Getting Rid of Flippant Language : Check Yourselves Here

[Darth Denkay]

I very much agree that we seem to be conflating respect with censorship. To use my previous example, someone comments that someone else "obviously didn't take their prozac today." That is offensive to me and I will explain it to them. At this point no harm no foul. If however, the person disregards my request to not use the phrase, then I feel disrespected. There are so many other ways to make the same point that aren't offensive - my concern is not the content but the wording.

Communication is hard. We try to keep forums safe but if words or phrases continue to be used that are offensive to some then it no longer becomes safe for them. From there the individual may - understandably - refrain from participating in a dialogue. They are in effect being silenced. I think the expectation that people grow a tougher skin is unreasonable. We all come from different places, our histories have defined our perceptions and created words/phrases that hurt us. To say that we need to grow a tougher skin is basically saying we need to get over it because the other person can't be bothered to listen and take us seriously.

A reference was made that some people just seem to be offended by everything. I don't believe it is my right to determine what someone finds offensive or not. In the case of offensive statements I don't believe the person expressing being offended should be questioned. Words do hurt, and part of developing and maintaining a safe place where all have a voice is refraining from making statements that you know will be offensive.

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by WicketWWarrick

Communication is hard. We try to keep forums safe but if words or phrases continue to be used that are offensive to some then it no longer becomes safe for them. From there the individual may - understandably - refrain from participating in a dialogue. They are in effect being silenced. I think the expectation that people grow a tougher skin is unreasonable. We all come from different places, our histories have defined our perceptions and created words/phrases that hurt us. To say that we need to grow a tougher skin is basically saying we need to get over it because the other person can't be bothered to listen and take us seriously.

A reference was made that some people just seem to be offended by everything. I don't believe it is my right to determine what someone finds offensive or not. In the case of offensive statements I don't believe the person expressing being offended should be questioned. Words do hurt, and part of developing and maintaining a safe place where all have a voice is refraining from making statements that you know will be offensive.

I think that the above bolded in red part should be part and parcel of the TOS/FAQ/Community Statement.

I wish I could say that I've always lived my life adhering to that principle. I am a late "kindness" bloomer. I am trying to make up for lost kindness though.

Seriously, this was so very well said.

Today at work, a co-worker asked me if I thought our customers were being "retarded". I told him that wasn't a word I chose to use. He said he only used it for people who were being stupid or lazy. I told him that I chose to call those people stupid and lazy rather than equate retarded with being only stupid and lazy.

I think I got through to him. Thanks to everyone who has posted in this thread. You helped me do that today.

[LadyFlamezzz]

First off , I have met many of you and ya know i just adore ya ...with that said let me add this to this thread. "I" have attempted over the last several years to be PC. Sometimes I manage just fine but then other times i fk up royally. The folks that know me , know my heart is in the right place unless someone was in my face yelling profanities at me or went to physically attack me I'm kinda of a sweet heart,lol
With all that said...

I have to give up and just be me and if i slip i will make my apologies if need be but I cannot any longer put restraints on "me" or my own style of language and yes i have my own style,because it seems that even though I have done my very best at trying to make sure NO one is offended
folks still get offended... it gives me a pain and I won't bother with telling y'all where,lol

In conclusion "look at me being all proper and shit" we are all gonna say things we shouldn't say at some point. period!
We just have to try and not do it repeatedly or vindictively or do it just being an ass!

sign
Me the sometimes improper PC person "never intentionally" to hurt anyone though!

Ps i do think that people are more "up" on what's PC correct in larger cities.

[weatherboi]

When someone uses the word Ghetto to describe something!! Drives me crazy!!

[NotAnAverageGuy]

Oh wait I found something that offends me, seeing someone type or say: dumb redneck

ahem, I am one and I am far from dumb

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Arwen

I did not know Gypsy was an ugly word until recently. A woman I know who is of Romany descent posted why it is an offensive term.

Now, another woman, also of Romany descent, posted back on that post (it was on an author's blog) about why she DID like the term "gypsy".

Like you, Gemme, I see them as a beautiful, free tribe. However, the word "gypsy" was synonymous with "thief" and "lazy" and "untrustworthy" in many places.

So it's a word I'm trying to drop from my vocabulary. You may call me that as much as you like. I am not offended by the word. And I adore you for caring enough to ask!

I've always associated Gypsies with those of Romanian descent but I found something on Irish Gypsies and I had a moment that any nomad tribe has probably been labeled a band of Gypsies.

Thank you for sharing your process of how you came to decide to not use that term.

[suebee]

I've always believed that it wasn't the word "gypsy" itself that was offensive so much as words such as "gypped", to mean cheated - referring to the stereotypical picture of all gypsies as thieves.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by June

This just happened today where someone who claims to love, worship and adore ALL Femmes referred to one of them as a pig.

--June

or how about the (very large) butch that makes references to the SIZE of a larger femme?

i think that you should name names so that i can send an xmas card all infected with my current bout of (not really, but it sounds dramatic) swine flu.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by June

I digress here, but I sat in the presence of someone once that expounded on what made someone an "A" list Femme. First thing on the list? Thin. Of course, according to this person, an "A" list Femme could only be had by an "A" list Butch who should be in this order 1) Thin 2) Rich

Oh, Jesus. The things we do to each other in the name of heirarchy. For the record, I am not a fan of the threads devoted to the love of big folks, when I know that many in our community would be all up someone's ass if they started one expounding the beauty of thin folks. And that's June's opinion as a community member FWIW. Have at it

I'll see your and raise you a

i totally get your point on the thin-empowering-thread. but, fact is--the fat-lacking peoples aren't a disenfranchised group. does this make a difference, or no? just curious. i am fuzzyheaded from this faux-swine flu, so i'm sans piss and/or vinegar.

ps. i'm not a super huge fan of the fatgirl threads because they feel a little woo-woo to me and i'm more than my size, i'm my size in addition to lots of other stuff, but it's not the end-all be all. plus, i am not satisfied with my current weight. i fluctuate a lot and i do weight-watchers (not in the last couple of months) and i go for periods of exercising and not exercising--either way, i am interested in my *health* in relation to *my personal* size and it's a (huge fucking) battle. but, again--it begins and ends with my loving myself. today. currently. at this size. /rant. still, i think it (the big folks threads) has the potential to be some amazing space when you come from a place (in real life) where "the fat" is super hush-hush and never mentioned...



ps. i love pigs, i don't even eat pork!

[Queerasfck]

Originally Posted by apretty

i totally get your point on the thin-empowering-thread. but, fact is--the fat-lacking peoples aren't a disenfranchised group. does this make a difference, or no? just curious. i am fuzzyheaded from this faux-swine flu, so i'm sans piss and/or vinegar.

ps. i'm not a super huge fan of the fatgirl threads because they feel a little woo-woo to me and i'm more than my size, i'm my size in addition to lots of other stuff, but it's not the end-all be all. plus, i am not satisfied with my current weight. i fluctuate a lot and i do weight-watchers (not in the last couple of months) and i go for periods of exercising and not exercising--either way, i am interested in my *health* in relation to *my personal* size and it's a (huge fucking) battle. but, again--it begins and ends with my loving myself. today. currently. at this size. /rant. still, i think it (the big folks threads) has the potential to be some amazing space when you come from a place (in real life) where "the fat" is super hush-hush and never mentioned...



ps. i love pigs, i don't even eat pork!

I'm eating Ben and Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream right now. Want some???

[WILDCAT]

Originally Posted by EzeeTiger

I'm eating Ben and Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream right now. Want some???

OK, question here. To me this response "seemed flippant".

No offense EzeeTiger, and you and apretty might be very close for all I know and this is just fun joking between you two.

But, to ME... I saw apretty poor her guts out, talking about something very personally vulnerable, as it is to many - to be dismissed by what appears to be a form of mocking, by dangling ice cream in front of someone stating they struggle. I don't get the point of this post, thus. Apretty stated she was not satisifed with her current weight and it is a (huge fucking) battle. As my weight is with me, and I'm sure others as well here.

So, am I too sensitive and overprotective? If someone said, "I don't care what size I am" and then someone offered ice cream, I would feel completely different about it. But, this felt hurtful somehow.

Hope it is OK that I used this example. I felt I couldn't get past it. If you or anyone could help me understand why this would not be seen as possibly hurtful - then please do.

Sincerely,
WILDCAT

[Queerasfck]

Originally Posted by WILDCAT

OK, question here. To me this response "seemed flippant".

No offense EzeeTiger, and you and apretty might be very close for all I know and this is just fun joking between you two.

But, to ME... I saw apretty poor her guts out, talking about something very personally vulnerable, as it is to many - to be dismissed by what appears to be a form of mocking, by dangling ice cream in front of someone stating they struggle. I don't get the point of this post, thus. Apretty stated she was not satisifed with her current weight and it is a (huge fucking) battle. As my weight is with me, and I'm sure others as well here.

So, am I too sensitive and overprotective? If someone said, "I don't care what size I am" and then someone offered ice cream, I would feel completely different about it. But, this felt hurtful somehow.

Hope it is OK that I used this example. I felt I couldn't get past it. If you or anyone could help me understand why this would not be seen as possibly hurtful - then please do.

Sincerely,
WILDCAT

Dear WILDCAT,

Yeah, we're kinda close.

Thanks,

Ezee

[apretty]

Originally Posted by EzeeTiger

I'm eating Ben and Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream right now. Want some???

feeder! and thanks, i really didn't need that dairy!

thanks Wildcat, EZ is being as sensitive as he can (which ain't a lot).

[WILDCAT]

Originally Posted by apretty

feeder! and thanks, i really didn't need that dairy!

thanks Wildcat, EZ is being as sensitive as he can (which ain't a lot).

OK, perhaps then I should wait and see responses. I apologize. (I initially was going to state you two could be partners for all I know!)




PEACE!

[Queerasfck]

Originally Posted by apretty

feeder! and thanks, i really didn't need that dairy!

thanks Wildcat, EZ is being as sensitive as he can (which ain't a lot).

where thread for me--insensitive, caveman butch?? UGH.