Cause & Affect: A Femme's Influence On The Friendships Between Butches and Transmen

Nat · 11-08-2010, 08:38 AM

There's this thing called codependence too. If a person doesn't have the will and the guts to maintain and continue investing in her/hyr/his/hir friendships once a relationship has come into a person's life, then the friendships will often be dropped. Some people really also tend to segregate themselves based on whether single or coupled. Or they refuse to go anywhere or do anything without their partners. This is annoying.

Nat · 11-08-2010, 08:53 AM

Ps. Do you see this behavior as something femmes do exclusively or more often than others in the community? Do you feel like this femme friend-block falls along identity lines between butches and transmen? Like - do you feel femmes have encouraged your exclusion because of how your identify/experience your gender? If so, I am wondering if this is a common experience for others as well?

AtLast · 11-08-2010, 09:20 AM

Hummmm.. my personal experience within this particular community has been skewed toward femmes in some ways. But, that really could just be my experience and also based on the fact that I am kind of a hermit and not all that social. So, I feel like my personal "sample" isn't all that reflective of or can be in any way indicative of the B-F community.

There have been times when I have been socializing in real-time at specific B-F groupings that I have witnessed some of the caddy remarks I remember from days of long ago wherein women are taking shots at each other and it was femmes doing so. Stuff like making fun about weight or clothes. Hate that and it has always saddened me in terms of being a woman.

My guess is that it goes on with butches and Transmen, too. Other than a couple of butches/Transmen that I have befriended via Bashes from the old site and kept in contact with, I am not close with any here in real-time. Then again, there is that more reclusive part of me. I'm essentially a homebody and my family comes first. And there are really only two long time friends of mine that I am really close to.

Have to add that this does influence dating for me. When I find that a femme tends to make fun of other femmes or is a gossip, I don't go out with her again. The same would hold for friendships with other butches or transmen.

11-08-2010, 08:38 AM	#1
Nat Senior Member How Do You Identify?: bigender (DID System) Preferred Pronoun?: he/him or alter-specific Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Central TX Posts: 3,537 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,047 Thanked 13,967 Times in 2,589 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	There's this thing called codependence too. If a person doesn't have the will and the guts to maintain and continue investing in her/hyr/his/hir friendships once a relationship has come into a person's life, then the friendships will often be dropped. Some people really also tend to segregate themselves based on whether single or coupled. Or they refuse to go anywhere or do anything without their partners. This is annoying. __________________ I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl

11-08-2010, 08:53 AM	#2
Nat Senior Member How Do You Identify?: bigender (DID System) Preferred Pronoun?: he/him or alter-specific Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Central TX Posts: 3,537 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,047 Thanked 13,967 Times in 2,589 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Ps. Do you see this behavior as something femmes do exclusively or more often than others in the community? Do you feel like this femme friend-block falls along identity lines between butches and transmen? Like - do you feel femmes have encouraged your exclusion because of how your identify/experience your gender? If so, I am wondering if this is a common experience for others as well? __________________ I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl

11-08-2010, 09:20 AM	#3
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Hummmm.. my personal experience within this particular community has been skewed toward femmes in some ways. But, that really could just be my experience and also based on the fact that I am kind of a hermit and not all that social. So, I feel like my personal "sample" isn't all that reflective of or can be in any way indicative of the B-F community. There have been times when I have been socializing in real-time at specific B-F groupings that I have witnessed some of the caddy remarks I remember from days of long ago wherein women are taking shots at each other and it was femmes doing so. Stuff like making fun about weight or clothes. Hate that and it has always saddened me in terms of being a woman. My guess is that it goes on with butches and Transmen, too. Other than a couple of butches/Transmen that I have befriended via Bashes from the old site and kept in contact with, I am not close with any here in real-time. Then again, there is that more reclusive part of me. I'm essentially a homebody and my family comes first. And there are really only two long time friends of mine that I am really close to. Have to add that this does influence dating for me. When I find that a femme tends to make fun of other femmes or is a gossip, I don't go out with her again. The same would hold for friendships with other butches or transmen. Last edited by AtLast; 11-08-2010 at 09:32 AM.