what NOT to do in a relationship.......

Gemme · 08-02-2010, 08:36 PM

People working on themselves is a wonderful thing to see. Please don't expect to reap all the rewards if you don't put the work in. This applies to just about every aspect of an intimate relationship, different types of relationships, jobs, familial relationships, so on and so forth.

bigbutchmistie · 08-02-2010, 09:05 PM

Dont ask me to trust you with everything about my hopes and dreams and then when I tell you belittle them or me because of them. After all you did ask. Support me, as I do you. Doesnt matter how small you think they are.

Communicate with me about everything We are partners. Your opinion matters to me just as much as mine.

Dont lie. I dont care if its a white lie. Its still a lie. And it ruins relationships of all kinds. If you cant be honest with me your partner, theres a serious problem.

Dont push buttons that you know I have. I dont push on your insecurities dont push on mine.

Dont cheat. If Im not the man of your dreams fine tell me, and we can end it as friends as grown adults. Dont cheat.

Dont try and change me. If you think Im not enough for you move on. Dont be little who I am to try and mold me into who YOU think I should be.

Just because I will pamper you and love you unconditionally and be nothing but a mushy teddy bear when it concerns you, dont take it for my weakness.

Do NOT make me an option and expect me to make you my priority...

Soft*Silver · 08-02-2010, 09:27 PM

Dont tell me I look fat in anything. I am fat. I will look fat. If you are going to critique my clothing, talk about IT, not ME. Tell me it doesnt flatter me. Tell me the pleats are too much. Maybe you cant ID what it is you dont like. Tell me that! Dont tell me that there is something wrong with me when its the outfit you are commenting on

now, if you are going to critique me and tell me I am fat, you best qualify that. Too fat than when we first dated? Too fat to introduce your buddies to? Too fat for your exes to see and make comments about? Too fat for you to want to bring me home little candy treats anymore? What?

Dont expect me to like what you say if you are going to call me fat. But if you are serious and not just being mean, I will listen. I might not do a damn thing about it..but maybe I will. Maybe you are worried about my health or wondering why I gained that 10 lbs over xmas (forgetting the dozens of cookies I baked that you ate too) If its a kindness, i will indeed listen, but you need to know, I am never not going to be fat. I like my fat old self. I was skinny once, and damned near killed myself to be like that. Now I am 53, silver haired, ample bodied, sharp minded and smart as a whip...the least of your worries about me should not be that I am fat...lol...

bigbutchmistie · 08-02-2010, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by softness

Dont tell me I look fat in anything. I am fat. I will look fat. If you are going to critique my clothing, talk about IT, not ME. Tell me it doesnt flatter me. Tell me the pleats are too much. Maybe you cant ID what it is you dont like. Tell me that! Dont tell me that there is something wrong with me when its the outfit you are commenting on

now, if you are going to critique me and tell me I am fat, you best qualify that. Too fat than when we first dated? Too fat to introduce your buddies to? Too fat for your exes to see and make comments about? Too fat for you to want to bring me home little candy treats anymore? What?

Dont expect me to like what you say if you are going to call me fat. But if you are serious and not just being mean, I will listen. I might not do a damn thing about it..but maybe I will. Maybe you are worried about my health or wondering why I gained that 10 lbs over xmas (forgetting the dozens of cookies I baked that you ate too) If its a kindness, i will indeed listen, but you need to know, I am never not going to be fat. I like my fat old self. I was skinny once, and damned near killed myself to be like that. Now I am 53, silver haired, ample bodied, sharp minded and smart as a whip...the least of your worries about me should not be that I am fat...lol...

Ms Softness if any butch doesnt recognize the beauty of who you are and is abusive to you in that light. They arent worthy of you. And that goes for all femmes... I could never imagine telling a femme she was fat. Or not introducing her to my friends.

You know only best for you my sweet friend.

Soft*Silver · 08-02-2010, 09:55 PM

Mistie..I love ya! Its an old story and its over now...lol. LONG over, long time ago. But it still pertains to this thread, so I included it.

I dont think there will be another butch to ever make me sad again, honey. I would kiss you if I could....for the love you gave me here tonight...

and by the way, I look damn good fat...lol...

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbutchmistie

Ms Softness if any butch doesnt recognize the beauty of who you are and is abusive to you in that light. They arent worthy of you. And that goes for all femmes... I could never imagine telling a femme she was fat. Or not introducing her to my friends.

You know only best for you my sweet friend.

bigbutchmistie · 08-02-2010, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by softness

Mistie..I love ya! Its an old story and its over now...lol. LONG over, long time ago. But it still pertains to this thread, so I included it.

I dont think there will be another butch to ever make me sad again, honey. I would kiss you if I could....for the love you gave me here tonight...

and by the way, I look damn good fat...lol...

BBW's are beautiful

And you deserve nothing but the best Ms Softness, thank you,

Lynn · 08-02-2010, 10:11 PM

Don't yell at me or call me names. Don't be sarcastic when you are angry or say "nothing" when I ask what's wrong.

Don't notice and appreciate beautiful women and expect me not to do the same. We sometimes are attracted to the same thing. Sorry that weirds you out.

bigbutchmistie · 08-02-2010, 09:55 PM

Like everyone else dont compare me to your exes. I am nothing like them. Im my own man and a damn good one. I can promise you that

Dont expect me to be superman 24/7 a week. Im human and I have my down time.

JinxdGirl · 08-02-2010, 09:57 PM

Do not tell me to get over my past. I've dealt. I'm dealing. It will still pop up now and then.
Do not get mad at me for what I did in YOUR dream.
Do not expect me to cook & clean. I'll do one, you'll do the other.
Do not change the rules in the middle of the game or relationship.
Do not threaten me. Ever. Seriously.

bigbutchmistie · 08-02-2010, 10:09 PM

Understand that I dont have family dont belittle me because you do.

Dont be verbally/physically/emotionally abusive in any way to me

Dont expect me to pay your bills

Dont complain about me being too mushy. When Im a man whose comfortable enough to tell you and show you that I love you and adore you.

When you know I dont dance, dont dance to love songs with other butches while out. Its disrespectful. And rude. Besides I may have two left feet but would slow dance with you given the chance.

Dont fall asleep during a heartfelt conversation

bright_arrow · 08-02-2010, 10:11 PM

Don't tickle me to wake me up. You will have one seething, hissing, hellbent femme on your hands!

dark_crystal · 08-03-2010, 08:45 AM

do not escalate every disagreement to "we might as well just break up, then"

because we will.

i have been emotionally blackmailed with this one too many times, and i dated a butch a couple of years ago that i warned straight up about this. i was really attracted to hym. i really liked hym. we had a really good time together. i was considering relocating, even.

then one day hy picked a fight with me thru text message (!) and when it didn't go hys way hy texted me that maybe i should just go find someone else if i wasn't going to act right (!)

hy never heard from me again.

Rockinonahigh · 08-03-2010, 08:55 AM

Oh yes I get ya'll on the hollering,tickleing and belittling ...one more thing to add..dont ever grab me in anger and threatin me..not cool..u will not win...u will be out the door ina flash.

bright_arrow · 08-02-2010, 09:58 PM

Don't push me when I'm irritated at you. I like to think I'm very laid back, it takes a bit to set me off, and I don't want to be annoyed/angry with you. It takes a lot more for me to get over being angry with you than if I am just irritated. Besides, I will get snippy. There's a side of me you shouldn't have to ever see, and if you do, not directed at you!

bright_arrow · 08-02-2010, 10:43 PM

Don't tell me you don't deserve me. You do. I am not perfect, I have flaws. How do you not deserve someone who will care about you and love you? Everyone deserves that.

Don't get snippy with me. You might be in a bad mood or caught off guard but do NOT bite my head off. And do not use profanity aimed towards me or something I may have done. I get defensive and the last thing I want to do is be around you because now I feel like worthless.

tuffboi29 · 08-02-2010, 11:17 PM

If you're mad at me, fine...but for the love o' Moses...DO NOT say "whatever" and disregard what I have to say on the situation.
I swear thats the most juvenile thing I've ever heard come up in an argument.

DamonK · 08-03-2010, 02:03 AM

Don't forget why you fell in love in the first place.

If that happens, sometimes, you can never recover.

08-02-2010, 08:36 PM	#1
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,926 Times in 25,667 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	People working on themselves is a wonderful thing to see. Please don't expect to reap all the rewards if you don't put the work in. This applies to just about every aspect of an intimate relationship, different types of relationships, jobs, familial relationships, so on and so forth. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

08-02-2010, 09:27 PM	#3
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,894 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	Dont tell me I look fat in anything. I am fat. I will look fat. If you are going to critique my clothing, talk about IT, not ME. Tell me it doesnt flatter me. Tell me the pleats are too much. Maybe you cant ID what it is you dont like. Tell me that! Dont tell me that there is something wrong with me when its the outfit you are commenting on now, if you are going to critique me and tell me I am fat, you best qualify that. Too fat than when we first dated? Too fat to introduce your buddies to? Too fat for your exes to see and make comments about? Too fat for you to want to bring me home little candy treats anymore? What? Dont expect me to like what you say if you are going to call me fat. But if you are serious and not just being mean, I will listen. I might not do a damn thing about it..but maybe I will. Maybe you are worried about my health or wondering why I gained that 10 lbs over xmas (forgetting the dozens of cookies I baked that you ate too) If its a kindness, i will indeed listen, but you need to know, I am never not going to be fat. I like my fat old self. I was skinny once, and damned near killed myself to be like that. Now I am 53, silver haired, ample bodied, sharp minded and smart as a whip...the least of your worries about me should not be that I am fat...lol... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

08-02-2010, 10:11 PM	#7
Lynn Member How Do You Identify?: Unabashed Feminine Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: Her, She Relationship Status: Married! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 689 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,499 Thanked 2,414 Times in 505 Posts Rep Power: 9668975	Don't yell at me or call me names. Don't be sarcastic when you are angry or say "nothing" when I ask what's wrong. Don't notice and appreciate beautiful women and expect me not to do the same. We sometimes are attracted to the same thing. Sorry that weirds you out. __________________ In the flush of love's light we dare be brave And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free. Maya Angelou Wedding Photos: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?...1&l=22b092b98c

08-02-2010, 09:57 PM	#9
JinxdGirl Member How Do You Identify?: Tomyboy Femme Preferred Pronoun?: The girl ones, please! Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Greensboro, NC Posts: 123 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 293 Thanked 168 Times in 48 Posts Rep Power: 215554	Do not tell me to get over my past. I've dealt. I'm dealing. It will still pop up now and then. Do not get mad at me for what I did in YOUR dream. Do not expect me to cook & clean. I'll do one, you'll do the other. Do not change the rules in the middle of the game or relationship. Do not threaten me. Ever. Seriously.

08-02-2010, 11:17 PM	#16
tuffboi29 Member How Do You Identify?: Queer..in the queer deffinition of the queer meaning of the queer word... Preferred Pronoun?: Mr. SuperTuff Relationship Status: Things happen... Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: somewhere over the rainbow Posts: 483 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 894 Thanked 684 Times in 293 Posts Rep Power: 93006	If you're mad at me, fine...but for the love o' Moses...DO NOT say "whatever" and disregard what I have to say on the situation. I swear thats the most juvenile thing I've ever heard come up in an argument. __________________ "Today we would pass through the scenes of our youth like travelers. We are burnt up by hard facts; like tradesmen we understand distinctions, and like butchers, necessities. We are no longer untroubled - we are indifferent. We might exist there; but, should we really live there?" ~Erich Maria Remarque "All Quiet on the Western Front" http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphot..._4605968_n.jpg

08-02-2010, 09:05 PM	#2
bigbutchmistie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Since You Need A Label. Butch Relationship Status: Still Dreaming Of My Happily Ever After Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Arlington Texas Posts: 4,009 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,950 Thanked 5,364 Times in 1,941 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Dont ask me to trust you with everything about my hopes and dreams and then when I tell you belittle them or me because of them. After all you did ask. Support me, as I do you. Doesnt matter how small you think they are. Communicate with me about everything We are partners. Your opinion matters to me just as much as mine. Dont lie. I dont care if its a white lie. Its still a lie. And it ruins relationships of all kinds. If you cant be honest with me your partner, theres a serious problem. Dont push buttons that you know I have. I dont push on your insecurities dont push on mine. Dont cheat. If Im not the man of your dreams fine tell me, and we can end it as friends as grown adults. Dont cheat. Dont try and change me. If you think Im not enough for you move on. Dont be little who I am to try and mold me into who YOU think I should be. Just because I will pamper you and love you unconditionally and be nothing but a mushy teddy bear when it concerns you, dont take it for my weakness. Do NOT make me an option and expect me to make you my priority...

08-02-2010, 09:55 PM	#8
bigbutchmistie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Since You Need A Label. Butch Relationship Status: Still Dreaming Of My Happily Ever After Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Arlington Texas Posts: 4,009 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,950 Thanked 5,364 Times in 1,941 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Like everyone else dont compare me to your exes. I am nothing like them. Im my own man and a damn good one. I can promise you that Dont expect me to be superman 24/7 a week. Im human and I have my down time.

08-02-2010, 10:09 PM	#10
bigbutchmistie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Since You Need A Label. Butch Relationship Status: Still Dreaming Of My Happily Ever After Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Arlington Texas Posts: 4,009 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,950 Thanked 5,364 Times in 1,941 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Understand that I dont have family dont belittle me because you do. Dont be verbally/physically/emotionally abusive in any way to me Dont expect me to pay your bills Dont complain about me being too mushy. When Im a man whose comfortable enough to tell you and show you that I love you and adore you. When you know I dont dance, dont dance to love songs with other butches while out. Its disrespectful. And rude. Besides I may have two left feet but would slow dance with you given the chance. Dont fall asleep during a heartfelt conversation

08-02-2010, 10:11 PM	#11
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: nor cal Posts: 2,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,644 Thanked 9,363 Times in 2,296 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Don't tickle me to wake me up. You will have one seething, hissing, hellbent femme on your hands!

08-03-2010, 08:45 AM	#12
dark_crystal Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: jenny Preferred Pronoun?: babygirl Relationship Status: First Lady of the United SMH Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Houston, Texas Posts: 5,445 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,532 Thanked 26,551 Times in 4,688 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	do not escalate every disagreement to "we might as well just break up, then" because we will. i have been emotionally blackmailed with this one too many times, and i dated a butch a couple of years ago that i warned straight up about this. i was really attracted to hym. i really liked hym. we had a really good time together. i was considering relocating, even. then one day hy picked a fight with me thru text message (!) and when it didn't go hys way hy texted me that maybe i should just go find someone else if i wasn't going to act right (!) hy never heard from me again.

08-03-2010, 08:55 AM	#13
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,933 Times in 3,938 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Oh yes I get ya'll on the hollering,tickleing and belittling ...one more thing to add..dont ever grab me in anger and threatin me..not cool..u will not win...u will be out the door ina flash.

08-02-2010, 09:58 PM	#14
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: nor cal Posts: 2,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,644 Thanked 9,363 Times in 2,296 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Don't push me when I'm irritated at you. I like to think I'm very laid back, it takes a bit to set me off, and I don't want to be annoyed/angry with you. It takes a lot more for me to get over being angry with you than if I am just irritated. Besides, I will get snippy. There's a side of me you shouldn't have to ever see, and if you do, not directed at you!

08-02-2010, 10:43 PM	#15
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: nor cal Posts: 2,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,644 Thanked 9,363 Times in 2,296 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Don't tell me you don't deserve me. You do. I am not perfect, I have flaws. How do you not deserve someone who will care about you and love you? Everyone deserves that. Don't get snippy with me. You might be in a bad mood or caught off guard but do NOT bite my head off. And do not use profanity aimed towards me or something I may have done. I get defensive and the last thing I want to do is be around you because now I feel like worthless.

08-03-2010, 02:03 AM	#17
DamonK Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: May 2010 Location: . Posts: 2,199 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,527 Thanked 7,762 Times in 1,881 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Don't forget why you fell in love in the first place. If that happens, sometimes, you can never recover.