Picking apart a femme

MrSunshine · 08-19-2010, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by softness

Have you ever felt picked apart? Dont post nastily. Alot of butches and FtMs just dont know what they are saying. Its part of being 2x4s or at least, not being femme so they dont know the sensitivity to such things. No names and no attacks. Lets educate and share our ouchies kindly....

This part does not sit well AT ALL for ME.

If "education" is what you are looking for I can start by helping (i'm such a helper that way) by saying "alot" is not a word. A lot on the other hand is.
But hey, I'm just one of those "alot of butches that just don't know what I'm saying". Maybe, I'm just not "femme" enough or "sensitive" enough.

P.S This is NOT an attack. More of an example.

MrSunshine · 08-19-2010, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrSunshine

"alot" is not a word. A lot on the other hand is.

for fucks sake people quit picking me apart. my bad on wordage. a lot is TWO words, better all?

this message brought to you with love and shit

Isadora · 08-19-2010, 12:08 PM

One of my first rules of engagement is that I do not ever discuss issues of body, emotion or intellect in public about a partner.

There is nothing more uncomfortable than watching or hearing or being close to this kind of behavior. In fact, the last time this happened I figured it was a public arena and as the "public" I stepped forward and chose to shut it down. ("This is a party. I did not come to the party to listen to you call your wife names. You are a pig and not in nice way. So take your little butch ass out of here and leave her the fuck alone cause I am bigger then you and I will crush you like a walnut. Never, ever let the skirts fool you.") Oh yes. I did. I was amazed at how many people thanked me afterward. I was amazed that 30 people at a party being horrified by such behavior did not have the tits to, at least, attempt to stop it.

I think of it as a gender neutral kind of thang. It is called human behavior. Bad behavior but still human.

Soft*Silver · 08-19-2010, 01:11 PM

Yes, I have been around people who nit pick each other to death in public. Makes me wonder what its like at home in private! I cant stand that kind of behavior! And I too wouldnt tolerate it. I am glad you came to that gal's rescue!

But, again, the tone of my thread is about unintentional "oopses" that people make because they just didnt understand it could be sensitive. Like, drawing attention to my thin lip. I know my BF was trying to tell me how much he loved me because it didnt make a difference to him, but pointing out the difference made me uncomfortable. I felt like he was settling, or at the least, deciding it wasnt an issue for him. But it was an issue for me, and even when I explained it bothered me he just kept talking to explain to me it wasnt his intent.

sometimes, one must just shut up and say "I hear you". Come to think of it, I didnt get alot of it in that relationship. But I did get alot of very good stuff from him ....the balance of good and not so good is another thread tho! LOL

Quote:

Originally Posted by Isadora

One of my first rules of engagement is that I do not ever discuss issues of body, emotion or intellect in public about a partner.

There is nothing more uncomfortable than watching or hearing or being close to this kind of behavior. In fact, the last time this happened I figured it was a public arena and as the "public" I stepped forward and chose to shut it down. ("This is a party. I did not come to the party to listen to you call your wife names. You are a pig and not in nice way. So take your little butch ass out of here and leave her the fuck alone cause I am bigger then you and I will crush you like a walnut. Never, ever let the skirts fool you.") Oh yes. I did. I was amazed at how many people thanked me afterward. I was amazed that 30 people at a party being horrified by such behavior did not have the tits to, at least, attempt to stop it.
I think of it as a gender neutral kind of thang. It is called human behavior. Bad behavior but still human.

sweetcali · 08-19-2010, 12:13 PM

I wouldn't put it into one gender/identity category; however it does happen. I agree that some do do it intentionally and some don't. Some do it intentionally and try to play it off with a joke; however there is some personal responsibility with all of it. If my partner or someone close to me makes a remark that is one of those stabbing ouch remarks it is also up to me to let them know that that remark to hurt me. If it it continues then it is up to me to decide what I want to do with it. Is it the type that well it is me being oversensitive about my body or is it them being abusive in their "joking" way. Once I put that together I can then make the decision of do I kick them to the curb or leave it alone. Is it pure banter between good friends or is it intentional hurt.

Anyway in this situation I have the responsibility of telling them and making the decision.

sweetcal

SuperFemme · 08-19-2010, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetcali

I wouldn't put it into one gender/identity category; however it does happen. I agree that some do do it intentionally and some don't. Some do it intentionally and try to play it off with a joke; however there is some personal responsibility with all of it. If my partner or someone close to me makes a remark that is one of those stabbing ouch remarks it is also up to me to let them know that that remark to hurt me. If it it continues then it is up to me to decide what I want to do with it. Is it the type that well it is me being oversensitive about my body or is it them being abusive in their "joking" way. Once I put that together I can then make the decision of do I kick them to the curb or leave it alone. Is it pure banter between good friends or is it intentional hurt.

Anyway in this situation I have the responsibility of telling them and making the decision.

sweetcal

have i told you lately how beautiful you are?

Soft*Silver · 08-19-2010, 01:12 PM

I so totally agree with your statement!

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetcali

I wouldn't put it into one gender/identity category; however it does happen. I agree that some do do it intentionally and some don't. Some do it intentionally and try to play it off with a joke; however there is some personal responsibility with all of it. If my partner or someone close to me makes a remark that is one of those stabbing ouch remarks it is also up to me to let them know that that remark to hurt me. If it it continues then it is up to me to decide what I want to do with it. Is it the type that well it is me being oversensitive about my body or is it them being abusive in their "joking" way. Once I put that together I can then make the decision of do I kick them to the curb or leave it alone. Is it pure banter between good friends or is it intentional hurt.

Anyway in this situation I have the responsibility of telling them and making the decision.

sweetcal

08-19-2010, 12:08 PM	#3
Isadora Member How Do You Identify?: Momma, Ma'am Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: I am in love. Truly Madly Deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: California Posts: 997 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 502 Thanked 2,127 Times in 559 Posts Rep Power: 2369289	One of my first rules of engagement is that I do not ever discuss issues of body, emotion or intellect in public about a partner. There is nothing more uncomfortable than watching or hearing or being close to this kind of behavior. In fact, the last time this happened I figured it was a public arena and as the "public" I stepped forward and chose to shut it down. ("This is a party. I did not come to the party to listen to you call your wife names. You are a pig and not in nice way. So take your little butch ass out of here and leave her the fuck alone cause I am bigger then you and I will crush you like a walnut. Never, ever let the skirts fool you.") Oh yes. I did. I was amazed at how many people thanked me afterward. I was amazed that 30 people at a party being horrified by such behavior did not have the tits to, at least, attempt to stop it. I think of it as a gender neutral kind of thang. It is called human behavior. Bad behavior but still human. __________________ "I have a respect for manners as such, they are a way of dealing with people you don't agree with or like." Margaret Mead Read me! www.leatherati.com

08-19-2010, 12:13 PM	#5
sweetcali BFP Angel How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Yes I have a status. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: I ride a cowboy in Rodeo in the communist nation of the isle of cali. Posts: 334 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 310 Thanked 246 Times in 98 Posts Rep Power: 3700739	I wouldn't put it into one gender/identity category; however it does happen. I agree that some do do it intentionally and some don't. Some do it intentionally and try to play it off with a joke; however there is some personal responsibility with all of it. If my partner or someone close to me makes a remark that is one of those stabbing ouch remarks it is also up to me to let them know that that remark to hurt me. If it it continues then it is up to me to decide what I want to do with it. Is it the type that well it is me being oversensitive about my body or is it them being abusive in their "joking" way. Once I put that together I can then make the decision of do I kick them to the curb or leave it alone. Is it pure banter between good friends or is it intentional hurt. Anyway in this situation I have the responsibility of telling them and making the decision. sweetcal