How did you know?

[Kenna]

Originally Posted by kassykit

......sometimes it's hard to just be yourself, or at least it is for me!! which i suppose is why i'm soul searching

am hunting for answers, inside and outside......

thank you for your input

Dearest Mishy, you certainly are not alone.

I won't give my long life story to describe how I relate to you...I won't turn this subject into "all about me"... but I will support you with open arms and a warm understanding heart in your soul searching and hunting for answers....

My story shortened, my childhood was filled with much the same thing and MANY times I hid in the mountains and countryside, arriving home well after dark willing to take the whipping for missing dinner rather than be at home... I am also a Rape Survivor. I came out several years ago and have, until very recently, struggled very much with my femme/lesbian identity and "how do I fit in". One of my accomplishments in life was turning my feelings as a rape victim, into becoming a Survivor (in all senses of the word, and becoming a Domestic Violence Advocate). Being a Survivor (to me) does not allow my abusers or my rapist to re-victimize me or continue to abuse me, in any form...especially my mental/physical health state. I do not intend to down play anyone who is a victim (absolutely no insult intended)...after my abuse, I HAD to see myself as a Survivor, or lose my mind...

My struggle with "am I Femme?", came from not being confident of myself, not having much of a community here or mentors, my lack of knowledge of various identities and dynamics and my misconception that "Femme" meant my outside appearances only ...how I dressed, etc. I have many hobbies that are related to masculine activities/stereotypes (including all things mechanical)... at work, I am very much a "High Power Priss" in my "kick ass femmie clothes and sexy boots" (sometimes even wearing a beautiful corset & thigh highs under my black "stuffy" business suit)... but for the longest time, I questioned "Am I Femme?, what does Femme mean to me?... I'm not Top? I'm not always submissive so I didn't consider myself entirely bottom... am I Butch because I like to fix cars and am very aggressive in the boardroom at work?... etc, etc...does Femme mean just how I dress?"

Very recently I entered into a wonderful, very promising relationship with an AMAZING StoneButch...someone I took my time getting to know and respect. Someone who has gently and patiently guided me and stood beside me during my "identity crisis" and my journey to find what Femme means to me... after reading one of her posts on "the other site" and talking with her more, I suddenly and with much delight realized that I AM FEMME because Femme is what I am inside, not my outside appearances and I am NOT a "confused straight woman" (as I had been accused of being by a heartless person, I pass for straight and to the het world, am an "invisible Femme" because I'm not recognized or accepted as a lesbian or Femme..."they just don't get me".) ... I AM Femme because I am a Survivor and I AM PROUD of Surviving my hardships and PROUD of who I am... I am Femme while in my bluejeans and baseball cap with pony tail looped out the back when I go outside to bust my knuckles on the manifold of my car... I AM a FEISTY Femme as I stand in my boardroom and tell them how it is, my way or the highway... I am Femme when I come home and take my "boss hat" off, kick my boots off and proceed to kiss and greet my partner and turn into a Sweet, Loving, Content, Gentle, Cute, Sexy, Smart, Quiet, Thoughtful, Respectful, Affectionate "Queen of my Kitchen" Femme that my partner adores. I recently joked with my partner... "I'm not Femme Top, I'm not entirely Femme Bottom... can I be Femme Middle?" lol

Hon, be yourself... turn your soul searching into a Journey to find what your identity means to you... in the process and struggle, be careful not to lose "Mishy".

We love, respect and adore you...Mishy... no matter what ID or label you feel comfortable with...

sorry I rambled, it was more than I had intended... but this subject and supporting you is very near and dear to my heart. Look me up any time... Much TLC,
S&C
ID: Queen of my Kitchen

[kassykit]

pace pace pace

must think on this, possibly sleep on this before i reply on your post

Thank you for the time and effort you put into replying, i will reply when i'm not so frazzeled, first week of the quarter is always a cluster****

Originally Posted by Sweet&Content

Dearest Mishy, you certainly are not alone.

I won't give my long life story to describe how I relate to you...I won't turn this subject into "all about me"... but I will support you with open arms and a warm understanding heart in your soul searching and hunting for answers....

My story shortened, my childhood was filled with much the same thing and MANY times I hid in the mountains and countryside, arriving home well after dark willing to take the whipping for missing dinner rather than be at home... I am also a Rape Survivor. I came out several years ago and have, until very recently, struggled very much with my femme/lesbian identity and "how do I fit in". One of my accomplishments in life was turning my feelings as a rape victim, into becoming a Survivor (in all senses of the word, and becoming a Domestic Violence Advocate). Being a Survivor (to me) does not allow my abusers or my rapist to re-victimize me or continue to abuse me, in any form...especially my mental/physical health state. I do not intend to down play anyone who is a victim (absolutely no insult intended)...after my abuse, I HAD to see myself as a Survivor, or lose my mind...

My struggle with "am I Femme?", came from not being confident of myself, not having much of a community here or mentors, my lack of knowledge of various identities and dynamics and my misconception that "Femme" meant my outside appearances only ...how I dressed, etc. I have many hobbies that are related to masculine activities/stereotypes (including all things mechanical)... at work, I am very much a "High Power Priss" in my "kick ass femmie clothes and sexy boots" (sometimes even wearing a beautiful corset & thigh highs under my black "stuffy" business suit)... but for the longest time, I questioned "Am I Femme?, what does Femme mean to me?... I'm not Top? I'm not always submissive so I didn't consider myself entirely bottom... am I Butch because I like to fix cars and am very aggressive in the boardroom at work?... etc, etc...does Femme mean just how I dress?"

Very recently I entered into a wonderful, very promising relationship with an AMAZING StoneButch...someone I took my time getting to know and respect. Someone who has gently and patiently guided me and stood beside me during my "identity crisis" and my journey to find what Femme means to me... after reading one of her posts on "the other site" and talking with her more, I suddenly and with much delight realized that I AM FEMME because Femme is what I am inside, not my outside appearances and I am NOT a "confused straight woman" (as I had been accused of being by a heartless person, I pass for straight and to the het world, am an "invisible Femme" because I'm not recognized or accepted as a lesbian or Femme..."they just don't get me".) ... I AM Femme because I am a Survivor and I AM PROUD of Surviving my hardships and PROUD of who I am... I am Femme while in my bluejeans and baseball cap with pony tail looped out the back when I go outside to bust my knuckles on the manifold of my car... I AM a FEISTY Femme as I stand in my boardroom and tell them how it is, my way or the highway... I am Femme when I come home and take my "boss hat" off, kick my boots off and proceed to kiss and greet my partner and turn into a Sweet, Loving, Content, Gentle, Cute, Sexy, Smart, Quiet, Thoughtful, Respectful, Affectionate "Queen of my Kitchen" Femme that my partner adores. I recently joked with my partner... "I'm not Femme Top, I'm not entirely Femme Bottom... can I be Femme Middle?" lol

Hon, be yourself... turn your soul searching into a Journey to find what your identity means to you... in the process and struggle, be careful not to lose "Mishy".

We love, respect and adore you...Mishy... no matter what ID or label you feel comfortable with...

sorry I rambled, it was more than I had intended... but this subject and supporting you is very near and dear to my heart. Look me up any time... Much TLC,
S&C
ID: Queen of my Kitchen

[Kenna]

Originally Posted by kassykit

pace pace pace

must think on this, possibly sleep on this before i reply on your post

Thank you for the time and effort you put into replying, i will reply when i'm not so frazzeled, first week of the quarter is always a cluster****

You are very welcome...Oh darlin', there's no need to feel pressured to respond...just find a little something today that makes your heart smile and makes you happy...that's response enough. Take care and best wishes.

[kassykit]

No pressure felt!

I just have a whirlwind of thoughts that run through my head, sometimes it takes me a few days to sort them out into a coherant order

Originally Posted by Sweet&Content

You are very welcome...Oh darlin', there's no need to feel pressured to respond...just find a little something today that makes your heart smile and makes you happy...that's response enough. Take care and best wishes.

[Kenna]

Originally Posted by kassykit

No pressure felt!

I just have a whirlwind of thoughts that run through my head, sometimes it takes me a few days to sort them out into a coherant order

LOL, I know the feeling well!! sometimes, even while sleeping, my brain never shuts down!

[kassykit]

and it goes around and around and around and ohh did i mention around?

Originally Posted by Sweet&Content

LOL, I know the feeling well!! sometimes, even while sleeping, my brain never shuts down!

[Princess4u]

Dear Kassy,,
I dont know if this will help you in your quest...but here goes. I came out 21 years ago...and back then...it was the 80's and everything had to be PC and femminisim was big with politics and civil rights...so for lesbians...it met..self identification..individualism and be who you are on the inside...be free...I guess you say it was the 60's all over again..but i dont remember the 60's so I cant say for sure. Search inside yourself for your own identity...to me butch or femme is a way of life...it IS who you are...its a description...you may well describe me as a 41 year old female with green eyes, femme and a person of size. Its a part of me not the other way around. I am not a high femme..although I would love to be..just cant afford it!! But I love girly things..i too am a girly girl. love makeup, dresses, pretty things. I love the way a proper butch touches me. I have never been with a man so I can compare. But I have always preferred butch, and I am not attracted to femmes. Although there are femmes who are attracted to other femmes. I think femmes are beautiful and I am comfortable acknowledging that...but just not sexually attracted to them! I think us femmes are special ppl, and I may get slapped on the hand for this next line, but us femmes are like the flower that the bee (butches) are drawn to for their own reasons...we are out best when we are natural and ourselves....

So dont try to fit a mold darling....just be you!!!! you may feel femme one day...so let that out and shine in that femme desire...and the other day you may feel a little on the butch or soft butch side and let that shine as well....what ever you feel is ok...no need to try and shove yourself into a "mold" Just be you!!!!!!!!!!!! and oh fyi.. jeans are the bomb and they have nothing to do w being femme....or not being a femme.

Hope this helped in some small way!!!