Funny Shit

AtLast · 08-08-2010, 09:32 PM

A little donor baby (she was about 9 at the time) I know (now an adult) and her little brother (was 5 ) were having a discussion about when they grew up and had kids.

Her brother said, I want a white donor for my baby.

She said, Bob, (not his name), you, idiot, you ARE a white donor!

About a year later, one of their original lesbian parents was transitioning (FtM). Obviously, this was a family in which everything was just talked about openly, including transitioning variables. So......

One day while with her Dad, they were at a fast food drive-thru and had been talking about Dad's transition previously. Right when the the fast food cashier came on the speaker to take the order, she yelled out... Dad, when are you going to get a penis?!
Out of the mouths of babes....

tiggs · 08-09-2010, 03:53 PM

Three mates are down the pub. Bill and Joe are arguing about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third bloke, Fred, says nothing.

After a while, Bill turns to Fred and says, "Well, what about you? What sort of control have you got?"

"I'll tell you," Fred replies. "Just the other night my missus came crawling to me on her hands and knees."

The other two were absolutely amazed. "What happened then?", Joe asked.

"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!!!".

tiggs · 08-09-2010, 03:57 PM

No Sex

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"

"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied.

"What happened?" inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."

tiggs · 08-09-2010, 03:58 PM

Butt Measurement

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!" The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

BestButchBoy · 08-09-2010, 04:13 PM

BestButchBoy · 08-09-2010, 04:28 PM

Outtakes from one of the funniest shows...

Gemme · 08-09-2010, 09:20 PM

08-08-2010, 09:32 PM	#1
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	True stories.. A little donor baby (she was about 9 at the time) I know (now an adult) and her little brother (was 5 ) were having a discussion about when they grew up and had kids. Her brother said, I want a white donor for my baby. She said, Bob, (not his name), you, idiot, you ARE* a white donor! About a year later, one of their original lesbian parents was transitioning (FtM). Obviously, this was a family in which everything was just talked about openly, including transitioning variables. So...... One day while with her Dad, they were at a fast food drive-thru and had been talking about Dad's transition previously. Right when the the fast food cashier came on the speaker to take the order, she yelled out... Dad, when are you going to get a penis?!* Out of the mouths of babes.... Last edited by AtLast; 08-08-2010 at 09:34 PM.

08-09-2010, 03:53 PM	#2
tiggs Member How Do You Identify?: femme submissive Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: married and collared to Converse Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: canada Posts: 359 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,456 Thanked 726 Times in 248 Posts Rep Power: 2288328	Control Over Wives Three mates are down the pub. Bill and Joe are arguing about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third bloke, Fred, says nothing. After a while, Bill turns to Fred and says, "Well, what about you? What sort of control have you got?" "I'll tell you," Fred replies. "Just the other night my missus came crawling to me on her hands and knees." The other two were absolutely amazed. "What happened then?", Joe asked. "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!!!". __________________ “The world is not a dangerous place because of those who do evil, but because of those that look on and do nothing" - Albert Einstein

08-09-2010, 03:57 PM	#3
tiggs Member How Do You Identify?: femme submissive Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: married and collared to Converse Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: canada Posts: 359 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,456 Thanked 726 Times in 248 Posts Rep Power: 2288328	No Sex A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either." __________________ “The world is not a dangerous place because of those who do evil, but because of those that look on and do nothing" - Albert Einstein

08-09-2010, 03:58 PM	#4
tiggs Member How Do You Identify?: femme submissive Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: married and collared to Converse Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: canada Posts: 359 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,456 Thanked 726 Times in 248 Posts Rep Power: 2288328	Butt Measurement A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue." With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!" The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?" __________________ “The world is not a dangerous place because of those who do evil, but because of those that look on and do nothing" - Albert Einstein

08-09-2010, 04:13 PM	#5
BestButchBoy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Male ID Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 3,925 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 406 Thanked 5,438 Times in 2,037 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Classic

08-09-2010, 04:28 PM	#6
BestButchBoy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Male ID Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 3,925 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 406 Thanked 5,438 Times in 2,037 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Sweetie, Darling Outtakes from one of the funniest shows...

08-09-2010, 09:20 PM	#7
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,914 Times in 25,666 Posts Rep Power: 21474889	__________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.