Dealing With Ill Parents

MrSunshine · 07-28-2010, 07:32 AM

Hey Scorp,

Sorry about your Mom. I am also in end stage renal failure and agree it's no fucking picnic. I've found an alternative to the meds they like to feed you for pain. If you would like more info feel free to pm me. It's not for everyone but it may bring her some relief as it has me.
I hope one way or another she is able to find some pain relief. It's not right to have to suffer or watch someone you love do so.

My deepest sympathy's.

Sunshine

tuffboi29 · 07-28-2010, 07:58 AM

My deepest sypathies about your mother, Scorp.

My Da had been through a prostate cancer scare two years ago.
Now he is suffering from dementia that they are saying will turn into full blown alzhiemer's.
He just isnt the man I once knew.

PinkieLee · 07-28-2010, 08:15 AM

Scorp...

Oh honey, I am so very sorry for what not only your mother is going through, but the pain your entire family is going through. Like Medusa, I'm sending (((BIG HUGS))), positive thoughts & lots of love your way.

I know the feelings of helplessness have to be overwelming and I wish there was a magic wand to fix this or at least alievate some of the pain for you all. It's times like this, when your friends & loved ones can help hold you up, and keep you sane.

Just know that you have many friends here that are lifting your mother up in prayer. I pray for peace and comfort during this difficult time for you and your family.

Much love,
Tonya

MsTinkerbelly · 07-28-2010, 08:50 AM

Hello Scorp.

I know your suffering and your Mother’s pain, and until May 22nd when my Mother passed away I WAS you.

My Mother died at 70 years of age from end stage Kidney disease; was on Dialysis, had heart, lung, and other issues too numerous to mention. She finally passed after developing gangrene, a Staph infection, and Liver failure. When the Hospital Hospice people came to us and talked about the end, we were taken unaware by the severity of her illnesses and the suffering she would have to endure to just remain alive. They explained however that because my Mom was on Dialysis, that she had choices in her care. My Mother chose to terminate Dialysis, and passed away on loads of Morphine, free from pain, and with her family and friends at her side. She was strong, brave, and died with the kind of dignity I hope everyone can be allowed to hold on to.

Taking care of her during her last years was the hardest thing I have ever done, and also my greatest blessing. It can however put a physical and emotional strain on you that is so severe you wonder if you can go on.

If you don’t mind I will add you, your Mother and your family to my prayers.

PM me if you need to talk or vent. I don’t personally know you, but I do know what you are experiencing.

Blessings,

Cindy

Graham · 07-28-2010, 09:00 AM

I know its so hard watching someone you love go thru this, I know the frustration and helpless. GG and I are praying for you and your family.
Like they said please take care of yourself too there buddy.
Graham

Jesse · 07-28-2010, 09:03 AM

Sending prayers for you and your family Scorp.

Soon · 07-28-2010, 09:45 AM

Hi Scorp,

I am so sorry to hear of your mother's ill health; I can relate to many of the feelings you and your family are going through.

My dad died of brain cancer a little over ten years ago and, for close to 3 years, watched a healthy man struggle with his diagnosis, operations, a stroke, and finally was brought home to die.

I remember the baby monitor in his room and hearing him moan in a semi-conscious state not knowing if he had enough pain meds or what. Going upstairs and sitting with him and feeling helpless and crying and trying not to because I didn't want him to see me break down. It's traumatic for all family members and can wear you down.

I remember going to work and being in a fog a lot of the times. Work, for me (before and after his death), actually helped me as it kept me busy and on a schedule. After work, I would go sit with him first in the hospital and later at home. I did manage to share with him in a letter -- I am so glad I did this -- all of my thoughts and love for him before he was too far gone to understand.

Remember to go easy on yourself and take some time to take care of your needs to keep you sane and healthy.

Wishing your family comfort in these trying days,

Soon

Scorp · 07-28-2010, 06:49 PM

All,

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the supportive messages in this thread, in private, in reputation points, and via text messages. I'm not a person who usually is loss for words, but a this time I am.

I truly appreciate you sharing your special stories. That meant a lot to me and if I could hug each of you, I would.

Thanks again.

07-28-2010, 07:58 AM	#2
tuffboi29 Member How Do You Identify?: Queer..in the queer deffinition of the queer meaning of the queer word... Preferred Pronoun?: Mr. SuperTuff Relationship Status: Things happen... Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: somewhere over the rainbow Posts: 483 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 894 Thanked 684 Times in 293 Posts Rep Power: 93006	My deepest sypathies about your mother, Scorp. My Da had been through a prostate cancer scare two years ago. Now he is suffering from dementia that they are saying will turn into full blown alzhiemer's. He just isnt the man I once knew. __________________ "Today we would pass through the scenes of our youth like travelers. We are burnt up by hard facts; like tradesmen we understand distinctions, and like butchers, necessities. We are no longer untroubled - we are indifferent. We might exist there; but, should we really live there?" ~Erich Maria Remarque "All Quiet on the Western Front" http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphot..._4605968_n.jpg

07-28-2010, 09:00 AM	#5
Graham Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch/male Preferred Pronoun?: he him his Relationship Status: Married to wintergreengem Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Lincoln NE Posts: 89 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 120 Thanked 210 Times in 62 Posts Rep Power: 3045445	Hey Scorp I know its so hard watching someone you love go thru this, I know the frustration and helpless. GG and I are praying for you and your family. Like they said please take care of yourself too there buddy. Graham

07-28-2010, 09:03 AM	#6
Jesse Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Central West Coast of Florida Posts: 5,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,866 Thanked 17,782 Times in 3,940 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Sending prayers for you and your family Scorp. __________________ “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that widened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

07-28-2010, 07:32 AM	#1
MrSunshine Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The Gardner Preferred Pronoun?: Ummmm Relationship Status: Nah Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Sunshine State, State of Sunshine Posts: 2,616 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,577 Thanked 3,891 Times in 1,155 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Hey Scorp, Sorry about your Mom. I am also in end stage renal failure and agree it's no fucking picnic. I've found an alternative to the meds they like to feed you for pain. If you would like more info feel free to pm me. It's not for everyone but it may bring her some relief as it has me. I hope one way or another she is able to find some pain relief. It's not right to have to suffer or watch someone you love do so. My deepest sympathy's. Sunshine

07-28-2010, 08:15 AM	#3
PinkieLee Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: I need ya boo, gotta see ya boo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Big Money Texas Posts: 4,708 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,309 Thanked 13,075 Times in 3,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Scorp... Oh honey, I am so very sorry for what not only your mother is going through, but the pain your entire family is going through. Like Medusa, I'm sending (((BIG HUGS))), positive thoughts & lots of love your way. I know the feelings of helplessness have to be overwelming and I wish there was a magic wand to fix this or at least alievate some of the pain for you all. It's times like this, when your friends & loved ones can help hold you up, and keep you sane. Just know that you have many friends here that are lifting your mother up in prayer. I pray for peace and comfort during this difficult time for you and your family. Much love, Tonya

07-28-2010, 08:50 AM	#4
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,901 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	Hello Scorp. I know your suffering and your Mother’s pain, and until May 22nd when my Mother passed away I WAS you. My Mother died at 70 years of age from end stage Kidney disease; was on Dialysis, had heart, lung, and other issues too numerous to mention. She finally passed after developing gangrene, a Staph infection, and Liver failure. When the Hospital Hospice people came to us and talked about the end, we were taken unaware by the severity of her illnesses and the suffering she would have to endure to just remain alive. They explained however that because my Mom was on Dialysis, that she had choices in her care. My Mother chose to terminate Dialysis, and passed away on loads of Morphine, free from pain, and with her family and friends at her side. She was strong, brave, and died with the kind of dignity I hope everyone can be allowed to hold on to. Taking care of her during her last years was the hardest thing I have ever done, and also my greatest blessing. It can however put a physical and emotional strain on you that is so severe you wonder if you can go on. If you don’t mind I will add you, your Mother and your family to my prayers. PM me if you need to talk or vent. I don’t personally know you, but I do know what you are experiencing. Blessings, Cindy

07-28-2010, 09:45 AM	#7
Soon Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: attached Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 6,896 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,046 Thanked 13,094 Times in 3,386 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Hi Scorp, I am so sorry to hear of your mother's ill health; I can relate to many of the feelings you and your family are going through. My dad died of brain cancer a little over ten years ago and, for close to 3 years, watched a healthy man struggle with his diagnosis, operations, a stroke, and finally was brought home to die. I remember the baby monitor in his room and hearing him moan in a semi-conscious state not knowing if he had enough pain meds or what. Going upstairs and sitting with him and feeling helpless and crying and trying not to because I didn't want him to see me break down. It's traumatic for all family members and can wear you down. I remember going to work and being in a fog a lot of the times. Work, for me (before and after his death), actually helped me as it kept me busy and on a schedule. After work, I would go sit with him first in the hospital and later at home. I did manage to share with him in a letter -- I am so glad I did this -- all of my thoughts and love for him before he was too far gone to understand. Remember to go easy on yourself and take some time to take care of your needs to keep you sane and healthy. Wishing your family comfort in these trying days, Soon

07-28-2010, 06:49 PM	#8
Scorp Italian Stallion How Do You Identify?: DNA Usually... Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: In a van, down by the river.. Posts: 2,702 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,557 Thanked 4,714 Times in 1,263 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	All, Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the supportive messages in this thread, in private, in reputation points, and via text messages. I'm not a person who usually is loss for words, but a this time I am. I truly appreciate you sharing your special stories. That meant a lot to me and if I could hug each of you, I would. Thanks again.