Getting Rid of Flippant Language : Check Yourselves Here

[Just_G]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Actually you have touched on something else that I am trying to learn to navigate. (and thank you for talking so honestly about this G, I know it can be scary!)

I have a cousin who has constant seizures and I know that my Aunt (her mom) had one really bad argument with someone in my family during a holiday several years back. Someone made the comment, "GOD! Dont have a fucking seizure!"
My Aunt let the other family member know really quick that it was hurtful and triggery.

I can see that. I can see how phrases that are entrenched in our culture can become the "catch of the day" but also might be triggery to someone dealing with real issues.

Much like you G, I try to leave room and humor where I can. Its a fine line and I think we all have to do what feels comfortable for us. For instance, my own 'ouchy' feelings around the word "pussy" dont feel ouchy when other Femmes use that word in the same way. Its just a choice I make for myself and no judgment on other folks who dont see it the way I do.

I used to get really bent out of shape when I was in my teens, but have learned that I deal with this certain situation better if I joke around and make light of it. It is something so rare that a lot of people don't know it exists. I am not offended by it so much any more, but sometimes when I hear it, I ...luckily that is not very often.

Phrases mean different things to different people....unless it is a blatant, in-your-face, on purpose kind of thing meant to be hurtful, I think there has to be some lee-way given or everyone will constantly be walking on eggshells.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I struggle with words all the time. I words I hate being called retard, stupid, lazy, wacko, or the ones that center on my health issues like having seizures & being asked if I act like a fish out of water flopping on the floor.

I just am not the kind of person to respond negatively back at the sayer of the remark. I tend to keep it in. Sometimes after repeated "attacks" and nobody steps in, I just let loose and say something. The words may not be the right ones, or may come out backwards - that person knows they are being nasty.

When my tics start up, I am a hermit. It is a horrible thing to have. Jokes just seem endless. And when someone see's me with my tic going full force, they laugh. I ignore it. They don't know better.

My bio-father was verbally abuse towards me. I am a very quiet and shy person. I try to let things go, and really try to be a man of forgiveness. However, there are some folks who really do enjoy being mean and ugly, like my father. They are the ones I avoid. At the end of every day, I pray for them. They need it. It takes no more energy to be mean than it does to be kind and loving.

[TeaPartyTart]

While I agree there should be some editing in speech, I do think there is such a think as being overly PC.

For example:
One of my favorite sayings is "Fuck a Duck".

While I mean no harm to the member of the poultry family or have any inkling of beastility, I still say it. I will most likely continue saying it.

I can appreciate a level of checking one's self but I don't want to lose sight of still being able to express myself in a manner that provides a sense of character and uniqueness.

[Waldo]

As someone who wanted to be a linguist I'm well aware of all of the horrible origins in many of the phrases we use every day.

Medusa I get where you're going with this thread but I don't necessarily think of these things as flippant. Often times it's quite calculated.

But we would all do well to educate ourselves on the words we use online and in person.

[blush]

"wife-beater" instead of tank top

Yeah, I've used this term, but I'm really trying to get it out of my vocabulary.

[Diva]

I love this thread, even though I'm the Queen of Flippant. Ok....maybe Medusa is the Queen, but I'm in the court there somewhere......

~Don't care for the term "wife~beater" either.
~Don't care for the word "retarded".
~My Dad ~ God bless his redneck heart ~ used to say "colored" all the time when describing an African~American.....and every time I heard him say it, I asked him what color they were. He would look at me like I'd lost my mind and say "black". But I can remember when he said the "n" word as a small child, too.....<shiver>
~Don't care for the word "bastard", but I am known to use the word "bastid", which I guess can be considered doubly bad, as I'm saying "bastard" and making sport of the northeastern accent in the process.....

But like someone mentioned earlier, it's in the intent, I'm thinking......I don't mean for it to be hurtful when I say "bastid".....so if I AM, then call me on it. I'm really ok with that. If we start bein' offended by everything everybody says, we'll all be playin' Pictionary pretty soon.....

Edited to add that I have ADD & am technically a bastid myself.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Medusa

I was doing some thinking over the last few weeks and wanted to bring up a topic of discussion about hurtful language or the flippant use of words that might be super hurtful to other folks.

I have been making a concious effort not to say someone is "a pussy" if I feel they are acting in a rat-like, weasely, wimpish, or spineless manner. Because really, Im a feminist and using a word like "pussy" to describe bad behavior doesnt flow with my feminist roots all that well.

Im also trying to be more conscious of using the verbiage "someone is bitching and griping" because again, "bitching" implies "whining like a bitch". And I think we might all be able to see the problem with using the word "bitch" in this manner

Another one that I feel is particularly hurtful:

"r*tard" - as in "something is r*tarded"

Let's talk about it. Are there words that you find offensive when used flippantly? Have you done work around your own set of problematic language?
Let's talk about breaking those habits and developing new ways of speaking.

I think it's a wonderful idea for thread, since we all have used words and phrases that have hurt others throughout our lives. It's impossible to not have done so.

Originally Posted by Bob

Not to make light of your condition, Just_G, but this is a good example of why it's impossible to speak in such a way that no one will ever be offended. Or, to use a more personal example, several years ago I was diagnosed with ADD. It annoys the living crap out of me (no offense to sentient crap intended) when people make silly remarks about ADD, about 'ooh, bright shiny' etc. They've got some sound-bite knowledge about it (ergo, none), and have no idea what the real experience of ADD is like (frequently, quite difficult and painful.) Be that as it may, it's an annoyance, not something that offends me. Because, after all, you can't LOOK at me at tell that I have it.

Using words that are clearly derogatory and directed at body parts, skin color, (obvious) mental handicaps and the like are used way too often by a lot of people who should know better. My theory? We're lazy and as a culture have become coarsened to certain types of language. (I'm so sick of hearing the word fuck and its derivatives used as a noun, verb, adjective, and gerund I could fuckin cut a bitch.) In Medusa's example of using 'pussy/bitch' around her femme friends and that being okay is no more so than blacks referring to themselves as niggas. The argument (which Medusa didn't make, I hasten to add) that it's somehow empowering, I think, is bullshit. I think it subconsciously reinforces negative stereotypes even within the groups that are 'taking back' the word(s) at issue.

I got off track here and can't find the rails. Nevermind.

I got a lot out of this post, but I hesitated when I came to the underlined part. Our community has 'taken back' many terms that were used in a derogatory manner, such as dyke and Queer.

As someone who id's as Queer, I hope that I'm not reinforcing a negative stereotype of Queers.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by blush

"wife-beater" instead of tank top

Yeah, I've used this term, but I'm really trying to get it out of my vocabulary.

I really don't like this either. My oldest sister was with a wife-beating, cheating, alcoholic husband for 14 years and there is just not one redeeming quality about its usage to me. She left him, raised her kids (did not get one penny of child support and worked to provide for them even after remarriage, put all 3 through college/vocational school) and did remarry a great guy that loves and respects her and her kids.

Besides, some peeps look great in them and I just can't put that identification on them! My son has a great body and is a good man, husband and father. He (like most people) do not deserve to be having what they have on put in this context. Many peeps here do not deserve this, either!