PTSD and Trauma recovery

tuffboi29 · 10-16-2010, 09:15 PM

I have an assignment and I have been dragging my feet all damn day.My therapist says that posting in here has helped me a lot.That maybe I should use it as a tool to help me overcome my obstacles.Part of my recovery revolves around my son. A large chunk involves me coping with losing him.

The flashbacks are bad today, but I'll give it a try.

Today was my son's due date.

My Libra baby.

He never had the chance to take his first breath.

His tiny life snuffed out in violence.

I've learned to forgive those involved in my son's death.

I don't think I've ever forgiven myself.

Jet · 10-16-2010, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

I have an assignment and I have been dragging my feet all damn day.My therapist says that posting in here has helped me a lot.That maybe I should use it as a tool to help me overcome my obstacles.Part of my recovery revolves around my son. A large chunk involves me coping with losing him.

The flashbacks are bad today, but I'll give it a try.

Today was my son's due date.

My Libra baby.

He never had the chance to take his first breath.

His tiny life snuffed out in violence.

I've learned to forgive those involved in my son's death.

I don't think I've ever forgiven myself.

it will get better.

friskyfemme · 10-17-2010, 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

I have an assignment and I have been dragging my feet all damn day.My therapist says that posting in here has helped me a lot.That maybe I should use it as a tool to help me overcome my obstacles.Part of my recovery revolves around my son. A large chunk involves me coping with losing him.

The flashbacks are bad today, but I'll give it a try.

Today was my son's due date.

My Libra baby.

He never had the chance to take his first breath.

His tiny life snuffed out in violence.

I've learned to forgive those involved in my son's death.

I don't think I've ever forgiven myself.

Wrapping you in loving energy. I think most of us find it hard to forgive ourselves. gving However, forgiving and forgetting are two different things. You don't have to forget what you've suffered and are suffering now, forgiving is only about releasing the emotional energy surrounding the tragedy. Blessings to you.

Jet · 10-17-2010, 03:48 PM

I want to thank everyone who recognizes my posts with your thanks. I think its important to share anything that may help each of us—even if its relaying the fact that you even have PTSD. I've mentioned before that PTSD for me is Post Traumatic Shock Disorder. That's not official; I was diagnosed with stress disorder but it does come from a severe shock to my system.

The nature and degree of my condition was severe and so to overcome this is an ever greater challenge. It involves memories, excessive fear, and reliving much of the ordeal daily for me. A lot has left my system and each day I'm on a more even keel. One of the things that I did for myself is everything I could to lead a normal existence daily even being as consumed with shock and neuro-physiological damage.

There were hundreds of days that I lived hour to hour—even minute to minute totally comnsumed in shock. Once I commited to face my ordeal, I began to "normalize" my daily life. Healthy eating, sleep, taking care of small things until they became larger things. Keeping my home clean, my things washed—eventually exercising, and I picked up old hobbies, or things I had always enjoyed before things happened. And there were many times that these were a struggle to do.

The most important thing I did was to stay out of isolation. People have been very good to me, talking many hours and keeping me company on the phone many a night. I will never forget them for the endless hours they kept with me without complaint. You really find out who your friends are.

I made my environment comfortable and as "safe feeling" as possible. I can't stress how important it is to do everything to "normalize" your surroundings
and nurture yourself.

For me, meds didn't work. They help with anxiety but I could never "medicate it away" as my doctor tried to do. I lost out and my life spiraled out of control—even losing jobs—because I was so medicated.

Relieving my PTSD is about letting out pent up fear and shock and garbage that I have internalized for so many years. I'm going give myself a lot of credit here because I could have easily turned to alcohol and drugs—even suicide.

So...
stay strong and connected, normalize and be really good to yourselves. I hope everyone is doing okay.

Miss Scarlett · 10-17-2010, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

I have an assignment and I have been dragging my feet all damn day.My therapist says that posting in here has helped me a lot.That maybe I should use it as a tool to help me overcome my obstacles.Part of my recovery revolves around my son. A large chunk involves me coping with losing him.

The flashbacks are bad today, but I'll give it a try.

Today was my son's due date.

My Libra baby.

He never had the chance to take his first breath.

His tiny life snuffed out in violence.

I've learned to forgive those involved in my son's death.

I don't think I've ever forgiven myself.

(((((tuffboi29))))) I understand because I have been there too. Losing my children to violence in each pregnancy; the last time left me near death and unable to get pregnant ever again.

Not sure how long it has been for you - for me it has been about 30 years. Like you I have forgiven the person responsible (their father) but never myself. My counselor is helping me through this. I'm no longer afraid of the flashbacks and now face them head on. I will win.

Jet is right, it does get better. It takes time and you are so worth it.

Jet · 10-17-2010, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Scarlett

(((((tuffboi29))))) I understand because I have been there too. Losing my children to violence in each pregnancy; the last time left me near death and unable to get pregnant ever again.

Not sure how long it has been for you - for me it has been about 30 years. Like you I have forgiven the person responsible (their father) but never myself. My counselor is helping me through this. I'm no longer afraid of the flashbacks and now face them head on. I will win.

Jet is right, it does get better. It takes time and you are so worth it.

((((((((((((Miss Scarlett))))))))))))

How dare any fucking scum bag hurt you!
Me thinks you're not at all guilty. We're here for you and tuffboi.

Apocalipstic · 10-20-2010, 03:08 PM

So much loss and pain, yet we prevail.

I read this week about the soldiers arriving back from Iraq and Afghanistan with PTSD and how many of them just can't assimilate back into their lives and end up on the street. Made me think of how lucky we all are to be alive and have homes and lives.

Jet, what you said about making things as normal as possible is so helpful. Thank you!

My heart goes out to all of us!

It does get better!

Jet · 10-20-2010, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

So much loss and pain, yet we prevail.

I read this week about the soldiers arriving back from Iraq and Afghanistan with PTSD and how many of them just can't assimilate back into their lives and end up on the street. Made me think of how lucky we all are to be alive and have homes and lives.

Jet, what you said about making things as normal as possible is so helpful. Thank you!

My heart goes out to all of us!

It does get better!

Your welcome. I dont know about anyone else, but comfort and "normalizing" daily life is imperative when you feel like climbing the walls or out of your skin from being traumatized. I'm a big proponent of self-nurturing because no one else will do it for us.

Miss Scarlett · 10-20-2010, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jet

Your welcome. I dont know about anyone else, but comfort and "normalizing" daily life is imperative when you feel like climbing the walls or out of your skin from being traumatized. I'm a big proponent of self-nurturing because no one else will do it for us.

I could not have said this better myself. My counselor constantly reminds me about self-nurturing. While hiding in the safety of taking care of everyone else my self-neglect only made things worse for me. I developed a false sense of security that led to, among other things, insomnia, night terrors and some terrible personal choices. The worst of these have not reared their respective ugly heads for a very long time and I credit the "normalizing" Jet speaks of for this. Learning to to recognize and pay attention to the triggers is very important too. I was surprised to learn that some of my triggers were very subtle.

Jet · 10-21-2010, 03:37 PM

This is a week of sleeplessness. I'm out of meds but they're on their way. The other thing about "normalizing" is keeping a schedule and maintaining sound sleep. I'm exhausted and old trauma things are recurring a bit. But part of it is not seeing clearly because of fatigue. Don't let this happen to you. I'm not mind racing but I am experiencing a phenomenon of short and long term memories—hundreds of them non stop throughout the day and night. I can tell you what belt I wore with what pants in high school; colors, things people said or did, objects, places, music, friends I haven't seen in years—everything is coming back in vivid detail. I've never experienced anything like this. Things are flying out of my subconscious. And it's as though I'm being restored after living shattered for so many years. There's nothing disturbing or frightening—its just exhausting to go through.

Apocalipstic · 10-21-2010, 04:21 PM

I have been sick and am on Steroids, which really make my mind race too. I keep wondering of I am out of control and my focus is off.

I totally get what you are saying about sleep Jet, if I don't get sleep I am a mess. Even travel to a way different time zone is difficult. It takes me days to get over it.

I kind of feel like a wuss being so easily thrown off my game. Ehhh.

We had a yard sale over the weekend, went through boxes and boxes of memories. Wonderful friends came and helped me though it, or I don't know if it would have happened.

I wish everyone a peaceful evening! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jet · 10-21-2010, 08:06 PM

Good dinner, exhausted tonight and I'm watching Chinatown which is a favorite movie of mine. I hope I can sleep. Everyone have a good night.

LipstickLola · 10-21-2010, 08:57 PM

Sweet, peaceful, restful dreams Jet.

10-16-2010, 09:15 PM	#1
tuffboi29 Member How Do You Identify?: Queer..in the queer deffinition of the queer meaning of the queer word... Preferred Pronoun?: Mr. SuperTuff Relationship Status: Things happen... Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: somewhere over the rainbow Posts: 483 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 894 Thanked 684 Times in 293 Posts Rep Power: 93006	I have an assignment and I have been dragging my feet all damn day.My therapist says that posting in here has helped me a lot.That maybe I should use it as a tool to help me overcome my obstacles.Part of my recovery revolves around my son. A large chunk involves me coping with losing him. The flashbacks are bad today, but I'll give it a try. Today was my son's due date. My Libra baby. He never had the chance to take his first breath. His tiny life snuffed out in violence. I've learned to forgive those involved in my son's death. I don't think I've ever forgiven myself. __________________ "Today we would pass through the scenes of our youth like travelers. We are burnt up by hard facts; like tradesmen we understand distinctions, and like butchers, necessities. We are no longer untroubled - we are indifferent. We might exist there; but, should we really live there?" ~Erich Maria Remarque "All Quiet on the Western Front" http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphot..._4605968_n.jpg

10-17-2010, 03:48 PM	#4
Jet Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: .. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .. Posts: 3,471 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 292 Thanked 2,647 Times in 1,293 Posts Rep Power: 0	I want to thank everyone who recognizes my posts with your thanks. I think its important to share anything that may help each of us—even if its relaying the fact that you even have PTSD. I've mentioned before that PTSD for me is Post Traumatic Shock Disorder. That's not official; I was diagnosed with stress disorder but it does come from a severe shock to my system. The nature and degree of my condition was severe and so to overcome this is an ever greater challenge. It involves memories, excessive fear, and reliving much of the ordeal daily for me. A lot has left my system and each day I'm on a more even keel. One of the things that I did for myself is everything I could to lead a normal existence daily even being as consumed with shock and neuro-physiological damage. There were hundreds of days that I lived hour to hour—even minute to minute totally comnsumed in shock. Once I commited to face my ordeal, I began to "normalize" my daily life. Healthy eating, sleep, taking care of small things until they became larger things. Keeping my home clean, my things washed—eventually exercising, and I picked up old hobbies, or things I had always enjoyed before things happened. And there were many times that these were a struggle to do. The most important thing I did was to stay out of isolation. People have been very good to me, talking many hours and keeping me company on the phone many a night. I will never forget them for the endless hours they kept with me without complaint. You really find out who your friends are. I made my environment comfortable and as "safe feeling" as possible. I can't stress how important it is to do everything to "normalize" your surroundings and nurture yourself. For me, meds didn't work. They help with anxiety but I could never "medicate it away" as my doctor tried to do. I lost out and my life spiraled out of control—even losing jobs—because I was so medicated. Relieving my PTSD is about letting out pent up fear and shock and garbage that I have internalized for so many years. I'm going give myself a lot of credit here because I could have easily turned to alcohol and drugs—even suicide. So... stay strong and connected, normalize and be really good to yourselves. I hope everyone is doing okay. Last edited by Jet; 10-17-2010 at 03:56 PM.

10-20-2010, 03:08 PM	#7
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,360 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	So much loss and pain, yet we prevail. I read this week about the soldiers arriving back from Iraq and Afghanistan with PTSD and how many of them just can't assimilate back into their lives and end up on the street. Made me think of how lucky we all are to be alive and have homes and lives. Jet, what you said about making things as normal as possible is so helpful. Thank you! My heart goes out to all of us! It does get better! __________________

10-21-2010, 04:21 PM	#11
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,360 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I have been sick and am on Steroids, which really make my mind race too. I keep wondering of I am out of control and my focus is off. I totally get what you are saying about sleep Jet, if I don't get sleep I am a mess. Even travel to a way different time zone is difficult. It takes me days to get over it. I kind of feel like a wuss being so easily thrown off my game. Ehhh. We had a yard sale over the weekend, went through boxes and boxes of memories. Wonderful friends came and helped me though it, or I don't know if it would have happened. I wish everyone a peaceful evening! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo __________________

10-21-2010, 08:57 PM	#13
LipstickLola Member How Do You Identify?: Happy Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: planet Earth Posts: 682 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,679 Thanked 1,597 Times in 433 Posts Rep Power: 5678218	Sweet, peaceful, restful dreams Jet. __________________ Happiness......it's a choice!!

10-21-2010, 03:37 PM	#10
Jet Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: .. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .. Posts: 3,471 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 292 Thanked 2,647 Times in 1,293 Posts Rep Power: 0	This is a week of sleeplessness. I'm out of meds but they're on their way. The other thing about "normalizing" is keeping a schedule and maintaining sound sleep. I'm exhausted and old trauma things are recurring a bit. But part of it is not seeing clearly because of fatigue. Don't let this happen to you. I'm not mind racing but I am experiencing a phenomenon of short and long term memories—hundreds of them non stop throughout the day and night. I can tell you what belt I wore with what pants in high school; colors, things people said or did, objects, places, music, friends I haven't seen in years—everything is coming back in vivid detail. I've never experienced anything like this. Things are flying out of my subconscious. And it's as though I'm being restored after living shattered for so many years. There's nothing disturbing or frightening—its just exhausting to go through.

10-21-2010, 08:06 PM	#12
Jet Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: .. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .. Posts: 3,471 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 292 Thanked 2,647 Times in 1,293 Posts Rep Power: 0	Good dinner, exhausted tonight and I'm watching Chinatown which is a favorite movie of mine. I hope I can sleep. Everyone have a good night.