What Cracked You Up Today?

Miss Scarlett · 11-28-2010, 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blade

Willie just snotted in Sweets face....she says sneezed, it looked like snot to me and besides she said ewwwwwwwwwww so I know he got her good

No fair enlisting the aid of animals...

Kenna · 11-28-2010, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blade

Willie just snotted in Sweets face....she says sneezed, it looked like snot to me and besides she said ewwwwwwwwwww so I know he got her good

Two words for Blade:
Dunk Tank

Better get your rubber suit on!! It's COLD out tonight!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Scarlett

No fair enlisting the aid of animals...

No worry.... it can go both ways!! With all the critters we have here "on da'farm".... I think I can find a few non-furry animals/critters to give Blade a mid-night surprise! But it sure would be fun to have a partner in crime...especially since he picked on you about your spider fiasco!

JustLovelyJenn · 11-28-2010, 10:37 PM

Movies on LOGO

Ebon · 12-20-2010, 11:39 AM

Got a call from a friend saying that they are stuck on the roof. lmao

Gemme · 12-20-2010, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Organicbutch

Got a call from a friend saying that they are stuck on the roof. lmao

You ain't right.

Soon · 12-21-2010, 04:53 PM

http://www.youtube.com/user/simonscat?ob=0

Soon · 12-22-2010, 10:29 PM

little_ms_sunshyne · 12-22-2010, 11:56 PM

Whoopin my little brother's behind in a race

Ok so I may have cheated...he doesnt need to know that

lol

dixie · 12-24-2010, 08:31 AM

My 12 year old is systematically shaking all the presents under the tree. He got to an odd, somewhat cylindrical shaped one. He asked "what the heck is this??" He now literally believes that he has a summer sausage wrapped up, and is totally bummed out. Oh, I love the gullible minds of the young! LOL (It's actually the weird packaging for his requested lava lamp...lol)

dixie · 12-25-2010, 06:13 AM

I love family time. My parents are absolutely nutty. My dad, always the practical joker, is up to no good once again. He has a small device that he places under toilet seats that is barely noticeable. When you sit down, you get a spray of ice cold water up your hooha...

Not really a fan of that one. (If you ever visit their home, look before you sit!)

Laughed my arse off though earlier, when he was washing dishes while mom cooked. Mom bent down to get a pan out of the cabinet, he pulled out the back of her pjs and dumped a cup of soapy dishwater down her buttcrack. She was not too thrilled but the rest of us were rolling on the floor while she hopped around going "ew ew ew ew ew ew ew" LOL

We're slightly mean practical jokers, but in my family everyone gets a laugh out of it because we know it's all in fun. I just can't wait to see what kind of payback Mom gets on him later... *eg*

SouthernStud · 12-25-2010, 06:24 AM

My complete and utter ignorance to figuring out how all this works...basics...EASY!!! However...im clueless to some areas of this site! Quite funny...so i cracked myself up really

Rook · 12-25-2010, 02:05 PM

[Small Twist on the narrative]

A boi wished to purchase a present for hyz sweetheart and after careful consideration, s/he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by hyz sweetheart's sister, s/he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got mixed up. The sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, s/he sealed the package and sent it to her with this note.

Dearest Darling,

This is a little gift to show my affection for you on Christmas. I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when you go out in the evenings. If it had not been for your younger sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had been wearing for three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on and she really looked great. I wish I could put them on you for the first time. No doubt other Butch's hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink. I hope you will like them and wear them for me on Friday night.

All my love,

P.S. Just think of how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. Also, the latest style is to wear them folded down with the fur showing.

girl_dee · 12-27-2010, 05:31 AM

how the weather dipped down into record breaking freezing temps when I got here and as of my leaving they will rise to normal temps again...

Soon · 01-02-2011, 01:02 PM

Soon · 01-02-2011, 01:12 PM

DomnNC · 01-02-2011, 07:25 PM

This auto-reply for email when I sent my client an email with the status of their system for tomorrow beginning a new year. I replied and told her I'd like for her to teach me how to do this!

"I am currently out of the office, for immediate assistance please call (XXX) XXX-XXXX. Thank you I will be out of the office and return Nov 1., 2010.."

storyofmylife · 01-08-2011, 04:12 AM

my lil' AnnaBelle is a little fart........ literally!

Blade · 01-08-2011, 06:02 PM

It wasn't today but yesterday my roomie found the plastic packaging of a purchase I made yesterday. She walks into my bedroom holding the package and says.....all you need is for your Mom to come over and find this.

Passionaria · 01-08-2011, 06:17 PM

What Not To Do During Sex ...

In order to save you from yet another existential crisis later in the year, add to your list those things you promise never to do during sex. These will guarantee your success in keeping at least a few resolutions—and if your lover is showing you this list and making you sign it in the presence of a notary, consider it an intervention or a warning that you may suck in bed.

* Caveat: Every “don't” has it’s own fetishist fan club of people who do that very thing. Try not to think too hard about what they do. Or do think about it, if you’re bored or into horror. If you’re into any of these “don'ts” and decide to rise up against me in protest, please spell my name correctly, and then tell us who you are, how to pronounce your name and where you’re from, so we can all avoid you.

* When you lover says, “Eat me,” don’t take it literally.

* When your lover screams or moans “Oh my God” don’t think that they’re talking about you—even if you’re Tom Cruise.

* When your lover screams or moans “Oh, God,” don’t get into a debate on the irrationality of religious belief systems and their irrelevance to the current sexual intimacy . Unless, of course, you’re Richard Dawkins.

Don’t Tweet while fucking. If both (or all) of you are Tweeting or updating your FaceBook pages simultaneously, then that may be okay … but in that case, keep your status updates to what the two (or more) of you are doing currently. You might consider calling it performance art and see if you can get some sort of grant.

Don't invade a sovereign nation. Sexually satisfied heads, er, leaders, make poor evil overlords. If you are currently in the process of invading another country, take a moment to reflect on your sex life. Your therapist misses you.

Regarding Names ...

If you’re bad with names, don’t call out any during sex. It’s likely to get you into trouble. Sex partners tend to be hypersensitive to being called other people’s names, especially the names of ex’s (both yours and theirs), as well as either your relatives or pets. When in doubt, acknowledge them with saucy terms of endearment such as stud muffin, sugar, ooh baby, oh my god (see above), hotness and such.

* If your lover never calls you by your name, instead always calling you stud muffin, sugar, ooh baby, oh my god (see above), hotness and such, don’t ask them to say your real name during sex. Awkward times 10.

* Don’t call out “Who’s your Daddy?” in the voice of Elmer Fudd, or Darth Vader.

* Don’t respond to impassioned sexual requests by saying: “Yes, Lord Vader.”

Also Resolve Never To:

* Die during sex. It’s rude and think of the poor person who will have to tell your mom.

* Play dead while hoping your partner will go away.

* Put on a clown costume, unannounced and without prior agreement.

* Check other people’s Tweets or FaceBook status.

* Forget that you’re having sex and start doing something else, like watching the game on TV.

* Protest the lousy call that the referee or umpire made during the game on TV, no matter how blind and stupid the official may have been.

* Ask your lover how you compare to their exes or other lovers.

* Forget to wash your hands after handling spicy foods or hot muscle ointments.

* Launch a surprise backdoor invasion. If you’re prone to this, give up sex and take up a hobby that doesn’t require lube or consent, such as terrorism or illegal invasions of foreign countries.

* Discuss your history of therapy, abuse, bad breakups, recovery programs, stalking or being stalked.

Finally , Also Promise that You Will Refrain from ...

* Drawing dotted butcher lines on a lover’s skin with a Sharpie.

* Discussing previously undisclosed STIs or other communicable diseases.

* Dismissing any comments about sores and unusual discharges in your genitals.

* Laughing at a lover, rather than with them.

If you can manage to not do most of these, you can congratulate yourself for being … um … well, we’ll think of something. Hooray for cheap validation!

SnackTime · 01-08-2011, 07:19 PM

Earlier I was sitting here on the couch in the dark with the television on. All of a sudden I saw this silhouette of my Australian shepherd coming out of the hallway into the living room. I was thinking why is she acting all weird and then I saw the jack russell (who is going blind and deaf) on the other side of the coffee table. Wellllllll, she was trying to tippy toe around him to get to their food dish. LOL

The jack ALWAYS eats first, because he does not eat a lot. However, there have been times that he will walk away from the dish and then bully his way back to eat some more once she starts eating. The funny part is she lets him (she outweighs him by 35 lbs) LOL

11-28-2010, 10:37 PM	#3
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,992 Times in 3,684 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Movies on LOGO __________________ --Jenn

12-20-2010, 11:39 AM	#4
Ebon Senior Member How Do You Identify?: With my souls eyes. Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: lol Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Here Posts: 3,476 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,524 Thanked 11,143 Times in 2,757 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Got a call from a friend saying that they are stuck on the roof. lmao __________________ In Lak'ech Ala K'in I'm a Soul Rebel http://wannabereverend.wordpress.com/ Spirituality is not a belief system or ideology, it is the surrender of one's ego to the infinite wisdom and knowledge that is the universe.

12-25-2010, 02:05 PM	#12
Rook Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A.G - Stone Butch - GenderFuck Preferred Pronoun?: Hym, Hyz...or, just b respectable, it's not that hard.. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Columbus Posts: 2,280 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,227 Thanked 3,182 Times in 1,287 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	[Small Twist on the narrative] A boi wished to purchase a present for hyz sweetheart and after careful consideration, s/he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by hyz sweetheart's sister, s/he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got mixed up. The sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, s/he sealed the package and sent it to her with this note. Dearest Darling, This is a little gift to show my affection for you on Christmas. I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when you go out in the evenings. If it had not been for your younger sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had been wearing for three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on and she really looked great. I wish I could put them on you for the first time. No doubt other Butch's hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink. I hope you will like them and wear them for me on Friday night. All my love, P.S. Just think of how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. Also, the latest style is to wear them folded down with the fur showing. __________________

01-02-2011, 01:02 PM	#14
Soon Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: attached Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 6,896 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,046 Thanked 13,094 Times in 3,386 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	painful! (but funny!--movie is great if you haven't seen it)

01-02-2011, 01:12 PM	#15
Soon Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: attached Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 6,896 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,046 Thanked 13,094 Times in 3,386 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	one more! end scene

12-21-2010, 04:53 PM	#6
Soon Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: attached Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 6,896 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,046 Thanked 13,094 Times in 3,386 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	http://www.youtube.com/user/simonscat?ob=0

12-22-2010, 10:29 PM	#7
Soon Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: attached Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 6,896 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,046 Thanked 13,094 Times in 3,386 Posts Rep Power: 21474858

12-22-2010, 11:56 PM	#8
little_ms_sunshyne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: . Posts: 3,312 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,339 Thanked 12,241 Times in 2,541 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Whoopin my little brother's behind in a race Ok so I may have cheated...he doesnt need to know that lol

12-24-2010, 08:31 AM	#9
dixie Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: I usually just poke it with a stick. Preferred Pronoun?: Bitch Relationship Status: Intertwined deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: We're all a little mad here. Posts: 6,627 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,972 Thanked 21,383 Times in 4,808 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	My 12 year old is systematically shaking all the presents under the tree. He got to an odd, somewhat cylindrical shaped one. He asked "what the heck is this??" He now literally believes that he has a summer sausage wrapped up, and is totally bummed out. Oh, I love the gullible minds of the young! LOL (It's actually the weird packaging for his requested lava lamp...lol)

12-25-2010, 06:13 AM	#10
dixie Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: I usually just poke it with a stick. Preferred Pronoun?: Bitch Relationship Status: Intertwined deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: We're all a little mad here. Posts: 6,627 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,972 Thanked 21,383 Times in 4,808 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I love family time. My parents are absolutely nutty. My dad, always the practical joker, is up to no good once again. He has a small device that he places under toilet seats that is barely noticeable. When you sit down, you get a spray of ice cold water up your hooha... Not really a fan of that one. (If you ever visit their home, look before you sit!) Laughed my arse off though earlier, when he was washing dishes while mom cooked. Mom bent down to get a pan out of the cabinet, he pulled out the back of her pjs and dumped a cup of soapy dishwater down her buttcrack. She was not too thrilled but the rest of us were rolling on the floor while she hopped around going "ew ew ew ew ew ew ew" LOL We're slightly mean practical jokers, but in my family everyone gets a laugh out of it because we know it's all in fun. I just can't wait to see what kind of payback Mom gets on him later... eg

12-25-2010, 06:24 AM	#11
SouthernStud Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Badass Stud Preferred Pronoun?: Master Relationship Status: Want one but no real female willin to step up and treat me like the king to their queen..... Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Here Posts: 95 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8 Thanked 73 Times in 30 Posts Rep Power: 0	My complete and utter ignorance to figuring out how all this works...basics...EASY!!! However...im clueless to some areas of this site! Quite funny...so i cracked myself up really

12-27-2010, 05:31 AM	#13
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	how the weather dipped down into record breaking freezing temps when I got here and as of my leaving they will rise to normal temps again...

01-02-2011, 07:25 PM	#16
DomnNC Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Male Preferred Pronoun?: He/Him Relationship Status: Widow Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Permanently Banned 11/15/2011 Posts: 1,223 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,618 Thanked 2,582 Times in 837 Posts Rep Power: 0	This auto-reply for email when I sent my client an email with the status of their system for tomorrow beginning a new year. I replied and told her I'd like for her to teach me how to do this! "I am currently out of the office, for immediate assistance please call (XXX) XXX-XXXX. Thank you I will be out of the office and return Nov 1., 2010.."

01-08-2011, 04:12 AM	#17
storyofmylife Member How Do You Identify?: silly femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Truly,Madly,Deeply Engaged ♥♡ Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: garden state Posts: 636 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,057 Thanked 808 Times in 350 Posts Rep Power: 2559043	my lil' AnnaBelle is a little fart........ literally!

01-08-2011, 06:02 PM	#18
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,413 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	It wasn't today but yesterday my roomie found the plastic packaging of a purchase I made yesterday. She walks into my bedroom holding the package and says.....all you need is for your Mom to come over and find this. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

01-08-2011, 06:17 PM	#19
Passionaria Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Urban Bohemian : http://youtu.be/IM96Ch9Gx4A Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: She ran away with with the Gypsy's ✿ Posts: 2,519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,316 Thanked 3,737 Times in 1,248 Posts Rep Power: 16689910	Midori's Sex “Don’ts” for the New Year What Not To Do During Sex ... In order to save you from yet another existential crisis later in the year, add to your list those things you promise never to do during sex. These will guarantee your success in keeping at least a few resolutions—and if your lover is showing you this list and making you sign it in the presence of a notary, consider it an intervention or a warning that you may suck in bed. * Caveat: Every “don't” has it’s own fetishist fan club of people who do that very thing. Try not to think too hard about what they do. Or do think about it, if you’re bored or into horror. If you’re into any of these “don'ts” and decide to rise up against me in protest, please spell my name correctly, and then tell us who you are, how to pronounce your name and where you’re from, so we can all avoid you. * When you lover says, “Eat me,” don’t take it literally. * When your lover screams or moans “Oh my God” don’t think that they’re talking about you—even if you’re Tom Cruise. * When your lover screams or moans “Oh, God,” don’t get into a debate on the irrationality of religious belief systems and their irrelevance to the current sexual intimacy . Unless, of course, you’re Richard Dawkins. Don’t Tweet while fucking. If both (or all) of you are Tweeting or updating your FaceBook pages simultaneously, then that may be okay … but in that case, keep your status updates to what the two (or more) of you are doing currently. You might consider calling it performance art and see if you can get some sort of grant. Don't invade a sovereign nation. Sexually satisfied heads, er, leaders, make poor evil overlords. If you are currently in the process of invading another country, take a moment to reflect on your sex life. Your therapist misses you. Regarding Names ... If you’re bad with names, don’t call out any during sex. It’s likely to get you into trouble. Sex partners tend to be hypersensitive to being called other people’s names, especially the names of ex’s (both yours and theirs), as well as either your relatives or pets. When in doubt, acknowledge them with saucy terms of endearment such as stud muffin, sugar, ooh baby, oh my god (see above), hotness and such. * If your lover never calls you by your name, instead always calling you stud muffin, sugar, ooh baby, oh my god (see above), hotness and such, don’t ask them to say your real name during sex. Awkward times 10. * Don’t call out “Who’s your Daddy?” in the voice of Elmer Fudd, or Darth Vader. * Don’t respond to impassioned sexual requests by saying: “Yes, Lord Vader.” Also Resolve Never To: * Die during sex. It’s rude and think of the poor person who will have to tell your mom. * Play dead while hoping your partner will go away. * Put on a clown costume, unannounced and without prior agreement. * Check other people’s Tweets or FaceBook status. * Forget that you’re having sex and start doing something else, like watching the game on TV. * Protest the lousy call that the referee or umpire made during the game on TV, no matter how blind and stupid the official may have been. * Ask your lover how you compare to their exes or other lovers. * Forget to wash your hands after handling spicy foods or hot muscle ointments. * Launch a surprise backdoor invasion. If you’re prone to this, give up sex and take up a hobby that doesn’t require lube or consent, such as terrorism or illegal invasions of foreign countries. * Discuss your history of therapy, abuse, bad breakups, recovery programs, stalking or being stalked. Finally , Also Promise that You Will Refrain from ... * Drawing dotted butcher lines on a lover’s skin with a Sharpie. * Discussing previously undisclosed STIs or other communicable diseases. * Dismissing any comments about sores and unusual discharges in your genitals. * Laughing at a lover, rather than with them. If you can manage to not do most of these, you can congratulate yourself for being … um … well, we’ll think of something. Hooray for cheap validation! __________________ *Moon cat madness*

01-08-2011, 07:19 PM	#20
SnackTime Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: UNattainable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Feeling the ocean breeze... Posts: 4,868 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,393 Thanked 13,228 Times in 2,883 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Earlier I was sitting here on the couch in the dark with the television on. All of a sudden I saw this silhouette of my Australian shepherd coming out of the hallway into the living room. I was thinking why is she acting all weird and then I saw the jack russell (who is going blind and deaf) on the other side of the coffee table. Wellllllll, she was trying to tippy toe around him to get to their food dish. LOL The jack ALWAYS eats first, because he does not eat a lot. However, there have been times that he will walk away from the dish and then bully his way back to eat some more once she starts eating. The funny part is she lets him (she outweighs him by 35 lbs) LOL __________________ "There's something to be said for not saying anything"