Spoiled Ass Kids......

Jesse · 11-12-2010, 08:56 PM

My now ex has a son who was much the way you describe your daughter to be. In addition, he thought he was so grown that he did not have to obey our rules, or anyone elses for that matter. When he turned 17 it got much worse. Finally we gave him a choice, obey the house rules or leave. Sadly, he chose to leave.

We stuck to our guns and refused to rescue him when he was bouncing checks etc. He had to work things out for himself. We refused to help with rent, utilites etc and that is a hard thing to stick to. We did tell him we would not let him starve, and he could always come eat with us if he wanted to. He struggled a bit at first, mostly due to not keeping up with his spending. He is doing well now, (a year and half later) and is on his way to becoming a good man I think.

I am not saying this is what you or anyone else should do, just what worked out in our home at the time. This particular generation is not called the "Me" generation without reason.

Sometimes you have to let them go and make their mistakes, then they will come back stronger and more appreciative of your efforts and love.

Quote:

Originally Posted by adorable

So I realized (since I was home sick and had the chance to watch Maury and the Steve Wilkos show..) that my 18 year old is a spoiled brat.

Now she is a spoiled pregnant brat.

Not good.

I wanted desperately to give her a better life then the one I had. What I did was didn't give her chores or much responsibility. I made sure she had everything she needed to be popular in school because I grew up poor with nothing. I knew how awful it was to have to wear the same clothes all the time and not have anything that other kids had. I spent $600 on her PRE-SCHOOL wardrobe. Yeah. Imagine the amount I spent on her high school wardrobe. I never hit her and was very conscious of how I spoke to her. I was worried about her self esteem....

If my mother (who I haven't spoken to in 10 years) walked into this room right now and raised her hand I would hide under the desk. For fun, I raised my hand once to my oldest when she was 6, lol, no reaction.........

We got into an argument a few months ago because I was driving her everywhere and she has a car, unregistered sitting in the driveway. The just of the argument for me was "You need to start handling your business!"

I didn't feel that she should be taking me for granted, that she should get her license, register her car and grow up a little.

Her response to that??? She moved out and in with her boyfriends parents (they had been together for a month), she got pregnant, quit her job and has yet to get her license.

As I was watching the Steve Wilco's show, there was a 17 year old that wanted to have a baby. She kept saying that her parents "owed" her a car, clothes, money, basically - whatever she wanted. She wanted a baby for no reason other then she could have one and no one could do anything about it. During the segment they gave her one of those "trial" babies and she threw it on the floor during the night because it wouldn't stop crying.

My daughter has that attitude. Everyone: me, you, the world...OWES her, apparently for being born.

I'm sure that what has been done can't be undone. I can't believe that I'm in this position now. I worked so hard to NOT be here now. There is a baby coming. She has NO patience and until she got pregnant, hated kids......I can see this going horribly wrong.

Just reading her FB posts makes me sad. She is far too immature and young to be having a baby. I feel guilty and wish I could go back and redo. Obviously I can't.

Any suggestions for dealing with NOW? Anyone spoiled their kids way more then they should have? My kid, having a kid (I had her when I was 17 btw) scares me to death! I was so much more mature at 17 then she is now. I can't imagine how this will go. Who would've thought that by doing the right thing I would be here now? She has at least graduated from high school but was supposed to start college in Jan.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

betenoire · 11-12-2010, 09:02 PM

Yep, I agree with the two posters above.

You need to go ahead and let her fall on her ass. It sounds mean, but that's the reality. She'll hate you for a while, but it's the only way she'll learn.

People learn to become responsible adults by having responsibilities as children. People learn to appreciate what they have by not having everything handed to them and having to work for what they do get. It's time for her to do some learning.

Jesse · 11-12-2010, 09:07 PM

Meant to add: Set some strong boundaries for you, your home, things etc and stick by them

Best of luck and don't forget to laugh.

Blade · 11-12-2010, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tranzman

Meant to add: Set some strong boundaries for you, your home, things etc and stick by them

Best of luck and don't forget to laugh.

Yes house rules and boundaries, set those to begin with and at this point they are black and white, no gray areas. This is the way it is.........Home at 11, no excuses, not 11:15 doors lock at 11 whatever the rule NO gray area, until she learns not to push your buttons and stretch the rules every day

See the thing is teenagers have all the answers, they just don't know all the questions yet and when they learn the questions they forget the answers.

justkim · 11-12-2010, 09:27 PM

To say I understand is an understatement!
To say I have walked this very similiar path with my own daughter and using the tough love approach was the hardest, but in the end she thought that by becoming sexually active she was an adult. Yeah! NO!
What I did was try and make up for the lack of stuff in my life with my daughter.
I wanted to be her friend so when she talked back or got smart it was because she was treating me like a friend. I finally had enough and asked her "Do you really talk to your friends that way?" her reply was "Yes" She received a prompt "I am NOT your friend a I am your mom!" That seemed to be a BIG AHA! moment. My house, my car, my food, my gas, my rules you can't follow them you need to take your adult thinking self and do just that. Be an adult! Move out! She did. It killed me.
I know it hurts, I know it hurts to read the stuff she is posting on FB. What others are telling you is true, she needs to fall flat on her bum. You really aren't alone if you want to talk in a pm I am here.

Blade · 11-14-2010, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justkim

To say I understand is an understatement!
To say I have walked this very similiar path with my own daughter and using the tough love approach was the hardest, but in the end she thought that by becoming sexually active she was an adult. Yeah! NO!
What I did was try and make up for the lack of stuff in my life with my daughter.
I wanted to be her friend so when she talked back or got smart it was because she was treating me like a friend. I finally had enough and asked her "Do you really talk to your friends that way?" her reply was "Yes" She received a prompt "I am NOT your friend a I am your mom!" That seemed to be a BIG AHA! moment. My house, my car, my food, my gas, my rules you can't follow them you need to take your adult thinking self and do just that. Be an adult! Move out! She did. It killed me.
I know it hurts, I know it hurts to read the stuff she is posting on FB. What others are telling you is true, she needs to fall flat on her bum. You really aren't alone if you want to talk in a pm I am here.

Good job Kim

11-12-2010, 09:02 PM	#2
betenoire Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Satan in a Sunday Hat Preferred Pronoun?: Maow Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: The Chemical Valley Posts: 4,086 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,312 Thanked 8,740 Times in 2,566 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Yep, I agree with the two posters above. You need to go ahead and let her fall on her ass. It sounds mean, but that's the reality. She'll hate you for a while, but it's the only way she'll learn. People learn to become responsible adults by having responsibilities as children. People learn to appreciate what they have by not having everything handed to them and having to work for what they do get. It's time for her to do some learning. __________________ bête noire \bet-NWAHR\, noun: One that is particularly disliked or that is to be avoided.

11-12-2010, 09:07 PM	#3
Jesse Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Central West Coast of Florida Posts: 5,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,866 Thanked 17,782 Times in 3,940 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Meant to add: Set some strong boundaries for you, your home, things etc and stick by them Best of luck and don't forget to laugh. __________________ “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that widened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

11-12-2010, 09:27 PM	#5
justkim Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Me... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Relationship Status: <3 myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 2,023 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,062 Thanked 6,799 Times in 1,553 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	To say I understand is an understatement! To say I have walked this very similiar path with my own daughter and using the tough love approach was the hardest, but in the end she thought that by becoming sexually active she was an adult. Yeah! NO! What I did was try and make up for the lack of stuff in my life with my daughter. I wanted to be her friend so when she talked back or got smart it was because she was treating me like a friend. I finally had enough and asked her "Do you really talk to your friends that way?" her reply was "Yes" She received a prompt "I am NOT your friend a I am your mom!" That seemed to be a BIG AHA! moment. My house, my car, my food, my gas, my rules you can't follow them you need to take your adult thinking self and do just that. Be an adult! Move out! She did. It killed me. I know it hurts, I know it hurts to read the stuff she is posting on FB. What others are telling you is true, she needs to fall flat on her bum. You really aren't alone if you want to talk in a pm I am here.