Pagan

[Bit]

{{{{{{{{{{{Foxy}}}}}}}}}}} Ah darlin, I always watch for your posts! And you did fall off the face of the Planet, lol... well, I've been fairly quiet here myself.

Your rituals sound so intense; I can't imagine attending one and NOT coming away fundamentally changed. I'll tell ya true, Foxy, sometimes I think I'm missing such a bet by not seeking out formal ritual.... I make my own way but sometimes it would be really nice to get that jumpstart on the path. I think if I lived near you I would have to find a way to attend at least one of your rituals!

I suppose that one reason yours seem so appealing to me is that your description of them seems to leave so much room for the spirits to express themselves, and for people to connect in their own ways. I don't exactly know what it is about attending rituals from specific traditions that bothers me so... not the different Goddesses/Beings, but I suppose the dogma that so often accompanies other people's beliefs, maybe. I find myself bridling whenever anyone of any belief starts telling me How Things Are And Must Be. I used to have more patience. *sheepish look*

Anyhow, I do seem to be making some progress on my path. I remember you and I talked a while back about my being stuck, and not being able to meditate. I finally went and found a link to one of the Silva Exercises, the Long Relax. Again, I resist doing it like I want to--they tell me How It Must Be and I get tired of it--but it got me through a bad patch when I was so knotted up in pain that I couldn't function, and it seems to have started my own energy flowing again. Not that I am meditating, lol, but it helped me to see that my path doesn't require meditating right now.

Lately, people are starting to tell me that I move a lot of energy. I hadn't realized that. I was judging by the need, yanno? And so what I have been doing seems so small because the need is so overwhelming. It spurs me to keep on reaching, keep on trying, keep on doing just a little more each time. I'm trying to build up my stamina as well as my capacity. If it weren't for my Allies, though, I'd be toast at this point! They handle most of the work, sending the energy on when I run out of steam.

The biggest change in our lives the past two months has been Lady's diabetes. After that heart-stopping discovery, I thought we had gotten it under control... but over the past month she has grown two pearly-white cataracts that almost completely cover her eyes, and two days ago she woke up truly blind. She falls on the steps now, and is VERY reluctant to go outside. I spread lavendar essential oil along the edges of all the steps in the front to be an "edge marker" so to speak, but it kinda didn't work; she ignores it and doesn't seem to understand what it means. I think she's having some trouble adjusting in practical ways.

My only comfort is that dogs seem to live completely in the present moment and to accept whatever the day brings as "just the way things are," so emotionally, she doesn't seem to be in a lot of distress...... although she is milking my attempts to comfort her for EVERYTHING they're worth. Still my same ol' Ladybug, after all.

So how are you doing lately? I remember you had some sadness about leaving a group you had been part of for years and years. Did you replace it with another group or maybe take some time for yourself? And you had started exploring a new form of healing work, too.

Gryph says hi, and sends you love!

You're always in our hearts, too, yanno!
Cath

[foxyshaman]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIT}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} :g immehug:

I was very fortunate a number of years ago (I won't say how many a girl has to keep some secrets) and I feel in love with the energy. I have attended a LOT of rituals over the years that, IMHO have fallen, well, flat. And they often came tied to gods and goddesses that I had no association with or relationship with. But I do love going to others rituals, not so much anymore, but it is important to me to support my community. And I do enjoy the social aspect of it afterwards... snacky pot luck... but why oh why does everyone think EVERYONE can eat chocolate.

Anyway, I digress....

The rituals are ways for spirit to express themselves and for people to experiece something. However I have long sinced stopped caring whether or not someone gets something from one of the gatherings. I used to care ALOT. Like ALOT. And then spirit gently reminded me that we are all at the exact place we are supposed to be at, doing exactly what we are all supposed to be doing and it was THEIR experience and not mine. It took a few times to hear that before I actually HEARD it. And it releases me from pressure, self imposed pressure, but pressure nonetheless.

One of the great (and not so great) parts of being raised in a culture that is not tribal with assigned roles and cosmology is that I can incorporate who or what speaks to me. I am free to experience my spiritual connection without the dogma of a religion, practice or deep rooted cosmology. I think, shamanically speaking, that has its good points and its bad points. I love to research myths, legends, customs and practices. I used to feel like "less then" because I did not have a tribe or an elder to teach me. That took quite some time to let go of, and accept that spirit is the best teacher. But still when I am telling a story (and I love to be a storyteller... shocking but true) I would love to know the roots in the culture that created that story.

Anyway... I digress.

I was very sorry to hear about Lady and her diabetes, and I am even more sorry to hear that she went blind. That is alot for you two and her to deal with. However, I really do love your attitude and the reminder that dogs live in the present. She will figure it out, all three of you will figure it out. And you will do it with love and grace.

I have no problem believing that you push a big energy. No problem with that at all. And I am glad to hear that you are moving through your pain, meditating and finding some of your energy coming back. Keep working on it. I have a daily practice that takes 5 minutes that keeps me grounded and focused and energetically prepared for my day. Keep going, you my sweet friend are worth every breath spirit breathes.

How am I?? This has been a heck of a roller coaster. I am very glad that I have stepped aside and retired from leading the drumming community. Two other women have stepped forward and are keeping it going. I have attended some of the circles, but they are not the same for me. I like to go because I have ZERO responsibilty <insert evil grinz> which is nice nice nice... and I get to do my own work, which is also good.

I have been working on a new website www.shamansway.net - I honestly don't know how to make that a link, but if you are interested please give it a whirl. It is a subscription site, but there are lots of free bits. It is all about... wait for it... shamanism... yup that is what it is about... ha ha. Shocking but true... I even have five hours of voice recordings for it. We are also going to voice record the ENTIRE solstice ritual, funky eh... If I can would you like a copy?? I would happily send it to you. It will be the joiking and the drumming.

My spirit work has grown leaps and leaps and bounds. I am doing so many compassionate depossessions that it just boggles my mind. After I took the training I wondered how it would keep going. Well no worries there. OMG. Word of mouth just keeps it growing and growing and growing. I am working on this one case right now, which I will tell you about in another note, but it really is stretching the boundaries of what I believe, and what I thought I believed and was all right with. I never stop getting my head shook!! Like seriously what is up with that??

Anyway, I have written a tome. I look foward to hearing back from you. And anyone else who is reading this. We all have beautiful voices and I would love to hear as many as possible.

Uddles of Love

Foxy

[Bit]

She's awake!! Our friend is awake!!! She talked on the phone!!!

I have to take the dog out but I'll be back to answer your wonderful post, Foxy. I subscribed to your website, too.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Foxy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[foxyshaman]

YYYYYEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!! The amazing and wonderful power of prayer and healing...

Most wonder filled news!!

[Bit]

Grrr! I hate it when the dog lies to me. He didn't have to go out, he was just bored. It's way too cold out to alleviate boredom that way! Sheesh, we're at the point in the weather where I don't think my hands will be all the way warm again until July... grumble, grumble, eh? *sheepish smile*

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Foxy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} *uploads gingerbread*

What a lovely long post! Lots to think about.

For me, ritual (whether my own or someone else's that I'm attending) is about connecting to the Source. I usually say Goddess, but it doesn't matter to me what the name is; I crave that connection, and it's the only thing which justifies for me the time and trouble in doing ritual. Not that other people don't have pefectly good reasons for doing ritual, mind you, just that I get my other spiritual needs met in other ways; so for me it's all about connecting with Spirit/Goddess/WhateverTheHeckYouAre. *cheeky grin*

That means if someone insists on defining things, insists on setting rules, insists on set formulas, I'm going to have trouble getting through it all to make the connection. If the ritual is all about bringing Spirit in, whatever way Spirit chooses to come, then I'm good to go... but if anyone gets in the way of that I get pretty impatient and I sure won't waste my time going back again. Get to the point, says my impatience; if you cannot call down the God or Goddess at least do some serious energy sending! Whatever others may need to get from a ritual, I need to feel like I haven't wasted my energy or my time, and only feeling powerfully connected allows me to feel that way.

I suppose it might be very different for me if I weren't disabled. I've learned over the decades that all my activities have to have the kind of pay-off that makes me feel like I haven't wasted my energy or time... because yanno, I'm going to be crippled up and/or exhausted for days afterward. It has to be worth it.

You mentioned the pot luck afterward; we have the potlucks and skip the rituals, lol... there's a small group of us who get together every couple of weeks to have a potluck and discuss everything under the sun, from what kind of Pagans we are to how to get off the energy grid, and always--our perennial favorite topic--gardening.

You said, "One of the great (and not so great) parts of being raised in a culture that is not tribal with assigned roles and cosmology is that I can incorporate who or what speaks to me. ....... I used to feel like "less then" because I did not have a tribe or an elder to teach me. That took quite some time to let go of, and accept that spirit is the best teacher."

I think if I had been raised in a tribal culture and the shamanism worked, I would be perfectly happy with it. I was happy with Catholicism as long as I thought it worked. But I was thrust willy-nilly into a very nearly trackless wilderness and told to find my own way, and now I cannot bring myself to be happy with any kind of "received" spirituality. I've had the experience of living it. I cannot settle for less now. BUT like you, for years and years I thought I also was "less than" for not having a human teacher. Oh how I chafed at the idea that I had to teach myself! But in the end, the entire Universe became my teacher.

I've learned much from Gryph, too, just as I did from the one Teacher who was finally sent my way several years ago... but I learned it through observation. I saw what they did and I copied it. Neither of them ever said, "here is your lesson, here is your homework." They just did what they did--healing people, protecting them, sending energy, working with Others, shapeshifting--and I paid attention to how they did it; they told me what they believed, shared their philosophies, and I researched to learn more.

These days, if someone sets themselves up as my teacher, I get... well *sheepish smile* I get impatient. I want to see them in action before I accept them as any kind of authority in my life, yanno? And even if I can learn from them, I want it to be like it has been. Don't TELL me what to do... just do what you do, and let me watch.... can you tell I just ran into that? Made the mistake of looking for a sympathetic "that's a rough way to go" or the equivalent, and got "do this, and this, and this, and..."

I suppose I would be more patient if I had been allowed to say, "I already know these things; this and that one worked, the others didn't." But I wasn't listened to, and for me that is the death knell of any student/teacher relationship. If people cannot listen long enough to figure out that a student is not a neophyte, then they're not the teacher for me....

What a sweet thing to say, that I'm worth the breath of spirit!

Morning practice.... I don't have a specific one. I'm practicing all day long--the luxury of not having to concentrate on a job--but I think I've pared it down to the essentials: ground, send energy, again and again. Maybe that's the lesson of this part of my life? Because it is practice, and the more I do it the better I become. Maybe there will come a change in the cycle and I'll focus on something else. Right now though, the need is immense and so I keep on , ground, send, ground, send.

I am so glad you can do your own work in the drum circles now! I wondered if you might need to grieve the change. It sounds like you've come through it with flying colors!

I like your Shamans Way website! Thank you so much! The link works fine, btw. And I did subscribe. Took a look at your blog (haven't read it all yet) and so far I really like it! I would LOVE a copy of the Solstice Ritual if that works out!

Compassionate depossession--that's what I was trying to remember! Glad to hear it's going so well. Now you have me all curious about anything which stretches the boundaries of your belief. My own boundaries have been stretched again and again the past three years--I was just telling someone yesterday that a couple of my Allies had to wait for me to grow up enough to believe in them again before they could work with me. I hope you will share what you've found and what you're doing (or what it's doing to you, lol); it's so fascinating! I like it that I finally came to a part of the wilderness where many paths are converging, and I like it that yours is one of them. Thanks for holding up a beacon so the rest of us can see more clearly as we walk!

Much love back to you!
Cath