Communication 101: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Just_G

I emailed the Serenity now link to a friend of mine....because we have had discussions along this line before. She emailed me back and asked which type of communication she felt I used and what kind I thought she used.

When I messaged her back, I said I see myself as a passive communicator and her as an aggressive communicator. Shit hit the fan! I didn't say that ALL of the things that describe that type of communication described her, yet she proceeded to tell me that if she is ANY of the things on that list to me, that I don't need her in my life. WTF?!

She also proceeded to ask me which she was; verbally or physically abusive towards me. I said neither....that is not one of the things I thought fit her that was under the "aggressive communication" list.

Now, she is pissed and offended. I thought that sharing the link with her would be a great topic of conversation for us to engage in. Guess not.

I don't know if I should try to discuss this any more with her or just let it go and let her be pissed. This is one of those times when I feel like I should not have said anything, but then I would have been being passive instead of trying to discuss something I thought we could talk about without something like this happening.

Hindsight is 20/20.

Perhaps, if something like this should occur in the future, tell your friend what type of communicator YOU think YOU are and ask him/her what they feel is their communication style and then take the conversation from there. Maybe ask how you can be a better communicator with them.

It's very true about the importance of wording something right. I think she heard blame instead of a search for improvement. Defensive tools, ENGAGE! Once those walls come up, the ears close. I know when my feelers get all bent out of shape, everything gets sucked inward and I tend to focus on how hurt I am and how what so and so said made me feel. I'm not concerned at that point about the other person's feelings or intent. At least not until after I've thought things through a bit.

At this point, I'd let her cool off for a little while. Not too long. Maybe email or write her and say that you didn't mean to sound accusatory, but were looking to learn how to communicate with her better. Maybe she'll be more open to discuss it then.

Good luck!