Grieving

[Andrew, Jr.]

I know how hard holidays are for people who are grieving. I wanted to open up to talk about what every has planned for the holidays. Are you doing something different? Are you volunteering somewhere? Are you celebrating with another couple or family?

Namaste,
Andrew

[little man]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I know how hard holidays are for people who are grieving. I wanted to open up to talk about what every has planned for the holidays. Are you doing something different? Are you volunteering somewhere? Are you celebrating with another couple or family?

Namaste,
Andrew

i work midnights, so i'll be sleeping through much of xmas day. i'm working that night. i've not been much for the holidays over the last 20 yrs or so, so i'm not feeling very angsty about it. just another work day. at double time and a half. that, i like.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Will,

I did that as well. For many a years I worked thru Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day. It just was bad memories from my bio-father that kept me from celebrating. He had a way of destroying the holiday. And I think he did that intentionally. Now the holiday is different for me.

Everyone has a different take on holidays.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Hi Everyone,

I went to the cemetary for both my beloved Grandparents and Godfather. It was good. I kiss my hand, and place my hand on their gravestone. It is comforting for me to do this.

I think when we die, we are really just being reborn into another life. Like being reincarnated. However, when loved ones go to the cemetary, those who we loved come back there to the cemetary to "see" us. They can "see" us anytime, but the cemetary is more vocal because of their remains being there. It is just full of energy.

I also distribute flowers out to other gravestones that nobody seems to visit. I think it is a matter of respect. To honor those who are not given attention.

I hope everyone is doing ok, and life is being kind to you all.

Andrew

[little man]

the 16 year old daughter of friends passed in her sleep yesterday, after a very long battle with cancer. she left us quietly.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Wil,

I hate it when young ones die, esp. from cancer. It takes my breath away. At least she didn't suffer in the end. Maybe something good can come from this. I don't know what if anything at all.

I am saying my prayers for you, and your friends. God bless.

Love,
Andrew

[Andrew, Jr.]

I hope everyone is doing ok today.

I will share here that my late sister's son, the youngest one, is struggling. He is failing in school (remember he is in special ed.). I am not sure of what is going to happen. His therapist told her husband that he is not able to communicate his loss in words, and is locked in his grief inward.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well, and was able to come to a place of comfort and peace.

Andrew

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Hi Everyone,

I went to the cemetary for both my beloved Grandparents and Godfather. It was good. I kiss my hand, and place my hand on their gravestone. It is comforting for me to do this.

I think when we die, we are really just being reborn into another life. Like being reincarnated. However, when loved ones go to the cemetary, those who we loved come back there to the cemetary to "see" us. They can "see" us anytime, but the cemetary is more vocal because of their remains being there. It is just full of energy.

I also distribute flowers out to other gravestones that nobody seems to visit. I think it is a matter of respect. To honor those who are not given attention.

I hope everyone is doing ok, and life is being kind to you all.

Andrew

This really resonated with me

I always kiss my fingers and then touch my son`s name when I visit his grave.

I have more to write on this but now is not the time.

~~~petal~~~

[Andrew, Jr.]

Petal,

No rush. And by the way, I always kiss my fingers and place it on my beloved Grandparents' and Godfather's grave. It is something that I have always done.

Peace,
Andrew

[Stronghealer]

~I do not think I have ever experience such intense grief till my mom passed away in September of 2008...everything seems different...I feel stuck...My soul feels shaken.~Anyone interested in a grief support chat here on the site?~Grae

[Jet]

I've been there and I'm sorry for you.

[Blade]

Grieving comes in many forms, not just at the death of a loved one. I'm comfortable with death and normally deal with it and grieve and go on.

For me death is easy it is final. Certainly there are days that are harder than others and you miss the person so much, but still death is final. The only person I've ever grieved over and couldn't get over was my neighbor and dear friend. It was unexpected and really you couldn't even call it an accident either. To a point I blamed myself, but with the help of a dear precious lady, who is a medium, I put my blame to rest and accepted it as it is. I do miss and long to speak with some of my loved ones that have past. But I know a time will come when they will come get me also.

Granted I still have my parents so I haven't experienced that as yet. I'm sure that will work on me, but I have had people very close to me die, people I depended on in one way or another, and people who depended on me.

I grieve over my own lifes issues more so than people I love passing. I don't know to me it's just a mind set I think . The only thing we all have in common is we start dying the minute we are born and death is evident. Don't get me wrong I do grieve in death, but it seems God helps me move on past it. Certainly I have a weak moment occasionally.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Dear Grae,

I understand the pain you are in. There is a grief support group that I think you would find helpful called Grief Share. They are a national group, possibly international by now, and is Christain based. I feel by now it really depends on where the group is meeting because they also have other faith based support groups that meet under the same name, but not at Church setting.

I would be willing to chat with you if you like. I have buried a younger brother to suicide when I was a teen, my sister & Godfather to cancer. I also buried my adopted parents. Mother died from Alzh. Disease, and father died from a stroke. Last 2 years have been hell.

Namaste,
Andrew

[Andrew, Jr.]

BUMP de BUMP BUMP

[Andrew, Jr.]

I just wanted to say hello to everyone. I hope everyone is doing well this winter. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Andrew

[Miss Scarlett]

I lost my Mom 3 years ago next month to pancreatic cancer. She died at home with Dad by her side - I arrived about 10 minutes after she passed.

She'd been sick for almost a year and it took her doctors nearly that long to figure out what exactly was wrong - though they suspected the cancer. Her markers didn't come through until 6 weeks before she died. She did not have any pain. She was completely lucid until about an hour before she died. Even though we knew she was dying, her death was sudden and unexpected. The day she died I spoke to her on the phone that morning but about mid-afternoon (as the doctor explained it to us) the stress on her body from the cancer caused her heart to get all wierd. It started racing and despite the meds the Hospice nurse gave her, it would not slow down and finally just gave out.

I had already been on autopilot - making sure Dad had everything he needed to take care of Mom and making sure Mom had everything she needed. After she died I stayed on autopilot - had a funeral to plan & execute, a father to prop up and a family to hold together.

Time to grieve? You've got to be kidding! My employer at the time was a colleague of Mom's so you'd think she'd be a little flexible and understanding. Yeah, right! The woman called me during the visitation to ask me if I had paid a bill! As if that couldn't wait until I returned to work - or she could have just looked in the checkbook...grrrrr! This is the same employer who complained to me that I called my Mom too many times during the day and she said this to me after she knew Mom was dying.

Apart from my indentured servitude, I also had Pride and the other boards/committees I was serving on. Pride consumed everything to the point Shelia called herself a "Pride Widow."

Last February I resigned from everything except the Gay Men's Chorus Board and at the end of June I changed jobs. Dad remarried in August 2008. I was stunned to see what I had become and how exhausted I was. It took months after changing jobs to start feeling like myself again.

Now that all the things that consumed my life have gone away I am left with time to grieve. It's been coming in drips and drops but as March 12 draws near it gets heavier. I'm at the stage of "this time in 2007 Mom___." It's going to be a difficult month or two but I need to grieve.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Thank you for sharing your story with us here, Miss Scarlett. For me, I am still in the grieving process. It is a struggle. And for those who tell me to "just get over it", I can't. JoAnn was my sister. I cannot just let her go. The same holds true for my younger brother who committed suicide. It will be 30 years the first week of April. 30 years ago, and it is like yesterday. So, yes, I do get it.

Love,
Andrew

[casey35]

In December 07, My soul mate Dot became sick every week there was something broken or another sickness. January 08, the first week she could not see, hear, or walk. Took her to her doctor, he sent her to the hospital where they told us she had leuk. and she was in organ failure. I look at those three week that i had her in the hospital as special. We got to spend time together even thru she was not really there. I had to decide if we wanted her to live the last day or so hooked to machines or just tell her i loved her and have her taken off. I told the doctor to unhook her and stayed with her until she passed on. I still remember that with full visual. I dont think i will ever forget that moment.
I called my mom who we had not talked with off and on for five years to be with me at the funeral. She did and spent a few days with me. She headed back home to missouri to find my dad in the field dead from a front end loader accident. I regret so bad that i did not tell my dad that i love him and that i am so sorry that we could not get past the gay thing. I would give anything for a hour just to have my daddy.
In my grief i have became cold , unlaughing person. Even thro i have tammy and she a wonderful wife. She has to put up so much shit from me i dont really see why she put up with it. Even thru i know i do it i cant seem to stop my self. I have so much anger and hurt and yes i am so mad at god for taking what i held so close. I prayed so hard to keep them here with me .
I am sorry if that to deep or whatever . but it did make me cry which i have not done since 08 Dot january 25 Dad january 30

[Andrew, Jr.]

Thank you Casey35 for sharing your story. I hope this thread gives you some peace.

Some people just never get over the gay thing. It really is sad. Life is so short. I am still dealing with that at my age with my elderly parents. Even with what we have been thru.

I wish you peace.

Namaste,
Andrew

[Liquefaction]

Originally Posted by Blade

Grieving comes in many forms, not just at the death of a loved one. I'm comfortable with death and normally deal with it and grieve and go on.

I was just going to ask about other types of grieving.

I have been grieving the loss of a very dear friendship. I have felt it coming for a long time so I have had time to accept the fact that it no longer exists but the loss is still painful. I do however take comfort in the fact that this person is still alive and well, just not in my life.

I have been very lucky in my life not to have lost very many loved ones to death other than grandparents who were all in their 90's. My only other loss to a death was 1 friend who died in a car accident almost 20 years ago and an ex's mother who treated me and my daughter better than my own.

I know for some, the loss of a friendship may not seem that bad but for me today, it really sucks!

For all of you dealing with grief, no matter what the cause, I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you peace within your heart!