Were you adopted in a closed adoption?

[Rockinonahigh]

apocaliptic
my grannie was my bio grannie,she was from the old country Italy as she called it,her family heritage was a hodgepodeg of things.Mostly Italian,some spanish a bit from romainia.Grand pa was full scicilain,younger son who took his inheratence off to the new world(usa).The family rumor was that grannie had the gift and was some sort of seer,she read cards,had chryistels ect.She could almost anser many questions before I could ask them.No,she never would teach me anything no matter how hard I tryed to get her to,said it had no place in the up and comeing world I lived in.To bad cause I would love to know the things she did.
Rockin

[NotAnAverageGuy]

I agree some people shouldn't be allowed to adopt or have babies....


My real mother is one of those people, she was in essence a HO, I can say that cuz that's my birthmom. She has 7 other kids besides me, I was the only one given up for adoption, my only brother is in prison for murder and is a lifer, my sisters are addicts with children by different men (ala Jerry Springer and Maury show type).

I have been told there are 2 men who can possibly be my father but my mother lies so much I am not sure I can trust her but with her track record, I can kinda see how that could be possible.

I am either from Oilfield Trash or Cattle Rancher trash LOL, either one isn't bad, just wish I knew which one I was.

[Rockinonahigh]

Dealing with and liveing threw this crazy often hurtfull life of mine,I at this point realise even tho it was in many was a liveing hell that I wouldnt wish on anyone....That I have servived it to be a better person,more understanding of others,that im still an open book waiting for new chapters to be whriten(sp?GRRRR).They may have bent the hell out of me but didnt break my soul or my mind.Somewhere I read what dosent break u will make u stronger,it took me a long time to understand that fully,now that I do get it,that statement is wort its weight in gold...tho I dont chose to repete the experence,wish I had come to this place by a better road..I did get hear with the help of good people,places like bfp who I share experences with.I hope I have helped u as much as u have me.Just remember this.....We are her,doing what we can to get threw every day the best we can.No matter what or how we live we are viable in this world.For me as with many who go threw all this bs we achived much and will contenue as life keeps going.
Rockin

[Apocalipstic]

It is great, I agree, to have people we can discuss all this with. Not knowing your background or where you come from is scary and something many people do not understand.

They think we should be thankful that someone adopted us, "took us in", as it were....like we will forever be tainted by our illegitimacy.

It boggles my mind that in this day and age, people still think lying to kids and feeling like its the right thing to do.


I would not wish adoption on anyone, and have spent most of my life wishing that abortion had been legal when I was conceived. I do not get how it seems to be a better idea to give a family member away to people you do not know. Anything can happen to a defenseless baby. And people say they give away their children out of love. Whatever.

I am a huge proponent of using birth control. It needs to be available everywhere. On every street corner.

[NotAnAverageGuy]

I think some people need to be sterilized and castrated, birth control should be a law in this country.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by NotAnAverageGuy

I think some people need to be sterilized and castrated, birth control should be a law in this country.

Gotta agree!

[bigbutchmistie]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

It is great, I agree, to have people we can discuss all this with. Not knowing your background or where you come from is scary and something many people do not understand.

They think we should be thankful that someone adopted us, "took us in", as it were....like we will forever be tainted by our illegitimacy.

It boggles my mind that in this day and age, people still think lying to kids and feeling like its the right thing to do.


I would not wish adoption on anyone, and have spent most of my life wishing that abortion had been legal when I was conceived. I do not get how it seems to be a better idea to give a family member away to people you do not know. Anything can happen to a defenseless baby. And people say they give away their children out of love. Whatever.

I am a huge proponent of using birth control. It needs to be available everywhere. On every street corner.

I completely agree with this entire post Well said

[FeminineAllure]

Originally Posted by bigbutchmistie

I completely agree with this entire post Well said

Although I only know most of you through photos and your posts I would like to tell you I am happy you were not aborted. And there is a good reason you were not.

You are all so handsome and beautiful! Inside and out. And your thoughts, opinions and experiences are all worth being here to share with others. Not to mention the people you have met and partner/s lives you have touched deeply or are meant to meet in the near future. Their lives will be changed for the better by yours.
There are no mistakes.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by FeminineAllure

Although I only know most of you through photos and your posts I would like to tell you I am happy you were not aborted. And there is a good reason you were not.

You are all so handsome and beautiful! Inside and out. And your thoughts, opinions and experiences are all worth being here to share with others. Not to mention the people you have met and partner/s lives you have touched deeply or are meant to meet in the near future. Their lives will be changed for the better by yours.
There are no mistakes.

My life is a mistake, trust me.

[iamkeri1]

I hope you will not feel it an intrusion for me to post here. I am an adoptive Mom. Hubby and I adopted four kids who had been our foster kids, a sib group, the youngest four out of seven children we know of.

Their mother was a drug addict, and while not exactly a prostitute, let's just say she usually had some guy or another around to provide money. While in her custody, the kids saw her get beaten multiple times, shot at, and stabbed. She used drugs in front of them and when they were hungry she sent them to the corner store where she had credit established, but when the credit ran out, she knew they would steal to survive.

I'm just giving you this background to say that even though she was a pretty awful mother, I thought for a long time that it would have been easier on the kids to stay with her. It costs the state a great deal of money to "protect" kids who are in foster care. There is the cost of the court, the judge, the attornies, the court building, the therapists, the social workers, the paperwork, etc. etc. Then they pay the foster parents to take care of the kids. I assure you this is not much. For what you call a "generic" kids in MI, you get 50 cents per hour. Generic, now isn't that a great name for a kid?

If some of this money had been used to get help for the mother, maybe she would have been able to keep them. If she had been de-toxed and sent to a program. If she had a parenting coach to work with her in the home, showing her good disciplinary methods, and how to handle her own anger. If she had had a babysitter a few hours a week, or someone to call for help when she was jonesing at 3 o'clock in the morning. If someone had arrested the guys who were beating her up. I don't know if it would have worked, but I feel trying to help the birth parents is usually a better solution than taking the kids away. She is supposedly clean right now, so maybe she could have gotten clean then with help. She is still very low functioning. She lives in a residential hotel and provideds janitorial services in exchange for rent. She shares her room with a man who is supposed to be her husband. She gets a lot of her food from her oldest child, my kids's sister. But she is clean, and that is worth a lot. Unfortunately, to my daughter that is like another wound. "Why couldn't she get clean when she had us?, she asks.

Their adoption has always been open in a sense, because they were all old enough at the time to remember being adopted. The older sister has always been in contact with the mother, and a strong proponent of the kids recognizing that she is their mother. Except for my daughter, none of them have wanted to meet her, but nonetheless she has always been a part of our lives. We have always talked openly about their family. (All the kids have different dads and knowledge of them is limited mostly to their names.)

We have always been in contact with their older sister, whom they adore. (She did not want to join our family. She is racially mixed, identified with her African American ancestry, and didn't want to grow up in a white home, though my two youngest boys are 1/2 A A too.) I have always praised, honored, and thanked her, because she largely raised the kids (She is four years older than my oldest son.), at great cost to herself. She did not go to school much and is barely literate. Needless to say, caring for her mother and six other kids, she did not have much of a childhood. She now is married and has four kids of her own. She seems to be a good loving mother.

There are many tales to tell about the suffering my kids have gone through both with, and as a result of having been taken away from their mother. When hubby died six years ago, that was a blow that I am not yet sure we as a family have survived. I hope we will make it. But more than that, I hope THEY will make it. I hope they will learn to love themselves enough to be happy adults, or at least functional adults.

I will continue to read this thread, looking for continued help with understanding my kids needs, and explanations for myself as to the reasons for some of the gaps there appear to be in their ability to function in a familial relationship, or even have close friends. If you allow me, I will post every once in a while. If I can help anyone, please let me know.

Lastly I just want to add that there is a reason I finally decided it was a good thing that the kids were removed from their mothers home. Four years ago, when my oldest son was 17 and in a drug treatment program, he called me, crying, to tell me that he had just revealed at a therapy session that his mother had used him in sex acts with men to earn money for drugs. He had never been able to tell this to us before, he said, because it was so awful to him that he could not even say the words. Four years later this beautiful, hardworking young man is in prison. At 18 he stole a car so he could go buy drugs, drove through four counties fleeing the police, and only stopped when they rammed into the car and drove him off the road. He has attempted suicide twice while in prison, and every time the caller ID shows a number from the area he is locked up, I am afraid they are calling me to tell me he is dead.

I have certainly not been a perfect mother, I have made many mistakes. They certainly have not been perfect either. I hope someday we will all be all be able to forgive each other. Our goal when we adopted to them was to keep them together. That I have done. And I have stood by them, no matter what. I hope their future tales of me will not be as filled with pain as some of the stories you tell.

Blessings to you all. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and heal all your pain.
Smooches,
Keri