PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Starbuck]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

my family has a reunion in the Summer and on Christmas eve. I HATE it....and I have carried it over to hate going to my G/Fs family stuff too. Its loud, there is screaming, lots fo sudden movement, controlling behavior and cameras flashing.

I like the letter idea, may work fine with my family. I wish my G/F felt OK telling her parents I am a freak, but she lies to them, so I feel like I need to take over and stop the lies and excuses all around.

I don't do family holidays. Last year I said I would go, then ctried all day and did nto go.....then was bathed in guilt for months to a really disfunctional and ridiculous degree.

I hope we can both get a better grip. Though my parents are dead, the abuse is still in my head.

I have an idea to get away from all this fuss of the holidays of being with your g/f's family: how about the two of you take a small vacation to a bed and breakfast so that there is NO hustle or bustle to speak of, just a new tradition? If you start looking now, you might find one for a Christmas special.

[Passionaria]

DHCC Treats Wounded Warriors with Accupuncture

[Jet]

It's been some time since I've been in. Hope you're all well. When I first began posting in here I thought I had been tackling my memories and trauma piece by piece, a little at a time. That isn't the case anymore. For the first time in 18 years, I'm seeing/reliving the ordeal as a whole. It has accounted for a complete change in my person, caused losses and affected every aspect of my life. And there's severe injury. I have questions about enduring more, healing if any, and who or what I'll become. I'm on meds, but I can tell you I don't have much of an interest in things and because there's so much shock in my system, that's been repressed for so long, I have that constant feeling of buckling or collapsing. The past couple of months have been spent releasing shock as easily as I can. I wish us all well.

[swagger]

Jet - well done and I wish you strength and love and compassion. I can relate to your process. Got my meds changed, am battling through that. It'll be ok.

[tuffboi29]

Hey all..

I have been rolling with flashbacks for..IDK..2 weeks now?

My EMDR therapy has been halted until I am in a better state of mind to handle it. Revelation after revelation have been battering away at me terribly.

I even ran into a friend that I've known since about fifth grade. I allowed myself to get a bit deep with her and admitted to the abusive relationship between my mother and myself. She looked at me and said the damned thing.

"Tuff..You have to remember that I was there and saw years of it. Why do you think I always dragged you to my house to spend the night? No matter how many times you said things were ok I was so scared for you."

Apparently I'm not as good at covering things up as I thought I was.

I'm doing much better at my new house. I have put enough distance between myself and my mother that she couldn't visit even if she had the address.

I hope everyone is doing..well..better than yesterday if yesterday sucked for you..and I wish everyone a good tomorrow.

Take care all..And remember..the worst part of this is the work it takes to get beyond it. There's always a reward for ones work. In our case the reward is peace. You are all in my prayers and thoughts.

[swagger]

Ergh flashbacks....hugs for you, tuff. Pretty awesome that your old friend tried to take care of you a little back then. And so good that your mother can't reach you! I haven't seen my stepfather in about 7 years and am so glad of that.

So my new meds cause insomnia for the first 10 days or so...I have seroquel to help me sleep and they help a bit. Of course, I'm moving house this coming week....bad timing.

[tuffboi29]

Just checking in. I hope everyone is doing ok this holiday season. I know how hard this time of year can be.

I'm doing really good since the last time I was in.

I'm starting to see a spark of my old self. The confident, happy-go-lucky me.
I even braved a little bit of Christmas shopping crowds. I still think I'll leave that one alone for a while.

Also, I have been flashback free for the past 4 days now. Just all around feeling great.

Take care everyone..ya'll are in my thoughts.

[Nat]

Ugh.

Triggered on top of triggered 3 days out now. A guy in my group of friends has been pushing my buttons since I met him last fall. I made the mistake of trying to explain to him things like not wanting him to touch me, like not wanting him to make sexual comments about me or to me, like not wanting to hear how hot 15 year olds are to him. His response was to post a photo from a friend's wedding - a picture where he had put his arm around me and where I look obviously uncomfortable along with the comment "look at this woman being touched." I felt so violated I wanted to climb out of my skin, but I forced myself to go to my best friend's birthday party the next night, knowing he would be there. I go between total blank to crying to wanting to die and I can't seem to climb out. Oh, and then there's shame and embarrassment and the fact that some of the mutual friends now think I'm princessy and crazy (let's face it - I probably am). I am not a threat to myself - I want to be clear about that - but I am in an emotional hell right now and I hope to crawl out from under it soon.

[Nat]

Doing much better this morning. Not exactly tip-top but much much much better.That was possibly the biggest reaction I've had to something and I am pretty sure it's because I kept trying to force things to be okay when they just weren't.

Anyway, thanks to the few of you who offered me words of comfort. I know it might seem silly but it meant a lot. You get so far out on a ledge sometimes, it's so helpful to remember human warmth and kindness are there.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Nat,

You touched on something that I question all the time...human kindness and warmth. In a way it eludes me because I am different. I always try to be kind to others, and live by my spirituality (both Buddist and Catholic principles). Time after time people let me down. Or I have people who make promises to me, including family members, who disappoint me. I try to make peace with it, and move on. Yes, it still hurts. But what else is there to do? It is a major trust issue for me now. And I guess it always will be. But again, what else is there to do with this? How do you move bast that trust issue?

Flashbacks suck. I hate them. Sometimes they trigger me into having seizures. It is just one thing after another.

Thanks.

Andrew

[Nat]

Andrew -

I don't have any answers or solutions. Life can be very hard and especially in times of trouble it can be very lonely. Even when a person is lucky enough to have people in life who are loving and supportive, sometimes it's hard to see or appreciate because it cannot always meet our needs. I think the most difficult struggles and the most powerful anguish are usually and necessarily faced alone, even with supportive others on the sidelines. Also, even the most supportive people burn out. I think really music has been one of the best comforts to me - music and time to recover when possible. I heard recently that small doses of morphine following a traumatic experience can prevent the development of PTSD but I haven't read anything too hopeful regarding any permanent fix once it's set in.

What is it Wesley said in the princess bride? "Life IS pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

I pretty much agree, though I think there are moments of beauty and meaning which are worth living through the painful bits for.

(((you)))

Natalie

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by Nat

Ugh.

Triggered on top of triggered 3 days out now. A guy in my group of friends has been pushing my buttons since I met him last fall. I made the mistake of trying to explain to him things like not wanting him to touch me, like not wanting him to make sexual comments about me or to me, like not wanting to hear how hot 15 year olds are to him. His response was to post a photo from a friend's wedding - a picture where he had put his arm around me and where I look obviously uncomfortable along with the comment "look at this woman being touched." I felt so violated I wanted to climb out of my skin, but I forced myself to go to my best friend's birthday party the next night, knowing he would be there. I go between total blank to crying to wanting to die and I can't seem to climb out. Oh, and then there's shame and embarrassment and the fact that some of the mutual friends now think I'm princessy and crazy (let's face it - I probably am). I am not a threat to myself - I want to be clear about that - but I am in an emotional hell right now and I hope to crawl out from under it soon.

(((Nat)))

I certainly relate to ur situation here. Ya know sometimes you just have o be point blank with some people. It is not a reflection on you! It is definitely a flaw in the other individual that he is so disrespectful. I generally am diplomatic and kind when I relay some sensitive info. But, there is a time for an outright 'no holds barred'... get ur filthy hands off of me or I will have to scream it! (and I have!) It stopped!

NO ON HAS THE RIGHT TO VIOLATE YOU! Stand up to this jerk! I know you can!

Wrapping you ribbons of purple energy for strength and justice. Love you Nat

[Apocalipstic]

Thank you all for being here and posting.

I have had a major upheaval in my life and my PTSD is acting up. I am so anxions today I could shatter into a million bits....though in other ways I feel stronger than I ever have.

So very anxious!

I could totally use a morphine drip! lol

[Apocalipstic]

Today is a bit better. I am looking at houses and moving soon and still have a lot of coping to face. I fear I will be keyed up till I get moved and settled.

Trying to focus on the good in my life and remaining calm no matter what.

I want to kick PTSD.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Thank you all for being here and posting.

I have had a major upheaval in my life and my PTSD is acting up. I am so anxions today I could shatter into a million bits....though in other ways I feel stronger than I ever have.

So very anxious!

I could totally use a morphine drip! lol

Hang in there ((((( you )))))