Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by deeperstill

my ex. she is my friend and my former beloved. she is deep deep in denial and i swear it is breaking my heart. every time i think she has come to that place of understanding/that place where she finally sees, she says or does something to remind me that in fact she does not see. it comes in waves, this pain and anger and frustration and need to save her. i must not intervene again. this is my mantra for today.

I believe that powerlessness is often the biggest thing in the world, or at least it feels that way to me some-days.........good luck with letting go. It's a great gift when you can give it.

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 19



Rings of Color against Butterflies



Resistance I can accomplish directly; impedance requires magnetism from an alternating world. I can drag my heels and live life in a sandpaper shack making everything a chore, but what it takes to throw furniture in the path of progress, slamming doors and turning off the lights that is more than I can do on my own. This takes the cooperation of my disease and me, the monkey-hoop, which is effort and clever repartee. Look how well we do it, too. Distracting possibilities, staving off humanity and the humane, may not sound like much, but it takes up our whole day; goodness is such a persistent little grub. It takes a concerted effort to prevent it from chrysalis and failing that, still more determination to make sure it doesn’t fly.




Listen to music the way you walk through a garden

*


2 CHAIRS

Math is the language which moves
Closest to the speed of my brain.
The language of recovery slows my thinking
So I am more than numbers and clicks.

I need not race my mind in an effort to win.
I am my prize.
The victory is mine if I can embrace who I am.

I can use numbers to figure whether I am more or less
But owning who I am must be given
To the talk of the soul and heart.

My nashamah is not an astral projection
To be theorized but the seat of my emotions.
The only way to discover myself
Is through deep and loving conversation
So I had best pull up two chairs.

[deeperstill]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

I believe that powerlessness is often the biggest thing in the world, or at least it feels that way to me some-days.........good luck with letting go. It's a great gift when you can give it.

Thank you LWF. I will keep that thought uppermost in my mind tonight.

[Soft*Silver]

Today as I was sitting in my lawn chair and watering my garden, I was fussing over how many weeds I missed. Some over there..some there..one right in front of me...and you all know those weeds were symbolic of my resentments...so it was really nagging at me that I had missed so many of them...

until..I dont know what caused me to look up...but I did.

Instead of looking down, I looked up...

and saw that one of my suflowers had finally bloomed...

its not enough to just see part of your "inventory"

sometimes you need to see all of it...

or the best of it instead of the harshness of it...

if we always look in one direction, we will never see the sunflowers...

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 20


Taking the Field



Humor is an illustration; a joke an explanation. I learn far more from the smiles than the jeers. Laughter carries me; an action, which tears can’t always accomplish. It is hard to live with constant descent, but wit is a quick impassioned friend. Thoughtless conformity is an evil companion I prefer the company of those who play. Life is too hard from the sidelines; I would rather take the field.



Find a pit crew before you crash

*

DEFINITIONS

I am close to my Higher Power
But I have no words to describe It.
I have found it best to say nothing unless asked.

When I do speak it is always the path I took
Or the way I held my face.
I know the things, which changed
And the wind, which blew.

This is not the sketch most people seek.
My skin is brown and my smile broad.
This is not from over exposure to beams of light.

Closeness warms me, I glow from standing near.
I know the face and form is different for everyday
I must not stop for definitions.

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 21



Rules

There are rules about breaking rules. You can do it this way, but must not that way. Cross this line and you get dragons; cross that line you get a good natured slap on the wrist. Beneath the reflective surface of law I have found many shoals and sandbars; rocks and outcroppings, layer upon layer of blue depth I can only partly chart. I also find inquiries in this matter meet with the same reaction as asking about: yeti, crop circles, or what was kept in Uncle Author’s spare room. Those willing to talk about it I often fear to hear from and the reluctant to speak I fear to pursue. You see this investigation is just another thing from under that sea.






Look before you listen

*

MY BABIES

Too often I have abandoned the infants
Of my creativity to doorways and charities
Having little patience I did not raise them
To their intended station.

Joyful parentage need not stop
At the cutting of the cord.
Down playing the importance of each birth
I leave beauty and art to be foundlings
And the province of others.

I can share the guardianship of these precious gifts
And be more than a broodmare for cunning and craft.
I have neglected things
For the promise of each new conception.

Overpopulation weakens the body of work
And leaves my portfolio listless and immature.

[TenderKnight]

First of all, Thank you all for posting in this thread.. I have been reading quietly for a couple of months now.. I have been thinking about starting a "Friends of Jimmy" thread, I'm mainly dealing with my opiate (spl) addiction.. I stopped cold turkey last friday because I didn't trust myself to go to T.J. to get some to ramp myself down. I have to say, opiate withdrawl sucks ass.. Hard.. lol

I asked a co-worker to take all my stash and booze lastnight.. She isn't in the program but cared enough to do it for me.. It still amazes me how friggin SCARED i was to let her have it all.. I've set down all my spiritual tools, but am fumbling around for them.. My body feels like crap and I'm embarressed to be in withdrawl. I will be going to some real/time meetings soon, but right now, I am having issues just getting out of bed..

Blah.. I'm going to be ok, but needed to share on a more public level and the fact that you all can't see me right now helps. Thanks.

Tony, sick addict who is getting better, ever so slowly..

[LeftWriteFemme]

Good luck TenderKnight,

Please be very careful as you withdraw, get some in person help as soon as you can and know that this thread and the people who read it are here any time.

best wishes,

Sherrie