Stone Butches

[LostLamb]

Thank you Gemme and DomnNC for the warm welcome.

Originally Posted by DomnNC

Welcome to the Planet!

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

about Stone Femmes.........
someone told me once...... that a stone femme could be defined like what a stone butch is ...
but also ...... a girl who only dates stone butchs.....

Yeah, sort of. Of course I get your drift, but I'm always a little uncomfortable when anyone defines me by who I date. I'm a stonefemme because of my own personal boundaries. I'm not defined by those I date. I've known femmes who are far from stone, but find themselves dating stone butches. I'm a stonefemme who has dated butches who are not stone, (insert sad face here).

[asphaltcowboi]

good morning too all the roling stones!!! or the kinda kinda not.. who knows

[girl_dee]

Hello Stoners...

I guess I am going against the grain here and saying I don't understand limiting your dating pool by what someone has wanted or wanted in sex. I could never not want to be with someone because of what they want or don't want sexually, I suppose if that would be a dealbreaker for me ( I can't even imagine) it would be different.

I guess I just don't see what is wrong with two people getting together and discovering what energy/magic/vibes they get off each other and rolling with it. The way I have been with one lover does not define how I will be with another lover..

It all just seems so predefined. I'm trying to understand I suppose.

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by sassy_girl

I don't understand limiting your dating pool by what someone has wanted or wanted in sex. I could never not want to be with someone because of what they want or don't want sexually, I suppose if that would be a dealbreaker for me ( I can't even imagine) it would be different.

I guess I just don't see what is wrong with two people getting together and discovering what energy/magic/vibes they get off each other and rolling with it. The way I have been with one lover does not define how I will be with another lover..

It all just seems so predefined. I'm trying to understand I suppose.

Sidenote, I am reading this thread start to finish so I may make more than one comment; this is the first post I wanted to reply to.

Well said! I tend to be pretty accepting of people and their preferences. I am that way b/c I learned a long time ago to never close a door-life will close plenty for you. There again, I am an extremely open-minded person and I am still learning that it is a rare quality. I have always been of the mindset that as long as "we" enjoy each other and find what works for "us" then that is what matters. I have dated butch women, andro women and stone butches and I have found that we always seem to find what suits us.

[sharonsuburbia]

Originally Posted by cody

good morning too all the roling stones!!! or the kinda kinda not.. who knows

their is just something so fantatically melting about stones - i am pure putty in hys hands - the older i get the more hardwired i am for stoners - (i love the bike)

[asphaltcowboi]

Originally Posted by sharonsuburbia

their is just something so fantatically melting about stones - i am pure putty in hys hands - the older i get the more hardwired i am for stoners - (i love the bike)

nice heels!

[Converse]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

ok i been searching for a stone butch thread.......
and trying to explain to someone i recently met ..... about Stone Butch energy... and its hard for me to explain it.. lol
i just know I adore them .. lol ...
could use some views from others ....... ty

Its interesting that you should write that there is an energy that is particular to Stones- of course I have heard of those who prefer to partner with Stones but I had always considered that a preference for a certain type of dynamic but had never contemplated that there was a “Stone energy”. Elsewhere in an attempt to clarify what is meant by a “feminizing touch” in the context of a Stone I wrote… self fulfillment comes from being externally focused, by that I do not refer to my external self- but to my sexual partner. Being inside her both physically and mentally is where I find my “on” switch.

The musician reaches that other place when hy brings the instrument alive- together each is able to experience their potential- realize what they were made for. I was not made to have another take me in hand; I was made to be with someone who does not simply allow, but wants, needs to surrender. And in that surrender she allows me to be who I truly am.

While some will equate Stone to simply having personal limits, for me it is far more encompassing- Stone isn’t about sex with restrictions, it is about everything- it is how we perceive the world, but more importantly it is about how we relate, understand, communicate, and connect to another.

A Stone Butch is a Stone Butch- regardless if they are partnered- but without the one who “gets it”, they are not a musician, simply a person who knows how to play a musical instrument.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Converse

Its interesting that you should write that there is an energy that is particular to Stones- of course I have heard of those who prefer to partner with Stones but I had always considered that a preference for a certain type of dynamic but had never contemplated that there was a “Stone energy”. Elsewhere in an attempt to clarify what is meant by a “feminizing touch” in the context of a Stone I wrote… self fulfillment comes from being externally focused, by that I do not refer to my external self- but to my sexual partner. Being inside her both physically and mentally is where I find my “on” switch.

The musician reaches that other place when hy brings the instrument alive- together each is able to experience their potential- realize what they were made for. I was not made to have another take me in hand; I was made to be with someone who does not simply allow, but wants, needs to surrender. And in that surrender she allows me to be who I truly am.

While some will equate Stone to simply having personal limits, for me it is far more encompassing- Stone isn’t about sex with restrictions, it is about everything- it is how we perceive the world, but more importantly it is about how we relate, understand, communicate, and connect to another.

A Stone Butch is a Stone Butch- regardless if they are partnered- but without the one who “gets it”, they are not a musician, simply a person who knows how to play a musical instrument.

EXCELLENT POST!!!!!!! SO RIGHT ON!!!!

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by cody

yes this make alot of sense.. and i am stone.. i have always thought of t/g to be a person who is taking T and planing on having the t/g surg. as for me i stoped the T it made me meaner then a snake and as far as the surg.. i would consider top surg and think if i did the top surg i might not be "as" stone. even with out the T i still shave my face daily but i only have uneven patches.. i truly believe i was born male with some of the wrong parts.. so much so that friends have told me i dont need T. so i guess the question would be : to be considered t/g do you need to be in the process of making changes to your body.. other then working out for build an strenght?

Cody, you could call yourself a pearly duskaforian if you want to and feel it inside. While there might be some folks who will disagree with you, it's not up to them. It's your body. Your life. If TG feels good to you now, then great. If it doesn't fit quite right, like a pair of too tight jeans, then let it go. Your identity is all about you and is for YOU only.

Much luck on your journey.

[spritzerJ]

Originally Posted by Converse

Its interesting that you should write that there is an energy that is particular to Stones- of course I have heard of those who prefer to partner with Stones but I had always considered that a preference for a certain type of dynamic but had never contemplated that there was a “Stone energy”. Elsewhere in an attempt to clarify what is meant by a “feminizing touch” in the context of a Stone I wrote… self fulfillment comes from being externally focused, by that I do not refer to my external self- but to my sexual partner. Being inside her both physically and mentally is where I find my “on” switch.

The musician reaches that other place when hy brings the instrument alive- together each is able to experience their potential- realize what they were made for. I was not made to have another take me in hand; I was made to be with someone who does not simply allow, but wants, needs to surrender. And in that surrender she allows me to be who I truly am.

While some will equate Stone to simply having personal limits, for me it is far more encompassing- Stone isn’t about sex with restrictions, it is about everything- it is how we perceive the world, but more importantly it is about how we relate, understand, communicate, and connect to another.

A Stone Butch is a Stone Butch- regardless if they are partnered- but without the one who “gets it”, they are not a musician, simply a person who knows how to play a musical instrument.

exactly... this feels just right... I must memorize this...I want some one is on with my surrender because that is what I want.

[AlexHunter]

I've been enjoying reading through this thread. It's inspired me to share my own self-identification, which I hope will be interpreted in a positive, drama-free manner. YMMV, ya know?

I identified as stone butch for many years. The biggest reason I did was because I absolutely hated being touched down there and instead of exploring the convoluted nature of my sexuality, I stuck the label on it and was done. Access denied. No. Touching. There. Ever.

Then, I was with a partner who tore my walls down - I don't mean vaginal ones, but emotional ones. She made me comfortable because I knew she saw me the way I saw myself - a man. To this day, I rarely even remove my clothes during sexual activity, unless we have an immense bond of trust and comfort. I was happy to lie naked with her because I knew I was seen for me.

I do not identify as a transman, though I did seriously consider transition at one point. I say I am genderqueer or transgendered but not transsexual. I see myself as mostly male, but have no desire to surgically or hormonally modify my female body.

I eventually let her go down on me, after several months of being together. I told her exactly what I wanted her to do. She got me off the second time she tried. I really enjoyed it.

I received "flesh head" many times from her after that, though I was usually the "giver" in our sex acts. I don't mind being rubbed, licked, or sucked - in fact, I rather like it with someone I love and would be disappointed if a femme I was with never wanted to do it. In fact, I had a relationship with a femme who was like that. It was fine for a long time, but I started to miss being touched occasionally. It's not a hugely important desire for me, but it's still there.

I don't like being penetrated. I will not let just anyone touch the flesh between my legs. It takes time for me to allow it and I don't want it all the time.

I don't feel comfortable identifying as stone because I feel it is subjective and not entirely true. I sometimes feel I am too stone for those who are not stone but not stone enough for those who are. I don't want to mislead anyone. I say I'm 90% stone and I still feel connected to stone butches and femmes because of my past history.

[boobookitty]

a wonderfully written (IMO) blog post:


http://afemmeinnyc.wordpress.com/201...llar-question/

[Toughy]

I have always said:

sometimes it's a clit and sometimes it's a cock....it all depends on the mind set of those involved..........

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by boobookitty

a wonderfully written (IMO) blog post:


http://afemmeinnyc.wordpress.com/201...llar-question/

Great blog post! Thanks for posting.

[Daisy Chain]

Originally Posted by Converse

Its interesting that you should write that there is an energy that is particular to Stones- of course I have heard of those who prefer to partner with Stones but I had always considered that a preference for a certain type of dynamic but had never contemplated that there was a “Stone energy”. Elsewhere in an attempt to clarify what is meant by a “feminizing touch” in the context of a Stone I wrote… self fulfillment comes from being externally focused, by that I do not refer to my external self- but to my sexual partner. Being inside her both physically and mentally is where I find my “on” switch.

The musician reaches that other place when hy brings the instrument alive- together each is able to experience their potential- realize what they were made for. I was not made to have another take me in hand; I was made to be with someone who does not simply allow, but wants, needs to surrender. And in that surrender she allows me to be who I truly am.

While some will equate Stone to simply having personal limits, for me it is far more encompassing- Stone isn’t about sex with restrictions, it is about everything- it is how we perceive the world, but more importantly it is about how we relate, understand, communicate, and connect to another.

A Stone Butch is a Stone Butch- regardless if they are partnered- but without the one who “gets it”, they are not a musician, simply a person who knows how to play a musical instrument.

A Beautiful and profound post in relation to Stone Butches

[justanolecowboy]

I have just found my way to this site and forum ---joined a few months ago - thought I would say hi ---I am enjoying this discussion thread ---as I was just having a discussion with a co-worker today about "stone" and "transgender" ---I am stone and although I "have" had top surgery -- and have also been on T in the past ---and I most certainly feel more "male" inside ---and look fairly male as well - I know exactly how I feel and what I am - but it is hard to "put" in words for others at times ---a friend calls me 80/20 - 80%male - 20% female -- thinks I am the best of "both" worlds ---but that doesn't always work out so well in the "real" world sometimes ---

As another poster commented - I ain't perfect - but I'm me ---and I like who I am ---I think there are as many ways to "identify" as there are people ---you just have to know who you are - be confident in that.

I am from a small community - where I am accepted (and blessed for that)- because I grew up here ---but 'understanding' or 'explaining' how I feel or identify is often times difficult ---or finding those wonderful femmes who love us stone butches ---where are you all hiding?

[ScandalAndy]

Originally Posted by Converse

Ok I get that- please don’t take my follow up question as being a criticism – merely honest curiosity and it comes from the context of discussions that were had towards the beginning of this thread- which implied that the identity isn’t just about adding the word Stone to Butch to describe preferences in the bedroom, but in fact- was thought to be, by some (myself included), a way to describe a more holistic approach in the way that one related to the world at large.

For those of us who ascribe to the third gender belief, using “stone” with all of its assumed attributes to describe those who do not consider themselves part of the Butch- Femme community- raises some thought provoking questions.

No offense taken, truly. I am currently subscribing to the belief that "stone" is a descriptor used to denote that there needs to be a dialogue between that individual and the people they interact with regarding their boundaries. From this thread I have learned that I cannot assume those boundaries to be solely sexual, if at all. I've also learned that the term doesn't solely apply to butches, and there are myriad interpretations of the word based on personal experiences. This is my working definition at the moment but I am always open to re-examining that as situations arise.

Originally Posted by Electrocell

Androgynous -------I'm thinking neither femme or masculine (genderless ). Correct me if I'm wrong . How would you describe androgynous?

Androgynous, to me, is someone who is not easily identifiable as male or female in behavior, looks, etc. either by choice or nature.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by NIGHTrambler

I have just found my way to this site and forum ---joined a few months ago - thought I would say hi ---I am enjoying this discussion thread ---as I was just having a discussion with a co-worker today about "stone" and "transgender" ---I am stone and although I "have" had top surgery -- and have also been on T in the past ---and I most certainly feel more "male" inside ---and look fairly male as well - I know exactly how I feel and what I am - but it is hard to "put" in words for others at times ---a friend calls me 80/20 - 80%male - 20% female -- thinks I am the best of "both" worlds ---but that doesn't always work out so well in the "real" world sometimes ---

As another poster commented - I ain't perfect - but I'm me ---and I like who I am ---I think there are as many ways to "identify" as there are people ---you just have to know who you are - be confident in that.

I am from a small community - where I am accepted (and blessed for that)- because I grew up here ---but 'understanding' or 'explaining' how I feel or identify is often times difficult ---or finding those wonderful femmes who love us stone butches ---where are you all hiding?

We are we? All around, yet as femmes we are not as easy to spot as a more masculine butch/stone butch/TG may be.

Back in 1992, I read the Joan Nestle book "The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader & yesterday, my Amazon copy of Persistence: All ways Butch and Femme was delivered. If you have not yet read them, they are both wonderful.

I love the newest one and the entry by Jeanne Cordova really resonated with me. One sentence in particular: "Lonely butches, particularly from Los Angeles-the lipstick-lesbian capital of the US-said they couldn't find other butches." Her reference was related to butches not transitioning but for me as a femme; it has been difficult to find a thriving butch-femme community in LA. It still pretty much looks like lipstick-lesbian city to me.
When I say butch, I am including the continuum of all things butch-including trans.

The book also has great femme contributors with terrific writing. Hope it is OK to recommend it here-no financial gain for me!

We femmes are not hiding, it is just not always easy to spot us!

[justanolecowboy]

Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia

We are we? All around, yet as femmes we are not as easy to spot as a more masculine butch/stone butch/TG may be.

Back in 1992, I read the Joan Nestle book "The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader & yesterday, my Amazon copy of Persistence: All ways Butch and Femme was delivered. If you have not yet read them, they are both wonderful.

I love the newest one and the entry by Jeanne Cordova really resonated with me. One sentence in particular: "Lonely butches, particularly from Los Angeles-the lipstick-lesbian capital of the US-said they couldn't find other butches." Her reference was related to butches not transitioning but for me as a femme; it has been difficult to find a thriving butch-femme community in LA. It still pretty much looks like lipstick-lesbian city to me.
When I say butch, I am including the continuum of all things butch-including trans.

The book also has great femme contributors with terrific writing. Hope it is OK to recommend it here-no financial gain for me!

We femmes are not hiding, it is just not always easy to spot us!

Have read the one book - but not the other - but I'm a book-aholic so shall check it out!