PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Jet]

Thanks for your reps and comments everyone. I need to say this: I am Catholic and I have always believed overcoming difficulties and facing terrible odds could be done with God's help. But I am no saint or good guy by any stretch of the imagination. I scream at God because of the pain, and for things happening to me the way they did. I've told Him I hated Him. And you know what? He forgives it and we move on. But I'm mad, damn mad that I have to go through this again step by step, moment by moment. I fucking don't want to be here, its that simple. And there's nothing I can do about that because I am a Catholic.

Nowt we're reaching into the core of injuries where there is anger and bitterness and hatred for life because of the pain. At the core are the memories of what happened and a wound that needs to be cleansed. And none of this will be accomplished without facing the bitter details, the toxic shame, the villifying and subjugation that I endured one terrible night. It's all in my face now — memories that are thorough and, unfortunately, surfacing against my will.

This is a process.

I don't know if any of you will have to face or deal with your trauma in this manner. But the bottom line is getting to and dealing with severe injuries no matter how indignant or frightening or demoralizing. I have been afflicted physically, neurologically, mentally and I have lost my life as it once was. I'm pissed. And the entire purpose of this post is tell you that it's okay to be pissed and run the gamut of emotions because its part of being human and severely injured.

Do you honestly think God expects us to accept and move through our terrors and bagage with the pomp and peagantry of the guardsman at Buckingham Palace? Wow. Than I must be a child of a lesser god.

Life is getting worse as the core of this "thing" surfaces. I may not handle it,
but I am here wish you all the best in your journey.

[Apocalipstic]

I am having a difficult time facing things becasue I feel so dumb and weak. Stupid in fact for even having had these things happen, and not being over it.

When I was a kid, no matter what happened I was told to "buck up", or "chin up little soldier", even when my mother died....so I feel so incredibly stupid not being over stuff.

I have a therapist appt I need to leave for in 15 minutes and I feel sick at my stomach about it. Stupid stupid stupid even talking about this stuff.

[Apocalipstic]

panicccccc

[Apocalipstic]

I am finaly calmed down a bit. When I am really freaked out sounds come in waves and my ears burn. Weird huh?

Apparently therapist thinks I am way more sane than I do. She also thinks I need to do stand up comedy?

[tuffboi29]

Bout to board a plane...AGAIN...AND AWAKE...

O
M
GAY


....40 mins and counting...

gods help me...

[Apocalipstic]

I hope the flight and trip go great!

My therapy is really intense now and other problems I have like Fibromyalgia and Endometriosis which they say can be very related to childhood trauma are acting up.

I know I will feel better some day, but I am kind of shot this afternoon...wondering if soemhow the pain will go away when I sort this all out in my head.

Maybe we need a chronic pain thread? UGH.

[tuffboi29]

Flying? Well all I can come up with as I think back on it is this:


The trip was AWESOME btw...I got to go see My Jennie in Washington.

I'm going back to therapy again on Wensday (thank the Goddess) and I can't wait. I really dig my therapist.

Then again...I really dig most hippies.


I don't think I will be getting back on a plane again any time soon though.