Top 10 Lesbian Myths

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by faymie

Thanks for all the wonderful reflections. I am lesbian--and femme. Probably could have figured myself out sooner if there had not been so many 'myths.'

I've been playing in the arcade for a while now. This is my first post to the fora!

Faymie

Welcome Faymie.

Yes, there are so many myths and stereotypes, it's amazing any of us got this far.

[Nat]

The myth of inevitable lesbian bed death probably added years to my closet-time.

[Rope]

That is why I have always found a difference between lesbians and butch/femme. In my unscientific surveying, butch/femme has less bed death because we tend to have elements of sexuality in our identity. It's a more cock centric vs. dildo centric identification--butch cock that is.

I don't identify as a lesbian, I identify as a butch. I feel I am on the male side of butch and prefer 'hy' rather than she as a pronoun, it's not much deeper of an identification than that. That said, no, I do not want to be a man as some would think that myth goes--the more masculine the butch, the more they want to be a man.

Rope--

[BullDog]

Myth: butches and femmes are not lesbians.

Reality: Many of us are both.

[Nat]

My femme cock begs to differ with the idea that the existence of butch cock is the reason for lesbian-sex-life longevity. :P

At least, I certainly hope that butch cock is not the only possible resolution to or vaccination against lbd.

[BullDog]

Originally Posted by Nat

My femme cock begs to differ with the idea that the existence of butch cock is the reason for lesbian-sex-life longevity. :P

At least, I certainly hope that butch cock is not the only possible resolution to or vaccination against lbd.

Yes, I agree. I am a butch with a cock, no dildo-centrism here. However I also find the notion that butch femme sex to be cock-centric to be quite inaccurate as well as offensive. Also femmes have cocks as well as butches. People (whatever their sexuality or gender identity may be) can enjoy sex without a penis, cock, dildo etc. being "centric." I also don't see butch femme sexuality (whatever that is supposed to be) to be centered around butch.

[Rope]

Hmm, not sure why you're offended. I certainly did not mean to imply that butch/femme cock centric sex was the ONLY way we know how to entertain ourselves. My main distinction was the difference between butch cock and lesbian dildos (many of the lesbians I know are quite offended that SOME butches think of it as their butch cock and not a toy).

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Nat

My femme cock begs to differ with the idea that the existence of butch cock is the reason for lesbian-sex-life longevity. :P

At least, I certainly hope that butch cock is not the only possible resolution to or vaccination against lbd.

Yeah, and my butch clit thinks this whole conversation is absurd- as if every population doesn't experience bed-death in some form as well! With a whole lot of reasons... which have solutions! Most of which have nothing to do with sex directly and everything to do with other areas of communication and the willingness to do something about it.

I get so tired of who calls what...... what and why and that every person experiences the same things as sexual beings.

[BullDog]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

Yeah, and my butch clit thinks this whole conversation is absurd- as if every population doesn't experience bed-death in some form as well! With a whole lot of reasons... which have solutions! Most of which have nothing to do with sex directly and everything to do with other areas of communication and the willingness to do something about it.

I get so tired of who calls what...... what and why and that every person experiences the same things as sexual beings.

As to bed death (whether it be lesbian and/or butch femme or any other), I agree with AtLast, I think it has more to do with communication, willingness to keep an intimate relationship growing and thriving, and a missing emotional connection more than having to do with actual sex. Then there is just all the issues of life that have to be dealt with, which leave people with not a lot of time and energy.

[Jett]

Originally Posted by Rope

That is why I have always found a difference between lesbians and butch/femme. In my unscientific surveying, butch/femme has less bed death because we tend to have elements of sexuality in our identity. It's a more cock centric vs. dildo centric identification--butch cock that is.

I don't identify as a lesbian, I identify as a butch. I feel I am on the male side of butch and prefer 'hy' rather than she as a pronoun, it's not much deeper of an identification than that. That said, no, I do not want to be a man as some would think that myth goes--the more masculine the butch, the more they want to be a man.

Rope--

Seems you are saying if there's not a "cock" mentality involved in human sexual interactions bed death is sure to follow. Or w/o cock there's no elements of "sexuality".

REALLY?

Guess what... sex doesn't just go tits up when there's not a cock involved. I'm not going to detail my sex life on a public forum, but to say it is well rounded... yes... but doesn't solely depend on a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g in particular but my love and desire for my gal.

(not directed at you Rope) These types of inferences, whether it be male=masculine... butches have to have "butch cuts" (hair)... female butches are "butch lite"... all the lesbian myths, etc. etc. etc. day in and day out is one of the reasons I don't frequent many BF places anymore.... I simply get so effin' tired of people telling others (and me) what they say, do, look like and identify as means.

I don't need to be pumped up and I don't need to be cut down and I'm deeper and more 3 dimensional than all these boxes. My internal make-up is where the dominant part of my masculinity lay, more than existing in say, my hairstyle. It's always been about my insides. My walk, talk and emotional aura... and my masculinity it's female born and that doesn't make it less powerful or dominant in my personality.

Further... my feminine part, (yes feminine) my female "essence" is not a pink bow on my unders... , it's soft soulful entwined connect w/ other females... and it's a black satin fiery blast if pushed too hard... there's nothing pink, giggly or gushy about it.

Ya know, thinking, it's no different from the real world has often been to femmes, butches and the like, placing preconceived bs expectation or how XYZ has to look act and be to be accepted. It's really to bad that we too often do that to our own.

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Metropolis

Seems you are saying if there's not a "cock" mentality involved in human sexual interactions bed death is sure to follow. Or w/o cock there's no elements of "sexuality".

REALLY?

Guess what... sex doesn't just go tits up when there's not a cock involved. I'm not going to detail my sex life on a public forum, but to say it is well rounded... yes... but doesn't solely depend on a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g in particular but my love and desire for my gal.

(not directed at you Rope) These types of inferences, whether it be male=masculine... butches have to have "butch cuts" (hair)... female butches are "butch lite"... all the lesbian myths, etc. etc. etc. day in and day out is one of the reasons I don't frequent many BF places anymore.... I simply get so effin' tired of people telling others (and me) what they say, do, look like and identify as means.

I don't need to be pumped up and I don't need to be cut down and I'm deeper and more 3 dimensional than all these boxes. My internal make-up is where the dominant part of my masculinity lay, more than existing in say, my hairstyle. It's always been about my insides. My walk, talk and emotional aura... and my masculinity it's female born and that doesn't make it less powerful or dominant in my personality.

Further... my feminine part, (yes feminine) my female "essence" is not a pink bow on my unders... , it's soft soulful entwined connect w/ other females... and it's a black satin fiery blast if pushed too hard... there's nothing pink, giggly or gushy about it.

Ya know, thinking, it's no different from the real world has often been to femmes, butches and the like, placing preconceived bs expectation or how XYZ has to look act and be to be accepted. It's really to bad that we too often do that to our own.

Met~
This post speaks to me - Hell, speaks FOR me in some ways.

I'll file this under "myths":

Butch does not equal "strapper".
Femme does not equal "strap recipient".

I kinda like the idea that people's gender is not necessarily defined by how they get off, with what, or with who. I know plenty of Butches, Trans men, and Bio men who enjoy penetration, etc. and I certainly don't think of them as any "less than".

Actually, I think it's pretty hot when people get off unapologetically in whatever way they see fit.

Good stuff.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Metropolis

Seems you are saying if there's not a "cock" mentality involved in human sexual interactions bed death is sure to follow. Or w/o cock there's no elements of "sexuality".

REALLY?

Guess what... sex doesn't just go tits up when there's not a cock involved. I'm not going to detail my sex life on a public forum, but to say it is well rounded... yes... but doesn't solely depend on a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g in particular but my love and desire for my gal.

(not directed at you Rope) These types of inferences, whether it be male=masculine... butches have to have "butch cuts" (hair)... female butches are "butch lite"... all the lesbian myths, etc. etc. etc. day in and day out is one of the reasons I don't frequent many BF places anymore.... I simply get so effin' tired of people telling others (and me) what they say, do, look like and identify as means.

I don't need to be pumped up and I don't need to be cut down and I'm deeper and more 3 dimensional than all these boxes. My internal make-up is where the dominant part of my masculinity lay, more than existing in say, my hairstyle. It's always been about my insides. My walk, talk and emotional aura... and my masculinity it's female born and that doesn't make it less powerful or dominant in my personality.

Further... my feminine part, (yes feminine) my female "essence" is not a pink bow on my unders... , it's soft soulful entwined connect w/ other females... and it's a black satin fiery blast if pushed too hard... there's nothing pink, giggly or gushy about it.

Ya know, thinking, it's no different from the real world has often been to femmes, butches and the like, placing preconceived bs expectation or how XYZ has to look act and be to be accepted. It's really to bad that we too often do that to our own.

Seems like different people bring out different sides of us in different situations. Nice to have variety and flexibilty to explore all sides of oneself. Being cockcentric, to me, would be very limiting.

Plus, so much of sexuality and sensuality, to me, is cerebrally/emotionally based. Engage me there and the sky is the limit. Problems there will lead to new meaning in bed death.

And, I find it very erotic to be with someone who breaks the mold of what would be expected based on a label or a look.

[BullDog]

The whole idea that there is more lesbian bed death than butch femme (even though they completely overlap so that it makes no sense) due to cock centrism or the lack thereof perpetuates a myth that straight people have about lesbians which is-there's no penis how could they have sex?

Insert butch cock (pun intended) instead of penis and voila- we have a heteronormative view of sex once again. Those pointing that out are not saying enjoying butch cock is heteronormative- it's putting it front and center and making the enjoyment of sex all about the cock that is heteronormative. Why not worship the beautiful vagina instead? Why is cock always front and center?

Women can easily have sex with or without a penis, cock, dildo (in various shapes, materials, colors, etc) and enjoy ourselves completely.

I of course agree with Metro and Kobi that my sex life isn't limited to just my butch cock. I'm a stone butch. I am also a butch dyke/lesbian. I have hands, mouth, body, brains, creativity and imagination too, so why would I center my sexuality around one thing only? I can please and be pleased in a multitude of ways. I also agree with Kobi that bed death would be more emotionally based.

[Soft*Silver]

something I have learned is dont jump to conclusions about who is behind a label.

I am a femme and I strap on. I didnt use to but oh I do now. I stepped out of the box I put myself in as a femme and allowed myself to strap on .

so add that to my label of heterosexual....

[lipstixgal]

Originally Posted by Nat

The myth of inevitable lesbian bed death probably added years to my closet-time.

Is there really such a thing as lesbian bed death?? I wonder about that??

[LipstickLola]

I thought I had myself allllllllll figured out, and then I read... But seriously? I am a lesbian, and I am NOT less than......

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by LipstickLola

I thought I had myself allllllllll figured out, and then I read... But seriously? I am a lesbian, and I am NOT less than......

Absolutely!! We are not less than anything and we are as B-F as any one else!

Lesbian bed death in and of itself is one of the biggest myths of all! Makes me crazy to see it perpetuated by our own community. It's that old generalization thing.

[BullDog]

You know what Rope, if anyone is reading more into your post you can always clarify if you want. Quite frankly, your post reads as anti-lesbian to me and perpetuating lesbian myths in a thread that was started to debunk them. Feel free to show me I am wrong if you wish.

I do not know you, but I find it hard to believe that you haven't been exposed to a wide range of lesbians given what I do understand your background to be. A mutual friend- a femme lesbian- arranged a get together when you were in Portland years ago- so I know you know some lesbian femmes and butches. I've seen it first hand. Oh and we all met at a lesbian bar and none of the lesbians treated butches badly there. I don't understand why you draw a distinction betwen lesbian and butch-femme or why you did in your post at the very least.

You've been part of the online BF websites for years, you live in the Bay Area, you help arrange BF socials, you are active in the leather community. I am making an educated guess that you know or have met lots of different types of lesbians, many of whom are also butch or femme. So I don't get your remark that lesbians tend to have more bed death than butch-femme because they aren't cock centric (object to a dildo being thought of as a cock- yeah I am lost with your argument so I might haven't gotten it wrong).

[AtLast]

I have a problem with any member posting in a specific ZONE (this thread is in the Lesbian Zone) things that are negative about said population- or making generalizations about it. Don't we have enough of this going on in the world at large?

This isn't any different than what recently went on when a member made derogatory remarks about BDSM in a BDSM Zone thread and then started an anti-BDSM thread that also ran down our admin. Not only did our BDSM members take issue with this, but many non-BDSM members did too because they are against censorship as well as the perpetuation of myths about BDSM and the character of people that practice it. That person was moderated, but fast (I was glad to see this)!

Seems like this applies here. FerCripeSakes, the thread was started to banish myths about lesbianism! And there are many members that identify as both
B-F and as lesbian.

The site TOS now includes lesbian-phobia as something members can report for moderation consideration.

[Nat]

I am the one who brought up LBD and Rope was responding to me. I don't agree with Rope's theory but in a thread about lesbian myths, Rope offered a theory based on experience as to why the myth doesn't seem to apply to butch-femme relationships. I read that as good intention / unintentional anti-lesbian/anti-butch/anti-woman word choice.

Where did I first hear about lbd? From a silly book ostensibly written by a lesbian for questioning women that I thumbed through at the age of 19. That was the first time I tried to get the door open on my closet - and it was rather discouraging misinformation. I remember thinking very clearly and practically, "well, that'll never work." I put the book down and began dating my future ex-husband a few months later.

One thing that is nice about living now is that there are more representations of lesbian sexuality to be found than I remember existing back then. I hope if a 19 year old me walked into a bookstore today, she might be able to find something a bit more encouraging and representative of a broader spectrum of desire and identity.