Gay Marriage until...a break up. Why Gays need to walk the walk.

Corkey · 07-27-2010, 01:52 PM

What ever they do, or don't do as far as ending their relationship, yea well it's on them and how they handle it. If they were married under the same CA law that some others were, they should have to be divorced under CA law as well. That is reason, and practical. That Melissa wants to nullify her responsibility in dissolving her marriage I don't think she can just walk away free and clear.

Rook · 07-27-2010, 02:17 PM

hmm...
Someone said it best {and I think he's straight, not sure, I gotta find his name, damnit...}
"So they want the right to be Just as miserable as the rest of us? Go for it..When you're tired of it, fight for the right to endure the Endless Bliss of Divorce, custody and alimony"

Yes, we're held to a Higher Standard due to the fact we're {generally speaking} raising a Loud cry for Equal Marital rights...
But, Melissa's certainly not the first one to pull this...
I'll gladly refresh your memories
Let's discuss Martina Navratilova, who is , btw, enduring yet another Palimony issue..
No, she didnt "marry" per se, but she sure as hell hasn't learned her lesson...
Get a pre-nup !!
Anne Heche and Ellen DeGeneres aren't quite on the map, to my knowledge those 2 didnt marry..
Ellen did marry Portia though, and so far{knock on wood} they're blissfully happy....

As for Melissa trying to nullify stuff...
Plenty folks ask for Annulments, particularly Catholics..
Why can't she?
Higher Standards?
Trying to avoid Tammy's legal right to certain compensations for enduring lord knows what in the course of their Relationship?
The ones suffering, I'm pretty sure, besides Tammy, are the kids...
Bad enuff they seen Mum split once before, now they gotta watch Mums own community debate/dissect her separation to the last point...

In California, if you married for 10 years +, your Ex is entitled to a lot of stuff, unless stipulated prior to "I Do", which is why , I'm guessing, Tom Cruise kicked Nicole Kidman to the curb right before their 10th....

I could be wrong...

AtLast · 07-27-2010, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rook

hmm...
Someone said it best {and I think he's straight, not sure, I gotta find his name, damnit...}
"So they want the right to be Just as miserable as the rest of us? Go for it..When you're tired of it, fight for the right to endure the Endless Bliss of Divorce, custody and alimony"

Yes, we're held to a Higher Standard due to the fact we're {generally speaking} raising a Loud cry for Equal Marital rights...
But, Melissa's certainly not the first one to pull this...
I'll gladly refresh your memories
Let's discuss Martina Navratilova, who is , btw, enduring yet another Palimony issue..
No, she didnt "marry" per se, but she sure as hell hasn't learned her lesson...
Get a pre-nup !!
Anne Heche and Ellen DeGeneres aren't quite on the map, to my knowledge those 2 didnt marry..
Ellen did marry Portia though, and so far{knock on wood} they're blissfully happy....

As for Melissa trying to nullify stuff...
Plenty folks ask for Annulments, particularly Catholics..
Why can't she?
Higher Standards?
Trying to avoid Tammy's legal right to certain compensations for enduring lord knows what in the course of their Relationship?
The ones suffering, I'm pretty sure, besides Tammy, are the kids...
Bad enuff they seen Mum split once before, now they gotta watch Mums own community debate/dissect her separation to the last point...

In California, if you married for 10 years +, your Ex is entitled to a lot of stuff, unless stipulated prior to "I Do", which is why , I'm guessing, Tom Cruise kicked Nicole Kidman to the curb right before their 10th....

I could be wrong...

Even though it can be a very sensitive subject, pre-nups/break-up agreements should be part of every marriage. Negotiated in a fair manner by each person. I don't see a lot of discussion about this within same-sex relationships and marriages... or even with most straight unions with just regular people. Yet, we all know that break-ups/divorce is a possibility. So much emotional stress can be saved with just doing this! I know, it isn't very romantic, but it is practical. And can actually be a good way to develop communication skills together.. BEFORE... a major stressor hits. this needs to be done right along with powers of attorney and end of life directives.

Hell, make it romantic, celebrate the completion of all of these legal things by going on a weekend mini-vacation or something. Frame it all in the context of genuinely caring for one another in a fair and equitable manner. If you have children, there are many legalities to deal with which are much the same as in het marriages.

I have no idea if Etheridge did a pre-nup and I hope she and her spouse did (I don't know a thing about either of them, really.. like some of Etheridge's music and knew she battled cancer). Would really not make much to me if they didn't simply due to Etheridge’s celebrity and she probably has some wealth. And what were the agreements about this in terms of her spouse? California divorce law will be utilized for a settlement. Hopefully, a pre-nup will be in place to be the foundation of the settlement and how they are going to share and continue to care for their kids.`

UGH.. Thinking about we can always count on money/assets to be the edge of the knife in death and divorce! And one of the most difficult things for couples to agree about within or outside of marriage.

Oh, yeah, I remember Martina’s palimony case! And there have been others, so it isn’t as if no precedent has been set, especially in California. Absolutely, the time one is married is part of California divorce law and it is a community property state along with having no fault divorce.
I really do hope they both keep the drama out of all of this. Of course, the media loves stuff like this.

Things like one's honor and character really come into focus at times like these.

TenderKnight · 07-27-2010, 02:42 PM

You know, I just spent about 30 minutes trying to express myself about how I feel about the whole marrege thing in a new thread.. And about 30 minutes into it I looked at the clock and said, WTF?? I don't even know where I'd post all the crap I was pouring onto the page.. lol

I guess the sum of it is this.. My folks have been together for almost 40 years.. They had tough times.. REALLY tough.. I remember the fights and stuff that went on behind thier closed doors when I was growing up.. Yet, today, they are still together and going strong. That is what a commited relationship is all about.. After the day was done, they love each other and are in a partnership.. You don't just leave. You stick it out.. You give each other space, you listen and HEAR what the other person is saying..

I guess that I'm a bit jaded.. I've always been in the heart space of let's work it out.. When my partner says that it's over and that's it, I don't get it.. I beleive that time is needed and when I give someone space, it is with the belief that in that space, we are still trying to work toward a common goal.. Seeing what we can do to make it work. I guess that not everyone feels that way..

I donno.. I am really trying not to dredge up past stuff here, but recently I met with an ex and there was still love for each other there.. No, I'm not going to try to get back with her.. She is in another space and she doesn't need me there. I can accept that.. My issue is that when we seperated the first time, we'd agreed that we'd give it time and see what comes after a certain amount of time, at that time, it was a year. In my head, I felt like that was the agreement.. Now, I realize that it is NOT fair for someone to put thier life on hold for another if that pewrson (me) was going through shit that was purely thier (my) space. I was trying to get sober and get my shit together..

Gah.. See what I mean?? lol.. I guess my point is that I'm a nester. When I'm commited, I'm there and I have a hard time NOT being there.. Maybe that is why I'm single?? lol.. I donno.

In the terms of marriage, i think that there is a lot of hype about being equal and stuff, but the under lying MEANING of marriage, to *ME* is better or for worse.. It isn't about the wedding, it isn't about tax breaks.. It's about being in a real and viable partnership.. When you bring the legal stuff in, it becomes a business of two (or more if you are poly and involved in more then one commited partnerships). It becomes legal. I feel that some people can and do abuse this, both gay folks and straight folks.. It becomes a trap to keep someone there and it becomes a safety net because if it doesn't work out, you can get compensated.

Bah.. Marriage is just such a eye roll for me these days.. I see 18 year olds getting married and then breaking up 2 years later.. I have been to many weddings and commitment ceramonies where the main point is that it's a huge show. A way to prove to one another that they mean business. That just boggles my mind. *sighs* I have no idea if I'm being clear at all and I actually looked for a thread about commitment and working things out.. I wasn't able to find one, but if I missed it, I'm sorry..

My point is this.. I really feel that some folks think of marriage as this magical realm and a happy ending. In my head, that is just the beginning of a long road full of awesome vistas and terrifing lows, a road that two people travel together. Sometimes people get distracted on the trip.. The other partner waits for them to catch up.. Some folks get fucking WORN OUT and need to stop walking for a bit.. That is when the other person stops and waits it out or maybe offers some comfort. Sometimes, maybe the two folks need a road map, and they seek for answers at the welcome station by the road (this would be finding a therapist or faith counceling). The road doesn't end and the point is to travel it together.

I feel that people put a lot of weight on the legal stuff and not enough on the commitment. That is my beef with the whole same-sex marriage thing.. People are turning it into some kind of beacon to hold and without the word MARRIAGE the relationship isn't as real in the eyes of the mainstream and the eyes of other GLBTQ folks. I beleive that if you are in a commited relationship and are living in the USA, you should be getting the same tax breaks and stuff, both good and bad.

Another point of making a relationship *legal* and putting it on the books.. It is now not only a spiritual contract, but a business contract as well. That involves courts and lawyers and judges and money and property. Not to mention if thier happen to be children involved..

OK, I think I'm done.. I hope that some of that ramble was clear and my points got across.. I truely need an editor when I post like this.. lol

SuperFemme, I hope that my ramble is on topic and relavent to this thread.. Thank you for starting the thread and I look forward to reading more posts within it.

In Light,
Tony

07-27-2010, 01:52 PM	#1
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,268 Times in 6,637 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	What ever they do, or don't do as far as ending their relationship, yea well it's on them and how they handle it. If they were married under the same CA law that some others were, they should have to be divorced under CA law as well. That is reason, and practical. That Melissa wants to nullify her responsibility in dissolving her marriage I don't think she can just walk away free and clear. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

07-27-2010, 02:17 PM	#2
Rook Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A.G - Stone Butch - GenderFuck Preferred Pronoun?: Hym, Hyz...or, just b respectable, it's not that hard.. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Columbus Posts: 2,280 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,227 Thanked 3,182 Times in 1,287 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	hmm... Someone said it best {and I think he's straight, not sure, I gotta find his name, damnit...} "So they want the right to be Just as miserable as the rest of us? Go for it..When you're tired of it, fight for the right to endure the Endless Bliss of Divorce, custody and alimony" Yes, we're held to a Higher Standard due to the fact we're {generally speaking} raising a Loud cry for Equal Marital rights... But, Melissa's certainly not the first one to pull this... I'll gladly refresh your memories Let's discuss Martina Navratilova, who is , btw, enduring yet another Palimony issue.. No, she didnt "marry" per se, but she sure as hell hasn't learned her lesson... Get a pre-nup !! Anne Heche and Ellen DeGeneres aren't quite on the map, to my knowledge those 2 didnt marry.. Ellen did marry Portia though, and so far{knock on wood} they're blissfully happy.... As for Melissa trying to nullify stuff... Plenty folks ask for Annulments, particularly Catholics.. Why can't she? Higher Standards? Trying to avoid Tammy's legal right to certain compensations for enduring lord knows what in the course of their Relationship? The ones suffering, I'm pretty sure, besides Tammy, are the kids... Bad enuff they seen Mum split once before, now they gotta watch Mums own community debate/dissect her separation to the last point... In California, if you married for 10 years +, your Ex is entitled to a lot of stuff, unless stipulated prior to "I Do", which is why , I'm guessing, Tom Cruise kicked Nicole Kidman to the curb right before their 10th.... I could be wrong... __________________

07-27-2010, 02:42 PM	#4
TenderKnight Member How Do You Identify?: Kinky Poly Transman Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Monroe, NC Posts: 551 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 773 Thanked 822 Times in 256 Posts Rep Power: 2402408	You know, I just spent about 30 minutes trying to express myself about how I feel about the whole marrege thing in a new thread.. And about 30 minutes into it I looked at the clock and said, WTF?? I don't even know where I'd post all the crap I was pouring onto the page.. lol I guess the sum of it is this.. My folks have been together for almost 40 years.. They had tough times.. REALLY tough.. I remember the fights and stuff that went on behind thier closed doors when I was growing up.. Yet, today, they are still together and going strong. That is what a commited relationship is all about.. After the day was done, they love each other and are in a partnership.. You don't just leave. You stick it out.. You give each other space, you listen and HEAR what the other person is saying.. I guess that I'm a bit jaded.. I've always been in the heart space of let's work it out.. When my partner says that it's over and that's it, I don't get it.. I beleive that time is needed and when I give someone space, it is with the belief that in that space, we are still trying to work toward a common goal.. Seeing what we can do to make it work. I guess that not everyone feels that way.. I donno.. I am really trying not to dredge up past stuff here, but recently I met with an ex and there was still love for each other there.. No, I'm not going to try to get back with her.. She is in another space and she doesn't need me there. I can accept that.. My issue is that when we seperated the first time, we'd agreed that we'd give it time and see what comes after a certain amount of time, at that time, it was a year. In my head, I felt like that was the agreement.. Now, I realize that it is NOT fair for someone to put thier life on hold for another if that pewrson (me) was going through shit that was purely thier (my) space. I was trying to get sober and get my shit together.. Gah.. See what I mean?? lol.. I guess my point is that I'm a nester. When I'm commited, I'm there and I have a hard time NOT being there.. Maybe that is why I'm single?? lol.. I donno. In the terms of marriage, i think that there is a lot of hype about being equal and stuff, but the under lying MEANING of marriage, to ME is better or for worse.. It isn't about the wedding, it isn't about tax breaks.. It's about being in a real and viable partnership.. When you bring the legal stuff in, it becomes a business of two (or more if you are poly and involved in more then one commited partnerships). It becomes legal. I feel that some people can and do abuse this, both gay folks and straight folks.. It becomes a trap to keep someone there and it becomes a safety net because if it doesn't work out, you can get compensated. Bah.. Marriage is just such a eye roll for me these days.. I see 18 year olds getting married and then breaking up 2 years later.. I have been to many weddings and commitment ceramonies where the main point is that it's a huge show. A way to prove to one another that they mean business. That just boggles my mind. sighs I have no idea if I'm being clear at all and I actually looked for a thread about commitment and working things out.. I wasn't able to find one, but if I missed it, I'm sorry.. My point is this.. I really feel that some folks think of marriage as this magical realm and a happy ending. In my head, that is just the beginning of a long road full of awesome vistas and terrifing lows, a road that two people travel together. Sometimes people get distracted on the trip.. The other partner waits for them to catch up.. Some folks get fucking WORN OUT and need to stop walking for a bit.. That is when the other person stops and waits it out or maybe offers some comfort. Sometimes, maybe the two folks need a road map, and they seek for answers at the welcome station by the road (this would be finding a therapist or faith counceling). The road doesn't end and the point is to travel it together. I feel that people put a lot of weight on the legal stuff and not enough on the commitment. That is my beef with the whole same-sex marriage thing.. People are turning it into some kind of beacon to hold and without the word MARRIAGE the relationship isn't as real in the eyes of the mainstream and the eyes of other GLBTQ folks. I beleive that if you are in a commited relationship and are living in the USA, you should be getting the same tax breaks and stuff, both good and bad. Another point of making a relationship legal and putting it on the books.. It is now not only a spiritual contract, but a business contract as well. That involves courts and lawyers and judges and money and property. Not to mention if thier happen to be children involved.. OK, I think I'm done.. I hope that some of that ramble was clear and my points got across.. I truely need an editor when I post like this.. lol SuperFemme, I hope that my ramble is on topic and relavent to this thread.. Thank you for starting the thread and I look forward to reading more posts within it. In Light, Tony __________________ The beatings shall continue.. until moral improves..