Sexual Abuse: Coping, Recovery and Survival

[Andrew, Jr.]

I am just dropping by to say hi to everyone. I hope everyone is doing well.

Namaste,
Andrew

[Andrew, Jr.]

Bump de Bump Bump

[SweetChrissy]

Being sexually abused is a very touchy subject. I was sexually abused when I was 8 and it lasted until I was 13/14. I was never told to keep it a secret or I would be killed but that no one would believe me. There is alot I dont remember because I blocked it out of my memory. I do have bad dreams of being raped. I have been prescriped sleeping pills to stop the night terrors which it helps some of the time. I have been through therapy and continue to see a therapist on and off. My last therapist suggested the book called The Courage to Heal....they also have a workbook and its supposed to help out alot. I am having a hard time finding out where i am in the book because it works in stages. Just thought i would throw it out there and maybe someone else would benifit from it. peace and love

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by SweetChrissy

Being sexually abused is a very touchy subject. I was sexually abused when I was 8 and it lasted until I was 13/14. I was never told to keep it a secret or I would be killed but that no one would believe me. There is alot I dont remember because I blocked it out of my memory. I do have bad dreams of being raped. I have been prescriped sleeping pills to stop the night terrors which it helps some of the time. I have been through therapy and continue to see a therapist on and off. My last therapist suggested the book called The Courage to Heal....they also have a workbook and its supposed to help out alot. I am having a hard time finding out where i am in the book because it works in stages. Just thought i would throw it out there and maybe someone else would benifit from it. peace and love

Thanks for posting. I've also heard that The Courage to Heal is a wonderful help for many.

[SweetChrissy]

No thank you for starting this theard. Many people dont realize how common childhood sexual abuse really is.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I just want to offer compassion. Strength for the weary as I see it.

Andrew

[Andrew, Jr.]

Did anyone catch Oprah today? It was Mo'Nique's family being interviewed, mainly her older brother, Gerald Imes. He acknowledges that he molested Mo'Nique AND apoligized to her.

Gerald Imes alledges that his drug abuse and the fact that he was sexually molested as a youngster caused him to abuse his younger sister. I am not sure I really buy into this logic. But that is just me.

Andrew

[JinxdGirl]

Originally Posted by NotAnAverageGuy

I have a question, how can I as a friend help someone who has been abused in the past, they come to me to talk and I just listen but I feel helpless, they feel it was their fault and I know it's not by any means. Any suggestions for us friends on what to say or do or act?

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

NotAnAverageGuy,

Just listen. Trust me - that is best thing you can do. I am a survivor. I know first hand that it is a gift you can give to someone is to sit and listen to them talk. Sometimes that is what they just need to do. Do not act surprised. Do not belittle the person at all. Go with the flow of the conversation.

Namaste,
Andrew

Originally Posted by Gemme

Andrew is right. The best thing you can do for your friend now is to do what you've been doing, listening to him/her. Guilt is a very common emotion associated with abuse. Very often, you'll hear adult abusers saying, "S/he made me do it. If s/he didn't look so sexy or like s/he wanted it, I wouldn't have done it." Blame is frequently placed upon the victim, whether by the victim, the abuser or both. You can consistently, gently remind him/her that it's not his/her fault. I might suggest s/he talk to a counselor. If s/he balks, offer to go with him/her.

Having a trusted person to listen when I need to vent or 'talk out loud' has been priceless and probably the most effective method I've used to cope with past abuse. It may seem as if you are not doing anything productive, but abuse is more psychological than physical, in my experience. Just providing a safe environment is a tremendous help to your friend.

Originally Posted by always2late

I agree with the postings above that one of the best ways to help a friend who has been abused is to listen. One of the components of abuse is secrecy. Victims are coerced or threatened not to speak. They are made to feel guilty and that feeling of guilt is compounded by remaining silent. Sometimes all a person needs is a kind, nonjudgemental ear. The very act of being able to speak of the abuse without fear of judgement or recrimination can be cleansing.

The only thing I would add to these suggestions, which are wonderful, is to never dig for details. If/when your friend shares the details, breathe deeply and try not to flinch. We have learned to read faces as a way of survival. Often we will stop speaking if we think we've said too much. It's not easy, but it is something I suggest to friends and loved ones of survivors wanting to know how best to support the person in their lives.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by JinxdGirl

The only thing I would add to these suggestions, which are wonderful, is to never dig for details. If/when your friend shares the details, breathe deeply and try not to flinch. We have learned to read faces as a way of survival. Often we will stop speaking if we think we've said too much. It's not easy, but it is something I suggest to friends and loved ones of survivors wanting to know how best to support the person in their lives.

This is absolutely true.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I am just dropping by to say hi to everyone. I hope everyone is doing well.

Namaste,
Andrew

Hello, Andrew!

I hope you are also well.