The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People

[Apocalipstic]

I do think that is someone wanted to help and be a buddy it should be someone of the same gender. I think wayyy less confusion would happen that way.

and

Don't give out your phone numbers and adresses to anyone!

[Soft*Silver]

I think gender has little to do with it.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I do think that is someone wanted to help and be a buddy it should be someone of the same gender. I think wayyy less confusion would happen that way.

and

Don't give out your phone numbers and adresses to anyone!

what is your line of thinking on this?

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

what is your line of thinking on this?

Liam suggested it and I think if it is something he wants to do, it might be cool. I really have no idea how it would work, but admire him for suggesting it.

I am not really stable enough mood and time wise on a day to day basis to do somethting like this myself and honestly, do not have the patience. If I made good suggestions and the person refused to make any changes, I would be DONE. Laugh! I would be a nagging freak. Plus, I don't always say the right things myself.

I do also think it is important to know predators are out there and to be very very careful like Softness said. I thought maybe if the person needing help was a guy, having a guy buddy would keep anyone from getting any "ideas" as it were, or same if it's a Femme or Butch. But if the person is really a predator with nothing wrong with them (and they are out there) then no amount of Buddy is going to help.

So, to sumarize....
I could not do it
and it depends on the person, if something is ACTUALLY wrong with them and are they the type to accept help.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Liam suggested it and I think if it is something he wants to do, it might be cool. I really have no idea how it would work, but admire him for suggesting it.

I am not really stable enough mood and time wise on a day to day basis to do somethting like this myself and honestly, do not have the patience. If I made good suggestions and the person refused to make any changes, I would be DONE. Laugh! I would be a nagging freak. Plus, I don't always say the right things myself.

I do also think it is important to know predators are out there and to be very very careful like Softness said. I thought maybe if the person needing help was a guy, having a guy buddy would keep anyone from getting any "ideas" as it were, or same
if it's a Femme or Butch. But if the person is really a predator with nothing wrong with them (and they are out there) then no amount of Buddy is going to help.

So, to sumarize....
I could not do it
and it depends on the person, if something is ACTUALLY wrong with them and are they the type to accept help.

what is "it" that liam suggested?
was it in this thread, or somewhere else?
the only suggestion i can find by Liam is to put people on ignore.

what am i missing? (its making me question my sanity, not yours)

i totally support a buddy system in any capacity, but think it is a myth that femmes and butches/transfolk cannot have a relationship that isn't sexual.

i would hope that anyone being harassed by or otherwise affected by a predator would remember to use the report system, or pm a mod or admin.

[Soft*Silver]

In AA, they suggest you get a sponsor of the opposite sex. Why? Because then you wont have sexual or romantic feelings about them.

How heterosexist.

I had sponsors who were straight females and lesbians and bisexuals. Inappropriate shit happened with all of them. The straight chick thought I was stealing her gay homophobic boyfriend. The bisexual kept grabbing my hands and putting them on her breasts. The lesbian relapsed and ran off with my ex's best friend. Its a wonder I stayed sober. But, its a program of recovery and its INEVITABLE shit is going to happen, downhill or uphill.

And I have had straight men, gay men and bisexual men as sponsors. Straight man hit on me. In a fatherly way. (tell me that didnt fuck with my inventory!)The gay man was wonderful but I moved away and then his son died..we drifted apart sadly. The bisexual is dead...AIDS. Again, shit happens, its a program of recovery and its INEVITABLE problems would occur.

But, AA doesnt promise a perfect life, it just promises coping skills to deal with life.

And THATS why i didnt drink...

to bring this around to our new topic in this thread: gender.

Its heterosexist to think opposite genders cant work together. yes, heterosexists because it is based on the duelity of genders system of orientation. I dont know about you but I left that tricycle along time ago. No offense meant, Ap, but someone of my gender has nothing to do with my mental health and social issues. Who I sleep with or live with or fall in love with does not determine how well I will function with A, B, or C. Let alone J, and K.

btw...my sponsor now is a lesbian who is in a loving committed long term relationship with a guy. I dont know his orientation. Do I care? Not a bit. She is a damn good sponsor and I am working hard at what she gives me because she has what I want and it aint her vagina.

so...just wanted to elaborate on what I didnt have time to say earlier....

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by softness

In AA, they suggest you get a sponsor of the opposite sex. Why? Because then you wont have sexual or romantic feelings about them.

How heterosexist.

I had sponsors who were straight females and lesbians and bisexuals. Inappropriate shit happened with all of them. The straight chick thought I was stealing her gay homophobic boyfriend. The bisexual kept grabbing my hands and putting them on her breasts. The lesbian relapsed and ran off with my ex's best friend. Its a wonder I stayed sober. But, its a program of recovery and its INEVITABLE shit is going to happen, downhill or uphill.

And I have had straight men, gay men and bisexual men as sponsors. Straight man hit on me. In a fatherly way. (tell me that didnt fuck with my inventory!)The gay man was wonderful but I moved away and then his son died..we drifted apart sadly. The bisexual is dead...AIDS. Again, shit happens, its a program of recovery and its INEVITABLE problems would occur.

But, AA doesnt promise a perfect life, it just promises coping skills to deal with life.

And THATS why i didnt drink...

to bring this around to our new topic in this thread: gender.

Its heterosexist to think opposite genders cant work together. yes, heterosexists because it is based on the duelity of genders system of orientation. I dont know about you but I left that tricycle along time ago. No offense meant, Ap, but someone of my gender has nothing to do with my mental health and social issues. Who I sleep with or live with or fall in love with does not determine how well I will function with A, B, or C. Let alone J, and K.

btw...my sponsor now is a lesbian who is in a loving committed long term relationship with a guy. I dont know his orientation. Do I care? Not a bit. She is a damn good sponsor and I am working hard at what she gives me because she has what I want and it aint her vagina.

so...just wanted to elaborate on what I didnt have time to say earlier....

I have not ever been to AA, so I don't know all the right things to do for adictions. I thought we were talking about DA people, not addicts. To me it is a totally different subject.

I just thought you indicated you felt unsafe beacsue of what you experienced being a buddy and so I assumed it was not another Femme. I was wrong, I appologize.

I keep getting stuck on people feeling unsafe and wanting to help, but if I am not helping, then no problem.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by June

Just to be clear, any "Buddy System" will be negotiated on a one-to-one basis between individuals. We will not be starting a thread to match "Buddies". That is a very personal thing and no one should feel compelled to have one, or not have one.

Nothing wrong with discussing the merits, I just don't want this to get out of hand and have folks asking for a Buddy Policy, because BFP, the owners and the volunteer moderators are not licensed to administrate or facilitate help for those with DA beyond allowing space to be used for support and discussion among peers.

Thanks,
June (Moderator voice, not moderating)

I am not asking for someone suggested it and I have read several pages trying to figure out who...but really I give up.

Softness mentioned how unsafe it was and I was mulling over how maybe same gender would help. Unfortunately for us all, this is how my brain works.

I could not do it and would never ask anyone else to do something I would not do myself.

I thought we were discussing, I am sorry if it again sounded like I was asking for change.
Again and example about how some of us have differences communicating. Maybe I am too hyper focused to be on this thread.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

what is "it" that liam suggested?
was it in this thread, or somewhere else?
the only suggestion i can find by Liam is to put people on ignore.

what am i missing? (its making me question my sanity, not yours)

i totally support a buddy system in any capacity, but think it is a myth that femmes and butches/transfolk cannot have a relationship that isn't sexual.

i would hope that anyone being harassed by or otherwise affected by a predator would remember to use the report system, or pm a mod or admin.

Maybe it was someone else

sorry I thought it was Liam
I don't have time to go look.

Of course we can all be friends, I just keep reading about Femmes feeling unsafe, that is the only reason I suggested it. If no one actualy feel unsafe, then there is no problem.

Really a this point, I don't care anymore if someone feels unsafe if they won't just use the ignore button and insist on giving out their phone numbers and addresses.