backwards to "be polite" and address her as if she were the Queen of the Moon. And if she didn't like what you had to say, she would hit the "reply to all" button and fire off back at the whole workgroup in a very "accusitory and angry" tone. She would often be hot tempered and misinterpret your intentions and tone, without asking questions or for clarification. Yet she would never keep her tone or audience in mind.

And..while working there I learned a great deal about not emailing my "opinion" on things or being too vague in my descriptions of scenarios. When I first took that workgroup over, we had no "communication plan" or specific responsible parties for certain tasks... I learned while desiging our communication plan, that I should covey things in "concepts" rather than opinions or scenarios. "What if we were to go with concept A, versus concept B or C?" or "I beleive that concept C is the better choice, but I'd like to hear your views before we decide." If I came over as too strong in my opinion, I would get instant hostility from certain people...because they took me as "ordering them around" or "that idea just can't be done". When I conveyed concepts or ideas through more detailed explinations... (I may understand the scenario in "simple terms", but someone else not familar with the problem or acronyms/"techie talk" may need a broken down version of my discussion??) my coworkers were more responsive and many who were threatened by that hostile person would be more apt to speak up and chime-in on the discussion and give very valid points. That hostile persons tone used in email and R/T would often stop others from participating in the discussion. When I took over that workgroup, I worked very hard to get the non-responsive individuals more comfortable about chiming in... it was all a well spent effort in improving my personal communication and ediquette to others...mostly over online mediums.

LOL...where can I get in line for my:

12-02-2009, 09:35 AM	#1
Boots13 Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: No Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: PNW Posts: 823 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,387 Thanked 2,313 Times in 428 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I like this thread. I have to start getting ready for work, but I'll be back to post soon !

12-02-2009, 10:01 AM	#2
Jess Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: decidedly indifferent Preferred Pronoun?: other Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Patrick Springs, VA Posts: 2,812 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,247 Thanked 5,700 Times in 1,682 Posts Rep Power: 0	I have been on both sides of "misunderstood" and "misunderstanding". I have also been guilty of the knee jerk reaction when I felt something I posted was misinterpreted . I don't like that in myself and am trying to "hear" better. Sometimes I get a bit worked up when I think someone is "picking apart" my words and looking for a different meaning. Sometimes, they may be.. sometimes they may be simply assisting me in looking at things differently. The art of communication takes a great deal of practice and this old dog has been trying a lot of new tricks in the past couple of years. I will continue trying to be better at not " over reading the words" or personalizing them too much. Thanks to any and everyone who has helped me grow in this! Great thread Linus!

12-02-2009, 07:28 PM	#4
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,806 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,624 Thanked 12,191 Times in 3,779 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	One of my first "hard-core" exprieriences with online discussion forums was with the University of Phoenix/Axia [online] College. One of our first classes/subjects was online ediquette and how we present our discussion or convey our thoughts to our readers (aka, our audience). I learned many things during this assignment. It drove home a few good points, one in particular being that before computers, we were taught penmenship and would often spend more effort in the proper manners or ediquette of conversing or communication. In the computer age, we are more apt to quickly jot out an email or text message (often without proof reading)...without giving much considersation to how our "tone of voice" sounds in that medium. That assignment taught me a great deal about my "Tone" in any form of communication. Grade schools no longer teach penmenship nor spend much time on pubic speaking/addressing your audience or various forms of communication and ediquette. I used that assignment to improve upon my communication skills at work: Until recently, I worked for the State in the Health Care Policy/Legislative Analysis unit. (...I am certainly ENJOYING my sebatical after resigning :-) ) I was "high up" in management and had to deal with many diverse, sometimes difficult or hostile personalities and audiences. One workgroup that I coordinated had several members, that no matter what "tone" you used with them, always had an argument or misunderstanding of your intentions...or their emails would always convey a very hostile attitude or tone. All the workgroup members worked out of different offices and we spent TOO MUCH time coordinating assignments/duties and very difficult, tedious projects over email. Many times, things would get "lost in translation" because someone fired off an email before thinking of their tone or the person(s) they were addressing. At that job, I also drafted responses to various audiences such as the Secretary of Public Welfare, House/Senate Reps or a mother or 3 who questioned why her benefits didn't pay. I had to be hyper aware of my tone, "passive versus active voice" and who I was addressing. During my online college classes, I tried to develop a more "gentle or appropriate" tone to my responses to our discussion groups and always kept in mind that I was addressing the class as a whole... At work, it was more difficult because I had to be hyper aware of various personalities and how they may read and misinterpret my email and my tone. Not to mention, my email to our Director would contain more ediquette in my tone, than say to my co-worker/best friend. Here, at BFP, (or other online forums) I am mindful of my audience and try to make sure I don't "fire off a post" like I would fire off an email without proofreading or respecting my reader. Before college, I had a tendency to fire off emails without thinking. At work, I had one lovely individual that preferred I keep things simple and fire off email instructions like "Please proofread/comment on this Design Document and respond by COB Friday. Thanks" But lordy forbid I do that with a particular other coworker... she would rip my head off!! In all online communications with this person, I had to bend over backwards to "be polite" and address her as if she were the Queen of the Moon. And if she didn't like what you had to say, she would hit the "reply to all" button and fire off back at the whole workgroup in a very "accusitory and angry" tone. She would often be hot tempered and misinterpret your intentions and tone, without asking questions or for clarification. Yet she would never keep her tone or audience in mind. And..while working there I learned a great deal about not emailing my "opinion" on things or being too vague in my descriptions of scenarios. When I first took that workgroup over, we had no "communication plan" or specific responsible parties for certain tasks... I learned while desiging our communication plan, that I should covey things in "concepts" rather than opinions or scenarios. "What if we were to go with concept A, versus concept B or C?" or "I beleive that concept C is the better choice, but I'd like to hear your views before we decide." If I came over as too strong in my opinion, I would get instant hostility from certain people...because they took me as "ordering them around" or "that idea just can't be done". When I conveyed concepts or ideas through more detailed explinations... (I may understand the scenario in "simple terms", but someone else not familar with the problem or acronyms/"techie talk" may need a broken down version of my discussion??) my coworkers were more responsive and many who were threatened by that hostile person would be more apt to speak up and chime-in on the discussion and give very valid points. That hostile persons tone used in email and R/T would often stop others from participating in the discussion. When I took over that workgroup, I worked very hard to get the non-responsive individuals more comfortable about chiming in... it was all a well spent effort in improving my personal communication and ediquette to others...mostly over online mediums. LOL...where can I get in line for my: