Couples- how did you meet your partner?

[Bit]

Originally Posted by femmebotdyke

Did most people meet their partners through butch/femme/FTM social networks (either formal or informal, online or offline) or through some other channel? .......... What initially attracted you to (or conversely, turned you off) your current partner?

Gryph and I met on the Dash site. I had been doing daily ritual for nine months to find the right partner for me; it started out, "I deserve to be loved the way I want to be loved; I deserve to give love the way I want to give it. I deserve to be safe. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be a wife..." and it went on for as long as I could think of affirmations. I even included "I deserve clean air to breathe and clean water to drink" lol! But it WASN'T working and I was utterly miserable, heartsick and at the end of my rope when I happened to get online one Sunday... only to read the answer to my prayers!

I wasn't sure how things would go at first... I read the first posts and all I could think was "don't let this one get away!!" It wasn't the posts... it was in the name. The posts didn't hurt, though! So we started talking in the thread and pretty quickly in PM, then in IM. We talked all Sunday evening, all Monday evening, and then all day on Tuesday by phone. It was pretty clear to me at that point that my prayers had been answered; Gryph said he's been reading my posts and was already in love with me. We made a commitment to each other that night, and over the next couple weeks I fell in love, too.

I was in Wichita 7 weeks later. The shock of walking into Shrek's Cousin's Cave nearly undid me; I was SO CERTAIN that I had made a huge mistake!!! THAT couldn't have been the answer to my prayers!! It was amazingly hard to look past the filth and see the actual person I loved. I basically forced him to help me clean the mess up, which took us HOURS; and I privately resolved that I would just get back on the bus and go home as soon as the place was clean.

It was less than 24 hours before I changed my mind, though. He went to work the next day, I kept on cleaning, and the extreme joy and relief on his face when he came in the door that night and saw the clean apartment convinced me that it would be okay to stay.

The original plan had been that I would pack up his apartment and then we would come back to Arizona together; he'd drop me off at my mom's place and go on to Camp Verde, then once he got settled we'd move in together. Evidently, the Goddess and the Ancestors said "Why? You've already moved in together," and delayed his tax refund by several months. At that point, it was too late to move; our expenses had gotten too high. So he made arrangements to bring my Ladybug to Wichita and we planned a move for the next tax refund.

Again, even though this one came in on time, there wasn't enough and our expenses were too high.

The third year, we just gave up and bought a house. I guess Wichita has claimed us.

Along the way, I have realized repeatedly that there could never be anyone more ideally suited to me than Gryph is. We did have it rough in the beginning; after we got the cave sorted out, we still had to deal with old baggage over and over again. We both cried a lot that first year, although we've very seldom argued... but the baggage would pop itself loose and there we'd be, hurting beyond belief and desperately trying to figure out why. We healed each other from our past relationships that whole year, and we've continued to grow together since.

Originally Posted by femmebotdyke

For singles and couples- do you think it's possible (or even desirable) to de-centre ''the couple'' as the foundational unit of butch/femme culture or would doing so be kind of...I don't know...destabilizing?

I don't believe the couple IS the foundational unit of butch/femme culture. Maybe I don't quite understand what you mean?

It's been my experience that the foundation of butch/femme culture is the energy exchange (not power exchange, energy) that happens between and among butches and femmes whether they're coupled or not. I have had butch friends who sustained me with that energy exchange when I was single, and vice-versa, so it can happen between friends the same way it happens between lovers (minus the sex, at least on my part, lol). Also, I think femme/femme bonding and butch/butch bonding are intrinsic to and foundational to our culture.

If that isn't what you meant, I'd be glad to hear more. Maybe you're looking at it from a different perspective than mine?

[firie]

We were friends for about three years.

He took me with him to court for our first "date" so he could take care of a traffic ticket. He opened the car door and let me go through security first--such a charmer. I was impressed with his ability to get out of the ticket.

And so I bought him a cookie, because he likes cookies.

I also think he smells nice, most days.

Oh, and he makes me laugh more than anyone else in this world.

[Helena_Handbasket]

There is this existing butch/femme personals site....not the other site that we all know about that also has a dating link...but, a lesser know site that is only a dating site. Sorry I cannot remember the name of it. Anyway, A couple years ago, I'd looked through the TN ads and most of the people didn't appear to be either femme or butch. Yesssss, I know you can't base someone's butchness or femmeness on looks alone, but i just wasn't getting that vibe from most of them or their ads. Then I saw Shirley and sent her a wink. She sent me one back, but neither of us tried to contact each other. I met someone else and started dating her. Flash forward 2 years later and I was single again...BUT I was determined to take a break from dating. About 2 weeks later, I popped on the site again....and saw Shirley again. I sent her a wink and she sent me one back. I wrote her and asked her if she'd had any luck over the past 2 years from that site. She admitted that she hadn't and hadn't been to that site in a long time. I told her I had just broken up and was just looking for friends. After much talking, pming, emailling, etc. over the next week, she asked me to dinner. We've been pretty much inseparable every since.

[Gayla]

She started my birthday thread on the dash site for a bunch of years in a row. Then one year, she didn't and I PM'd to ask why.

I think that was 5 birthdays ago. She hasn't started a bday thread for me since.

[Starbuck]

I remember it like it was yesterday. I walked into her work and I see this gorgeous blond, she had a long braid to the middle of her back and piercing green eyes. My knees almost buckled. I was there with a friend who knew her so I was introduced.

Not long after that I was invited to a party at her house where it was confirmed for me that she was lesbian...that got me to thinking...how to make a move, because I was longing for her. But at this moment I didn't really think she noticed me.

Some time later she and I were with a mutual friend's doctor appointment when my phone rang and she recognized the ring tone as Battlestar Galactica. THAT caught her attention. After the appointment, we caught a ride to our vehicles and she called me a "good looking brunette", I was like, whoa, where did that come from? Some time passed and then she asked me over for dinner. I was so anxious to get close to her, to touch her hand it made my stomach jump. After dinner we were sitting in side by side recliners watching Shrek. I didn't wan't to watch tv and I had to work up the nerve but I finally began to softly stroke her arm while looking at the tv. She asked me, "Do you know what you are doing?" I turned to her and said, "Yes, I do." Her 6 year old daughter was in the room with us so we just lightly held hands that night. To me, fireworks were being set off!

It wasn't until some time later that I got my first kiss from her and that is my first kiss from a woman period. She's my first gf. I'm a late bloomer, coming out at the age of 37, I'm making up for lost time. On my 38th birthday, she gave me the best birthday present anyone has ever given me: she made love to me, being ever so gentle and teaching me that there is a different kind of love that exists other than just wham bam thank ya ma'am (like so many times I've gotten). Now over a year into our relationship and another birthday passing, I'm taking her to Vegas next month for a week to celebrate!

[Bard]

Desd has had her hands full with me from the start yes we did "meet" and chat for a bit when our paths would cross as we were both in relationships at the time... but we did not come full circle till later.. short story I did ask her out for lunch and man I was nervous she just took my breath away from the start.. I was badly used by my last relationship and very cynical not looking for a relationship Desd hung in with me through my motorcycle accident and so much more she eased the hurt in my heart and loved me for me never asking more then I could give slowly I realized I did not want to spend a moment with out her to see she was the one for me.. she is the last face I want to see before I go to sleep and the first thing I want to see in the morning.. I love our life and our family that we have built I would not have it any other way ... and yes she still takes my breath away

[DapperButch]

My lesbian neighbor plays on a pool league.

She told me that there was an attractive girl on one of the teams that is single that looks like my type. I said, ok and gave said neighbor a picture of me for tantalizingfemme to see. Evidently, I looked good enough to her because she was agreeable to a "meeting". Said meeting was my neighbor and TF's ENTIRE pool team going bowling. I was not so thrilled that this was the way it was set up (I included my phone number with the picture thinking we would connect that way), but decided to just go along with it, as my neighbor and TF's friend from her team appeared to be having such fun with it. I hadn't seen a picture of TF, but that didn't matter to me.

Anyway, about 4 days prior to the scheduled "meet" I was dropping my car off at the body shop. I was at the counter and said to the body shop guy, "Now look, I need the car by Friday because I have a hot date with a new chick". He chuckled and said ok.

A few hours later I get a text. " This is ______. I am supposed to meet you on Friday night. Were you at _______ Body Shop today by chance?" I just about shit myself. Here TF was at the body shop the same time I was, had seen me walk in the door (remember she had a picture of me), and was actually standing by as I was having that conversation with the body shop guy!

We texted for a couple of hours and then decided to meet within a couple of days BY OURSELVES, much to our friends' chagrin!