Auntie Diva's Story Time

Diva · 11-08-2009, 12:57 PM

Hello children.....gather 'round.....Auntie Diva has a story to tell.....

One day, Auntie Diva went on a trip to the north country. It was a long, long trip. She was on her way to Minnesota to sing for a wedding! Isn't that fun?

So, drive, drive. See Auntie Diva drive!!!

She crossed the Red River into Oklahoma...where the wind comes whippin' down the plains! There were surreys with fringe on the top and EVERYthing!

So, Auntie Diva is practicing her songs for the wedding....la la la .....toodling along.....

"My Romance...doesn't have to have a moon in the sky....." It is a good song, boys and girls....one of Auntie Diva's favorites!! "....no castle rising in Spain...." and the castle is rising....the car is rising...and unbeknownst to Auntie Diva, the speed of her car is ALso rising....and as she tops the hill....

LO AND BEHOLD (Yes...this is a vague reference to our Lord and Savior, sweet infant baby Jeebus....) ~ and how good of the boy to wait for Auntie Diva....It was Officer Davis, boys and girls!!!!

And because he knew Auntie Diva loves shiny/sparkly.....he flashed his lights for Auntie Diva.

Yes, children.....Auntie Diva broke one of the [many] laws of this great land of ours: Do not sing about Spanish castles in Oklahoma!!!!! And the nice Officer Davis smiled as he said "Press down hard, you're making 3 copies."

I'll be pressing down on the printing press as I print $220.00 of brand new twenties to send to the lovely bosses of the nice Officer Davis, whose children will soon have new shoes, thanks to Auntie Diva.

The end.

~Auntie Diva, Speed Demonette

Diva · 11-08-2009, 01:08 PM

Good afternoon, boys and girls!! It's Auntie Diva!!! Gather 'round for Auntie Diva's Story Time......this is another story about your Auntie Diva's trip to the North Country with your cousin Shizzle. (Just G)

It was a lovely day in the north country! The sun was shining and it was oh such a lovely day for cousin Stacy's and cousin Mike's wedding!

But before that....your cousin Shizzle and Auntie Diva decided to drive around the throbbing ~ I mean thriving metropolis of Rochester, MN!!!!

Cousin Shizzle was driving Auntie Diva's Soccer Mom Van and nearly hit a Pakistani girl. OUCH! That would have left a mark! Do You know how to say "Look both ways, little Pakistani girl! Look both ways!"?? Let's say it together, boys and girls:

"Look both ways, little Paskistani girl! Look both ways!"

Very GOOD, children!

So. There we were! There were piles of frozen snow on every corner...of course, it had been there for so long, boys and girls, it was hard as a rock! And filthy as your cousin Shizzle's potty mouth! No snow angels for Auntie Diva!!

There we were....drive, drive, drive!

Boys and girls? Did You know that the Mayo Clinic is in Rochester, MN? Oh yes it is! Let's go get our maps, shall we? Minnesota is also called the Land of 10,000 Lakes!! Of course, Auntie Diva is wondering what person in their right mind would have the time to go and COUNT those lakes?!?

I'll bet they had a calculator! Which is today's lesson! Good healthy lake~counting ALways requires a calculator! Did You know that the lakes freeze solid, boys and girls? Oh yes, they DO! And today, we saw two brave but ugly birds who were actually STANDING on the lake! They had caught a FISH, boys and girls, and were eating and pecking the bejeebus out of it for lunch!

Yum, brave ugly birds! YUM!

Then, your Auntie Diva and cousin Shizzle saved the best for last! Nooooooo....You silly monkeys!! Not THAT!

Your Auntie Diva and cousin Shizzle found the big tower on the edge of town that had a giant ear of corn on it....sticking straight up it was! It was disturbing in a way. Your Auntie Diva and cousin Shizzle may post some picture in their galleries soon of some of their poses with their new friend, Mr Corn Cob Stuck On The Tower!!! I'm SURE You could print these out and they would be suitable for coloring! In fact, if You blew them UP, You TOO could have some intense laughter and fun! Your Auntie Diva may or may not have required the Depends on that day.

The end.

Love You, Puppets!
~Auntie Diva, Lover O' The Corn Cob

Diva · 11-08-2009, 01:16 PM

Hello, boys and girls!! It's story time again....!!!!

Well.....Auntie Diva and cousin Shizzle left the quaint yet lovely corn cob capital of Rochester, Minnesota ....on our way to The Kansas City, MO.

It was windy, windy, windy, boys and girls! But that didn't stop your Auntie Diva and cousin Shizzle from their favorite activity!

I hear your tiny little bubbly voices, "What IS Your favorite activity, Auntie Diva? Tell us, tell us!"

Ohhhh.....you ARE needy little munchkins, aren't you, boys and girls?!

Upon our entrance to The Interstate 90 (and your Auntie Diva would like to know just WHO has assigned these various numbers to our highways and by~ways? Hmmm?) we began our favorite activity: counting the carqui along the roadsides.

As you know, 'carqui' ~ pronounced CAHR - ki ~ is the plural of carcass. And as we all know, boys and girls, a carcass is merely the remnants of an animal which has been pummulted by the front end of a car, motorcycle, 18-wheeler or some oher form of vehicular transportation. Yessssss......

And your Auntie Diva and cousin Shizzle saw MANY carqui along the roadsides today!

We saw deer ~ yes, boys and girls ~ dead Bambis! <shaking heads> We saw raccoons, opossums, hawks, coyotes, foxes (no children....not THAT!) and even a little groundhog, whose tiny little legs were just sticking up in the air, almost as if to say, "Hello, Aunti Diva!".

It was sad in an interesting sort of way. And your Auntie Diva gave a sigh each time. Your cousin Shizzle seemed to derive great pleasure from pointing out each and every deceased mammal. He's warped this way, children. No worries, though, your cousin Shizzle isn't ready for the corner just yet.

There were also many deceased Target bags flying around, getting stuck in the bushes. Thus the new phrase "....rejected like a used Target bag" came to be.

So boys and girls, as you can see, there had to have been several naps taken today in the middle of our visits to the Kum & Go and the Pump & Munch, as the day was rather boring......in a carqui sorta way.

I see it is nap time.......that being said:
Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs bite, little pookies!!!

Love,
Your Auntie Diva

11-08-2009, 12:57 PM	#1
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,174 Times in 5,239 Posts Rep Power: 0	Hello children.....gather 'round.....Auntie Diva has a story to tell..... One day, Auntie Diva went on a trip to the north country. It was a long, long trip. She was on her way to Minnesota to sing for a wedding! Isn't that fun? So, drive, drive. See Auntie Diva drive!!! She crossed the Red River into Oklahoma...where the wind comes whippin' down the plains! There were surreys with fringe on the top and EVERYthing! So, Auntie Diva is practicing her songs for the wedding....la la la .....toodling along..... "My Romance...doesn't have to have a moon in the sky....." It is a good song, boys and girls....one of Auntie Diva's favorites!! "....no castle rising in Spain...." and the castle is rising....the car is rising...and unbeknownst to Auntie Diva, the speed of her car is ALso rising....and as she tops the hill.... LO AND BEHOLD (Yes...this is a vague reference to our Lord and Savior, sweet infant baby Jeebus....) ~ and how good of the boy to wait for Auntie Diva....It was Officer Davis, boys and girls!!!! And because he knew Auntie Diva loves shiny/sparkly.....he flashed his lights for Auntie Diva. Yes, children.....Auntie Diva broke one of the [many] laws of this great land of ours: Do not sing about Spanish castles in Oklahoma!!!!! And the nice Officer Davis smiled as he said "Press down hard, you're making 3 copies." I'll be pressing down on the printing press as I print $220.00 of brand new twenties to send to the lovely bosses of the nice Officer Davis, whose children will soon have new shoes, thanks to Auntie Diva. The end. ~Auntie Diva, Speed Demonette

11-08-2009, 01:08 PM	#2
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,174 Times in 5,239 Posts Rep Power: 0	Good afternoon, boys and girls!! It's Auntie Diva!!! Gather 'round for Auntie Diva's Story Time......this is another story about your Auntie Diva's trip to the North Country with your cousin Shizzle. (Just G) It was a lovely day in the north country! The sun was shining and it was oh such a lovely day for cousin Stacy's and cousin Mike's wedding! But before that....your cousin Shizzle and Auntie Diva decided to drive around the throbbing ~ I mean thriving metropolis of Rochester, MN!!!! Cousin Shizzle was driving Auntie Diva's Soccer Mom Van and nearly hit a Pakistani girl. OUCH! That would have left a mark! Do You know how to say "Look both ways, little Pakistani girl! Look both ways!"?? Let's say it together, boys and girls: "Look both ways, little Paskistani girl! Look both ways!" Very GOOD, children! So. There we were! There were piles of frozen snow on every corner...of course, it had been there for so long, boys and girls, it was hard as a rock! And filthy as your cousin Shizzle's potty mouth! No snow angels for Auntie Diva!! There we were....drive, drive, drive! Boys and girls? Did You know that the Mayo Clinic is in Rochester, MN? Oh yes it is! Let's go get our maps, shall we? Minnesota is also called the Land of 10,000 Lakes!! Of course, Auntie Diva is wondering what person in their right mind would have the time to go and COUNT those lakes?!? I'll bet they had a calculator! Which is today's lesson! Good healthy lake~counting ALways requires a calculator! Did You know that the lakes freeze solid, boys and girls? Oh yes, they DO! And today, we saw two brave but ugly birds who were actually STANDING on the lake! They had caught a FISH, boys and girls, and were eating and pecking the bejeebus out of it for lunch! Yum, brave ugly birds! YUM! Then, your Auntie Diva and cousin Shizzle saved the best for last! Nooooooo....You silly monkeys!! Not THAT! Your Auntie Diva and cousin Shizzle found the big tower on the edge of town that had a giant ear of corn on it....sticking straight up it was! It was disturbing in a way. Your Auntie Diva and cousin Shizzle may post some picture in their galleries soon of some of their poses with their new friend, Mr Corn Cob Stuck On The Tower!!! I'm SURE You could print these out and they would be suitable for coloring! In fact, if You blew them UP, You TOO could have some intense laughter and fun! Your Auntie Diva may or may not have required the Depends on that day. The end. Love You, Puppets! ~Auntie Diva, Lover O' The Corn Cob

11-08-2009, 01:16 PM	#3
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,174 Times in 5,239 Posts Rep Power: 0	Hello, boys and girls!! It's story time again....!!!! Well.....Auntie Diva and cousin Shizzle left the quaint yet lovely corn cob capital of Rochester, Minnesota ....on our way to The Kansas City, MO. It was windy, windy, windy, boys and girls! But that didn't stop your Auntie Diva and cousin Shizzle from their favorite activity! I hear your tiny little bubbly voices, "What IS Your favorite activity, Auntie Diva? Tell us, tell us!" Ohhhh.....you ARE needy little munchkins, aren't you, boys and girls?! Upon our entrance to The Interstate 90 (and your Auntie Diva would like to know just WHO has assigned these various numbers to our highways and by~ways? Hmmm?) we began our favorite activity: counting the carqui along the roadsides. As you know, 'carqui' ~ pronounced CAHR - ki ~ is the plural of carcass. And as we all know, boys and girls, a carcass is merely the remnants of an animal which has been pummulted by the front end of a car, motorcycle, 18-wheeler or some oher form of vehicular transportation. Yessssss...... And your Auntie Diva and cousin Shizzle saw MANY carqui along the roadsides today! We saw deer ~ yes, boys and girls ~ dead Bambis! <shaking heads> We saw raccoons, opossums, hawks, coyotes, foxes (no children....not THAT!) and even a little groundhog, whose tiny little legs were just sticking up in the air, almost as if to say, "Hello, Aunti Diva!". It was sad in an interesting sort of way. And your Auntie Diva gave a sigh each time. Your cousin Shizzle seemed to derive great pleasure from pointing out each and every deceased mammal. He's warped this way, children. No worries, though, your cousin Shizzle isn't ready for the corner just yet. There were also many deceased Target bags flying around, getting stuck in the bushes. Thus the new phrase "....rejected like a used Target bag" came to be. So boys and girls, as you can see, there had to have been several naps taken today in the middle of our visits to the Kum & Go and the Pump & Munch, as the day was rather boring......in a carqui sorta way. I see it is nap time.......that being said: Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs bite, little pookies!!! Love, Your Auntie Diva