The Never-Ending Bathroom Debate

Mike · 09-08-2010, 11:50 AM

http://transgenderlawcenter.org/pdf/...ce%20Guide.pdf

ravfem · 09-08-2010, 12:25 PM

A short snippet from the TLC Restroom Resource Guide Mike posted:

Strategy #2: Confidence
Using gender segregated bathrooms may be nerve-wracking at times but it is important that you realize you have a right to be there, no ma􀄴er how other people react to you. You belong in the bathroom that makes you feel most comfortable as much as anyone else does. Being confident lets other people know that as well.
If you are feeling nervous when entering a bathroom, take a deep breath and remind yourself that there’s nothing wrong with you and that you have the right to be there as much as anyone else does. If necessary, keep taking deep breaths and repeat the phrase, “I belong here” in your mind while you are in
the bathroom.

MrSunshine · 09-08-2010, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ravfem

A short snippet from the TLC Restroom Resource Guide Mike posted:

Strategy #2: Confidence
Using gender segregated bathrooms may be nerve-wracking at times but it is important that you realize you have a right to be there, no ma􀄴er how other people react to you. You belong in the bathroom that makes you feel most comfortable as much as anyone else does. Being confident lets other people know that as well.
If you are feeling nervous when entering a bathroom, take a deep breath and remind yourself that there’s nothing wrong with you and that you have the right to be there as much as anyone else does. If necessary, keep taking deep breaths and repeat the phrase, “I belong here” in your mind while you are in
the bathroom.

There are parts of this I really do like. However, have you ever tried walking into a bathroom with hardly any hair/masculine features/non shaved legs if in shorts etc...?
I could have (which I thankfully do not) a big O flappin vagina hangin out and still catch shit. (okay, that didn't sound right) Not just from women but from men who may be waiting outside for their daughters.
The last time this happened an elderly woman gasp and said "you are in the wrong place"! I simply told her "I've been touching this thing for 45 years, I know where I belong" she winked, apologized and kept steppin.
The man was stupid enough to put his hand on me as if to stop me. He may or may not recover that testicle.

ravfem · 09-08-2010, 12:53 PM

Well, since i only shave my legs on Saturdays, does that count as "non-shaved legs"?

Seriously, i've never had to face any sort of bathroom issue personally. my previous relationships have been with masculine butches and a transguy, so i have seen what they go through on a daily basis.

i promise i wasn't trying to tell people how to behave or anything of that sort. i just thought that the guide was very well written, and this particular point stood out.

(and um...i'm kinda glad you don't have *anything* hanging out...i'd have to laugh if ya did!)

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrSunshine

There are parts of this I really do like. However, have you ever tried walking into a bathroom with hardly any hair/masculine features/non shaved legs if in shorts etc...?
I could have (which I thankfully do not) a big O flappin vagina hangin out and still catch shit. (okay, that didn't sound right) Not just from women but from men who may be waiting outside for their daughters.
The last time this happened an elderly woman gasp and said "you are in the wrong place"! I simply told her "I've been touching this thing for 45 years, I know where I belong" she winked, apologized and kept steppin.
The man was stupid enough to put his hand on me as if to stop me. He may or may not recover that testicle.

EnderD_503 · 09-09-2010, 07:09 AM

I realise there are not many Torontonians around these parts, but thought I'd share the link in case a few happen to trickle in. For those it might be useful for who weren't aware before (just found this myself as a new student there), the University of Toronto has gender neutral washrooms spread out around its various campuses, particularly St. George campus in the downtown core. Here is a compiled list of all the gender neutral washrooms on campus: http://www.sgdo.utoronto.ca/washrooms/Locations.htm

I've noticed a few restaurants/coffee shops in the area like Tim Horton's across from the varsity field has single-user washrooms as well that don't require you get a key from the counter to use.

Glenn · 09-09-2010, 09:57 AM

I'm designing a house built for 100+ toilets only. One area is gender neutral, and another area has round circles for some folks who want to watch each other.

Nat · 09-09-2010, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EnderD_503

I realise there are not many Torontonians around these parts, but thought I'd share the link in case a few happen to trickle in. For those it might be useful for who weren't aware before (just found this myself as a new student there), the University of Toronto has gender neutral washrooms spread out around its various campuses, particularly St. George campus in the downtown core. Here is a compiled list of all the gender neutral washrooms on campus: http://www.sgdo.utoronto.ca/washrooms/Locations.htm

I've noticed a few restaurants/coffee shops in the area like Tim Horton's across from the varsity field has single-user washrooms as well that don't require you get a key from the counter to use.

This site also appears useful -

http://safe2pee.org/

ComparedToWhom · 09-21-2010, 01:49 AM

Interesting article: URINARY SEGREGATION

Thoughts anyone?

CTW

MysticOceansFL · 09-21-2010, 07:48 AM

The only thing I can think of is when your in trans as in waiting to go through the operation there should be change of Driver's lic's stating that your male if your FTM and a woman if your MTF because it would be less bother somes for people who are trans why doesnt the system help out? Its not hurting anyone and second some places should have unisex bathrooms just for that reason and not leave anyone out! Just an idea!

Glenn · 09-28-2010, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticOceansFLr people who are trans why doesnt the system help out? Its not hurting anyone and second some places should have unisex bathrooms just for that reason and not leave anyone out! Just an idea![/COLOR

[/SIZE][/FONT]

My brain has been boiling about this issue. Now .. I have designed the perfect corporate unisex restroom/lounge, whereby folks can retain their dignity. I must say..I've really overdone myself and broken all barriers.. I can tell you this is really fancy with modern tables and chairs doubling as toilets surrounded by high partitions and a security guard.

The_Lady_Snow · 09-28-2010, 11:09 AM

When I take a shit.

I personally don't want no kinda guy in there.

Queer or not a girl likes to do her shitting
in comfort and private.

That's just me though

Apocalipstic · 09-28-2010, 12:46 PM

Me, I don't care.

And in my experience men don't care. In fact, men don't really look at each other going to the bathroom, so when I am in a hurry I use the Men's room and I look nothing like a man.

Some Women have a fit though. I soooooo sosososososo want Cynthia to go to the Women's room with me, so I can tell someone off.. I am eat up with excitement over it...but she insists on just using the men's room.

UGH.

ravfem · 09-28-2010, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

When I take a shit.

I personally don't want no kinda guy in there.

Queer or not a girl likes to do her shitting
in comfort and private.

That's just me though

i love your candor!

This is why i personally think all bathrooms should be a one stall, one person at a time, locking door room!

Nat · 03-10-2011, 07:18 AM

A good friend of mine, Blake, gave me permission to re-post his writing here. It's a familiar story within this community, and well-written/well-told. Bonus: When I asked for that permission, he not only agreed but he checked out the site and decided to join.

Anyway, here it is:

The Wrong Bathroom

On Tuesday afternoon, I carried a bladder full to capacity all the way across campus.
Every out of the way restroom door I might have breezed through in various buildings along the way seemed to be plagued with an interchangeable gaggle of young women– lingering, laughing together, blocking the way in their jeggings, oversized hoodies and Ugg boots. It didn’t matter because I had a purpose, one that led me seemingly on its own accord to a building where I knew I could work in silence for hours on end. And my head was full, its wheels turning in motion only to the massive assigned project at hand; the soundtrack of this was the aural confection of New Order; I felt so extraordinary, something had a hold of me; and this in combination seemed to outweigh my full, weighty bladder.

I often wait until it’s unbearable. Going to the bathroom is quite a chore.

I’d finally made it to the quiet building when it was a force I could no longer ignore. I did as I always do, looked at the floor and swiftly pushed through the door, continued to look at the floor, only at the floor, and found the nearest stall, earphones still pulsing loud with the full wonders of the synthesizer. To my great relief, it seemed I was all alone in the bathroom. I wouldn’t have to wait for some woman to take all the time in the world washing her hands and checking herself in the mirror to wash my own hands and get the hell out. I wouldn’t get the timing wrong and cause some poor girl to jump at the sight of me. No one came in the whole time. I almost felt comfortable. I washed my hands all alone in the vast bathroom with its long row of stalls. I even had time to check myself in the mirror and turned off my mp3 player because now that that great concern was over with, it was time to get to work on my project.

I pushed my way through the door and was met face to face with a maintenance man carrying a gigantic walkie-talkie. I stood arrested, not only because he was blocking my way, but because it was so unexpected. This gave him a few seconds to examine me, turn his head to the right, and shout to a woman across the great expanse of the building, “(Woman’s wholly unmemorable name), it’s not what you think!” as he stepped back and let me pass. “You can never be too sure!” shouted the woman in response. Neither one of them addressed me directly at all.

I was left to figure out what had just happened, which of course was realized immediately. And what’s funny is I didn’t have the shame to leave the building. I went specifically to that building to do my work because it was an ideal place to do so. And I wasn’t going to leave just because something embarrassing had just happened.

I couldn’t have sat in a more visible place either. I was right out in the open with my laptop open and books spread out all over the table. Right out in the open for the same maintenance man to walk by and smirk at several times during my lengthy stay and none of this caused me the slightest inkling of shame. I just thought it was funny.

I giggled to myself internally about it all afternoon. Especially that “it’s not what you think!” business. I know he meant that the circumstance was not what she thought. “It” was not why she ordered that he barricade the door with his leathery, broad-shouldered brawn. But it was, essentially, also the person. “It” was me; I was the circumstance; I am an “it”.

But also, the thought that a big man, by the looks of it the biggest at hand, would have to block the entrance, to protect women from a supposed rapist madman, this was all particularly funny. What did they think would happen? I could have laughed about it for days.

This wasn’t the first time a blockade has been set up on campus, an effort to protect women from entering a bathroom I’d walked into quickly devised. My first semester, I attempted to leave another similarly barren bathroom and realized with the swing of the door I’d pushed several large garbage cans out of my way. And then I saw the line of young women waiting to use the bathroom who were all laughing at me as I walked past the professor who without a doubt had instituted the whole charade. I looked down and continued to walk as she shouted helplessly, “Stop right there! I can see you! I know what you look like!” and the laughter grew louder. Unfortunately I was only traveling less than a hundred feet away to my next class and clearly entered that door, a door to an auditorium-style room, where more than 200 students attended. This was the same class that all of the women forced to wait in line would certainly also travel to after being permitted to simply use the bathroom.

I took my usual seat in the very back left corner and wondered if I was in trouble, if someone was going to come find me and drag me from the room. And I also imagined that professor hauling all of those garbage cans from various points in the hall in front of the door. What an endeavor. And so fast! And she must have told all of those waiting girls that there was a rapist madman inside and they had to wait. Why hadn’t I heard all of that commotion? All I wanted to do was pee.

I have been giving a lot of thought to errors in my thinking. Errors that seem so clear when they are discovered, but that have gone on for so long I no longer recognize them as dense gauze over my perception. My therapist has done wonders for hacking through it.

I mentioned to him that a woman I have collaborated with on several group projects said she’d tried to find me on Facebook. I dismissed her obvious angling coldly. “It’s under a weird name” I said quickly and then changed the subject. I know this hurt her a bit. Her whole mood became less friendly and I caused that. And my reason was because she would look through my photos, my weird posts, and it was all so uncomfortably transparent. I was not ready to share that with someone I barely knew, who I will have to continue to work with. “But…” my therapist stopped me, “She interacts with you daily. And I have news for you, Blake. You are not hiding anything. She knows who you are just by looking at you. And she accepts it. Wanting to extend her friendship to you in that way was a way of saying she accepts you and is curious to know more about you.”

Why should I have a full blown epiphany at a statement like that? It makes so much goddamned sense.

And the same phenomenon extends with public bathrooms. Obviously I cause problems in the women’s room. The reason I still use them is because of the small population of students and professors who know my given name and know I am female. If I used the men’s room and someone knew I was not technically male, then what would happen? And then I realize I have already seen close to the worst of what can happen, save physical violence Thank God, if you use the wrong bathroom.

princessbelle · 03-10-2011, 08:31 AM

I've sat and read some of the posts in here this morning. One thing keeps coming back to me as i read this and it is of my own emotion and that is anger.

I, like many here, been with a few trans/Ftm/butch guys/girls over the years when they were going to use the bathroom and when they clearly had held it so long their eyes were watering and i've also witnessed what they go through as many have. The looks, glares, the uncomfortable air that you could cut with a knife, the awkwardness of me needing to check it out first to see if anyone was in there before they entered, the walking out swiftly so that maybe they would not be noticed with their eyes to the floor.

I can't help but get protective and angry and more times than not say something like "mind your own buisness or "what are you staring at" ect. I think, for me, if they would just look away or ignor the situation i would be ok, but it's like they all want to be confrontational with "us/them".

Usually, who i'm with will just shhh'sh me and says "don't worry about it", "drop it". But, it is hard for me to see this happen and not open my mouth to stand up for "your" rights as a human being.

I was just curious.....from femmes and to the ones that it happens to, how do you get past the anger and wanting to rip out someone's hair when they give your friend or yourself a look of disgust, cause quite honestly, i gotta get a grip on it. It just makes me so mad i wanna scream and stand in front of "whoever" and shout "how dare you give anyone a look like that, you have no clue who he/she is".

Ya know?

girl_dee · 03-10-2011, 09:07 AM

@ Belle.... Yes I know!

DomnNC · 03-10-2011, 11:06 AM

Bathrooms, they can be a fun lil trip if you let them. I don't look down at the floor, I go in like I own the damn place (doesn't matter which one I choose to use and I always choose the one that I can pee at the quickest cuz when ya gotta go, ya gotta go). But if one stands there gawking I have a couple little sayings via my dearly departed as she would be quick to say it if I didn't get there first (even tho I don't identify this way, chuckles).

To the women:
Honey, I'm more fucking woman than you'll ever be and more man that you'll ever fucking have.

To the men:
Dude, I'm more fucking woman than you'll ever have and more man than you'll ever fucking be.

Then I or my wife would offer to take a pic with our cell phone and offer to email/snail mail it to them.

It generally shut them the hell up right quick and made them look elsewhere.

Jess · 03-10-2011, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

I've sat and read some of the posts in here this morning. One thing keeps coming back to me as i read this and it is of my own emotion and that is anger.

I, like many here, been with a few trans/Ftm/butch guys/girls over the years when they were going to use the bathroom and when they clearly had held it so long their eyes were watering and i've also witnessed what they go through as many have. The looks, glares, the uncomfortable air that you could cut with a knife, the awkwardness of me needing to check it out first to see if anyone was in there before they entered, the walking out swiftly so that maybe they would not be noticed with their eyes to the floor.

I can't help but get protective and angry and more times than not say something like "mind your own buisness or "what are you staring at" ect. I think, for me, if they would just look away or ignor the situation i would be ok, but it's like they all want to be confrontational with "us/them".

Usually, who i'm with will just shhh'sh me and says "don't worry about it", "drop it". But, it is hard for me to see this happen and not open my mouth to stand up for "your" rights as a human being.

I was just curious.....from femmes and to the ones that it happens to, how do you get past the anger and wanting to rip out someone's hair when they give your friend or yourself a look of disgust, cause quite honestly, i gotta get a grip on it. It just makes me so mad i wanna scream and stand in front of "whoever" and shout "how dare you give anyone a look like that, you have no clue who he/she is".

Ya know?

Christie manages to always overhear the remarks made about me regarding "what is that? is this the right restroom?" etc and if I am out of ear shot will give them a bit of "education" that only a proud 6 ft redhead southern femme lady can give. When I happen to catch something on the tune of "now, ya'll go fuck yer precious little bigot selves now ya hear" rolling of those sweet lips, I admit, it does make my heart get big.

The_Lady_Snow · 03-10-2011, 04:08 PM

Ah see Snickles Grant only uses the mens room, when he "he has to" I usually call him honey so they at least know we're queer. His safety factor plays into how I react. Virginia has been the worse experience in our travels. I use gay mens restrooms but only if I am known at the establishment. Now... If I'm hanging out with butch buddies and they use the correct restrooms then I'm ok with saying

"hey back off it's a woman no different than you"

I've found women to converse more than guys and will listen in restroom situations.

SelfMadeMan · 03-10-2011, 12:07 PM

I used the men's room for two years or so, prior to transitioning just because I *wanted* to. I walked in with my head held high even though I didn't pass 100%. When a men's restroom was unavailable/occupied I went into the women's room, head held high and stared back at anyone who stared at me. I used whichever room *I* chose, regardless of what anyone else thought... just my .02. I'm not suggesting others are wrong for not handling it this way, and I know for some, it isn't so easy... so please don't think I'm passing any judgements :-)

09-08-2010, 11:50 AM	#1
Mike In Loving Memory and Many Thanks Relationship Status: connected, emotionally and physically Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 511 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,188 Thanked 2,454 Times in 416 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Peeing in peace http://transgenderlawcenter.org/pdf/...ce%20Guide.pdf

09-21-2010, 07:48 AM	#9
MysticOceansFL Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch, Preferred Pronoun?: People call me by my nic name. Relationship Status: Not Single, Not Desperate. Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Florida Posts: 3,833 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,645 Thanked 4,033 Times in 1,720 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	The only thing I can think of is when your in trans as in waiting to go through the operation there should be change of Driver's lic's stating that your male if your FTM and a woman if your MTF because it would be less bother somes for people who are trans why doesnt the system help out? Its not hurting anyone and second some places should have unisex bathrooms just for that reason and not leave anyone out! Just an idea! __________________ Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. It is said, " Some lives are linked across time..... Connected by an ancient calling that echoes through the ages "......

09-28-2010, 11:09 AM	#11
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,078 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	When I take a shit. I personally don't want no kinda guy in there. Queer or not a girl likes to do her shitting in comfort and private. That's just me though __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

09-28-2010, 12:46 PM	#12
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Me, I don't care. And in my experience men don't care. In fact, men don't really look at each other going to the bathroom, so when I am in a hurry I use the Men's room and I look nothing like a man. Some Women have a fit though. I soooooo sosososososo want Cynthia to go to the Women's room with me, so I can tell someone off.. I am eat up with excitement over it...but she insists on just using the men's room. UGH. __________________

03-10-2011, 07:18 AM	#14
Nat Senior Member How Do You Identify?: bigender (DID System) Preferred Pronoun?: he/him or alter-specific Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Central TX Posts: 3,537 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,047 Thanked 13,967 Times in 2,589 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	A good friend of mine, Blake, gave me permission to re-post his writing here. It's a familiar story within this community, and well-written/well-told. Bonus: When I asked for that permission, he not only agreed but he checked out the site and decided to join. Anyway, here it is: The Wrong Bathroom On Tuesday afternoon, I carried a bladder full to capacity all the way across campus. Every out of the way restroom door I might have breezed through in various buildings along the way seemed to be plagued with an interchangeable gaggle of young women– lingering, laughing together, blocking the way in their jeggings, oversized hoodies and Ugg boots. It didn’t matter because I had a purpose, one that led me seemingly on its own accord to a building where I knew I could work in silence for hours on end. And my head was full, its wheels turning in motion only to the massive assigned project at hand; the soundtrack of this was the aural confection of New Order; I felt so extraordinary, something had a hold of me; and this in combination seemed to outweigh my full, weighty bladder. I often wait until it’s unbearable. Going to the bathroom is quite a chore. I’d finally made it to the quiet building when it was a force I could no longer ignore. I did as I always do, looked at the floor and swiftly pushed through the door, continued to look at the floor, only at the floor, and found the nearest stall, earphones still pulsing loud with the full wonders of the synthesizer. To my great relief, it seemed I was all alone in the bathroom. I wouldn’t have to wait for some woman to take all the time in the world washing her hands and checking herself in the mirror to wash my own hands and get the hell out. I wouldn’t get the timing wrong and cause some poor girl to jump at the sight of me. No one came in the whole time. I almost felt comfortable. I washed my hands all alone in the vast bathroom with its long row of stalls. I even had time to check myself in the mirror and turned off my mp3 player because now that that great concern was over with, it was time to get to work on my project. I pushed my way through the door and was met face to face with a maintenance man carrying a gigantic walkie-talkie. I stood arrested, not only because he was blocking my way, but because it was so unexpected. This gave him a few seconds to examine me, turn his head to the right, and shout to a woman across the great expanse of the building, “(Woman’s wholly unmemorable name), it’s not what you think!” as he stepped back and let me pass. “You can never be too sure!” shouted the woman in response. Neither one of them addressed me directly at all. I was left to figure out what had just happened, which of course was realized immediately. And what’s funny is I didn’t have the shame to leave the building. I went specifically to that building to do my work because it was an ideal place to do so. And I wasn’t going to leave just because something embarrassing had just happened. I couldn’t have sat in a more visible place either. I was right out in the open with my laptop open and books spread out all over the table. Right out in the open for the same maintenance man to walk by and smirk at several times during my lengthy stay and none of this caused me the slightest inkling of shame. I just thought it was funny. I giggled to myself internally about it all afternoon. Especially that “it’s not what you think!” business. I know he meant that the circumstance was not what she thought. “It” was not why she ordered that he barricade the door with his leathery, broad-shouldered brawn. But it was, essentially, also the person. “It” was me; I was the circumstance; I am an “it”. But also, the thought that a big man, by the looks of it the biggest at hand, would have to block the entrance, to protect women from a supposed rapist madman, this was all particularly funny. What did they think would happen? I could have laughed about it for days. This wasn’t the first time a blockade has been set up on campus, an effort to protect women from entering a bathroom I’d walked into quickly devised. My first semester, I attempted to leave another similarly barren bathroom and realized with the swing of the door I’d pushed several large garbage cans out of my way. And then I saw the line of young women waiting to use the bathroom who were all laughing at me as I walked past the professor who without a doubt had instituted the whole charade. I looked down and continued to walk as she shouted helplessly, “Stop right there! I can see you! I know what you look like!” and the laughter grew louder. Unfortunately I was only traveling less than a hundred feet away to my next class and clearly entered that door, a door to an auditorium-style room, where more than 200 students attended. This was the same class that all of the women forced to wait in line would certainly also travel to after being permitted to simply use the bathroom. I took my usual seat in the very back left corner and wondered if I was in trouble, if someone was going to come find me and drag me from the room. And I also imagined that professor hauling all of those garbage cans from various points in the hall in front of the door. What an endeavor. And so fast! And she must have told all of those waiting girls that there was a rapist madman inside and they had to wait. Why hadn’t I heard all of that commotion? All I wanted to do was pee. I have been giving a lot of thought to errors in my thinking. Errors that seem so clear when they are discovered, but that have gone on for so long I no longer recognize them as dense gauze over my perception. My therapist has done wonders for hacking through it. I mentioned to him that a woman I have collaborated with on several group projects said she’d tried to find me on Facebook. I dismissed her obvious angling coldly. “It’s under a weird name” I said quickly and then changed the subject. I know this hurt her a bit. Her whole mood became less friendly and I caused that. And my reason was because she would look through my photos, my weird posts, and it was all so uncomfortably transparent. I was not ready to share that with someone I barely knew, who I will have to continue to work with. “But…” my therapist stopped me, “She interacts with you daily. And I have news for you, Blake. You are not hiding anything. She knows who you are just by looking at you. And she accepts it. Wanting to extend her friendship to you in that way was a way of saying she accepts you and is curious to know more about you.” Why should I have a full blown epiphany at a statement like that? It makes so much goddamned sense. And the same phenomenon extends with public bathrooms. Obviously I cause problems in the women’s room. The reason I still use them is because of the small population of students and professors who know my given name and know I am female. If I used the men’s room and someone knew I was not technically male, then what would happen? And then I realize I have already seen close to the worst of what can happen, save physical violence Thank God, if you use the wrong bathroom. __________________ I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl

09-08-2010, 12:25 PM	#2
ravfem Senior Member How Do You Identify?: i'm a girl Relationship Status: negative Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Georgia Posts: 1,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,239 Thanked 3,126 Times in 1,270 Posts Rep Power: 1969286	A short snippet from the TLC Restroom Resource Guide Mike posted: Strategy #2: Confidence Using gender segregated bathrooms may be nerve-wracking at times but it is important that you realize you have a right to be there, no ma􀄴er how other people react to you. You belong in the bathroom that makes you feel most comfortable as much as anyone else does. Being confident lets other people know that as well. If you are feeling nervous when entering a bathroom, take a deep breath and remind yourself that there’s nothing wrong with you and that you have the right to be there as much as anyone else does. If necessary, keep taking deep breaths and repeat the phrase, “I belong here” in your mind while you are in the bathroom. __________________

09-09-2010, 07:09 AM	#5
EnderD_503 Member How Do You Identify?: Queer, trans guy, butch Preferred Pronoun?: Male pronouns Relationship Status: Relationship Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Canada Posts: 1,329 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,090 Thanked 3,878 Times in 1,022 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I realise there are not many Torontonians around these parts, but thought I'd share the link in case a few happen to trickle in. For those it might be useful for who weren't aware before (just found this myself as a new student there), the University of Toronto has gender neutral washrooms spread out around its various campuses, particularly St. George campus in the downtown core. Here is a compiled list of all the gender neutral washrooms on campus: http://www.sgdo.utoronto.ca/washrooms/Locations.htm I've noticed a few restaurants/coffee shops in the area like Tim Horton's across from the varsity field has single-user washrooms as well that don't require you get a key from the counter to use.

09-09-2010, 09:57 AM	#6
Glenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Ol butch bones. Preferred Pronoun?: Old thing Relationship Status: Too old to play. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: :rolleyes: Posts: 1,547 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,602 Thanked 3,729 Times in 1,095 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I'm designing a house built for 100+ toilets only. One area is gender neutral, and another area has round circles for some folks who want to watch each other.

09-21-2010, 01:49 AM	#8
ComparedToWhom Junior Member How Do You Identify?: oh geez, a box... if I must, I"ll go with GeNdErQuEeR (100% all-natural, organic) Preferred Pronoun?: don't care as long as it's said respectfully Relationship Status: Rolling solo Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: On the road/trail (see pic)... refuel in the Valley of the Sun (AZ) Posts: 23 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2 Thanked 55 Times in 13 Posts Rep Power: 554	Interesting article: URINARY SEGREGATION Thoughts anyone? CTW

03-10-2011, 08:31 AM	#15
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,496 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I've sat and read some of the posts in here this morning. One thing keeps coming back to me as i read this and it is of my own emotion and that is anger. I, like many here, been with a few trans/Ftm/butch guys/girls over the years when they were going to use the bathroom and when they clearly had held it so long their eyes were watering and i've also witnessed what they go through as many have. The looks, glares, the uncomfortable air that you could cut with a knife, the awkwardness of me needing to check it out first to see if anyone was in there before they entered, the walking out swiftly so that maybe they would not be noticed with their eyes to the floor. I can't help but get protective and angry and more times than not say something like "mind your own buisness or "what are you staring at" ect. I think, for me, if they would just look away or ignor the situation i would be ok, but it's like they all want to be confrontational with "us/them". Usually, who i'm with will just shhh'sh me and says "don't worry about it", "drop it". But, it is hard for me to see this happen and not open my mouth to stand up for "your" rights as a human being. I was just curious.....from femmes and to the ones that it happens to, how do you get past the anger and wanting to rip out someone's hair when they give your friend or yourself a look of disgust, cause quite honestly, i gotta get a grip on it. It just makes me so mad i wanna scream and stand in front of "whoever" and shout "how dare you give anyone a look like that, you have no clue who he/she is". Ya know? __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

03-10-2011, 09:07 AM	#16
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,831 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	@ Belle.... Yes I know!

03-10-2011, 11:06 AM	#17
DomnNC Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Male Preferred Pronoun?: He/Him Relationship Status: Widow Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Permanently Banned 11/15/2011 Posts: 1,223 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,618 Thanked 2,582 Times in 837 Posts Rep Power: 0	Bathrooms, they can be a fun lil trip if you let them. I don't look down at the floor, I go in like I own the damn place (doesn't matter which one I choose to use and I always choose the one that I can pee at the quickest cuz when ya gotta go, ya gotta go). But if one stands there gawking I have a couple little sayings via my dearly departed as she would be quick to say it if I didn't get there first (even tho I don't identify this way, chuckles). To the women: Honey, I'm more fucking woman than you'll ever be and more man that you'll ever fucking have. To the men: Dude, I'm more fucking woman than you'll ever have and more man than you'll ever fucking be. Then I or my wife would offer to take a pic with our cell phone and offer to email/snail mail it to them. It generally shut them the hell up right quick and made them look elsewhere.

03-10-2011, 04:08 PM	#19
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,078 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	Ah see Snickles Grant only uses the mens room, when he "he has to" I usually call him honey so they at least know we're queer. His safety factor plays into how I react. Virginia has been the worse experience in our travels. I use gay mens restrooms but only if I am known at the establishment. Now... If I'm hanging out with butch buddies and they use the correct restrooms then I'm ok with saying "hey back off it's a woman no different than you" I've found women to converse more than guys and will listen in restroom situations. __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

03-10-2011, 12:07 PM	#20
SelfMadeMan Member How Do You Identify?: Transsexual Man Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married to The Woman of My Dreams <3 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 802 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 796 Thanked 2,668 Times in 527 Posts Rep Power: 18972345	I used the men's room for two years or so, prior to transitioning just because I wanted to. I walked in with my head held high even though I didn't pass 100%. When a men's restroom was unavailable/occupied I went into the women's room, head held high and stared back at anyone who stared at me. I used whichever room I chose, regardless of what anyone else thought... just my .02. I'm not suggesting others are wrong for not handling it this way, and I know for some, it isn't so easy... so please don't think I'm passing any judgements :-)