Grieving

JustBeingMe · 09-16-2010, 09:52 PM

It's been 9 months since my step father passed and I still have not had time to be able to grieve over his loss. He is a great person that I love very dearly and I miss him. Maybe after next week's crap is over and done with, I can finally take a deep breath, get on with my life, and grieve at this time.

Ruthie, I am sorry for your loss. I wish you healing and comfort.

naturlover_52 · 09-19-2010, 11:29 PM

Ruthie....I understand that....what UR going thru....and I am truely sorry for UR loss. I am grieving all the time about MY mom....she was my biggest ally and the glue that held OUR family together. And yes.....it will take a while for the hurt to lessen....JUST take care and take the time to grieve

Scota_Parisi · 11-17-2010, 07:08 PM

What a day. Four months ago, today.

I know, he was old. And I know he is at rest and at peace and all that blah blah blah. Damned if I'm not angry though. Want him back. Give anything to hear his big feet stomp through the house in the middle of the night.

And that I made that choice.. to end it for him. Hurts.

Remember my daughter saying that day that it felt like her brother had died. And I told her, "far as I'm concerned, he was your brother."

Some days it just.. hits me.

Sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks.

asphaltcowboi · 11-17-2010, 08:39 PM

[QUOTE=JustBeingMe;192689]It's been 9 months since my step father passed and I still have not had time to be able to grieve over his loss. He is a great person that I love very dearly and I miss him. Maybe after next week's crap is over and done with, I can finally take a deep breath, get on with my life, and grieve at this time.

Ruthie, I am sorry for your loss. I wish you healing and comfort.[/QUOTE

please allow yourself to gieve soon. its something that will eat at you until you do.. it did me, no mater how hard i tried to step past it. sorry for you loss as well as the others that have lost a close or loved one its never easy even when you know its coming

Mtn · 11-17-2010, 09:05 PM

I lost my oldest daughter, 2 days before her 32nd birthday, to ovarian cancer, about 4 months ago, and I am deep in the grief right now....Grief can take one's breath away like nothing else can I have learned....I DO NOT LIKE IT.....

LipstickLola · 11-18-2010, 12:12 AM

I've read through several of these posts and want you to know how incredibly touched I am right now with the level of sharing and the out pouring of your grief. While I realize that there truly are no words that can ever take away this type of pain, I want to say that love lives on, it's the bridge between us and our loved ones that we will see again one day.

Huge hugs to each one of you. How long you grieve, how you grieve is a highly personal thing, if writing helps you, please do so, there is always someone here to read!

((((())))

socialjustice_fsu · 11-18-2010, 04:10 AM

When the heart grieves over what is lost, the spirit rejoices over what is left.

AtLast · 11-18-2010, 04:57 AM

I am told that I have undergone more than "the norm" of grief of in losing significant loved ones starting fairly young. Have no idea if that is true as I know others that have had rapid-fire, multiple deaths in their lives.

What grief has become for me is a passage to strength and will that I don't believe I would have experienced at such levels in my life without these losses. And being able to say no to the endless trivia I often see keeping people back from exercising the control we really do have over our lives. When I begin to think about changing something in my life and begin with the thought "I can't because....."- I know I need to ask if that "because" is really all that insurmountable- it usually isn't, just not easy to rid myself of or deal with directly. I am simply going for what might be easier rather than what is best.

Grief must be allowed to run its course and is difficult, yet, has been a catalyst for taking better care of myself emotionally and not taking things for granted that I have been blessed with. Separating what does and does not matter.

MsTinkerbelly · 11-18-2010, 02:01 PM

I lost my Mother in May of this year. I used to call home and check in with her every day at 10am when I had to work. Now, 10am comes and I sit quietly remembering the loss.

I wish I could explain grief so that those that have never faced it would know the devastating SORROW you feel in your very soul....the ache that is never gone, only dulled with time. Flying home from Europe planning what pictures I was going to show her, and what to tell her about the wonderful places I had gone, and then, remembering.......breaking out in tears....sitting on a plane being held by my spouse.

Someone told me that they understood someone leaving him that could not take his grief and responsibilities....it takes someone strong and loving to be there day after day with someone so preoccupied....if they can leave so easily, what does that say about when things REALLY get tough?

Sorry, rambling a bit....

Andrew, Jr. · 11-18-2010, 02:06 PM

Everyone grieves at their own pace. There is no exact time for anything. I know that I am still working on the loss of my sister (skin cancer) and brother (suicide). Their birthdays and the anniversary of their deaths...some go by fast, and unnoticed, and others drag by so slowly.

Cleaning out their rooms, packing away certain items of theirs for later on, or giving things of theirs to a charity...devistating. It rips your heart and soul out.

I went to a grief support group called Grief Share. It is a world wide Christain organization. I highly recommend it. It helped me, and so many others. With the holidays coming up, depression and suicide seem to jump according to the statistics. I don't want anyone to suffer like I have. Suicide is no laughing matter. Some folks change up their rituals of having a huge meal, or watching parades on TV. For example, I go and feed the homeless and poor in Balto. City. There is a woman at Grief Share who goes to Florida on vacation. She is divorced, and her only child (a daughter) died from meningitis (sp??). The loss was so great that she had to change the holidays and rituals. She goes with her parents (she is an only child as well), and they travel to various parts of Florida. It is how they cope with the loss.

09-16-2010, 09:52 PM	#1
JustBeingMe Senior Member How Do You Identify?: as ME Relationship Status: I don't need no stinking status. Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: somewhere you're not..... Posts: 1,808 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,961 Thanked 1,690 Times in 694 Posts Rep Power: 12813869	It's been 9 months since my step father passed and I still have not had time to be able to grieve over his loss. He is a great person that I love very dearly and I miss him. Maybe after next week's crap is over and done with, I can finally take a deep breath, get on with my life, and grieve at this time. Ruthie, I am sorry for your loss. I wish you healing and comfort. __________________ Nothing more, Nothing less, I'm Just Being Me

09-19-2010, 11:29 PM	#2
naturlover_52 Member How Do You Identify?: soft butch/bi Preferred Pronoun?: she and her are just fine....Sweetcheeks hey you Relationship Status: seeing someone long distance but soon will be both in Ca love her very much Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: So Calif East San Gabrielle Valley aka the land of shake and bake Posts: 108 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 85 Thanked 89 Times in 44 Posts Rep Power: 3426	gone too soon Ruthie....I understand that....what UR going thru....and I am truely sorry for UR loss. I am grieving all the time about MY mom....she was my biggest ally and the glue that held OUR family together. And yes.....it will take a while for the hurt to lessen....JUST take care and take the time to grieve

11-17-2010, 07:08 PM	#3
Scota_Parisi Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Mz. Relationship Status: Houston, we have landed. Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Dathomir Posts: 263 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 624 Thanked 488 Times in 169 Posts Rep Power: 1289935	What a day. Four months ago, today. I know, he was old. And I know he is at rest and at peace and all that blah blah blah. Damned if I'm not angry though. Want him back. Give anything to hear his big feet stomp through the house in the middle of the night. And that I made that choice.. to end it for him. Hurts. Remember my daughter saying that day that it felt like her brother had died. And I told her, "far as I'm concerned, he was your brother." Some days it just.. hits me. Sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks. __________________ “I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.” "It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on Earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it were the only one we had." ---Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

11-17-2010, 09:05 PM	#5
Mtn Member How Do You Identify?: Stone butch, daddy type Relationship Status: sylvie calls me her studmuffin Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: OR Posts: 691 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,005 Thanked 3,834 Times in 617 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I lost my oldest daughter, 2 days before her 32nd birthday, to ovarian cancer, about 4 months ago, and I am deep in the grief right now....Grief can take one's breath away like nothing else can I have learned....I DO NOT LIKE IT..... __________________ If you don't sleep in my bed, or sign my paycheck, your opinion probably does not matter to me...

11-18-2010, 04:10 AM	#7
socialjustice_fsu Member How Do You Identify?: Feminine Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: It’s all good. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: The gulf waters are sapphire blue and the beach sand is white as snow. Posts: 607 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,866 Thanked 2,155 Times in 439 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	An old Sufi Epigram... When the heart grieves over what is lost, the spirit rejoices over what is left.

11-17-2010, 08:39 PM	#4
asphaltcowboi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: butch Relationship Status: HAPPY Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: ..... Posts: 1,509 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,367 Thanked 3,297 Times in 1,042 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	[QUOTE=JustBeingMe;192689]It's been 9 months since my step father passed and I still have not had time to be able to grieve over his loss. He is a great person that I love very dearly and I miss him. Maybe after next week's crap is over and done with, I can finally take a deep breath, get on with my life, and grieve at this time. Ruthie, I am sorry for your loss. I wish you healing and comfort.[/QUOTE please allow yourself to gieve soon. its something that will eat at you until you do.. it did me, no mater how hard i tried to step past it. sorry for you loss as well as the others that have lost a close or loved one its never easy even when you know its coming

11-18-2010, 12:12 AM	#6
LipstickLola Member How Do You Identify?: Happy Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: planet Earth Posts: 682 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,679 Thanked 1,597 Times in 433 Posts Rep Power: 5678218	I've read through several of these posts and want you to know how incredibly touched I am right now with the level of sharing and the out pouring of your grief. While I realize that there truly are no words that can ever take away this type of pain, I want to say that love lives on, it's the bridge between us and our loved ones that we will see again one day. Huge hugs to each one of you. How long you grieve, how you grieve is a highly personal thing, if writing helps you, please do so, there is always someone here to read! ((((())))

11-18-2010, 04:57 AM	#8
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I am told that I have undergone more than "the norm" of grief of in losing significant loved ones starting fairly young. Have no idea if that is true as I know others that have had rapid-fire, multiple deaths in their lives. What grief has become for me is a passage to strength and will that I don't believe I would have experienced at such levels in my life without these losses. And being able to say no to the endless trivia I often see keeping people back from exercising the control we really do have over our lives. When I begin to think about changing something in my life and begin with the thought "I can't because....."- I know I need to ask if that "because" is really all that insurmountable- it usually isn't, just not easy to rid myself of or deal with directly. I am simply going for what might be easier rather than what is best. Grief must be allowed to run its course and is difficult, yet, has been a catalyst for taking better care of myself emotionally and not taking things for granted that I have been blessed with. Separating what does and does not matter.

11-18-2010, 02:01 PM	#9
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,901 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	I lost my Mother in May of this year. I used to call home and check in with her every day at 10am when I had to work. Now, 10am comes and I sit quietly remembering the loss. I wish I could explain grief so that those that have never faced it would know the devastating SORROW you feel in your very soul....the ache that is never gone, only dulled with time. Flying home from Europe planning what pictures I was going to show her, and what to tell her about the wonderful places I had gone, and then, remembering.......breaking out in tears....sitting on a plane being held by my spouse. Someone told me that they understood someone leaving him that could not take his grief and responsibilities....it takes someone strong and loving to be there day after day with someone so preoccupied....if they can leave so easily, what does that say about when things REALLY get tough? Sorry, rambling a bit....

11-18-2010, 02:06 PM	#10
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Just my opinion here Everyone grieves at their own pace. There is no exact time for anything. I know that I am still working on the loss of my sister (skin cancer) and brother (suicide). Their birthdays and the anniversary of their deaths...some go by fast, and unnoticed, and others drag by so slowly. Cleaning out their rooms, packing away certain items of theirs for later on, or giving things of theirs to a charity...devistating. It rips your heart and soul out. I went to a grief support group called Grief Share. It is a world wide Christain organization. I highly recommend it. It helped me, and so many others. With the holidays coming up, depression and suicide seem to jump according to the statistics. I don't want anyone to suffer like I have. Suicide is no laughing matter. Some folks change up their rituals of having a huge meal, or watching parades on TV. For example, I go and feed the homeless and poor in Balto. City. There is a woman at Grief Share who goes to Florida on vacation. She is divorced, and her only child (a daughter) died from meningitis (sp??). The loss was so great that she had to change the holidays and rituals. She goes with her parents (she is an only child as well), and they travel to various parts of Florida. It is how they cope with the loss.